The sadness Jungwoo felt on a daily basis was starting to become a part of his being. 

He'd always been on the shyer side, but luckily he'd had Sicheng by his side to be his friend. Now, he had no one. He knew he'd hurt Sicheng's feelings when they got into that fight during Christian club, plus he'd hurt Yukhei too. 

Jungwoo didn't want to have to think about his own uality. It was entirely obvious that Yukhei was his soulmate, despite the fact that he'd told Sicheng a match between two men was entirely impossible. Physically, he missed Yukhei. Mentally, he missed Yukhei. Emotionally, he missed Yukhei. He was beginning to realize what he was, and how little he could do to change it, but maybe if he suppressed it long enough it would go away. At least, he hoped. He could get used to being sad like this. As long as he saw Yukhei in the halls every so often, he could live with the sickness that went along with not being with him.

Sadness, Jungwoo could live with. But he couldn't live with heartbreak, and that's what he felt when he saw Yukhei that Monday morning. 

Yukhei had a reputation for being funny, ridiculous, stupid, and joyous. Jungwoo had never seen him look really, truly defeated before, but that's what he saw. Yukhei looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, a frown permanently etched onto his face, his eyes downcast and cloudy. 

"Dude, what's wrong? You've been so...quiet lately," Jungwoo overheard Taeyong ask Yukhei with surprising concern. 

"Yeah, it's getting weird. You haven't gotten in trouble with a teacher or cracked a joke in weeks," Johnny added. Jungwoo put his head down, not wanting to be noticed overhearing this conversation. It was painful to hear, but Jungwoo needed to keep listening. 

"You haven't hung out with us in ages, either," Jaehyun spoke, rubbing Yukhei's back. "We miss you. What's going on?" 

Yukhei sighed softly. "It's nothing," he spoke in a quiet voice, shrugging his shoulders weakly. 

Jungwoo immediately speed walked his way to class. It broke him to think that he was the one making happy, fun Yukhei feel so badly. Maybe he could live without Yukhei, but Yukhei couldn't live without him. Yukhei didn't want to live without him, and that was what made it so much worse. Maybe Jungwoo could live without Yukhei, but he couldn't live with the idea that Yukhei was really, truly, hurting. No, despite everything, he cared about Yukhei, and deeply at that. 

WIth a sigh, Jungwoo stood up straight. He knew what he had to do, even if it was scary. He didn't have to go all the way, but he had to give Yukhei at least something, he thought. For both of their sakes. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Jungwoo wasn't surprised to see Yukhei eating lunch alone at the spot where they'd had lunch all those weeks ago. Immediately, Jungwoo was taken back: how he felt when Yukhei smiled, when Yukhei laughed, their brief touch, being there with him. Jungwoo almost ran away; this might have been too dangerous. But Jungwoo assured himself, you can be strong. Just be his friend, and nothing more. 

Yukhei sure as hell was surprised to see Jungwoo, though. As soon as he looked up and saw him there Jungwoo could see wetness pooling in the brims of his eyes, his food dropping back into his bag with trembling hands. 

"Oh my god," Yukhei breathed, and Jungwoo rushed into Yukhei's arms. In that moment, he couldn't have helped himself. He needed Yukhei's touch like he needed air to breath. 

They simply held each other for the moment, all of Jungwoo's ideas of staying a friendly distance fading away. A part of him railed against Yukhei, against his impure thoughts, against what he wanted. But a part of Jungwoo needed to give in, to be with Yukhei the way he really wanted. 

"Jungwoo, I....I'm so happy," Yukhei admitted. "I've been waiting for you here, every day, just hoping you'd come...I didn't think you actually would, but you did, and you're here." They sighed as the aches of being without each other were soothed, the soulmate sparks jarring from having not touched in so long. 

"I could only hold myself back for so long," Jungwoo admitted, and Yukhei sighed gently at the sound of his gentle voice, like the breeze blowing through their hair. Even though Jungwoo still truly believed in the sin of being with another man, being with Yukhei after so long made him momentarily forget everything. 

They pulled away from the hug, Yukhei leaning back against the chair, spreading his basketball short clad legs out in the grass. 

"Come here," he mumbled, gently tugging Jungwoo to sit between his legs. Jungwoo complied, leaning his back against Yukhei's chest. He sighed contentedly. This felt so right. 

Other than that, Yukhei didn't touch him though. Jungwoo didn't know whether to be grateful or upset. 

"How have you been?" Yukhei asked, his voice quiet as he ate. 

"It's been...lonely," Jungwoo admitted in a brief bought of honesty. 

"Me too," Yukhei responded, then fell silent. 

The two of them were quiet, listening to the noise of the distant other students, watching the grass and flowers blow in the breeze. Yukhei was quieter, more distant, more subdued, and it didn't feel right. Jungwoo wanted the real Yukhei back, but he supposed it was his fault it had disappeared. 

"Are you tired?" Jungwoo asked, trying to understand why Yukhei was acting this way even though he already knew the answer. 

Yukhei nodded. "Yeah. And I'm nervous, to be honest. I'm afraid if I....if I'm too much you won't come back. And you have to come back," he spoke, his auburn hair blowing past his big eyes. Jungwoo nodded and nestled himself deeper into Yukhei's chest. He didn't quite know what to say to that. 

Jungwoo turned around, wanting to look Yukhei in the eyes, seeing if he could read something in them to make him understand things better. He blushed as he did so; Yukhei looked at him with so much emotion. Jungwoo couldn't quite read it and it only made him more confused, more torn, less understanding. But he couldn't look away, those brown eyes so enticing. There was enough tension between them to cut with a knife; Jungwoo's heart raced in his chest, so fast and loud he was sure Yukhei could hear it. His stomach burned with butterflies, and his hands shook enough for him to sit on them. 

"You're so beautiful," Yukhei said quietly but deliberately. "Have I ever told you that?" 

Jungwoo really flushed this time. He'd been called pretty, handsome, and cute before, but never beautiful. The word beautiful seemed to have a weight to it that Jungwoo never felt worthy of, until now. Because if Yukhei said it, Jungwoo would believe it. 

Yukhei reached up and tucked a stray lock of Jungwoo's dark hair behind his ear. Yukhei's big hand doing such a delicate task should've seemed out of place, but for Yukhei, it worked. 

Yukhei kept his hand cupping Jungwoo's cheek, and Jungwoo hated himself for not moving away. He hated himself for staying in, shutting his eyes as Yukhei leaned in closer, leaning in closer himself, kissing back when Yukhei pressed their lips together. 

It felt like magic. That was all Jungwoo could say.

It only lasted for a few seconds before Jungwoo pulled away, ending the best moment of his life thus far as quickly as that. Yukhei held onto Jungwoo's arm, as if expecting him to run away, but Jungwoo's legs had turned to jelly. He couldn't look at Yukhei, though. 

Everything he'd built up in this lunch period came crashing down. What was he doing? He'd just kissed another man! He was giving himself to another man! It was a violation of everything Jungwoo had ever believed in, and he couldn't believe himself, and he couldn't look at Yukhei. He buried his face in Yukhei's chest, he needed some solid source to calm him down, he couldn't look at Yukhei. He could pretend that the beating of his heart with infatuation wasn't the only noise around but he couldn't look at Yukhei. No, that would break him. 

The ringing of the school bell almost seemed surreal at that point, like they hadn't even been at school at all. Jungwoo pulled away to grab his things, avoiding Yukhei's face, avoiding looking at Yukhei at all. They were both deathly silent, Jungwoo with shame that he hadn't ended things, Yukhei with fear that everything was over. 

Subconsciously, Jungwoo found himself drifting to Yukhei for comfort. His mind believed that was the worst thing for him but his body believed Yukhei was the only one who could help. Standing so tall just above him, Yukhei sighed. Jungwoo didn't move away when Yukhei kissed the shell of his ear. He wasn't sure if it made him feel worse or better. 

They didn't say goodbye, they didn't say anything. They just left, Jungwoo living with his shame. 

~~~~~~~~~~

"What are you doing here?" Ten asked as Taeyong's car pulled up outside of the school's dance studio Monday evening, after Ten's practice. Taeyong had unrolled the window and popped his head out. "You better not be smoking in there. You'll crash the car." 

"No, that's not why I'm here," Taeyong responded, and Ten noticed he seemed inexplicably nervous, which was strange. Taeyong never seemed to care about anything, so why would he be nervous? 

"Then why are you here?" Ten pressed. 

"I...I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to dinner with me," Taeyong breathed out. Ten stared back at him in shock, then laughed. 

"You're kidding," he deadpanned, and Taeyong shook his head. "Right now?" Ten asked, and Taeyong nodded. Ten didn't quite know what to do, feeling confused as all hell, but he needed to make a decision quickly. Ten's brain told him to just walk away, but Ten's heart told him to hope into that car. His gut agreed with his heart, and Ten stepped inside the car. 

Taeyong smiled to himself as he sped out of the school, driving down the highway. 

"Is Granite Run alright?" Taeyong asked. 

"Of course," Ten asked. At least something would be familiar; he'd been wined and dined there many times. 

They quickly reached the restaurant, parking the car and getting a table. It was silent as they looked over the menu, but after the waiter came and took their orders, Ten couldn't hold back his questions. 

"Why?" He asked, looking over Taeyong's frame. His bleached hair fell perfectly over his eyes, dark and wide. His eyebrows gave him a sharp appearance, along with that perfectly chiseled jaw. Ten was reminded of how the whole school had been so obsessed with him before the soulmate thing went down. He was beautiful, of course, which was a plus. But Taeyong was a complicated person, a conflicted person. Could anyone else have handled being with him? Ten wasn't sure. But he was sure Taeyong was handsome, and if he'd been any weaker, Taeyong would've used him until he had nothing left to give. 

He'd never seen Taeyong really smile before. Ten had seen him smirk, he'd seen him give a small chuckle, he'd seen his fake smiles for pictures and pretty girls. But he'd never seen him smile, and Ten wondered if his smile was as beautiful as the rest of his appearance. 

"Why what?" Taeyong responded, fiddling nervously with his napkin. 

"Why did you invite me out to dinner? It seems oddly...nice of you," Ten said. 

"What, and I can't be nice?" 

"I've never seen you be nice before," Ten answered, and Taeyong grimaced. "But again, my question stands: why did you ask me out?" 

Taeyong sighed, trying to articulate himself. "Well I....I realized..." 

Just as he was about to speak, the waiter placed their food down in front of them: a burger for Taeyong and a cobb salad for Ten. Ten thanked the waiter and the boys dived right into their food. Ten was starving from dance practice, and well, Taeyong could never pass up a burger. 

", this is delicious!" Taeyong groaned. "I haven't been here in forever." 

"Me neither," Ten responded, before falling silent. Taeyong not having ate here in a while implied that he hadn't been on any dates since the soulmate thing started. Ten thought maybe he could have still hooked up with people, just ed them in his car or back at his place, but Ten hoped that Taeyong was classy enough to at least take his one night stands for dinner first. 

Taeyong didn't realize this and kept on eating, but it gave Ten the glimmer of hope he didn't want to have. First Taeyong's friendliness in the car a few days before, then asking him out on this date, now sort of admitting he wasn't seeing anyone else, it made Ten think he actually had a chance, when he knew he didn't have that at all. So he just sighed and kept eating. 

"Let me finish what I was saying earlier," Taeyong said seriously, putting down his burger. "What I realized was that I've been an to you. I mean, I knew it before, but I didn't, like, realize it, if that makes any sense." Ten nodded along. In a way, it did sort of make sense to him, although it didn't make it okay. "So I want to be better. To you and to everyone," he admitted softly. 

Ten had no idea what to make of this. "Okay," he simply responded. Taeyong looked back at Ten, as if expecting him to say more. "What brought this on?" Ten asked out of genuine curiosity. 

Taeyong sighed again, and Ten could see his hands sort of shaking on the table. "I- well, um, I.... I'm....Ten, I... I like you. I'm...I'm f-falling for you," Taeyong finally breathed out. 

Now Ten was really surprised. It definitely seemed almost painful for Taeyong to admit, his cheeks still red and his eyes downcast. If it hadn't been for Taeyong's stuttered admittance, seeing how difficult it was to say, Ten wouldn't have believed the words that left his lips. Ten could barely believe it anyways. He'd been seeing the change in Taeyong, slowly but surely, but he thought Taeyong would never truly admit to himself how he felt, or treat Ten with any respect. Now, it was actually happening. 

Before Ten could formulate a response the waiter came to collect their empty dishes, giving Ten time to think of what to say. Once he was gone, Ten spoke. 

"I'm falling for you too. But I'm sure you know that," Ten responded softly, blushing himself. He felt like a stupid seventh grader again, and he hated it, but it was worth it to look up and see the smile in Taeyong's eyes. 

"I-I didn't know that," Taeyong responded, a happy tone in his voice that Ten had never heard before. Taeyong finally gained the courage to look all the way up at Ten. "I want to do better by you. Even if it's hard for me." 

Ten smiled softly, feeling Taeyong's eyes on him. "I...I really appreciate that." Ten quickly glanced up at Taeyong's face and looked back down just as quickly, his heart thumping hard in his chest. Taeyong was smiling, and it was because of him, and it was just as beautiful as the rest of him. It was genuine, too. Ten wondered if Taeyong's insides were beautiful too, he just hid it for reasons Ten couldn't quite fathom yet. 

"Why do you even like me? I've treated you like ," Taeyong said, slumping in the diner's booth, resting his head on those delicate, perfect hands. 

Ten sighed. He could barely answer the question himself. "Because...because I think underneath all that coldness, under all that fear, is a really wonderful man. Under all that is my actual soulmate." 

"I...I hope so. Honestly, I'm not sure of that. But I hope so," Taeyong responded with an uncomfortable chuckle. "Are you sure you don't just like me because of the damn hormones from the soulmate thing?" He asked. 

Ten vigorously shook his head. "To be entirely honest, I don't think the soulmate chemicals can make you love someone. I think they just bring you to your soulmate, you have to do the work of falling in love yourself." 

Taeyong hummed. "I think I agree with you. And....and I promise to show you that side of me. The wonderful side." 

Ten gave Taeyong a genuine smile, blinding and bright. "That's all I've ever wanted from you," he said softly.

They paused as the waiter placed their check on the table, Taeyong grabbing it immediately.

"Come on!" Ten whined as Taeyong stuck his debit card in and slid it to the edge of the table. 

"I insist. I'm taking you out," Taeyong responded, and Ten smiled. Taeyong really was being nice to him, for once. Taeyong's eyes lingered just a bit on Ten's face, and Ten wondered if Taeyong was thinking about Ten's smile, like Ten had thought about Taeyong's. 

It was pitch black outside by the time Taeyong had finished paying, both boys going to the car. 

"It's a school night, I'd better get you home," Taeyong said. 

"Thanks," Ten responded, and stared out the window. 

The ride home was quiet, but not uncomfortable. Music played softly from the radio and Ten watched the world outside with a sense of calm he hadn't felt since this entire thing began. For the first time, he thought maybe things would be okay. 

When they got to Ten's house, neither of them reached to touch. They looked each other in the eyes, and that was almost more intimate than any they would've had. 

"See you tomorrow," Taeyong said, and it was enough.

"See you tomorrow," Ten responded. He left the car and walked into his house, the smile not leaving his face the rest of the night.