Discography Volume II:

                                       11:11

Artist: Kim Taeyeon

It’s exactly 11:11.

I need you. Come to me.

The lights dimmed as I saw your reflection hovering over the slanted door, I made myself ready for the utter ending of our relationship. It’s nothing out of pure misunderstanding, like a broken puzzle ready to be mended with mere I love Yous and let’s make this work monologues because it does not work for us anymore.

Nothing stopped us when we are in love and now that I am sure that I have the least amount of space left inside your heart, still you cared. I was there when you revolved your world around me, when even my late phone calls are accepted after two seconds, when my apologies were welcomed with a damp kiss over my forehead. I was there, savoring all your love for me, thinking that if I remain the same somehow you will still be.

I never cared for anyone until you, I never would’ve dared to open those hateful comments after I left but with the consideration that you may be hurting too made me. The fragments of your smile and those memories you have written so diligently inside my heart lulled me to sleepless nights of having to weigh in your departure.

You have cared so much. I believe I will have to ask you to take that away for the meantime, this time I felt like I was the privileged one of that care. Last time I checked, I was proud of telling myself to let it go because at the end it is me, it is me you are going to pick but then it goes down the reluctant path of me, blaming myself of how wrong I am.

I was the smallest star in your universe now Yuri, but then like the reason of why I have cried for months and months is the same reason as for why I cradled my hand to stop my wails, it is, in fact, you cared too much.

“Sica?”

You entered my apartment with steady steps. Far too different from the usual where you who would just barge inside and ask me for a kiss after a long day. I cowered in the couch fearing of your arrival as well as the words you would have to say. It is a never-ending loop of solitude and torture that perhaps your voice is the one that kept me going and at the same time it is a nightmare for you will leave again.

I was never the runner. I tried to run but you mounted a horse and ran after me, like those fairytales, I expect you to drag me over the sunset and kiss me nonetheless. Although you ran after me to say your goodbyes, because yeah Yuri, you cared too much.

Leave me and never return. That is better, but you chose the other way. Leaving me here to cope with the possibilities, of that little hope that you cared for me will be a door opener for your love to blossom again like spring. I wish your love is like the seasons, then probably I would be spending every penny wishing that it would just be always the spring.

How summers would cease to be a memory of that fine day you kissed me on the open sky of September, as that late night drives over the haze of the December snow haunts me every night, searching for you, and perhaps your little chocolate mocha drink you put so much pride on, it will always be a memorable autumn for me Yul. Always be. However it will take a long time for me to forget the spring henceforth, if given a chance, I ought to pick it to be on a loop.

Today is spring. Would you say your goodbyes to me again?

Or you will come back to me?

“I….came to check if you are okay.” I kept my gaze down, I would never look into those eyes again.

“I’m fine.” Words are the product of the battle of the brain and heart. I may be confused enough to utter the most cliché out of them all.

“That’s great.” You held your breath for a short time, it made me look at you in panic.

I shed some tears in the past but as I look at you Yul, again after a long time, the pain just flushed down the corners of my eyes rendering me useless underneath your gaze. My shoulders quivered as I bit my lips to fight every hint of vulnerability. When in the first place I have exhibited everything in the text.

“Why do you care so much?!” I pounded hard on your chest. I never had the intention to do it but I did anyway, hoping that maybe your care is gone.

“I loved you. You don’t have to blame yourself for what our relationship has become, it takes two.” What an audacity to hold my hand, Yuri. What a brave soul you are to enter my weakness again.

“You fell out of love, I didn’t.” And you became quiet, the warmth of your hands leaving mine like air. I’m empty once again, for a moment I chased after it in my mind.

“You love yourself first before you can say that you are ready to love another, Sica, the problem is…you loved me way before yourself. And by the time, you have found th