Jinyoung sighed and ran his hands through his hair, he knew he needed to draw a line when it came to Mark. He should tell Mark that he should give up on trying, that he couldn’t forgive Mark, even if it was a lie. He wished he could switch off it, why is that cliché that says ‘you can’t pick who you love’; so very, very true. Jinyoung knows he should tell Mark that he doesn’t want to try or he doesn’t want Mark to try. However, looking at Mark’s face it was hopeful and distressed, and all Jinyoung wanted to do was give in to his hope and make that distressed look go away.

Jinyoung wanted badly to cave in, but he couldn’t, he knew better now. There had to be a change and it had to come from Jinyoung because if there was something Jinyoung learned by now was that he could only depend on himself. So he did the only thing that could help put the sickening feeling in his stomach to rest and that would also put his mental state at ease.

“Mark, I forgive you. You don’t have to be apologetic anymore and you don’t need to try.” Jinyoung said in a tired voice.

“Jinyoung, even if you don’t want me to try I am going to-,” Mark started trying to get the younger boy to understand he really wants to be his friend again.

“No, you don’t understand what I am trying to tell you. You don’t need to try anymore Mark. I forgive you but I can’t be your friend. At least not like how I used to be, I can’t trust you anymore, and I know that because I’ve lost respect for you. You can try but it will be useless. I’ve tried hard to keep things civil with us and now I know that it wasn’t my fault. It is your fault, you are incapable of understanding anyone but yourself. Everything has come easy for you and you have never experienced a personal hardship in your life, which you’ve dealt with by yourself. You are selfish and , so I’m done, I don’t hate you. I have absolutely no feelings towards you, I’m apathetic. We can be friends by associate but other than that I don’t care.”

Mark left Jinyoung’s dorm even though he wanted to stay and convinced Jinyoung that he grew up and that he meant what he said to the younger. However, Jinyoung went in his bathroom and told Mark he knew his way out, Mark didn’t need to be as smart as Jinyoung, to get a hint. Mark shouldn’t have left, he should’ve stayed and fight to prove to Jinyoung that was different.

Mark’s heart, on the other hand, told him that he needed to leave Jinyoung alone because their relationship thus far has been based on Jinyoung facilitating Mark’s feelings. Now, it was time to be the person who cared about someone else other than himself. It was weird though, all this time Mark has never really wanted that many friends. He was social but he was never really open with people. Jackson and Jinyoung were the only two people who knew him well, and that is only because they hard carried their relationships with him.

The only problem now, was that Jinyoung wasn’t trying and it hurt Mark. All this time, Jinyoung was only being the bigger person while Mark was being a child. Mark thought that he was being an because he thought it made him feel better about his insecurities. However, he knew that wasn’t entirely the case, being an solved his superficial problems. However, Mark could’ve just ignored Jinyoung, like he did everyone else he didn’t like, but he didn’t. Just like Jinyoung treated him differently, he treated Jinyoung differently too.

Mark could only feel better about himself by blaming Jinyoung for his problems, but now he realized he also needed to have Jinyoung in his life. Just like Jinyoung appreciated Mark for the normalcy that he brought to Jinyoung’s life, it was the same for Mark. Jinyoung was always there for Mark too, it was because of their parents at first, but then they became thick as thieves. Jaebum and Jackson were their best friends, but Jinyoung and Mark were each other first friends and they understood each other situations better than anyone else.

Although Jinyoung and Mark were always tense around each other for the years now, they were never enemies. Jinyoung would still come over to Mark’s house and Mark knew he couldn’t be an to Jinyoung around his parents. Jinyoung was like their honorary third son, they loved him as much as they loved, Mark and Joey.

Mark would have to stay over by Jinyoung's, as per request of Mark’s parents. They sent home the maid and their workers on holiday when they went, but worried Mark couldn't stay by himself. Which in all honesty was true he couldn’t, he was hopeless. All he could cook was eggs and bacon. Mark could always just lie and stay on his own and order food, but Jinyoung cooked really well and his parents did trust Mark home alone after a house party he threw. Mark could’ve probably lie or had Jinyoung lie for him but deep down, he knew he like being around Jinyoung and made excuses that he couldn’t be bothered to lie. However, neither of them could lie, seeing as Mark's parents, also knew the staff at Jinyoung's place and always called up to make sure Mark was over there.

Even then Jinyoung was taking care of him and was the more mature person as always. Mark went to his room and fell on his bed, he stared at the ceiling. Mark stared for a while until he started laughing, it is a good thing that Youngjae wasn’t here because he looks like a crazy person. “

I’m an idiot. He needed me, but I need him too. I’m an idiot, he was the best friend I ever had and even when I was a complete he still looked out for me.” Mark thought out loud, “I gave up on our friendship and he still continued fulfilling his role as a good friend. Now, the ball is in my court. Jinyoung is giving up and now it is my turn.” Mark sighed, he knew he didn’t deserve a friend like Jinyoung but he wanted Jinyoung as a friend anyways. Right now, the only person that Jinyoung feels that he could actually talk to, like a real talk is him. Even if Jinyoung doesn’t want to be his friends anymore, Mark knows he’s the only person Jinyoung could actually be honest to and vulnerable that’s not something that Jinyoung doesn’t.

Jinyoung ran the shower and braced up against the door until he heard his dorm door open and closed. He closed his eyes and waited, and the second he heard his door close shut, he undressed and got into his shower. He took a breath as the water fell over his head and as soon as he let out that breathe, he broke. He finally broke down, it has been a while since Jinyoung had a full breakdown. Even when Jinyoung went to his mom’s funeral, he didn’t have a full break down then. When he heard about his mom’s diagnosis that was the last time he had a breakdown, and from then on he has to harden himself.

However, as much as Jinyoung has hardened himself and trained himself to be strong and a rock, he loved Mark. He loves Mark, he has been in love with Mark from since he knew what love for another person was, but he had to harden himself again. He still loves Mark, it isn’t a thing he could control. Most of everything in Jinyoung’s life has been under his control, but this is something he can’t control. Logically, it didn’t make sense, Mark treated him badly and made him think that he did something wrong to be treated that way.

If Jinyoung didn’t have all these responsibilities and duties he would have caved almost immediately. It was ironic Jinyoung was a very prideful person and had self-respect, but for some reason, Jinyoung was spineless and wanted to do anything that made Mark happy. Jinyoung was a smart but Mark made him dumb, and he made him act differently from his usual demeanor. Mark made Jinyoung feel insecure and like he was stupid, it was ridiculous. He was under his shower head, crying and shaking over not being friends with Mark.

Jinyoung rested his head on the wall of tiles in front of him and sobbed, it was silently at first then it gradually became louder. Sobs became cries and cries became wailing, Jinyoung felt his are heart constrict tightly it was like he couldn’t breathe. His breaths became labored and ragged as he tried to stop his wailing from becoming the hysterical. Eventually, his breaths slowed down and the constriction of his chest leveled out. The chest pain ease up and the physical pain was gone but the ache, the ache of his heart was still prevalent.

Once Jinyoung’s chest stopped heaving up and down he turned the shower off, to a second and one last breathe before stepping out the shower. He wrapped himself in a towel and went to his room to change, but by the time he got to his room he felt the drain of all energy in his body. He collapsed on his bed and ran his hands up his face and combed through his hair, afterward he groaned out loud. Sometimes he just wanted stop and go into a year of hibernation, he dealing with too much and he wanted a break. Usually, he could power through stress and issues but today wasn’t one of those days. Mark was never something Jinyoung could just stop overthinking about.

Jinyoung sighed, he really just wanted to stop his feelings for Mark, the older would never realize it and he is sorry right now. However, Jinyoung learned from years of dealing with the older boy that all they can ever be is friends. Jinyoung knew that for years that was all they were ever going to be and he was okay with that. For years he was okay, okay with being friends that were enough even when Mark was mad him. Now he realized that was just him lying to himself, he loved Mark and he was in love with him. He has been kidding himself all this time, he couldn’t just be friends with Mark. As long as he loved Mark he couldn’t be friends because it hurt too much, especially now.

Jaebum and Youngjae arrived at the restaurant, Youngjae looked at the place a little in awe. It wasn’t a fancy and elegant place but it was a little big step from casual. Youngjae thought they were just going to have a simple dinner, he wasn’t expecting much he was fine with simple. He was grateful for the fact that Jaebum was giving him a chance, he was happy to just get a chance.

Jaebum turned to Youngjae, “I’m sorry. I would have picked a fancier place but since I kind of impulsively asked you out, I didn’t have enough time to plan something more extravagant.”

Youngjae felt melting into a pile of goo again, Jaebum was apologizing not taking him to a fancier place. He thought Jaebum was just asking him out because of Jinyoung and when he said they could try that meant Youngjae had to try. However, it seemed as if Jaebum was actually considering having a relationship with him.

Youngjae was internally fanboying but Jaebum didn’t realize that and was taking his silence as a bad sign. Jaebum was really nervous not that Youngjae can tell but he was worried about making this date perfect as it can be for the younger boy. There was so much he had to live up too, there weren’t many people who as Jaebum in a positive light. People usually liked him because they thought he was chic and y, and that he had a bad boy aura to him. Jinyoung, Youngjae, and Jackson probably the only people who don’t think of him like that. Not to say, Mark, Bambam, and Yugyeom do but they also have this perception that he is chic and cool. He didn’t want to disappoint the younger boy, there were very few people that Jaebum cared about how they see him but Youngjae was one of those people and even if they don’t end up in a relationship, Jaebum wanted to assure they don’t ruin their previous relationship.

They walked into the restaurant and waited at the hostess, “Hello, do you have a reservation?” the hostess asked.

“Yes, Im Jaebum.”

The lady smiled and looked in her tablet, “yes, a party of two. Would you like a table or a booth?”

Jaebum turned to a Youngjae and raised an eyebrow, Youngjae was still melting and was in his head, he didn’t realize Jaebum was looking at him for an answer.

“Youngjae…Youngjae ah” Jaebum called out again, Youngjae snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Jaebum looking like deer in headlights.

Cute, Jaebum thought. “Would you like a table out a booth?”

Youngjae scolded himself, he made it seem like he was stupid. “Oh, I’m sorry. Ummm I don’t mind either, whatever you want is fine hyung.”

The hostess smiled at them, “Well, the table is good for eye contact and talking, booths are good for skinship.” The girl smiled knowingly.

Youngjae felt his face burning up at the girl’s implication that they were on a date, which they were, but he didn’t know if Jaebum was okay with that.

“A table then,” Jaebum said after a cough he wasn’t upset or anything but embarrassed, even the hostess could tell how inexperienced they were.

The hostess smiled, “A first date I see.”

Youngjae was still blushing and was fiddling with his fingers nervously, Jaebum agreed to try but he didn’t know if Jaebum wanted everyone to know his uality. Korea was more opened minded about the homouality but in general, Korea was very private when it came to relationships and PDA. Especially, when it same- couples outside of Itaewon, the rest of them were very private and low-key. Youngjae didn’t care much he was general confident, except when it came to Jaebum. Jaebum wasn’t an introvert but like Jinyoung he didn’t talk much about himself, so he didn’t want to be the reason that Jaebum was uncomfortable.

Jaebum stiffen and Youngjae took that as a sign he was comfortable, but in reality, he was embarrassed it was so obvious he didn’t know what he was doing and was trying to make his embarrassment unknown.

“Yes,” Jaebum answered back straining to sound as if he was unaffected.

The hostess must've seen a lot of couples and she seemed to very intuitive to their situation. “How cute.” She told Jaebum.

Jaebum fought back a blush, the hostess brought them to a table and turned to Youngjae.

“You’re lucky, most people I give the table options to for first dates usually pick the booths. Your date is a gentleman, you should keep him.” The hostess whispered but Jaebum heard it, “Your waiter should be here soon, here are your menus and I hope you enjoy your date.”

Youngjae nodded and gave the elder a soft smile, he could trust his words at this point. He thought that Jaebum would drop his serious look now that Youngjae understood him but he didn’t, it threw Youngjae off.

“Don’t take this the wrong way because this statement is no indicator of how I think this date is going okay?” Jaebum prefaced before he told Youngjae one more thing. Youngjae nodded, he started to freak out but he stopped himself quickly because that is the exact reason Jaebum felt the need to preface his statement.

“In the case, we end up not working out, I want you to remember you are amazing and you should let any guy or girl, depending on your uality because we haven’t talked about it, make you feel like you aren’t. Even if someone feels uncomfortable about being open about a relationship with you that doesn’t mean you should feel uncomfortable too. How you feel is important and if someone ever tries to hide you because they or ashamed or embarrassed promise me that you will drop them. You deserve better than that and you should never let anyone feel like you aren’t good enough, they should be proud and grateful to get to be with you. If you ever feel like I’m embarrassed or ashamed of you or us then you let me know and I can fix it so you know that is definitely not the case,”

Youngjae literally died, Jaebum wasn’t being fair. He was supposed to be wooing Jaebum but here the elder was making him fall harder, Youngjae groaned and hid his head in hands. Jaebum was taken back, “Youngjae?”

“It’s not fair! You can’t do this to me Jaebum hyung!” Youngjae cried out, face still hidden in his hands.

Jaebum was so confused he didn’t know what he did wrong, “Huh? Are you okay?” Jaebum said, not entirely sure what was happening. Jaebum started to pat Youngjae head as a calming and comforting measure.

Sighed at the skinship and lifted his head, he looked at Jaebum pouting and Jaebum couldn’t believe that the younger could be even cuter than before but now he showing him different and when he spoke we raise the cuteness level even more.

“No, I’m not okay. Here I am trying to woo you and try not to end up in the emergency room by the end of this date but you go and decide to be even more perfect than usual. Like how am I supposed to function if you say things like that and be all sweet, and on top of that you don’t even realize you’re doing it and it makes you even more endearing and sweet. As if I wasn’t having a hard time already because you don’t know you’re hot either and your shirt shows your collarbone and the so ughhhhhhh.” Youngjae said word vomiting and face planted on to the table done with life because he just exposed every thought to the one person he shouldn’t have.

Jaebum took a couple of seconds to process the barrage of words that came at him but once they registered he smirked, the younger really didn’t realize how adorable he was, and as much as Jaebum denies cute and adorable wins him over every time. It just that everyone sees him as scary and chic that no one would think that is what he likes. He was honestly just making sure the younger knew that he was amazing and he shouldn't accept anyone treating him anyway less than that. However, the collarbone thing, that was intentional but he might just keep that secret from the younger, for now, he still needed to look cool in front of the younger.

“You really don’t have to try too hard you know, I meant what I said you’re amazing. Plus, I let you in on a secret you’re cute and I happen to like cute.” Jaebum said smirking at Youngjae finally decide to lift his tomato face up and look at Jaebum.

Youngjae was so flustered he was speechless but then his memory hit him hard, “Did you say ‘us’?” Youngjae said curiously.

Jaebum faltered and then a blush came upon his face, “ah, yeah well mean aren’t me us right? Or is it too soon to say that?” Jaebum said with fake confident and it was obvious.

Youngjae grinned brightly as a flustered Jaebum that wasn’t a common sight, “I like it.” Youngjae happily, that meant Jaebum could see a possibility of them being together.

Mark wasn’t ready to give up, he never realized how much he valued his friendship with Jinyoung until now. All this time he didn’t think they still had one but that was because he wasn’t the one trying to hold on to it like Jinyoung was. Even when they weren’t on friendly terms, Jinyoung still looked after him and cared for him. Mark was wrong in so many ways and he envied how much people spoke about Jinyoung for so long he never realized how hard Jinyoung had it worked to deserve the praise. Now that he thought about his problems were self-made and could’ve been avoided if he didn’t care about the opinion of people who mean nothing to him.

Mark sighed and got, he grabbed his phone and wallet and head out of his dorm he headed out. He dialed his phone as he walked outside the dorms heading out the campus. “Hey, I know you’re busy but can you do me a quick favor?”

Jinyoung ended up over thinking and was completely dry by the time he remembered he needed to put on some clothes. He almost fell asleep like that, until he felt the cool air of the central air hit him. Jinyoung really didn’t want to get up he tired himself out by over thinking and all he wanted to do now was sleep. He groans and he heard a knock on his, he wasn’t expecting and anyone and Jaebum should still be on his date right now. He was just going to ignore the knock thinking it was Bambam because had gotten a barrage of texts from the Thai boy, furious texts that stated how could Jinyoung commit such an act of betrayal and not tell him that Jaebum had wanted to go on a date with Youngjae. Jinyoung didn’t have the energy to deal with the boy right now and Yugyeom must be on a date if Bambam went to Youngjae’s, and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with dramatic Bambam.

Jinyoung ignored the knocks and then his phone pinged, he wasn't looked at his phone. Jinyoung rolled his eyes and went to silence his phone so he did get any more notification sounds because Bambam is a very persistent person. However, as he went to put his phone on do not disturb, he saw that the only text notification he had was from Youngjae. Jinyoung opened the text and looked at the text, ‘I’m coming over, Jinyoung hyung!’ Jinyoung was confused he and Jaebum should still be at dinner by this time.

Jinyoung groans as he got up, he didn’t think anything would go wrong. Jaebum maybe unexperienced date but he is that much of dork to mess up, especially the if his date was Youngjae. Something had to go seriously wrong, he texted back a quick ‘I’m coming’. It was just Youngjae so he didn’t bother changing, the boy must be a wreck if something when wrong. If he left boy outside any longer than he would probably have a nervous breakdown in the hallway and disturb Jinyoung’s whole hall, the hallways weren’t as sound proof as the dorm.

Jinyoung opened the door, “Youngjae wha--, you’re not Youngjae” Jinyoung said a little taken aback because he was expecting a frantic Youngjae.

“Nope. Not Youngjae, I actually went to his dorm first but he wasn’t there and I texted him asking for your dorm number because I didn’t have your number. I didn’t know you and Youngjae were a thing?”

“What do you me a ‘thing’?”

“You know together, I mean I thought he like your friend. What’s his name…Jaebum?”

“First, of all, we aren’t together, I don’t know what gave you that impression and he does, they are on a date so no that why you could find him. Plus, don’t you and Jaebum hyung some classes together? Should you know his name?” Jinyoung said raising an eyebrow.

“Ahhh really they are? Oh, and well, you opened your door like this.” The guy said gesturing to his body.

Jinyoung looked down and remember he never changed and suddenly got embarrassed.

“Not that I mind, I mean the rest of us change in front of each other in the locker room. Only you wait till you go back to your dorm, which by the way I thought was because you were insecure about your body. However, that definitely doesn’t make sense, I mean seriously the clothes you wear definitely don’t do your body justice.” The guy said as he looked Jinyoung over.

Jinyoung felt a blush come over him and fought it back, “I prefer not to expose myself is all. Anyway, is there a reason you were looking for Youngjae and now me, Sehun?”

“Yeah, I had a date with Kyungsoo hyung and Jongin being the jealous lovesick puppy decide to fake sickness to get hyung’s attention and kicked me out our dorm. The rest of my hyungs are on dates too, and Jongin told I would want to come back to the dorm tonight.” Sehun said rolling his eyes.

Jinyoung took pity on him, Sehun was cool and they were the same age but both them are pretty reserved and so they never really talked out of the football pitch hence why Sehun didn’t have his number. “Okay, well Youngjae told me he was coming over soon. So I guess you want you can hang out but I’m not sure if you’d want to when Youngjae comes.”

Sehun leaned on the door frame as if Jinyoung was with just towel around his waist and they were having a normal conversation.

“I thought you said he was on a date?”

“Well, he should be, I not quite sure really? He just texted he is coming, hence why I thought you were him.”

“Well, I can see if anyone else is able to hang out or go out to get some food or something if you want to talk with--,”

“Jinyoung” a voice from behind Sehun called out, Sehun turned around leaning back, flush against the door frame so he and Jinyoung can see who was there.

Sehun and Jinyoung looked over to see Mark, everyone looked confused. Mark wasn’t expecting to see Sehun at Jinyoung’s, especially not with Jinyoung in just a towel. Sehun wasn’t expecting Mark, out of all the people in the school the last person he would think to come to see Jinyoung would be Mark.

Everyone in the school knew that Mark and Jinyoung weren’t on terms. Jinyoung also wasn’t expecting Mark, not after what had transpired before. However, now that he thought about Youngjae must not be coming, Jinyoung will have to have some words with the younger about lying and deception.

“Mark sunbae?” Sehun called out in a questioning tone and a raised eyebrow, Mark pulled his gaze away from Jinyoung and his lack of clothes which Jinyoung seemed to forget about. “Are you looking for Youngjae also?” Sehun asked.

“Youngjae isn’t coming anymore,” Jinyoung said in a flat tone.

Sehun turned his gaze back to Jinyoung, “I thought-“

“He would’ve have been here by now, whatever the problem was Jaebum must’ve dealt with it,” Jinyoung said in a tone that told Mark that he figured out what was going on.

Sehun tone dropped, “You seem to have a lot of faith in Jaebum.” Jinyoung blinked thrown off by the Sehun’s sudden change.

“Ahh, that reminded me you and Jaebum have classes together, why is that you can’t seem to remember Jaebum name?”

Sehun froze and then regained composure, “What you really be remembering is that you don’t have clothes on, I would think that should be your main priority? Once again not that I mind the view is definitely a nice one but I don’t think you’ want Mark sunbae here to see.” Sehun said deflecting the conversation away from him and Jaebum.

Jinyoung didn’t miss that but he did forget he had yet to put on clothes, Mark was looking at the interaction between the two and was confused and a little annoyed at the same time. He had to interrupt Youngjae’s date and lie to the younger to get him to agree to text Jinyoung for him and here was Oh Sehun messing up his plans. Though was a bit puzzled, He knew that Sehun was on the Football team with Youngjae and Jinyoung, of course with the tension between the basketball and football team they all knew of each other. Sehun himself isn’t what was confusing him though, Jinyoung and Sehun were teammates but he didn’t think they were close enough for him to come to Jinyoung’s dorm, especially not close enough for Jinyoung to be exposed in front of him.

“I guess since Youngjae isn’t coming, I should go…” Jinyoung didn’t want to continue talking about this anymore and he knew the rest of the guys on the team were in a study session because the principal set benchmark grade for all athletes to meet or they'd be pulled off their respective teams. It hit most of the members of the school sports teams heard but a few of them were on good academic standing.

“You know most of the guys on the team are either on the MT for the P.T Majors or studying to get back good academic standing,” Jinyoung said.

Sehun froze and face palmed, “Oh right, I forgot....crap. I guess I’ll go back to my dorm.” Sehun said cringing.

“Later, Sehun-shii,” Mark said expecting the younger boy to leave.

“You know you can stay over if you want. My clothes should fit you well enough, and I dorm alone.” Jinyoung said, he felt bad for the boy and also he didn’t want to deal with Mark right now.

Sehun raised his eyebrow, “Are you sure?”

“Of course. Plus, we are same-aged friends and on the same team together. We should’ve already been good friends by now but you and Jongin always seem to be together, I figured you didn’t really make friends with anyone else.” Jinyoung said he liked Sehun he had a pretty straight face but he was pretty similar in personality with Jinyoung. Which is why the rest of the guys on the team were confused that never became really close friends.

“Okay, Kyungsoo is pretty strict so, I should be clear now to get some clothes from my door, ha Jongin is gonna be jealous that have a new friend that I get to have sleepovers with.” Sehun smiling.

Jinyoung smiled, Sehun looked cold but he was really cute when he smiled. “I’ll be right back.” Jinyoung caught his arm before he left, “Phone.”

Sehun looked at him for a second before he realized, “ahh! Right!” Sehun dug into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. Sehun handed his phone over to Jinyoung, Jinyoung took the phone and quickly typed in his number and called him. Jinyoung phone started to ring and he handed Sehun back his phone. “Okay, see you in a bit,” Jinyoung said waving and Sehun nodded off before leaving, Jinyoung turned to Mark.