During lunch, Jaemin was sitting with his usual crew, Donghyuck, Chenle, and Jisung. Even though they were eating as a group, Jaemin felt kind of alone: Chenle and Jisung were furiously texting their soulmates, and Donghyuck kept darting to Mark's table every few minutes to . Jaemin sighed, playing with his fork, looking around every few moments to see if he could spot Jeno. Sadly, Jeno wasn't around, so he sighed and continued what he was doing. 

Things between them had been improving for Jaemin since their dinner date a few evenings before. They talked whenever they spotted each other in between classes and on the phone every night. Jeno hadn't brought up Renjun once; he used to all the time. But Jaemin hadn't seen Renjun at all, so he couldn't be entirely sure how much better things were getting. 

That was, until Jeno's frame slid into the seat right down next to Jaemin wearing a smiley, excited expression. Jaemin couldn't help but beam back; there was something so contagious about that smile of his. Not to mention, it was nice to be near him; they hadn't seen each other yet that day. 

Jeno had never stopped by their lunch table before so this was a rare occurance, Chenle and Jisung putting down their phones and Donghyuck staying in his seat to see what Jeno wanted. 

"I'm over him!" Jeno said ecstatically. 

"Who?" Chenle asked, and Jisung smacked his head. 

"Renjun, you idiot," Jisung mumbled, gritted through his teeth. "Haven't you been listening?" 

Jeno didn't pay Jaemin's friends any mind and went on talking. "I saw Renjun with his girlfriend today and I wasn't even jealous! In fact, I didn't even care! I'm totally, completely over him!" 

Jaemin slowly smiling. He didn't think this day would come so quickly, the day he wouldn't have to share Jeno's heart any longer. Now, he and his soulmate could have a real shot at a relationship. 

"Yas," Chenle said excitedly, winking at Jaemin (who couldn't stop smiling). Donghyuck gave everyone a knowing smile. 

"Congrats, man. Now why don't you take Jaemin on a walk? Just the two of you? God knows he deserves it," Donghyuck spoke. 

"Yes! Take him on a walk!" Chenle added, Jisung gesturing for Jaemin to go. 

"I'd love to take you on a walk," Jeno responded, standing up and reaching for Jaemin's hand. Jaemin took it, and with silly giggles they ran out of the cafeteria and into the yard. 

"I"m sorry my friends are such idiots," Jaemin said, although he was still smiling. 

"What do you mean?" Jeno asked.

"They wanted us to be alone together, but they were too damn lazy to just get up themselves." 

"I don't mind, actually. Do you?"

Jaemin chuckled. "No, not really, actually. This is pretty nice." 

"Smells better than the cafeteria," Jeno commented. They walked around through the grass, making their way over to the trees on the far edge of the school, right where campus ended. The air was cooling down, as it was late fall, but it was one of those last straggling warm summer days that school a little less awful. They just couldn't stop smiling at each other, looking at each other then looking at the floor, fingers intertwined for the whole school to see, and Jaemin couldn't have been more proud. 

Jaemin tugged Jeno towards the trees, leaning on a trunk beneath the leaves, little blocks of light shining through them. From what Jaemin could tell they seemed to be the same height, but Jaemin liked to pretend Jeno was just a little bit taller, standing over him protectively. 

"Wait a second..." Jeno started, a grin on his face as he rested one hand on the tree beside Jaemin. "Is this like that thing you guys made Donghyuck and Mark do? Where you made them leave everyone else so they could kiss?" 

A guilty grin spread across Jaemin's face and he nodded. "Maybe," he responded, raising his eyebrows. Jeno bit his lip, looking to either side of them to see if anyone else was around. 

"You could've just said so..." Jeno mumbled against Jaemin's lips, inching in closer until they could feel each other's breaths on their faces, eyes shutting under the noon light. And finally, finally, Jaemin felt those perfect lips on his. 

Jeno cupped Jaemin's face as they were backed against the tree, soulmate sparks flowing between them as if they were connected. Jaemin's hands made their way around Jeno's waist, soaking up every inch of this moment. He'd wanted to kiss Jeno from the very moment they'd realized and now, here they were, kissing. It barely even felt real; it felt more like fantasy than reality. Not to mention, Jeno was pretty good too. 

They pulled away with bright smiles, practically etched onto their faces, Jaemin laughing with his forehead on Jeno's shoulder. When Jaemin looked up Jeno's eyes were making those pretty crescents, and Jaemin tucked a lock of his pitch black hair behind his ear. 

"I've been wanting to do that forever," Jaemin admitted truthfully.

"Me too," Jeno responded, to Jaemin's surprise. Jaemin cocked his head curiously, awaiting an explanation. "I wanted to be fully over Renjun first. But don't get me wrong, I've thought you were gorgeous from the moment we met." 

"That's nice to hear," Jaemin responded, giving Jeno a peck on the lips before looking down at his phone. ", lunch is over in five." 

"And our stuff is still up with your friends," Jeno added. 

Jaemin groaned. "They definitely haven't been watching our stuff." Jeno looked at Jaemin with surprise. 

"Come on, let's go get it!" He said, grabbing Jaemin's hand. But neither of them cared that much, running back into the cafeteria hand in hand. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Jungwoo could only resist eating lunch with Yukhei for three days. He could hold out, force himself away, dim his feelings down. But on Thursday during lunch, he came back to that damn tree where he'd eaten with Yukhei just three days before. He couldn't stop himself. 

Jungwoo stepped behind the tree where the always sat to see Yukhei eating lunch like usual. When he looked up and saw Jungwoo, he breathed out a sigh of both pain and relief. 

"Why?" He asked, his voice getting choked up. "Why do you always leave me?" He looked up at where Jungwoo stood, his already wide eyes blown bigger. 

"I wish I could stay away," Jungwoo said. "I think it would be easier for both of us." 

Yukhei shook his head slowly, looking back down at the grass beneath him. "No way. I would chase after you until the day I ing die." 

Jungwoo sighed and looked down himself. "Why didn't you come back?" Yukhei asked. "I thought things were getting better on Monday, didn't you have a good time?" 

Jungwoo paused for a long time. "I-I did," he admitted. 

"Did you feel nothing when we kissed?" Jungwoo winced at the word kiss, starting to feel the tears pooling up in his eyes. 

"I felt too much," he sobbed, and rushed into Yukhei's awaiting arms. 

How did it always end up like this? Jungwoo running away for as long as he could, then coming back and crying into Yukhei's chest, then disappearing the moment he realized what he was doing. He was running in circles, over and over again, and Jungwoo knew he had to cut the cycle. He had too, for both of their sanity. 

Yukhei pet his hair, and it truly hurt Jungwoo to think of how sincere he was, how he would live with this cycle as long as he lived as long as he got to see Jungwoo. But Jungwoo was going to cut it off, make it stop. He'd begun, and it wasn't working yet, but Jungwoo prayed it would. 

"I can't resist you," Jungwoo spoke in a raspy voice, his throat sore from crying. "I try so hard but I can't." 

"Why do you try?" Yukhei asked, trying to sound casual but there was a pained strain in his voice. 

"I-I've been trying to make it stop," Jungwoo said, ignoring Yukhei's question. "I go to church every day and I pray, I pray that I stop feeling this way about you. I pray so hard and maybe one day it'll help. I-I've started seeing a special therapist; she's gonna not make me like you any more, she knows the word of God and she's gonna fix me, a-and my church has been helping out too." 

Yukhei was silent. His fingers began to tremble and his hands fell to his sides. His face was sad, stony, and he didn't push Jungwoo away but he didn't touch him either. Jungwoo looked up and realized that what he'd just admitted was a big deal for Yukhei. He started it as soon as he got home from school the day they'd kissed. He did it for both of them; so that Jungwoo could stay away and Yukhei could get over him. 

"I-I know you're having a hard time," Yukhei spoke, and Jungwoo could hear how much effort he put into keeping his voice level. "But...I'm really hurt. Deeply hurt. It hurts me to think that you don't want me in your life. That you're willing to give me up; that you don't even consider that." 

Jungwoo sighed. He didn't want to give Yukhei up, not at all. But he had too. And soon enough, he'd be happier for it. 

"Do you think this is wrong?" Jungwoo asked, a genuine question. 

"Do I think what is wrong?" Yukhei responded, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. 

"Th-this," Jungwoo responded, gesturing to Yukhei and himself. "The...feelings that the soulmate match brought out." 

"Why would it be wrong?" Yukhei spoke, as if saying it was the easiest thing in the world. 

"Huh?" 

"I don't think it's wrong. Not at all," Yukhei clarified. Jungwoo in a big breath, staring at the grass beneath him. He couldn't imagine not thinking him and Yukhei together was wrong. He couldn't imagine being okay with two men being together. And Yukhei made it seem like it was just so easy to accept homoual relationships. 

"That's...that's crazy," Jungwoo breathed out. His whole life, all he'd ever heard was that homouality was wrong, and that gay people were disgraced by God. It was incredible for him to imagine anyone not seeing it that way. 

"Jungwoo.... there's nothing wrong with us. I can't imagine it being wrong; with the way I'm falling for you," Yukhei admitted. Jungwoo looked into his eyes and flushed pink; he was so sincere and his words carried so much weight, but Yukhei wasn't afraid. This was why Jungwoo couldn't resist: because nobody had ever made Jungwoo feel this way, nobody had ever cared about him so endlessly. 

This was how Yukhei got him; Yukhei rested his hands on Jungwoo's waist and Jungwoo let him. The touch felt good, Yukhei's giant hands sending soulmate sparks shivering down his spine. And the way Yukhei looked at him: he could've melted right then and there. 

A brief thought flitted through Jungwoo's mind that maybe he was the wrong one. Not the way he felt, just the way he tried to suppress everything, and one day all of those repressed feelings would boil over until Jungwoo drowned in them. 

But no. He was commited to God, to the church, to fixing himself to be the man he wanted, the kind of man he could be proud of. Jungwoo would relish in the feeling of Yukhei's hands on his waist for now, but soon, he wouldn't even crave it. He just had to wait. 

The bell rang and Jungwoo leapt up immediately, feeling entirely self indulgent. But he waited patiently as Yukhei stood up, leaving him with a kiss on the cheek that lit up every nerve in Jungwoo's body. 

He didn't beg, he didn't plead, he didn't insist. "I think if you came to lunch tomorrow I'd smile," Yukhei admitted quietly, against the soft skin of Jungwoo's face. Jungwoo's heart yearned. He hadn't seen that smile in a long time. 

But he had to be strong. He'd been weak today, but his strength would come tomorrow. So without another word he left. 

~~~~~~~~~~

After school, Johnny had taken Taeil to the park right next to their main campus building. They'd walked around for a bit, holding hands, before Taeil got too cold and wanted to sit down. 

"Do you want my jacket?" Johnny asked as they sat down on the wooden bench. 

Taeil slowly smiled. "Actually, that would be nice," he responded. Johnny took off his jacket without question and handed it to Taeil. Taeil giggled as he slipped in on, the edges of the sleeves hanging off of his arms and the bottom of the jacket reaching his knees. 

"So cute," Johnny mumbled, kissing Taeil's forehead as Taeil curled up into a little ball in the cozy jacket. Taeil looked over at Johnny with a shy smile to see his soulmate beaming back at him. "So cute," Johnny repeated, a bit louder, and Taeil rested his head on Johnny's shoulders. 

They remained silent for just a few moments, listening to the wind whistle through the trees. It was just so easy with them; even if they didn't talk it was never uncomfortable. 

 "Could I ask you something?" Johnny spoke. 

"Of course; what is it?" 

Johnny hummed softly. "So I know you didn't like me, like, a lot before we started going out. And you didn't like me for...years on end. I'm just curious why." 

"Do you want the honest truth?" Taeil responded. 

"Of course," Johnny responded. 

"Well, I thought you were obnoxious," Taeil admitted with a guilty chuckle. 

Johnny rolled his eyes. "I know I can be obnoxious, but I don't think I'm obnoxious enough deserve your hatred for years on end," he protested. 

"You're not obnoxious. At all. I know that now. I was just stupid," Taeil responded. 

"I just don't really understand why you would've thought that," Johnny said. 

Taeil sighed and paused for a long moment. "Do you want the real, true, honest truth?" 

"Y-yeah," Johnny stuttered back. 

Taeil sighed again. "I-I think secretly, I was always just jealous of you, you know? You're so outgoing, social, charismatic, and I'm just...I'm just a nerd who's hung out with the same people since middle school. I couldn't even make new friends if I tried; you're the first new person in my life in a long time. You're so friendly, and nice, and people just sorta gravitate towards you. I wished I was like that, and it clouded my ability to see that you're a great person." 

Johnny paused to take in Taeil's words, reaching around to play with his hair. "That's really nice of you to say." 

Taeil shrugged, adjusting himself so his head was on Johnny's lap. "It's true though," he responded as Johnny looked down at him, petting his hair. 

"I-I guess I wish I was as smart or as talented as you. I'm popular and I have a lot of friends, but I'm not really good at any skill, you know? I can't sing or anything, and even when I study my grades aren't nearly as good as yours. You used to always say how you were surprised I wanted to be with you...I feel the same way. Sometimes, I don't think I'm good enough for you." 

"Don't say that!" Taeil cried, reaching over to squeeze Johnny's hand. "You treat me so well, and you make me so incredibly happy. We just both have different strengths, you know? You're good with people, and I'm good with school stuff." 

"And singing," Johnny interjected. 

Taeil shrugged. "I guess, singing too. But our differences...I think that's why we're so good for each other. Because we balance each other."

"Yeah," Johnny responded with a chuckle. "You're right. And you know, like I always say, I can definitely help you make more friends. I'm friends with almost everybody. I could even host a party or something and introduce you to everyone." 

Taeil shuddered at the idea of that. 

"Come on, parties are fun!" Johnny protested, and Taeil laughed. 

"Maybe if I got really, really drunk," Taeil responded. 

"I could make that happen," Johnny responded with a smile, and Taeil laughed again. 

"I guess it could be good for me though. And you know what? I could help you too! If you ever needed help in school I could tutor you." 

"You would really do that for me?" Johnny asked. Taeil pulled Johnny's jacket tighter around him, the sun beginning to set in the sky. 

"Of course. It's no problem. It could even be kind of fun!" Now, it was Johnny's turn to shudder. 

"School work could never be fun," he responded. 

"What if I gave you a kiss whenever you got a question right?" Taeil suggested with a cute smile. 

"What if I just kissed you for no reason whatsoever?" Johnny responded. Taeil smiled and sat up, Johnny pulling him closer to press their lips together. They held each other close in the evening autumn breeze, the cool air telling of the winter months to come. Johnny could imagine it; Taeil and him cuddling on the couch and drinking hot cocoa as the snow fell just outside. Johnny smiled at the thought; the future always seemed bright when Taeil was involved. 

Johnny pecked Taeil's nose as they pulled away before frowning. 

"You're freezing!" Johnny cried, reaching for Taeil's ice block hands. "Even with my jacket on." Johnny tried to rub the warmth back into Taeil's fingers.

"I get cold easily," Taeil admitted as the sun set further. He sighed. "Curfew." 

"At least we can get you warm," Johnny responded, taking one of Taeil's hands and putting the other in his jacket pocket. They walked quickly back into the car, shutting the door as Johnny immediately cranked up the heat. 

"I don't wanna leave you," Taeil admitted as they drove down the highway. 

"Same," Johnny responded. "But at least you'll be warm." 

Taeil smiled at Johnny's sweetness. He couldn't even fathom how much he adored that boy.