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“After we came here, Jongin was very quiet. Though he didn’t say it, I could see that his father left a gap in his life,” his mother confessed after Jongin disappeared down the hall. “I felt sorry he didn’t have a male figure to show him the way. There wasn’t much I could do for him.”

“He has you to fall back on. I think that is enough,” Namjoo said.

Jongin’s mother looked at her with a grin, “Look at you buttering up to me. Jongin must be dying of happiness. Why don’t you go check on him to see if he’s doing ok?”

Along the hallway Namjoo paused to look over the portraits of Jongin’s small family. Taking a good look at his father. Recognizing familiar traits in him that his son possessed. Imagining how alike his father would be to his mother. Would his father have been ecstatic over the news of the baby? Would he have rushed them to the chapel to get them married right away?

She also felt terrible for Jongin’s loss. To finish growing up without his father’s guidance. It would have been so lonely. But now he was going to be a father, too. His father wouldn’t be here for it. Wouldn’t be here to show him fatherly things, how to handle situations as head of the household, how to be a father to his first born. His father would miss the next chapter of his life…for the rest of his life his father would miss out.

That was a kind of sadness that would always be difficult to carry.

Namjoo felt for him.

When they turned out the lights that night Namjoo lay on her back watching the shadowy branches dance across the ceiling. Feeling and listening to Jongin lay and breathe beside her. Not too far away. Not too close.

“You asleep?” she asked peering over at him.

“Hmmm?” he muttered with closed eyes.

“Never mind,” Namjoo said. A minute followed before she turned his way again. This time adjusting the blanket over him then finally closed her eyes, relaxing.

Jongin’s mother cooked them breakfast in a rush and then they were out the door in a flash. He let her shower and change first. While he took his time in the bathroom Namjoo looked into the kitchen, eyes landing on the tonic his mother had bought.

It was quite a heavy box. She was surprised his mother had managed to bring it over considering how small she was. Prying the top open, Namjoo reached inside pulling out a tiny paper book. Listing the ingredients the tonic consisted of with directions of how much to take per day throughout her pregnancy. She just about reached the part where it started getting informational about how the herbs in the tonic would benefit the growth of the baby when Jongin surprised her.

Lately something seemed off about him. She hadn’t wanted to say anything because she didn’t want to start assuming. Their relationship did feel like it was at a good standing. Slowly starting off on the right foot at last.

Only she wasn’t really confident about where that right direction was leading them as Jongin kissed her. When they made the decision about the baby in Daejeon Namjoo knew there were variable possibilities their life could take. They could fall in love. Fall out of love. Learn to dislike each other. Even separate after the baby arrived.

Honestly, she didn’t know what to expect. Just as this baby was unexpected.

Yet he was kissing her and her heart was bursting. His long arms gripping the counter around her trapping her. She didn’t know whether to hold him or grip his shirt as opened and she caught his breath. Jongin was so close she could literally feel the heat rolling off his body in waves. Namjoo felt the tip of his tongue then the doorbell rang splitting them up.

Both their hearts racing before they turned to look at each other. They were flushed and blushing. Namjoo didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or not. Gathering himself together Jongin opened the door for their interrupter.

“What took you?” She asked scurrying in on fast feet. Handing Namjoo a black bag she said, “Hurry, they’re fresh right out of the water.”

“Huh?” Namjoo peered into the bag puzzled then shrieked and tossed the bag of squirming eels into the sink.

“The fishes!” his mother cried out running toward the sink. Namjoo and Jongin glanced at each other a little stupefied and flabbergasted. They listened to his mother fuss in the background as their eyes locked. Then they burst into laughter.

“What are you two doing?” his mother scolded looking over her shoulder. “Get me a cutting board and a knife.”

Twisting her fingers together Namjoo turned toward the counter, but Jongin touched her shoulder. “I’ll do it.” and slid his way around her toward the dish rack.

“What are you doing here again, mom?” Jongin wondered setting the cutting board down on the counter.

“A friend of mine just caught a live bunch from the ocean. They’re just a few hours old. Do you know how fast I had to run over here making sure they didn’t die? Eels are good for you, don’t you know that?” his mother asked. Then glancing at Namjoo adoringly, “They’ll be good for the baby, too.”

Namjoo caught Jongin looking at her and shied away.

“By the way, what were you two doing? Your faces are all pink.” His mother said.

“Nothing,” Namjoo piped up and glanced at Jongin as she nervously played with her fingers at her back. She caught the corner of Jongin’s lips curving up then he turned away from her to talk to his mother. in a deep breath Namjoo struggled to calm herself.

Jongin’s mother prepped the eels. Teaching her how to best clean them before cooking them on a pan. She studiously watched as Jongin prepared the table for lunch. Pulling out side dishes to add to their meal. Namjoo helped plate the eel. A half hour smoothly went by before they were all seated at the table eating together again as if his mother never left at all.

They chatted for a while, cleaned up, and bid his mother farewell. Jongin offered to give her a ride home leaving Namjoo alone. She wiped up the counters even though it was already clean. Two minutes went by as she paced the apartment with tonic in hand. It was more bitter than sweet, but she would drink it because Jongin’s mother got it for her.

Succumbing to boredom, Namjoo went to lay down on the bed. Running a hand softly over her belly and closed her eyes trying to imagine what her child would look like. Her eyes opened again not knowing she’d drifted off when Jongin climbed onto the bed laying down beside her.

“Did your mom get home all right?” Namjoo asked.

“Of course,” he replied. Shifting onto his side to face her he said, “Lets go see my father.”

Surprised, she turned to look at him. “Now?”

He breathed a laugh. “Not now.”

Namjoo rolled her eyes feeling foolish.

“Soon,” he clarified. “I want to tell him about the baby.”

“Ok.”

He was still lying on his side. Namjoo was struggling from turning to face him. She stared at the ceiling and quietly tapped her fingers at her side.

“The doctor appointment is this week,” he said. “We’ll finally see the baby.”

She turned to see him happily burying the side of his face into the pillow she slept on. His entire expression was billowing with excitement. A burly smile making his lips stretch wider.

“You’re that happy,” Namjoo stated turning onto her side to look at him.  

“It’s our baby,” Jongin nodded smiling widely.

There was so much wonder in his brown eyes. The pride that he was going to be a father and the glory of finally having his own family. As if his entire whole was trembling with the entire world’s joy.

“Do you miss your dad?” Namjoo asked.

“I miss him,” Jongin told. “There are a lot of things I want to say to him.”

“Like what?”

“That he doesn’t need to worry about anything. I grew up. I can take care of mom now. That there are many times I wished he was here with me when I needed him most. That I’ll be a father soon and I wish he could be here for it. Things like that.”

“I’m sure he knows what you’re feeling.”

“I most want to hear him tell me that he’s proud of me.”

Her heart went out to him. Unable to understand the depth of his loneliness because she had never lost anyone to death before.

“You’re a good person, Jongin.” She reached out to pat his head. Gliding her fingers through his silky hair. “Your father would be proud.”

Namjoo’s heart jumped when Jongin placed his hand over hers. Gently holding it against the side of his face. His eyes glowing softly. Sparkling a little as if she had touched some unknown place inside of him. Then he shifted closer and buried his face under her chin into her neck. Sliding his hand to her back to hold her. Quietly, her breath shook as she felt his heart thud against his body.

Wondering if they were being too close. If she had done something that hadn’t been expected, because should this be happening?

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The noise rattling in the kitchen woke Jongin up a few hours later. His bedside was empty, but his heart felt whole. Butterflies were bursting inside of him. He couldn’t help but laugh as his arm stretched over Namjoo’s pillow. Thinking again about their kiss that morning. The way she had comforted him before he had fallen asleep against her.

He didn’t want tomorrow to be Monday. The weekend needed to last longer. Jongin wanted to spend more time alone with Namjoo. Thinking about the things they could do to enjoy their time together. Or do nothing at all and still enjoy the passing time.

Awakened by the aroma of food Jongin rose and stepped out of the bedroom. Spotting Namjoo in the kitchen with steam floating up toward the air vent from a pot stewing on the stove. She was wearing his apron and looking like she belonged right here in his home. And he was so glad she was here.

Catching himself amidst his thoughts he picked up his pace. “You’re burning the food.” He grabbed the wooden spoon to stir the food. Recognizing the braised chicken he had asked for lunch the previous week. Touched, he glanced at her. His happiness increasing because she remembered.

“What?” she asked.

He imagined giving her a peck. Maybe a kiss, but he worried if she would move away from him.

“What?” she repeated.

“Nothing,” he lied as his heart raced. What was up with him imagining all these things? Even then, he stole a glance at her. Noticing she had tied her long hair back. Staring at her nape. Wondering if he had kissed her creamy skin the night they slept together.

“It should be ready,” Namjoo shattered his thoughts. “You want to plate the food? I’ll set the table.”

“Oh…ok…” he turned to watch her walk away.

Jongin listened to her soft footsteps. Memorizing the sound of each of her steps as they set the table together. He didn’t forget to get her a fresh glass of water with a slice of lemon.

“It’s ok,” Namjoo told him as she sat down. “I don’t think I’ll be having morning sickness anymore.”

“I’ll keep making you one anyway,” Jongin said, “because I want to.”

Namjoo gave him a long glance before picking up her spoon. “You slept for a long time. Don’t you have a headache?”

“No, I’m fine,” he said. “You?”

“I woke up with a little headache.”

“It’s not because you’re sick?” Jongin worried.

“I’m not sick,” Namjoo stated.

“Well…good,” Jongin said. “Tomorrow, do you want dumpling soup for breakfast?”

“Can you make it?”

“Who do you think I am?”

“A cook without a license?”

Jongin laughed. “No way! I’m a better cook than you anyway!”

“Who do you think made dinner?”

“You only did it because you woke up first.”

“If it’s not good put your spoon down!” They bickered and laughed as they fought over his spoon.

They sat in front of the television for several hours into the night flipping the channels back and forth. Namjoo must have been glued to the show because she didn’t seem to notice his eyes on her. Laughing when she laughed and smiling when she smiled. Sitting crossed legged on the couch leaning against the arm rest looking superbly comfortable that it made his heart flutter. Until enough time passed that her eyes started closing and she began nodding off.

Turning the TV off he leaned over to touch her shoulder, “Go sleep in bed.”

Yawning, Namjoo rubbed her eyes before standing. “What time is it?” she asked as she walked off.

“I don’t know. Late I would guess.” Jongin replied following her closely in case she became clumsy and tripped over her own feet.

Throwing the blanket over he waited for her to climb into her side of the bed and adjusted the cover over her. Closing the door, he watched her close her eyes. Switching the lights off he made his way onto the bed. First lying there quietly then turning onto his side so he could look at her.

“Are you asleep yet?” he asked.

“Huh?” she sleepily moaned.

Growing nervous he stared her way hesitantly. Knowing how dejected he would feel if she rejected him. Today had been good for them. Jongin was starting to like her more. Perhaps a lot more than what she felt for him, so if he moved too fast he could make her recline. And it seemed she was still in love with someone else.

“Tonight, can you hold me?” he asked.

He felt her head move. The faint moonlight gleaming into the room bounced off her eyes when she looked at him. It was like the pretty reflection of sunlight moving across coastal waves. Jongin was so sure she’d say no in the murky silence that followed. Then Namjoo shifted onto her side. Came a little closer. Her hand slid around his body pulling him into her. Accepting her embrace, he delightedly held her. Pressing his face into her collarbone. Taking in the scent that belonged to only her while joy burst like fireworks inside him.

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As promised, Jongin woke up early to make dumpling soup. By the time Namjoo woke up her glass of water was sitting on the table waiting for her. Sitting at the table tiredly she said, “I’m hungry. What are you making?”

“Dumpling soup.”

“Oh yea.” Her head shot up. “Is it almost done?”

“In a few minutes,” Jongin replied. Reaching into the cupboard for soup bowls he returned to the table. Touching her bed hair, he asked, “You brushed your teeth, right?”

Namjoo swatted his hand away. Jongin laughed before walking away. Once he set the table and finally sat down he saw that Namjoo had already started without him.

“Is there anything we’re supposed to ask the doctor when we see her?” Jongin asked.

“The appointment is Thursday,” Namjoo told.

“I know. I want to prepare beforehand,” Jongin explained, “so I don’t look stupid.”

“You’re supposed to look stupid,” Namjoo looked at him over her spoonful of food. “Have you had a kid before?”

“Wow, are you cranky,” Jongin commented to receive a sneer in turn. “Did you not sleep well?”

“Well,” Namjoo dumped her spoon into her bowl and held up her arm, “considering how your head weighed like a ton on my arm, sleep was magnificent.”

Laughing foolishly, Jongin scratched the back of his head. “Did I? I didn’t know. Sorry.”

Namjoo still shot him a nasty frown before continuing to eat.

“Then I’ll let you sleep on my arm for revenge,” Jongin suggested.

“Forget it, Jongin,” Namjoo rejected. He couldn’t help but grin as Namjoo walked past to dump her bowl of food into the sink.

“I have a morning meeting, so I’m going to leave for work first,” Jongin called after her.

He bid her farewell with an elated heart as he left the apartment. He had slept well thanks to Namjoo. Dreaming happy dreams even though they didn’t consist of her or their child. Jongin had woken up with a smile on his face and Namjoo sleeping as close by as ever.

It was the first time that a gap had ceased to exist between them. It was also hard to believe that Namjoo had held him to sleep. He had been about 80% sure that she would say no, he could sleep on his own. What she had been thinking he wanted to know.

Tonight, would Namjoo also want to hold him? Would she let him hold her to sleep? The thoughts continued to whirl through his head making him feel like he was on the clouds. Then he walked through the front doors stopping immediately when Seojun turned to look at him. Namjoo’s ex’s handsome car was parked along the curb just behind him. Immediately grinning he held up a hand to wave as if they were longtime friends.

Looking past Jongin he wondered, “Namjoo didn’t come out?”

“What do you think you’re doing here?” Jongin asked not withholding his animosity. Recalling vividly how cruel he had treated Namjoo when he first found out about her pregnancy. Seeing again those orphanage pamphlets made his insides coil up with anger.

“I thought I could give her a ride to work and catch up along the way.”

“I’m taking her to work,” Jongin lied. “Don’t waste your time.”

“Hey, look here,” Seojun held his palms out as if to forfeit, “I’m not threatening you.”

“Really?” Jongin expressionlessly wondered. “What are you doing here then if you don’t intend to see her?”

Seojun held his gaze innocently then continued smiling. “I mean it.”

“I can tell you this for sure,” Jongin took a small step forward so he could lower his voice, “a man doesn’t go see a woman without a motive, especially not after she dumped him because he didn’t think she was worth it.”

Seojun’s expression stiffened. “But we both know Namjoo wants me more than she’ll ever want you.”

A nerve in Jongin’s face twitched. He hated himself for vividly being upset. Seojun’s grin grew.

“Right now, I’m Namjoo’s friend, but in soon time she’ll realize she wants more than that with me. Just wait for it,” Seojun warned.

***Sorry for the late update!!! Been so busy these past weeks! But I have a long week ahead with some free time so I'll do what I can to write and update! Here's lovesick me, so we can expect some lovey dovey moments ;)