Her? Why her?

Jongin frowned.

Kang Seulgi, really?

It didn’t make any sense but at the same it made a lot of sense. Jongin could clearly remember all the instances where Soojung had showed a lot of interest in Seulgi but not once did he think it was more than some innocent friendship. Soojung never had many female friends so he naturally assumed that she was happy to finally have one with whom she got along so well. Seulgi was supposed to be the nice friend Soojung never had, not someone she loved. He couldn’t believe it. Kang Seulgi, that innocent and inoffensive girl was his rival all along? She won over him a long time ago, since the very beginning maybe, and he never noticed. Seulgi had done what he couldn’t all his life. She had charmed Soojung. Jongin always had his guard down, it couldn’t have been difficult for Seulgi. She had it easy with Soojung while he was struggling to even get one bit of her attention this whole time.

“,” Jongin cursed under his breath.

Then what was this whole relationship about if Soojung never liked him? Jongin frowned. Why would she waste her time with him if she already liked Seulgi? To forget her? It could be since he knew Seulgi wasn’t interested in Soojung in that way, she was interested in him. 

So Soojung was trying to forget Seulgi by dating him? No, Jongin couldn't believe it. Even if she wanted to forget someone she couldn't have, Soojung wouldn't have done it with Jongin's help, she would have tried alone. It didn’t sound very much like Soojung anyway, she hated involving people in her business. Then what was his role in this story? Why did Soojung date him?

“Sorry buddy, I’ll have to leave you here, got some errands to do,” Sehun said before patting his friend’s back. “Don’t be too hard on yourself and try to move on.”

Jongin was brought back to reality once he heard Sehun's voice and nodded absentmindedly.

"I'll try," he smiled.

Jongin watched Sehun leave as his mind continued to go through hundreds of questions. He sighed and tried to think carefully.

He was just a side character in this situation, wasn’t he? It wasn’t his story, Seulgi and Soojung were the main character. He had to find his own purpose in all this.

Jongin looked to the side and then to the front to see if she was still around. He clearly saw how Seulgi avoided them earlier but brushed it off as usual because he honestly never gave too much importance to Seulgi’s actions or Seulgi in general as brutal as it sounds.

Focus Jongin, he said as he ruffled his hair in annoyance.

 He had to find Seulgi as soon as possible. Jongin remembered that she was coming back from the library, so she could either be in class or already at home.

"Are there any other places Seulgi hangs out?" Jongin pondered as he started walking around. He didn't have any idea what Seulgi did in her free time, he had no idea at all what Seulgi did period. It’s not like he had her phone number or could send her an email (Soojung told him once that she didn’t have any social media accounts which surprised him enough to remember). He should have asked Sehun.

Jongin decided to pass by the cafeteria where all the kids would spend their break time chatting or eating with other friends. He realized he was looking for Seulgi and although he didn't know her well, Soojung said they were very much alike, something about being her male version. If she was like him and he was like her, then she wouldn't be there. The cafeteria was a place for loud people, people who liked entertainment, to joke around, to eat snacks all day, to pretend like they are busy and to noisily chat about the next party, this wasn't a place for the both of them. Jongin ruffled his hair before moving to the girls' dorms.

"Right, she doesn't live here," he sighed. Jongin took out his cellphone, thinking of calling Sehun but stopping himself as soon as he realized the latter would think that it was suspicious of him. Sehun would ask questions and figure out right away what he was trying to do before telling him to give up and try to seriously move on. It wouldn't lead him anywhere.

Jongin brought her back home once, a few weeks ago maybe, and he knew she didn’t live far from the campus but he couldn’t exactly recall where her apartment was situated. He sighed before sitting down on the staircase in front of the girls’ dormitories.

“Why does everything always have to be difficult?” he mumbled. “Can’t it be simple for once?” Jongin said a bit louder. “You don’t like me? Fine, then don’t date me. You don’t live here? Good, give me your address.”

Jongin continued to nonsensically rant to himself for a while, a few seconds or minutes, he wasn’t sure but definitely for too long. He was just trying to cope with his break up and it was his way, to each their own. Some girls passing by thought it was cute, that he was cute, others figured he had a rough day or was just grumpily waiting for his girlfriend in front of the dorms while Seulgi frowned and hesitated between walking away or asking him what was wrong when she stumbled on him on her way home.

She decided to pretend she hadn’t seen him since he was so engrossed in talking about “wasting his time” because of a very bad novel he read last week, a bus he missed this morning and probably because of Soojung too although Seulgi wasn’t quite sure since he referred to her as “the loss of his life”. Poetic as usual. She sighed.

Jongin eventually lifted his head up when he recognized the flashy yellow Converse shoes Seulgi was always wearing and was surprised to see her standing not too far from him. Their eyes slowly met, as if they weren’t sure they were allowed to interrupt each other in whatever weird activities they were doing with Seulgi observing him quietly and Jongin ranting on absolutely random stuff.

He hesitated a bit and that was enough time for Seulgi to decide she didn’t want to have this conversation. Whatever it was about, it couldn’t be about her or her and him together or even their obvious shared love for bears (she was aware this was not a real option). It was never about her with Jongin. Seulgi muttered a quick farewell as soon as Jongin parted his lips to speak and turned to walk away.

“What? No Seulgi wait,” Jongin frowned as he ran after her. It didn't take him more than a few steps to catch her since Seulgi was small after all, tiny if he dared to say, and she didn't literally run away from him, she was casually walking away from trouble. "Just wait a second," Jongin said before stopping in front of Seulgi to keep her from walking further away. "I was waiting for you."

"Me?" Seulgi asked in disbelief.

"Yes, I was actually looking for you before all that… hm monologue in front of the dorms," Jongin awkwardly revealed. "I didn't think I would find you there but I guess I still have some luck left."

Maybe if Seulgi hadn't looked so surprised and genuinely confused by the fact that he was looking for her of all people, Jongin would have admitted he had already given up on the idea of finding her when she appeared in front of him earlier and that he was hesitating not because he didn't know what to say but because he didn't know if he truly wanted to have this conversation after all. Jongin couldn't imagine himself casually ask Seulgi if she knew that:

It was all too much, all at once. He had to find a way to start nicely and most of all, carefully.

"How are you? How was your day?" Jongin softly smiled. It seemed to her that this smile was strange but she couldn't tell if it was because Jongin had forgotten how to smile after his heart sank into the darkest hours of a heartbreak or because he wasn't used to smile softly to people that weren't Soojung. Seulgi was aware that these options were very dramatic for what it was probably in reality but she loved to make Jongin the hero of her sad fantasies.

"The norm, nothing new and you?" Seulgi said after a short pause that she used to find the best answer. Not too intense, not too friendly, casual and cool.

"Just as bad as it has been lately, I'm getting used to it."

"That's not good, you shouldn't let yourself get used to being sad and unhappy," Seulgi said concerned. "It will only get harder to find joy in the smallest things later."

"It was mostly just dark humour, don't worry. I'll be fine," Jongin said surprised at her sudden concern. Sehun was right, Seulgi took everything literally. He could somehow understand how it could be annoying but at the same time very endearing.

"Oh."

It was a disappointed "oh". The kind of oh's you say when you realize that you didn't understand something and looked a bit fool