DISCOGRAPHY: Volume II

HOW LONG WILL I LOVE YOU

Artist: Ellie Goulding

I counted the passing seconds on the broken clock. Lifting my spirits to muster a smile. I almost tiptoed, trying hard not to make a noise as I strutted my way in the familiar porch. The wind blew and every cell In my body screamed. Everything is familiar, from that porch where she used to kiss me every night, down to the docks in the horizon wherein she would lull me to sleep.

It’s been two years.

“Sica.”

“Mom, how are you?” The embrace felt surreal, I miss her so much. It’s been years since I get to visit Yuri’s mom. So much happened and I guess I don’t have a face to even ask how she is doing when clearly I don’t feel quite well.

“I’ve been doing well. We are. You look good. You want to come in?” She gestured me to enter and I obeyed. Glancing at her now aged face with love, I finally saw that same crinkle the eyes are making when smiling.

Right there and then, I have come into terms of my emotions. I still miss her. Each and every day of my life. I’m here because, I don’t want to let her memory hanging, more so I want to respect her. Her love that promised me forever.

“Mom, I just wanted to let you know that I am here in case you need company. If you need anything.” I bagged my remaining tears on my shoulders. Heaving my utmost plea for her mom to be okay, living in a house full of memories of them. The perfect family.

“Jun comes over with Yewon every now and then. That big child is grandma’s enjoyment, I’m fine Jessica. I’ve been planning to visit Yuri today. If you want to come that is.”

I contemplated whether I want to go with her and cry again. I lawfully remembered how Yuri doesn’t like me to cry. I held back my head to smile, “I’m fine Mom.”

—————————————-

I heard the church bells ringing over the hazy top skies. Mornings dawned upon me like rain drops, easily easing through my reality. Another morning of subdued forlorn of doubts and excitements. Things were never the same since she left. For one good reason, I nursed my way in a degree that Yuri always wanted.

I’m a doctor. Treating all those fragile souls that never lost hope to fight. Somehow near the ends of my shift every other day, I saw hope. Glimmering past their translucent hospital gowns. And in such ways I could never describe what I am feeling. If I am pretty well damned to be in this profession, I Could have saved Yuri.

“It’s always like this you know, how long Sica?” I never turned around to give the acknowledgement it deserved.

“I’m trying.”

“You can’t let your world stop. Just because she is not in it.”

“My world ended two years ago Soo. It’s never going to be the same.” I hear Sooyoung sigh. Perhaps, letting go would be too drastically poetic if I kill myself to end my misery. So I let that idea go and tried hard to pass my life with the thought that in the end, I’ll see Yuri again.

“I know you’re happy.”

By then, I smiled.

“I am.”

“Just...try to fight. For us, everyone’s here, ready to love you.”

“I tried. Been taking medications and all. But if the time comes and she’ll come to get me, I’ll be there Soo. I’m not going to let go.”

“Just say Hi for me will you? Tell that tanned monster I miss her.”

—————————————-

She was always here, by this corner in the coffee shop. A croissant by her left and an americano on her right. A typical boyish charm and a handsomely beautiful face. It’s always has been Yuri’s signature look. With nowhere to go, I skated through the alley of the establishment, leaning all the way to her favored seat and indulged in her memory.

“The usual?” The waiter might’ve knew me then.

“The usual.”

—————————————

“I’ve restored this quite a few times. But yep, you’re welcome to hitch that mama. Besides Yul, would’ve wanted that.” Jun smiled at me whilst blowing some dusts over Yuri’s Old mustang.

I decided to give myself time. For myself but never leaving her presence away. So I trusted myself

In doing a manual transmission car, not to mention it is my late wife’s. But yeah, what’s hers is mine.

“Thanks Jun.” I was about to leave when he stretched his arms to hold my wrists.

“Are you taking your medications?”

“I am.” Nodding away as I Don't want to see those identical eyes her brother has. It always made me vulnerable, somehow my soul is trying to stay sane by finding anything that is purely related to hers.

“If she’s here she would want you to fight.” He uttered the obvious, worse, Yuri isn’t here. Or perhaps physically.

“I miss her Jun, if she comes, I’ll go.”

I closed my eyes to divulge my inner self to contemplate. It’s rather a habit of mine, running over the deepest desires and then shut it along