Warning: violence, drinking, etc. 

A N G S T

Are you

a.) accident prone

b.) stupid

c.) other

 

Yoongi stares down at the multiple choice question blankly before cracking a smile because wow, the balls this kid has incredible. He’s been getting cheeky questions like this for the past few weeks after he initiated actually talking which he’s grateful for. The rapper opts in circling C, for now, because he has an idea what the kid is talking about.

 

Yoongi was always aware he was a ‘bruise easy’ kind of guy or even considered fragile since he was a kid. When a teacher had manhandled his difficult back into his seat, it left fingerprint shaped purple in his arm, causing his parents to race back to the school. He’s never seen his mother so angry.

 

With the many scabs, bruises, and broken bones, he would compare it all to Namjoon’s clumsiness, but more than half contributed to basketball. He was dedicated to the sport when he was a kid - even into college, which is how he even got into the University in the first place. When he kept his spot on the team in college, his mom was pleased and went to his games, but when he didn’t keep the business major, let’s just she was less than happy.

 

She didn’t seem to accept any of it until he left. After that, his mom seemed to know he needed her support more than ever.

 

His phone seems to ground him back to reality, signalling him it was 9 am and time to get back to work. What glares back at him is the date.

 

January 26

 

5 years

 

The number doesn’t change the pain or headache, but it doesn’t hurt as much as 1 year, so Yoongi supposes he’s wrong about that. He rolls out of bed and gets dressed in his shredded jeans and a tropical button up - his sarcasm screaming out this particular morning. He slicks back his hair and puts on a white baseball cap as he pours his coffee.

 

It’s January 26, but people were smiling and flying kites outside, so he should too, right?

 

He deletes Namjoon’s text that reads don’t come today, it’s chill and wipes off the kid’s follow up scrawl that said, you okay?

 

Why, because Yoongi feels peachy, that’s why.

 

The rapper feels 100% okay.

 

The halls are buzzing with trainees and stylists, who bow happily to him so Yoongi throws a (sarcastic) smile back, which earns questionable looks, but the rapper has NO idea why.

 

Namjoon is more alarmed than anyone, scanning his friend with pure skepticism. “Hyung! I talked to PD, you could stay home.”

 

Yoongi threw his friend an innocent smile. “Feelin’ fine, lookin’ fine, Joonie, thanks for asking”, before promptly shutting his studio door.

 

“” Namjoon’s curse echoes down the hall.

 

Five years, Yoongi thinks, as he blasts music and sits back in his chair. He pulls off his jacket, ignoring the ink left behind by a worried boy across town.

 

He tells himself he feels okay after he cracks open his first beer (he has a secret pack in the cooler), but he likes lying to himself on January 26th.

 

----- ------

 

“You really hate your liver, don’t you hyung?”

 

He barely registers Hoseok’s voice as they continue dropping the coffee cups in front of him. He’s sipping his third, after the younger and Namjoon found him finishing his sixth beer can.

 

They both know coffee sobers the older up, but they don’t seem to realize it takes several large good coffee cups, not mini styrofoam crappy company cups of coffee. Yoongi doesn’t feel like being sober today, so he continues sitting there, mind elsewhere.

 

Namjoon is worried, obviously, but he watches, interested, at his hyung’s pale skin. It’s usually covered in ink - the rapper’s tattoos - but he could see the small scrawl on his wrists and knees. He glances at Yoongi’s blank expression and asks, “you gonna reply to him, hyung?”

 

The older blinks for a few moments, slowly glances at his wrists and shrugs. He says slowly, “he’s waited this long. ‘ll be fine.”

 

“I didn’t know it was possible for him to slur more than he does on a regular basis” Hoseok observes.

 

Namjoon sighed. “Let’s just get him back to his apartment.”

 

The struggle is putting the older’s jacket on, as he almost refuses to do as he’s told throughout the whole process. His right arm dodges the sleeve a million times before Hoseok breaks it  forcing his arm through, and Namjoon gives up with the left after a million and a half tries. In the end, the jacket is hanging off half his body, and the two look extremely suspicious throwing the older in Namjoon’s backseat.

 

Dragging him to the elevator wasn’t so bad, but getting him through the door took some time.

 

“What the hell Hoseok” Namjoon deadpans as the other tries to drag the older by the legs through the threshold.

 

Both of them couldn’t fit through the doorway with Yoongi, and couldn’t individually hold up his dead weight.

 

“I’m just glad he isn’t coherent enough to talk ” Hoseok sighs as Namjoon attempts to slide him and Yoongi in.

 

They get through with the last attempt, but it was because his eighty year old neighbor was coming down the hallway with a big wave. With panic Namjoon manages to stumble through the door, Yoongi rolling off his back with a groan as he does, and Hoseok bows to the woman before shutting the door at once.

 

Staring up at his ceiling, the older raised an eyebrow. “Same old same old.”

 

Namjoon groaned next to him while Hoseok peered down at him. “Awake?”

 

Yoongi’s eyes narrowed. “Too much.”

 

The man got himself up in record time while Namjoon remained, sprawled on the floor, and is at his refrigerator, tipsy and opening a bottle of soju.

 

“Hyung!” Hoseok squeaks, and both run in attempt to take the bottle.

 

The older’s hidden talent was always being fully capable physically while drunk, so with his amazing basketball skills he ducks away from Namjoon’s big frame and out of the kitchen. Hoseok is a dancer, however, and is hot on Yoongi’s tail, and corners him in the living room. He tries to wrestle the thing out of the older’s grasp, but the sneaky guy manages to take one hue gulp before the dancer rolls away.

 

Yoongi sighs, kicks a picture and a flower vase off of a near table for a good measure, and starts to saunter towards his refrigerator again. Namjoon blocks him farther away this time, whining, “hyung”.

 

“Just don’t wanna be awake or thinking today” the older sighed, pushing past a stunned Namjoon.

 

“Hyung” Namjoon repeated, stopping the older before he can take another sip. “How many years has it been.”

 

“Five” He says and raises an eyebrow, disinterested. “If I can actually remember that I need three more.”

 

“Hyung” Hoseok says, crossing over the kitchen island to take the soju gently. “Do you still love him?”

 

“No” Yoongi easily takes it back before taking a sip. “Doesn’t mean it don’t hurt.”

 

The two look a bit unsure as the older saunters his way back to his living room, downing a good portion of the soju with ease. Namjoon stops Hoseok, and they watch as Yoongi hand picks portraits from several shelves - mostly pictures from his past or family portraits and knocks them down. On some of them, he takes a sharpie from his back pocket and scribbled on them.

 

He continues with his rebellion by throwing around pillows, spraying beads from a few throw pillows all over the floor. He takes out the cushions of the couch and creates a makeshift mattress, lays down, and downs more soju.

 

Finally, he looks at his friends, who look horrified.

 

“Go home” he groans. “I’m not hurting anyone or myself. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”

 

It’s kind of a lie, obviously.

 

Hoseok is horrified and Namjoon is conflicted because if Yoongi really Okay, he wouldn’t need to block out a whole day with alcohol. It meant that he stored every single thought about this day, and just drowned in them today. Maybe he wasn’t outright being destructive, but he was in his own way.

 

In his own, quiet, Yoongi way in which he tries to take out his anger and sadness where no one can notice.

 

“Get out” He says, with more intimidation, and has to push the two o