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“I’ve never seen such a terrible knot,” Taesong commented untying Jongin’s tie in order to correct it.

“It’s probably not the worst,” Jongin assured.

Taesong scoffed.

Glancing up at the ceiling, Jongin asked, “Is she ok up there?”

“All glammed up. She’s just changing now,” Taesong guaranteed. “She’ll have your heart racing all night.”

This time Jongin scoffed, but his heart was already pounding with anticipation. Ready to have his breath stolen away. Ready to tell Namjoo about his feelings and hope that she could return them on the spot.

“Stop smiling so hard. You’re going to tear your mouth,” Taesong teased.

“I’m worried she’s not ready,” Jongin quietly confessed staring at the stairs.

Patting his arm roughly, Taesong stepped back, “Come on, who ever is. Ok, tie looks good, you look fine, perfect. You just need a woman at your side and you’re all set.”

“That hurt,” Jongin complained rubbing his arm.

“Hey, have you ever seen a second lead win over the female lead? No,” Taesong said, “because he’s never experienced the toughest moments of her life with her.” Slapping him on the back, “That’s why our main guy wins.”

Linking his arm around Jongin’s shoulder he turned him away from the stairs. “She’s having your baby, right? You could have feigned ignorance, but you didn’t. Having a baby alone is one of the most challenging time of a woman’s life and being there with her makes all the difference. But unless she already knows. Emotions can be hidden, but actions don’t lie. Instead of waiting and listening, watch.”

Taesong spun him around just in time to see Namjoo coming down the stairs in a sparkling black dress that draped around her legs prettily. The dress Taesong had refinished hid absolutely none of the charm oozing off Namjoo. She was completely alluring. He literally stopped breathing as his eyes ran up the length of her body. Stopping on her face. To all the beauty beheld there.

A pile of warmth settled inside him.

He was so attracted to her.

“Well, you know your way to the hotel,” Taesong leaned in to speak into his ear. “I’ll be off.”

Jongin came to when the door opened, and he turned to see that his friend had disappeared. Gathering his senses, he stepped forward. Nerves jittery, mouth dry, and nervous like never before.

“It’s weird, right?” Namjoo tugged at the dress. “It’s too fancy and the makeup’s too much.”

“It’s pretty,” he breathed checking her out once again. She was carrying their baby, but her figure was still defined, and it made his blood rush.

He wished, really wished she loved him right back, so he could just take her right home. They could spend the rest of the night alone. Just the two of them.

“You’re pretty,” Jongin looked into her eyes. Full of soft feelings. Wanting to hug her out because she was bringing him to his knees. Namjoo looked right back before quickly looking away bashful from his stare.

“We should go,” she quietly said.

“Oh…yea,” he hurriedly shifted then patted his pockets for the keys. “Right. Lets go.”

֎֎֎֎֎

The hotel venue was overwhelmed by formality. Looks like Taesong had done right by adding extra décor to her black dress. Around her women glittered, shimmered, and sparkled heavily underneath the dim glow of the ceiling lights. Their gowns short, mid-length, mermaid long. So many bodies packed together. Their voices merging and blending so well Namjoo couldn’t separate one conversation from the other.

She clutched onto Jongin’s arm as they walked up the short flight of stairs. Suddenly into the high society Namjoo felt strange and lost. People weren’t the average citizens but walking name brands and millionaires. She gasped in awe when she recognized a celebrity who had graced the cover of a reputable magazine. Wondering for the nth time if they should really be here.

Becoming one with the crowd Jongin led them to their front row seats on the left side of the stage. It was dressed in dark blue cloth; the back eloquently draped with the material she had helped Taesong choose.

“Are you cold?” Jongin leaned in to ask.

She turned barely brushing her nose across his cheek. Catching the waft of his cologne. Blood rushing, she moved back subconsciously tucking her hair behind her ear, quietly shaking her head no.

Aware they were both dressed their best tonight to match and impress. Knowing it wasn’t calming her nerves. It felt like they were on an expensive date and Jongin had already wooed her. Struck her heart with his handsome face and starlit eyes. One look and she could say yes to everything.

Pressing her lips together she looked toward the front. The entire room hushed as Taesong stepped up onto the stage for a speech and then the intense music started. The models he had personally recruited began strutting down the stage powerfully. Each one in a different garment uniquely designed. Namjoo spotted flashy colors, dyed cloths, added sequins.

Most of all, she envied the slim models. The detailed heels they walked in. Their straight faces masked underneath the beautiful makeup her company provided. Behind the blush, the mascara, foundation, and lipstick she wondered if their lives had fallen apart. Was curious if they were in love or if their hearts had broken, and how wonderfully they could keep up the masquerade. Jealous, because Namjoo hadn’t been able to hide anything about her pregnancy.

Desiring to look again like one of those models who could wear pretty things. Stand tall in heels. Be a woman whose only commitment was her work.

Emotions of resentment tore through her when Mina walked across the stage. Growing hot with backbiting anger as Namjoo stared at Jongin’s ex. Those long legs, the tiny waist, and s that made it possible for her to be the model she was. In a flash her mood switched from vexation to infuriating spite. Full of jealousy, because Mina looked beautiful. Sad, because she could do many things with her life without anything weighing her down.

Drowning in doubt, needing more than ever to know why Jongin wasn’t with someone like Mina.

By the time they had moved to the other room for the after party, Namjoo wanted a drink. Exhausted and frustrated because she couldn’t get over herself. Couldn’t stop from over thinking. She shouldn’t have come. Her hormones were all over the place and she couldn’t control herself.

“Are you hungry?” Jongin wondered.

Namjoo stared off into the distance spotting Mina fashionably dressed in a large teal necklace to match her soft silver dress. Chatting excitedly with her group of model friends. Envying their lives, what they were, and what they could continue to do. Despising herself for suddenly feeling this way tonight.

What was wrong with her?

Suddenly, Namjoo wanted to cry. She felt like a whining child again. Wanting to call her mother for some consolation. Missing the only affection she could wholeheartedly embrace without doubting her intentions.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” Namjoo said before walking off.

She spent over three minutes trying to puke inside the bathroom stall because she felt so congested. Nothing came out. Frustrated, Namjoo leaned against the door. Touching her belly and feeling guilty.

She wasn’t a bad person she told herself. She didn’t hate the baby. She wouldn’t throw her baby away just because she also wanted to be like the women out there. She was just upset and put off by her circumstances. Still wondering how different the possibilities would have been if she hadn’t gotten drunk that night and gone off with her high school crush.

Opening the door, she washed her hands and stepped out. Rejoining the crowd, she looked around for Jongin. She would tell him she wanted to go home.

“Excuse me,” she called out pushing her way through until she neared their earlier spot by the tables. Confused, because Jongin would have stayed to wait for her. Twisting and turning she browsed through the crowd, and then she spotted him. With Mina and her people, off in the center of the room.

For what felt like a long hour she stared. Sinking in the picture in front of her. Mina and Jongin. Jongin and Mina. Lovers who had lived together before.

“Jongin’s always wanted a family. It’s his life goal to become man of the house,” Mina started. “We’ve tried so many times. I can tell you how long I lived with him, all the things we tried. Just I couldn’t give him the baby he dreamed of, and his mother made it so hard. I can understand why he’s stuck to you like glue.”

Her heart burned. This wasn’t what she had wanted.

“Hey!” Taesong cocked his head from the side to look at her. “Why are you alone? Where’s Jongin?”

Blinking, Namjoo looked away. Tonight, she’d go to her apartment. She didn’t want to sleep with Jongin. Whatever he had wanted to tell her could wait till tomorrow or maybe she’d never want to hear it.

“Could you help me get my bag?” she asked. “I want to go outside.”

“Then,” Taesong said, “I’ll walk you out.”

The night draft helped calm her. Instead of walking toward Jongin’s car she headed toward the street. A car passed, but it wasn’t a cab.

“Where’s Jongin?” Taesong wondered looking around. “You’re not waiting for him?”

Tired, Namjoo sat down on the curb staring out into the darkness. Trying to distort the imagery of Jongin and Mina together. She wondered if love could change so fast. Jongin had said he’d broken up with Mina before moving here, but that wasn’t too long ago. It was about the same time she and Seojun broke off their marriage, and she was still trying to move on. Was Jongin like her? Did he still miss Mina?

“Do you think Jongin still likes her?” Namjoo asked.

“Who?” Taesong wondered. “Mina?”

“I heard they lived together before,” Namjoo said.

“Well, you know, these days couples live together but it’s either because they don’t believe in marriage or they’re in a phase,” Taesong said.

“Then he must have thought of marrying her at some point,” Namjoo stated. “Don’t you think?”

Taesong glanced at her before settling down beside her. To comfort her, he said, “Love changes, like the seasons. Look at them now.” He further observed her then continued, “You’re having his baby, right?”

“Just because two people sleep together doesn’t mean they immediately fall in love.” Namjoo looked at him. “Neither does having a baby mean the same thing.”

“Really?” he contradicted. “Then I must have understood Jongin wrong.”

Catching her attention, Namjoo felt herself perk up but they were interrupted when Jongin began screaming her name.

֎֎֎֎֎

Aloof. Namjoo was aloof the entire evening. She barely looked at him even when he took advantage of every interval to stare her. It disappointed him that she hadn’t noticed him at all. What was on her mind? What could she even be thinking about? It couldn’t be that she didn’t want to be here with him?

Jongin watched as she disappeared through the thickening crowd. When she came back he would ask her to go home. He had expected her to be in a high mood then they would go home, and he would tell her about his feelings. They were supposed to end happily. He had very much waited for this.

“Jongin.” A hand on his arm made him turn. It was Mina.

He only looked at her with, “What?”

“Why are you alone?” Mina asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

“What do you want?” he repeated.

“So, what’d you think about earlier?” Mina inquired. “I did well, didn’t I?”

“Congratulations,” he said deciding to be trivial. After all, this was what Mina had pined after for many years. He should wish her well. It was the least she deserved out of their relationship, because after all, he had supported her.

The corner of lifted. “Why, thanks. I didn’t think you’d ever be happy for me.”

“Look, Mina,” Jongin tried his patience, “I’m happy for you. You got what you wanted, and you can continue doing it, but that’s on you.”

“Of course,” Mina agreed. “At least let me introduce you to my new friends. After all these years, I want them to know about you.”

“I’m not your boyfriend.”

“Don’t worry,” Mina said, “obviously I won’t say that.” Gripping his arm firmer, she urged, “Come on. Just for a few minutes.”

Jongin peered off into the distance. Namjoo hadn’t come out from the bathroom yet. Back to Mina he bargained, “I’m giving you two minutes.”

“You don’t have to be so stingy,” Mina said leading him toward her friends. “I’ll just say instead that I like you. Fair enough?”

The group of pretty heads immediately turned when they arrived on scene. Causing a commotion with their high voices as they gathered around him and Mina, like he was a treat to be devoured.

“Girls, this is Jongin,” Mina introduced, “I told you about him.”

“Oh! Where did you get him from?”

“You lucky girl!”

Coyly grinning totally satisfied with the reaction, Mina said with a hand on his shoulder, “It’s one-sided. He’s about to become a dad.”

There they went again, shrieking. He looked at Mina wondering if she was for real about this or if she was just playing around. It took nearly two minutes for Mina to excuse them.

“They loved you, can’t you see?” Mina asked. “You could have talked with them some more.”

“I’m not interested,” Jongin gritted his teeth.

“I’m not introducing you. I did say you’re becoming a dad, didn’t I?” Mina reminded with a raise of the brow.

Jongin stared at her. It suddenly hit him.

His eyes turned stern while Mina’s smile grew broader.

He never told her.

“Who told you?” he hissed.

Instead, Mina further provoked him by smoothing out his tie. “Did she do this? How lovely of her. Her hands must be skilled.”

Jongin only managed to stare at her angrily. Enunciating each word slowly because he was near pissed. “Who told you?”

Mina’s eyes continued to trickle over his finely knotted tie then flickering them up to him, she answered, “Why, of course, I met her fiancé.”

Grabbing her hand, he shoved it off him. “What did you say to him?”

“I asked who he was,” Mina coolly replied, “then I told him who I am. You get the picture?”

Biting down on his teeth, Jongin started to turn but Mina grabbed his arm. “Stop it, Mina. I don’t want you, so just stop it.”

“I get it, but” Mina nonchalantly said, “what about your baby’s mommy? She still meets with her fiancé over lunch. Who knows what other times they meet up. Why do you insist on her so much when you don’t know if she’s ever cheated on you?”

Fury surged thorugh him. Immediately shaking her off he glared at her hotly before stomping off to search for Namjoo.

What if she hadn’t gone to the bathroom? What if she had left him? What if she had hidden somewhere to make a phone call? Was she talking to Seojun? Would she have left with him?

He knew it! He knew this would happen!

Picking up his pace, he hurled himself all over the ballroom. Pushing past bodies but still came up nothing. Namjoo was gone. She had disappeared.

Taesong. If he connected to Taesong he could get his staff to expand the search for her. Jongin shoved his way around the room and managed to pull aside someone by the stage.

“Can you get me Song Taesong? He’s the coordinator,” Jongin explained. “I need to talk to him. Tell him it’s urgent. I’m his friend Jongin.”

The staff frowned at him then walked away. He returned a minute later after pulling off his headset. “I heard he stepped outside momentarily.”

On this, Jongin dashed through the doors crazily. Feeling the whole world spin around him as the breeze whipped against him. Hurrying through the parking lot lost then running toward the road. Panting heavily when he spotted two figures sitting by the road.

Agonizing mistrust spread through him like volcanic fire. How dare Namjoo…how dare she?! She had left him!

“Namjoo!” he screamed stomping toward her.

Two heads turned. He recognized Taesong and then Namjoo. He was so bitter, so upset. He was about to throw a fit of jealousy. Even though he was aware Taesong wouldn’t betray him, yet Namjoo was out here with a man.

“Come with me,” he snatched her arm lugging her to her feet.

“Jongin!” Taesong scolded shooting up as well. “Slow down.”

Jongin shot him a glare then proceeded to pull Namjoo after him. Namjoo struggled, which enticed his jealous rage even more.

She struggled harder. He snapped as he turned around, “You left me.”

“I didn’t do anything!” Namjoo hit his chest. “Let go.” She gripped his wrist threateningly. “Let go, Jongin. I’m not going to go home with you.”