֎֎֎֎֎

Splashing cool water over her face Namjoo gripped the rim of the sink. Breathing. Feeling her heart tremble. Still freshly pained over Seojun. She couldn’t get rid of his crying image. Pleading for her love again.

Cupping the water in her hands she splashed her face again. It hurt. She still couldn’t get rid of the pain.

“I love you, Namjoo.”

“I only want it to be you.”

Gritting her teeth again Namjoo fought back her losing sobs. Gripping the rim of the sink she squeezed her eyes shut.

She couldn’t forget him.

Namjoo splashed her face again. Until all traces of her makeup disappeared. Stepping out ten minutes later feeling starved. Suddenly recalling that she hadn’t eaten a grain of rice. Gently touching her eyes to see how swollen it was she slowly walked back toward her office. People would have questions. What would she say?

Opening her eyes, she first saw the marbled floor. Nearing the foot of her closed office she spotted Oxfords. Gray pants.

Her heart thudded.

Guilt flashed through her like a storm.

She had forgotten about Jongin.

Lifting her head up she didn’t see Jongin but Song Taesong instead. Already flashing a grin which diminished when he saw her state. Touching her eyes to cover them again Namjoo angled her head away, embarrassed.

“Are you ok?” He asked.

“I’m fine,” Namjoo replied. “I didn’t expect you today.”

“My orders came in today,” he started.

Confused, Namjoo glanced up at him. “I don’t recall you making any orders at the company.”

He chuckled happily. “I meant the cloth we went to look at previously. I was wondering if you wanted to go with me. Consider it field work.”

Even in her sodden state, Taesong managed a smile as if to make her feel better. She felt awful. For looking like this in front of him. For missing lunch with Jongin. He must have missed her when he came earlier. What was she going to say to him when she saw him at home?

“Have you eaten?” Taesong wondered. “You look pale.” Tucking his hands in his pockets he brushed by. “I’ll buy you something to eat before we go to the venue.”

Without refuting Namjoo followed. He took her to a soup dumpling restaurant where they grabbed a window seat. While they ate she wondered whether Seojun had returned to work in a wreck or if he’d gone home. Was he eating? Or was he drinking?

“The food is good,” Taesong commented. “Do you not like yours? Should we get something else?”

“No, it’s good,” Namjoo automatically spoke.

Taesong chuckled lightly. “You haven’t eaten yours.”

Flushing, Namjoo quickly scooped up the broth and took a sip.

“What are you worrying about?” Taesong asked. Shifting in his seat he said, “If it’s about Jongin, tell me. I’ll give him a good smack.”

Namjoo couldn’t find the energy to smile. She was sorry toward Jongin. She was heartbroken over Seojun. She was wounded all over.

Realizing now that she hadn’t let Seojun go at all, but she had given Jongin her word that they could try for something, if anything.

“Do you believe that if a man cries for a woman, he truly loves her?” Namjoo asked.

He rubbed his chin. “In our masculine society, I would agree that a man’s tears mean something.” Leaning against the table he asked, “Why? Did you make Jongin cry?”

“It’s a concept for our next launch,” she lied.

“Well, that’s interesting,” Taesong said.

When they got up to pay Namjoo dug through her purse. Discovering that she did not have her phone on her.

“What’s wrong?” Taesong asked when saw her ruffling urgently through her bag.

“I forgot my phone,” Namjoo told.

“Should we go back for it?” They were in the center of the city. Some forty minutes away from her work place if she estimated the amount of time it would take including traffic.

“It’s ok,” she said, “but uh…could you tell Jongin I’ll be home late?”

“No problem,” he promised.

They stopped by the fabric store to pick up his order. Several boxes that weighed over fifty pounds. Then she went with him to the hotel gala. The exact location where the fashion show would take place. A large venue with fifty seats on each side of the walkway. The platform was currently bare and plain. Needing yet décor. Lights and stereos for the selected music.

Namjoo went through the venue with him. Observing the fabric they’d chosen, deciding whether they had made the right or wrong choice. How to make it work to match what he wanted in his head. Taesong mapped out the fashion show in more detail, explaining carefully about what he wanted with his models; his first show. A flash of Mina’s valuable long body went through Namjoo’s head as she listened intently.

It was dark by the time they left the venue, so they grabbed a bite at an eatery on the way back to her work place. Namjoo grabbed her phone before making the slow drive home. Thinking about the bed. The warmth of home. Hoping that a long night’s sleep would cure her sorry heart.

When she walked in through the door the sound of a snap surprised her. Jongin shot her a penetrating glare before stomping off. Taken aback by the dreary atmosphere she walked toward the bedroom where her clothes were. Saw him on the bed pulling the blanket over him. She couldn’t utter a word for some reason. By the time she returned from her shower Jongin was still in the same spot.

“You’re sleeping on the bed?” She asked.

“Does it bother you?” He asked with eyes closed.

Standing by the open door she stared at his figure. It didn’t seem like the right time to ask if he had come for lunch. She was tired. He must be tired as well.

“No, it’s like sleeping with a friend,” Namjoo said unaware of how he gnashed his teeth before turning his back to her.

Namjoo stared at him wishing she had the energy to tell him she was sorry that she’d forgotten about him today. Instead, she closed the door and turned the lights off before climbing under the sheets with a heavy heart.

֎֎֎֎֎

Jongin was angrier with her. Not even one word to him about where she’d been. What she’d been doing and with whom. Maybe he didn’t want to know but also maybe he needed to hear her tell him.

Part of him wanted to turn around and wake her right up, interrogate her. Ask why she was still seeing Seojun. If she had saw her ex behind his back, and why?

They were going to have the baby together. She should focus on herself. The baby. Him, because he was the father.

He barely slept before waking up to make himself a cup of coffee. By the time his cup was ready Namjoo hurried out of the room. Slamming the door to the bathroom. He heard her vomiting. He should be insane for feeling sorry for her, but he was still upset. Grabbing a glass, he poured water and added a slice of lemon to help her feel better. He slid it in front of her quietly when she came out.

“I didn’t see you yesterday,” Namjoo spoke up when he sat down for breakfast.

“Oh, that’s right, lunch. I forgot,” Jongin lied taking a sip of his coffee.

“It’s ok,” Namjoo said. “I forgot about it, too.”

He gripped onto the mug a little harder. Of course you would forget, he wanted to say, you were with another man. Remaining silent he eyed her over the rim of his mug.

Today, he wanted to know, was she going to see him again?

“Bring me lunch,” the words flew out without his thinking. His eyes landed on her surprised. He met with her quiet gaze.

Why, he needed to ask, do you have a problem with that? She should immediately agree if he asked. Unless she already had plans…

“What do you want?” She asked.

The tightening anger quickly disappeared. He wanted to stab himself for being so soft.

“Cook me something,” he said. She used to cook for him. He had always enjoyed her meals.

“Ok.”

Jongin stared at the wall as he buttoned his shirt. Namjoo was already dressed and waiting for him outside. He couldn’t decide now whether to be still upset with her or forgiving. Just because she was with Seojun yesterday couldn’t mean they were already together.

Maybe he was thinking too much. Expecting too much.

If Namjoo already gave him her word to try this relationship with him she would keep it. He believed her.

When he opened the door Namjoo was looking through her phone. Then she looked at him and stood from where she’d been sitting on the arm rest of his couch.

Kim Namjoo had never meant anything to him when he was younger. He couldn’t remember her at all from his school days, but he remembered her dolled up at the wedding. Sitting alone at the bar. Smelling of a mix of strong perfume, cologne, and liquor. Telling the bartender who gave no two cents about how pissed off she was at her boyfriend before he invited himself to her convo.

He hadn’t paid attention to the great amount of her pain then. He never paid attention to her when he was younger, but he swore he was paying attention now.

Now was different. Now couldn’t be too late.

Could it?

The Kim Namjoo now had a different meaning to him. She was going to be the mother of his child.

“Are you done? We should leave.” He watched her walk toward the door and slip into her heels.

Maybe there wasn’t enough time for him to get angry with her. He had already wasted too much time passing her by. Now that that chance had come around again he should just appreciate her existence.

That was what he thought as they rode the elevator to the lower floor.

Today Namjoo would bring him lunch. They would spend a short afternoon together before meeting again at home. He should forget about what happened yesterday.

When they stepped out he found the courage to brush her hand, say he would take her to work this morning, but his fingers graced the air as she turned away at the beep of a horn. A familiar car rolled up. The driver’s door stopped just in front of them then it opened. A man stepped out suavely. Wearing expensive cologne and a pricey smile.

Jongin witnessed Namjoo’s lips part. Her face filled with yearning.

“Hi,” Seojun greeted ignoring his presence. His soulful eyes on the only person he cared about.

Jongin’s eyes remained glued to Namjoo’s reaction. Silence. An inner struggle. Did she want to hug him like she had yesterday?

“Can I take you to work?” He asked.

Namjoo’s lips stayed parted. Not knowing what to say.

No, say no Jongin thought.

He lightly bit down on his teeth when Namjoo touched Seojun’s arm as he started rounding his car to open the door for her.

“I can go on my own,” Namjoo said.

Seojun looked at her then finally at him. “I can take her, right?”

Jongin felt like a blast of wind had just hit him. How dare he!

“It’s not my call,” Jongin muttered before walking away, his head threatening to blow. If Namjoo couldn’t even say no it just meant one thing.

She wanted Seojun.

Unlocking his car, he slid in and slammed the door. Staring out the windshield as Seojun opened the passenger’s door for her. Namjoo must be exploding with joy that she was with her lover. He hoped Seojun’s car would explode down the street.

He experienced a sense of loss as the vehicle disappeared down the road. Namjoo hadn’t looked back. Namjoo hadn’t refused.

Yesterday she must have been with him.

“I don’t remember you,” Jongin said.

A drunken grin slid over her face. Leaning her head against the back of her hand she gazed at him sleepily. “You’re Kim Jongin! I had a crush on you!” Laughing she gently slapped his arm. “You really don’t remember me? Gosh, was it really that long ago?”

Perhaps he was too late.

The only thing he knew about Namjoo was what lie in her heart.

She loved Seojun.

֎֎֎֎֎

Namjoo scraped her fingers against the purse on her lap. Fidgety. Guilty. Jongin had walked away. Was he angry with her?

“Seojun,” she turned to look at him.

“Don’t worry. It’s not what you’re thinking,” Seojun promised. “We can be friends, can’t we? It would be regretful if we suddenly cut off ties. You’re too good of a person, and I don’t want to lose you like that.”

He was still handsome.

Namjoo lowered her gaze to her purse.

“Is that him?” Seojun questioned.

“Huh?”

“That guy back there,” Seojun said. “Is he the baby’s father?”

Her eyes landed on him again. Apologetic. But Seojun didn’t sound angry as he used to. No sharp tone of hate. Distaste.

Was he really just going to be friends with her?

Why couldn’t she see him like that?

“Yea…that’s him,” Namjoo answered though she didn’t want to. She didn’t ever want Seojun to see Jongin.

“I had a feeling,” Seojun said. “Is he nice to you?”

Namjoo’s heart did a painful flip. Seojun who had been her lover had been just as kind. She wanted to shed some more tears.

Quietly, she nodded.

“That’s good,” Seojun exhaled. “If he ever hurts you, I’ll beat him to a pulp for you.”

They looked at each other and she managed a small smile.

֎֎֎֎֎

Since yesterday had not gone according to plan Namjoo intended to keep her word today. Leaving work early she stopped by the mart. Returning to Jongin’s apartment she whipped up a fast meal then headed out.

Wherever it was he wanted to eat she would eat with him. Parking in the lot designated for visitors she headed into his work place. Jongin had replied ten minutes after she had sent a text that he would be waiting for her at the lobby desk. You’ll see me he promised.

Approaching the glass structure Namjoo halted as a large group of businessmen and women flocked out of the building. The throng of people grew thicker as she weaved her way inside. A blast of air conditioner forced her hair back when she finally made her way through.

Compared to her work place Jongin’s was more equipped toward strict formality. Everyone in suits, blazers, and shiny footwear. A briefcase to complete their fashion. The lobby was a large extension decorated with fake plants, an open space lounge, and coffee bar. The oval reception desk was right ahead of her.

Namjoo waited for a traffic of people to pass. Recognizing Jongin’s head in the distance thanks to his great height. Namjoo readily lifted the lunch box up to wave for his attention as the group lessened. Her hand paused midway when through the gap of three men passing by, she saw that Jongin wasn’t alone.

The pretty woman pushed a strand of her wavy hair behind her ear as she chatted with Jongin. Ra Mina in shorts and a low-cut blouse slid her arm through Jongin’s before leading him away from her.

Not knowing how to feel Namjoo watched them disappear from her sight. Quickly whirling around she pushed her way through a thick crowd. Escaping outside because her face was suddenly welling up with heat. Bumping shoulders with a man and tripping in the process.

“Gosh, I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” The man bent over to help her up. The people passing by turned to stare curiously. For some reason Namjoo felt humiliated.

“I’m fine.” Pulling herself up she picked up the lunch box and scurried away with her heart pulsing in her ears.