Her legs went weak and her heart transformed into a puddle when she heard Seojun’s voice for the first time in days. Namjoo wanted to shed tears of relief that he had called but she really just gripped hard onto her phone and felt become sore.

“I am outside.” He said very stiffly. “Can you come out for a minute?”

Her eyes landed on the window where a streak of blue, pink, and orange were merging as the sun set. From behind she could feel Jongin watching through the silence.

Her heart thudded.

“I’ll be there.”

He hung up and she was left listening to the dial tone. Namjoo lowered her phone and pressed the ‘end call’ button.

Seojun was outside. She should be jumping in glee, but she wasn’t happy either. In fact, she felt more troubled than hopeful. Had he come to say they were officially over? Because it didn’t sound like he still wanted her.

Instinct said that she was in for another hell of a disappointment.

“You should go,” she turned around to look at Jongin. Her stomach protested at the smell of dinner. “I have some business I need to tend to.”

“This late?” He wondered.

“It’s important,” Namjoo emphasized.

“Ok then.” Jongin appeared discontented. “Don’t stay out too long. You may need to reheat the food.”

Namjoo nodded and watched him disappear through the door. She waited a minute then grabbed her keys and headed outside.

Seojun was leaning against his car when she walked outside. Appearing businesslike and without a smile on his face. He didn’t walk toward her to greet her with a hug but coldly waited for her to reach him.

“Get in,” he ordered then turned and walked around his car to get into the driver’s seat.

Pressing her lips together, Namjoo opened the passenger’s door and slipped inside. Full aware that Seojun was still angry with her. He should, he had all reason to but Namjoo wished he wouldn’t be so cold. She was having a hard time, too.

Without waiting for her to pull the seatbelt on he stepped on the accelerator speeding off into the flow of traffic. He didn’t stop until he pulled up to the curb of an empty tree-lined street. Refusing to share a word he reached into the back and tossed a card onto her lap.

“That was our invitation card for the wedding,” Seojun coolly explained. “I told my parents we’re pushing the wedding to next year, because you want to advance your career. You know this is your fault, right?”

Namjoo stared at the pretty card with their names written in calligraphy. Her chest felt sore and she wanted to cry.

“My parents want to have dinner to talk to you,” Seojun unhappily said. “Make time this weekend for that. If you don’t come, I’m really calling everything off.”

Namjoo nodded.

“I’m doing this because I love you,” he turned to look at her although distraught. “Have that baby and give it up to adoption services. I’ll look into everything for you, so just focus on looking pretty for our wedding.”

“I’m not giving up the baby,” Namjoo croaked.

“You are! And you will!” Seojun raised his voice. “We can go to fertility clinics, we can do everything possible. I will make it happen so that you have my child, Namjoo! You are not keeping some stranger’s baby!”

“Please don’t do this to me,” Namjoo cried.

He sighed frustrated. Brushing, his hand through his hair he asked, “I thought you loved me, Namjoo. Are you going to choose that baby over me? Really?”

“Seojun…” Namjoo wiped her tears. “Please…”

Turning to ignore her he dug into his wallet and handed her a wad of bills. “I had a long day today, so I’m not driving you home. There’s a bus stop ahead. The bus will be here soon. Take it back.”

When she didn’t take the money, he forced it into her hands. Saying one last time, “This weekend. Don’t forget.”

Namjoo tried not to weep as she left his car. Left in the trail of car exhaust she wiped her tears. Abandoned, she slowly walked toward the empty bench nearby and sat sobbing into her hands while waiting for the bus. She shouldn’t be crying but she was hurt. Seojun’s anger was so raw it made her heart bleed.

This shouldn’t be happening. It shouldn’t be like this.

It wasn’t like she wanted the baby either. If only Seojun knew how she really felt. If only he understood how hopeless her case was.

He didn’t need to be so unfair to her.

Regardless, Namjoo had already made her decision. This baby would be hers. Against all odds she would keep the baby. She would.

She would.

Steeling herself Namjoo climbed onto the bus red-eyed when it arrived and quietly returned home. Drained of energy she slumped against the wall as the elevator carried her up. When she thought of this tiny, innocent thing she felt so sorry for it too.

They were both such a sorry pair.

Jongin’s food was cold on the table when she walked in. Appetite now gone, Namjoo gazed at the regrettable dinner. What kind of effort had he put into completing it? Weirdly, she felt sorry for Jongin as well. Reheating the food Namjoo sat down to force it down and immediately crept into bed afterward.

On Monday morning Namjoo thought she felt better from the slight cold she had caught the previous day. Despite all that she ate, everything came back up leaving her feeling weak and in bed the entire Sunday. Throwing on a sweater to keep the chills away she went to work anyway. She needed her pay which would go to hospital bills and raising the baby. There was no way she could take it easy right now.

Namjoo coughed as she stepped out of the elevator onto the lower floor. The new shipment of makeup for the models finally arrived mid-afternoon. Men were pushing in carts with loads of boxes down the hall. A load of papers was being transferred to the basement storage to make room for the oncoming packages. Skipping a meeting, Namjoo decided to help out. After all, it would help to keep her mind busy.

Discovering Sinbi in the office she peered at the standard boxes already filled to the brim with papers to go away.

“All five boxes?” Namjoo asked. “That doesn’t seem too bad.”

“They’re heavy, so be careful,” Sinbi cautioned.

Lifting a box, Namjoo groaned. “No joke.”

“At least the stairs are nearby,” Sinbi optimistically said. “Watch your step.”

Holding the weight of the box against her torso, Namjoo followed Sinbi down the long hallway. Three times she had to adjust and shift the weight of the load against her body. Sinbi was panting halfway down the hall.

“I’ll go down first,” Namjoo offered when they reached the open doorway leading to the basement. A large room filled with floor to ceiling shelves containing previous merchant inventory, old company policies, years old information on marketing, and much more junk that was no longer relevant to the company.   

Shifting the heavy box against her weight she wondered why they didn’t have an elevator that reached the lower level. Sighing, Namjoo stared at the steep staircase. As long as the lights were bright the entire way she wouldn’t complain. It wasn’t as if she was walking into a horror movie where the basement was grimy, filled with spider webs and mold.

Namjoo descended carefully. Evening her footing she took another step in her heels thinking she should have taken her shoes off earlier. It would have made the descent easier, especially with such a heavy box. Balancing herself she took another and another step. Another step and Namjoo lowered her left leg. Missing her footing she tumbled the rest of the way so fast that she only felt her hands and knees clashing against the stairs on her way down. Landing with a triumphing oomph at the bottom. The empty storage box plopped beside her with a light thud. The papers swirled in the air before scattering around her.

Her mind hit a blank and then she heard Sinbi clambering down for her, screaming. Face down, Namjoo was first conscious to the ache spreading through her limbs. She was so sore.

“Oh my God! Namjoo! Are you ok?! Namjoo!” Sinbi yelled, frantic.

Namjoo’s head spun as she slowly came to. Hands patted the flat tiled floor before she realized what had happened. The baby.

The baby!

Suddenly touching her belly, she cried helplessly.

֎֎֎֎֎

Hooking the bag of packed dinner on her door Jongin stepped back satisfied. Though he hadn’t received anything from her for lunch today he could wait for tomorrow. Namjoo must have forgotten he assumed. Turning he headed down the stairs to his apartment.

After a quiet meal he showered and sat around to watch TV. Mina had sent him a few messages since the last time she came but he hadn’t looked at them. Hoping that Mina would get the gesture that he didn’t have anything to do with her anymore.

Flipping through the channels bored he finally turned the TV off and and got up. He wanted some snacks. Some fresh air sounded welcoming on a boring Monday night. Now that he had gotten older everything seemed less entertaining to him. The social gatherings after work to drink made his head spin. He wasn’t keen on going into work the following morning with a burning hangover. Actually, it just made him want to die thinking about it. Loud karaoke made his head pound, his ears go deaf.

Yet a quiet night at home alone didn’t seem to be solving the problem either. It was just…plain boring. Mina didn’t fit the puzzle either. Every evening would be about her and when he thought about it he couldn’t withstand it.

Nothing was right even when he was trying to make it be. Life was really becoming such a headache.

Rubbing the back of his head as the elevator opened to the lobby he stepped out thinking about what to buy. Something spicy sounded good. Maybe he’d grab soda and some carbonated water. Banana chips sounded good. Maybe he would grab some extra.

His shopping list was mentally completed as he approached the front doors. As they slid open for him he caught view of taillights disappearing down the street. A sigh as someone sat down on the curb. One look and he recognized Namjoo. A second later and she glanced up at him.

Jongin’s mouth opened but didn’t say anything when he saw the bandages on her knees. Forgetting his shopping list, he sat down beside her.

“What happened?” He wondered gesturing to the bandages.

“I fell.” Namjoo answered.

“It looks like a heavy fall,” he added.

“Well,” Namjoo turned over her hands and he saw abrasions and some bruises, “it’s not too severe, so I am ok.”

She sounded so careless. “You should have been more careful,” he told.

Setting her lips into a straight line she said, “It couldn’t have been helped.”

“Is…is the baby ok?”

“Huh?” Namjoo looked surprised. He nearly blushed, afraid he was doing something she wasn’t comfortable with. “Oh…the doctor said the same thing. The baby is ok and just to be careful from now on.”

Relief flushed through him.

“Were you going somewhere?” Namjoo wondered.

“Nowhere, really,” he lied. “Why?”

“Actually,” Namjoo shrank a little becoming shy, “I was thinking…would you like a drink?”

His mind blanked. “What?” Had he heard right? “You shouldn’t be drinking.”

“No, not me,” she quickly interjected, “you.”

“What?” he asked again, lost.

Leading them a few blocks down to a drinking a tent, Namjoo grabbed them a table. It was lively tonight with old men, young adults, and workers meeting up for the night. Chatter bloated the tent like the bellies of the old geezers at the table opposite them. The tent owner walked over with a bottle of soju and two empty glasses.

Sliding the bottle toward him he said, “Just water for her.”

Never minding the lady’s weirded expression, Namjoo asked for some food and thanked her as she left. Namjoo reached for the bottle but he swiped it first.

“What are you doing?” he asked, surprised.

“I was going to open it for you.”

“It’s ok. I can do it,” he said twisting the bottle open and poured himself a glass. Looking at her he wondered, “But what are you doing?”

Namjoo gushed. Even though she hadn’t had a sip, her cheeks appeared a faint red. “I was craving for a drink. I thought you can have a sip and tell me how it tastes like, so it feels like I’m having a drink, too.” She seemed to shrink again, “Sorry, I know it’s weird. It’s just…there was no one else to ask.” Perking up, “But I guess it’s ok if you don’t.”

He frowned at the absurdity of it, but he really wanted to laugh instead. “Will that really help?”

Namjoo nodded lightly. “Yes.”

“Ok.” He replied and held up the glass for her to see. Watching closely with big eyes, he took a sip and let out a gasp as it burned his throat. “It’s bitter, really bitter like bad medicine.”

Scoffing amused, Namjoo commented, “You’re exaggerating.”

“I’m really not,” he shook his hand.

“Then have another sip. It tastes better the more you have,” Namjoo urged as her food arrived.

“Just one more sip,” he relented.

“One more sip,” she repeated.

Eyeing her with a slight smile he took another sip. Namjoo’s lips parted as if to taste it and heartily laughed when he exaggerated its taste again.

Jongin ended up finishing the entire glass as he waited for her to finish her food. It was about 10:00 when they finally left the tent. On the way back to the apartment they stopped by the convenience store in mutual silence. Splitting up to browse around. Jongin walked into the snack aisle looking over the variety. He had thought about banana chips earlier but now he was debating about it even harder. Grabbing four bags he went up to the register.

“Here,” Namjoo handed him a water bottle when they stepped out. “Thanks, for drinking for me.”

“No problem,” he accepted it and handed her a bag of banana chips. “I bought this for you.”

“You didn’t have to…thanks.” Taking it from him she popped it open. “Actually,” she grabbed his attention, “I have quite a few at home. Why don’t you have some, too?”

Glancing at the offering, Jongin took a few chips himself.

Reaching for his pocket he hesitated then pulled the piece of paper out. While the cashier rang up his items he had asked for a pen and a slip of paper.

“It’s my number,” Jongin handed the piece of paper to her. “If you ever need anything, like tonight, call me. Or if you fall again. Just if you ever need anything.”

Namjoo’s fingers curled around the paper before slipping it into her bag. “Thanks.”

“I mean it, really,” he added. “You don’t have to trust me, but we’re neighbors. We should help each other.”

“Ok, I know,” Namjoo said. He wondered if she really meant it.

They rode the elevator silently. As the doors opened he asked, “I left some food by your door, but if you’re still hungry I can make something fresh for you.”

“No, I’m fine,” Namjoo shook her head. “Thanks, again.”

“Sure,” he replied and watched as the doors closed.

֎֎֎֎֎

The injuries weren’t so severe, but Namjoo had asked Sinbi to take her to the hospital anyway. She needed to know if she had killed the baby. While she lay on the bed in the emergency room waiting for the doctor to report back to her, she had grown nervous. Wrecked with emotions. Feeling sorrier and sorrier for herself and at the same time praying the baby was still there.

As the hospital monitors continuously beeped around her she grew angrier with herself. Why was she so desperately in love with Seojun that she couldn’t move on for herself? Why had she allowed him to treat her so cruelly Saturday evening? She should’ve stood up for herself.

If she so much wanted to be a mother she should have made her stand.

It was difficult, difficult, difficult.

The doctor finally arrived after a long fifteen-minute wait. The baby was still there. She was ok. Namjoo had never felt such relief before she almost wept.

As she walked toward her apartment she stared at the bag containing her should-have-been dinner. Setting the containers out on her kitchen table Namjoo looked over the assortment feeling tears well up. These days she was becoming so sensitive to every little thing. Her emotions felt like they were everywhere.

Jongin was so nice she was so thankful.

Namjoo reheated and ate Jongin’s dinner before she went to bed. She woke early the following morning to make lunch for Jongin. She should she told herself since he had been so kind to her. Namjoo literally rushed through everything only remembering once she stepped outside that she had left her car at work.

What an idiot she was! Namjoo nearly slapped herself before her phone rang. A nervous jolt sprang up her spine. Praying it wasn’t Seojun she pulled the mobile device out from her purse. The name on the screen was mother-in-law.

“Oh? You’re still out here?” Jongin asked as he walked out of the building.

Surprised, she flipped the screen away from his view and glanced up at him. Her heart raced as his eyes became curious.