"Have you ever been really disappointed?" Soojung turned to ask Sehun. He had officially became her non-official psychologist at this point and it was a lot of work but he was happy that he might be the only thing keeping Soojung from being bat crazy. He couldn't imagine how she would go through all her contradictory emotions and sort her strange ideas without him and in the end it was better that she talked than kept everything to herself like she used to in the past.

"I'm always disappointed when I have to talk to strangers," Sehun shrugged.

"Not that, although I get that too," she tiredly mumbled. "I get that a lot but I meant something so disappointing that you just can't seem to do anything about it, especially move on." Soojung was sitting very comfortably on the library's sofa in the area where people were allowed to talk while looking without very much looking in front of her. Sehun curiously followed her gaze and his eyes fell onto Seulgi who seemed to be waiting for someone. Without much surprise, Soojung still had her eyes set onto the pure lamb.

"She is so... docile," Soojung mumbled after a moment of silence. Sehun could almost hear the disgust in her tone. "So much that I didn't expect it."

"You're lying to yourself," Sehun claimed with a scoff. "You knew and that's exactly what you wanted from her. She's docile while you are untamable."

"Docile yes but I didn't expect it to be like that," Soojung defended. "It's not even about obeying or something, it's straight up sad. Look at her, she has been waiting for Jongin for over an hour and he still hasn't arrived. And yet she's still sitting there pretending she doesn't have anything else better to do."

"And how do you know that? I thought you didn't talk to any of them?" Sehun asked with a raised brow.

"Because it's always like that, she's always sitting there waiting for him after class," Soojung explained. "And he rarely comes. He probably gives her excuses and she takes them. I know, I used to be the one sitting there."

"But Jongin was never late with you," Sehun sighed as he looked at Seulgi nervously replacing her dark hair. Even after everything he told her, she still dyed her hair completely black. Sure, it suited her, Sehun had to admit she was very beautiful with black hair but the reason behind it made him uneasy. Seulgi as a whole was barely recognizable from what she looked like and acted a few months ago and even though Sehun was trying to get used to it, something new always struck him every time. And he couldn't get over the fact that she changed so much. Maybe others noticed too but he was sure he was the only one who genuinely gave her attention. She didn't have many friends, two at most and they were busy with their own lives, Jongin her boyfriend was absent most of the time and Soojung was clearly done with Seulgi. But it was okay, it was normal, after all Sehun was the one who so much, only he would know what changed.

Her light brown hair was black, her messy buns were replaced with long black locks, her signature refreshing smile was now a mature and shy smile that she reserved to people on very good days, Seulgi just barely smiled anymore, her flashy oversized pants and hoodies and sweatshirts were long gone too. Sure she was pretty but Seulgi was not the best version of herself.

"See, this is what I don't understand, this whole obsession thing she has for Jongin," Soojung groaned.

"We always talk about that Soojung, why do you even care? I thought you didn't like her anymore." Sehun said with a subtle eye roll.

"I don't care about being with her, I just don't want her to be the victim of my mistakes," she revealed. "Sure Seulgi didn't make the right decision in dating Jongin but it's my fault for making her go through this, so yes I care. She was just living peacefully in her world of nice girl friends and one true love and crush on someone for the first time and I took all that away from her."

Sehun silently nodded as he continued to examine Seulgi. For some reason, he could understand now this strange feeling that made Soojung do all those stupid choices to "protect" Seulgi as she used to say. He never understood how dumb decisions could help anyone, especially not someone who absolutely didn't need any help like Seulgi, but he could understand that urge to preserve her from being harmed, tainted. He could understand but he couldn't condone it, Seulgi absolutely needed to face adversity to grow. No one gets stronger from fighting with air.

"I don’t even want it anymore, I don't need her attention anymore," Soojung revealed as she looked away from Seulgi. "I'm glad I'm over that but I just feel so stupid to let go now after all the time, work and emotions I put into this, everything seems worthless if I give it up just because I ‘lost interest’ in her ."

"It's not worthless if you learn from this situation," Sehun said. "You just have to not let this happen again."

"I will never be this reckless again for sure but it's just that I got used to all that. It's been months, even over a year now since I've been holding on to that thought of being in her spotlight."

"So you don't want her anymore, you're over wanting her but you can't let go of the comfort you got from liking someone you would never get."

"Working so hard to get something you know you will never have is crazy," Soojung said as she finally turned to look at Sehun. "It's enticing and yet it destroys you. The small little hope I was holding onto for so long started eating me alive and next thing I knew I completely lost her. And I couldn't recognize her. And I realized I never loved her..."

"You loved the thought of being with her... the thought that she could be everything you were looking for and when you realized she wasn't, you woke up from your daydream Soojung. Daydream also known as infatuation."

"I know all that, I know I messed so hard over an image, you told me that thousand of times," Soojung sighed. "And I understand but it's hard. I don't know how to move on Sehun..."

Sehun turned to face Soojung as he examined her. She was again on the verge of breaking down, a painful sigh at the corner of her lips and a tear threatening to break her image of a cold powerful woman at any given opportunity. He hated to see her like that maybe he got used to it, just as he got used to Jongin being mean and Seulgi acting like someone she was not, Sehun got used to the guilty, restless and worried Soojung. It was only a matter of time before everything exploded in their face anyway. The worst has yet to come, Sehun thought as he watched Seulgi get up from her seat with her red cheeks and her teary eyes, probably humiliated to have waited so long for someone who would never come, yet again.

"How do you let go of something you never had Sehun?" Soojung asked.

For once, he didn't have an answer to Soojung's worries.

"I don't know Soojung, I have no idea how to do that," Sehun answered.

. . .

Sehun hated many things: people, people who were disrespectful to their grandparents, people who thought he was stupid enough to lie to him and parking tickets among other things. He also hated when people were even more despicable and mean than him because then he looked nice compared to them and his image couldn't afford such a hit.

That's why when he arrived into the dorms just to find Jongin lying on his bed while watching some comedy show rerun on his computer, Sehun's blood started to boil.

Although he hated many things, Sehun was rarely mad: there weren't that many things that deserved to get a reaction from him, especially not a whole yelling and cursing show. He reserved that to his parents and Jongin when he pulled a bad move.

"What are you doing?" Sehun said as he tried to breathe in. Maybe the anger would go away if he took big deep breaths, it wasn't that bad anyway. Jongin was just absolutely ing irritating.

"Watching Running Man, wanna join?" Jongin proposed as he pushed himself over so Sehun could sit.

"No, I mean what the are you doing Jongin?" Sehun hissed. "Why are you acting like the biggest there is? Why are you so into this whole I'm-acting-like-no-one-but-me-matters-because-someone-broke-my-heart type of ty person? That's my job, I do this to people because I know when to not cross the line. What the are you doing?"

"Wait, you're going to explain to me what is happening or not?" Jongin asked as he turned off his computer.

"You let someone down all the time so you can have fun whenever you want but for what? What do you gain from this?" Sehun asked with disgust.

"What? You're talking about Seulgi? Of course you are," Jongin said as he ruffled his hair, obviously tired of talking about her again, as if the whole world had to remind him of her at the worst times. "I had to meet her earlier but I kinda forgot so I just sent her a text message. It's fine now, I'll see her later tonight."

"It's not fine!" Sehun snapped. "See, that's what I don't understand. You're a ing idiot with two braincells for going that far just to hurt someone. And Seulgi's even worse for going through with your but that's another story. You're not only doing worse than what Soojung did to you, you're the worst there ing is and I'm offended because I, for one shouldn't be the one telling you this. If even I can't stand the way you treat your own girlfriend then you're going way too low Jongin."

"What-- like I said, what I do in my relationship has nothing to do with you--"

As Jongin got up, Sehun slapped him harshly which left a red mark on his cheek.

"Have you lost your ing mind--"

"When will you wake up Jongin? This is not okay, this isn't about your relationship and what you get to do with your girlfriend, this is just not ing serious. You're losing yourself in the name of revenge! You want so bad to destroy Soojung that you are willing to completely crush someone that has nothing to do with it! This isn't about her! This is just you ing losing it! You don't need to do that, you know you will gain absolutely nothing out of this and yet it won't stop you. Once you get your revenge on Soojung, what will you do? You will enjoy watching her crumble down to her lowest, is that what you really want?" Sehun spat. "You, who once would have put your life in danger just to see her smile wants her to see her so miserable? Fine, but don't involve others in it."

"I am not unaware of all this Sehun, if you believe I don't think of the consequence of my actions every night then you don't know me that much," Jongin said in defeat as he walked towards a mirror, trying to see if his cheek was badly hurt. Sehun used so much strength that Jongin couldn't feel the right side of his face.

"Listen Jongin, if knowing you will do the same thing Soojung did to you to someone else, someone who's even more vulnerable and unstable than you, doesn't stop you then I don't know what will," Sehun said, disheartened. "I don't know anymore Jongin," Sehun sighed. "I don't know what I can say to make the old Jongin come back."

"He won't, I can't even find him," Jongin mumbled as he lay down again on his bed. "He's probably dead."

"Then resuscitate him or something I don't know."

"I can't, he's not holy. He was nice but guess it wasn't enough. Look at him now, he's evil," Jongin sighed.

"You had a phase, don't let it define you," Sehun encouraged. "Just stop before it gets too far. Heal your wounds soldier."

"How?"

"Talk to Soojung and ask the questions you need, tell her why you hate her so much for what she did to you, how much it hurt you, go out and tell Seulgi the truth she deserves, explain how you feel, put words on your feelings, just stop being an ."

"Thanks, I'll try to not be an ," Jongin nodded.

"I'm serious Jongin."

"So am I."

Sehun nodded at his turn as sat down on his bed. He released a huge sigh as Jongin started thinking silently while looking at the ceiling.

"What's wrong?" Sehun asked when Jongin chuckled to himself.

"I knew it couldn't be real when Soojung asked me out and yet I decided to go with it, I held onto the hope she would love me back while fearing she would break up with me at any moment for so long... it's ridiculous," Jongin explained. "It's silly what love makes us do."

"You loved her so much you wanted to hurt her, yes," Sehun said sarcastically.

"I loved her so much that I needed revenge to move on," Jongin corrected.

"Have you moved on? Because you kinda got your revenge."

"Not at all, I'm just as miserable, or perhaps even more miserable than before."

"Then stop," Sehun concluded. "Just stop working so hard for something in the past and start thinking of your future. It's over, enough."

"I know... but I don't know how to let go..."

"You don't know how to let go of something you never had," Sehun mumbled to himself.

"Exactly," Jongin said. "Do you know how to do that?"

Sehun shook his head.

"I don't."

. . .

"I'm sorry Jongin but we need to break up," Seulgi said weakly. "It's necessary, this situation is not okay. It's just not working." She turned around to pretend to leave before returning to the same place. "I know it's sudden but I need to let you know that we are breaking up."

She sighed.

"We were never a match, you can't love me and I can't help you with your heartbreak, it's best that we end things now. I hope you find what you need soon... Yes I know, thank you for the good times even if there wasn't that many... Oh no I can't say that."

Seulgi shook her head.

"Thanks but no, we should break up," she tried again. "Yeah, it's over... Not a couple anymore... I know it's like the second time you get dumped in the last few months but these were the worst 3 weeks of my life... so yeah, we're over... cancelling the relationship..."

Seulgi let her bag rest on the counter of the library restroom with a groan. She had no idea of what she was doing anymore and she didn't know how to break up properly. She wasted so much time practicing in this tiny cubicle just to be awkward in the end. Seulgi considered texting Jongin the news since she doubted he would care anyway but she didn't want to look like a coward. Seulgi was far from the type of person to let small things get to her but things started piling up so fast that it was overwhelming. She noticed everything Jongin did and didn't do and once she understood why he was acting that way, she decided to ignore the signs. There was no better way to feel better than to pretend the problem didn't exist, so that's exactly what she did the two first weeks of her relationship with him. Right? How could Jongin possibly date her just to enrage Soojung? Even if that's what she heard Soojung say, the latter could have said it out of anger, it didn't have to be true. Either way, Seulgi didn't want to believe it, Jongin couldn't be that selfish even if the signs were crystal clear.

He wouldn't call her or text her. It was okay, he was a busy person.

He wouldn't wait for her after class. It was okay, he was a busy person.

Jongin wouldn't give her any attention after the first few days. It was okay, he was not in love.

Even if Seulgi understood and accepted it, she couldn't completely let it pass. She pretended it was fine when asked about it but Sehun was the only one asking about it and she couldn't fool him even if she fooled herself. She was derailing into this world of anxiety and weird thoughts at all times and it was becoming scary as well as tiring. It was one thing to cause the change in her own appearance but what was happening in her head was a different story because now she couldn't stop it. When it was time to sleep, she would wonder what else she could do to get an answer from Jongin. She thought of giv