One week had passed since she last saw Seungwan that afternoon. 

Joohyun had been avoiding both her and their unfinished conversation. 

Talking about her past had never been something she felt comfortable with and as the years went by, she had built higher walls. 

It did the trick as no one really dared to ask her questions about her life. No person wanted to break them down as it was too much work to do.  

Well except for Seulgi of course, but that was only logical since the latter had been present during all the moments Joohyun would rather forget. 

That is until Seungwan hopped along.  

‘‘I had a good day.’’ 

‘‘Why?’’ 

That answer had caught Joohyun off guard. Whenever someone said they had a good day people would accept it and move on; no further questions. However, it seemed like Seungwan begged to differ.  

‘‘Are…are you unhappy?’’ 

‘‘Why?’’ 

And it wasn’t just her curiosity that made her different. Joohyun had always felt a bit exposed whenever she spoke to the blonde girl. As if the latter could read her like an open book. 

‘‘It’s fine, I understand it’s a sensitive topic. Don’t feel bad okay?’’ 

Joohyun had been sure she did not show any sign of emotions on her face that night. She thought it was rather impossible for someone to figure her out. 

Wrong. 

Now that she recalled the past events, there was this realization about the intensity in Seungwan’s eyes.  

There was this saying that eyes were the windows to the soul, however her eyes were like a mirror of Joohyun’s soul; a reflection.  

She could never bring herself to look in the girl’s eyes for too long. Joohyun was afraid to find faults in the reflection. Her weaknesses.  Parts she hated. Times she would rather not remember. 

She couldn’t bare to look at herself.  

And that is why avoiding Seungwan was a must. 

Not that it really helped as the girl was the main character of her thoughts. Joohyun could not even remember what she used to daydream about before meeting her.  

Even though she was not around, Seungwan accompanied her every day. Just like the sky. 

‘‘Ugh’’, Joohyun sighed as she slammed the pen on the desk a little harder than she intended to. 

The bang jolted Seulgi awake and she quickly sat up straight on the couch as her eyes darted in shock before they came to a halt, focusing on the older girl.  

The latter carefully turned her head to look at Seulgi, hoping she would not be slaughtered for disturbing her sleep.  

‘‘…sorry…’’, she whispered, biting her lip in guilt.  

Seulgi rubbed her eyes and quietly yawned. 

‘‘W-what happened? What was that noise?’’, she asked with a sleepy voice. 

‘‘The result of frustration…’’, Joohyun sighed as she let her fingers run through her hair.  

Seulgi nodded towards the thick books laying on the desk. 

‘‘Because of school?’’ 

‘‘Not really. I mean that is also frustrating, but I would choose that over the other any day.’’ 

‘’And what does ‘the other’ mean?’’ 

Joohyun nervously adjusted her glasses and scratched her neck as she thought about how ridiculous it would sound to say it out loud. 

She had never thought about anyone this way; giving life to butterflies in her stomach that flew through hidden paths to her heart. 

And at the same time, it made Joohyun want to freeze those creatures and break them into the tiniest pieces to make sure that there was a zero chance of revival. 

However, it seemed like the butterflies were working hard to evolve and adapt to her attempts of shutting them down. 

No. She had indeed never felt this way before. 

It’s not like she never thought about others. There had been many times when she thought about people she envied and looked up to, often daydreaming about being just like them.  

So perfect, social and confident. 

And ideal. 

If she were to be honest with herself, then yes, of course she had also thought about physically attractive people. The type that would result in open mouths and gulps.  

In fact, a lot of people did. Some just happened to be more vocal about it.  

However, it had always been more superficial. No deeper feelings involved whatsoever. 

Never. 

Joohyun had sometimes questioned whether she was capable of developing such feelings, to the point where she convinced herself that romantic love was not, and would never be, a part of her future.  

That maybe it was in the cards for her to end up all alone.  

Besides, no one had ever loved her like that anyways. Not even had a slightest crush on her. 

That was what her intuition told her. And it was always right.  

So, she had almost given up on the idea of loving someone and the feelings being returned.  

And that changed. 

Because she met her.  

Joohyun had felt it right from the start; that the girl was different. 

She remembered how her voice sounded like a peaceful melody to her ears. How she locked eyes with her for the first time, finding herself staring at her face and her heart skipping a beat at her smirks and gentle smiles. The way she tilted her head to the side. The warmth she radiated; her sincerity. 

Or how sh- 

‘‘Are you even listening to anything that I am saying?’’ 

Seulgi’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts and Joohyun blinked a few times, shaking her head to get rid of the images. 

‘‘I wasn’t, sorry’’, Joohyun sighed.  

She felt her heart getting heavier, as if it was being dragged down by an anchor in her stomach and suddenly she felt like crying even though she couldn’t. 

This feeling accompanied her almost every day, for as long as she could remember. Sometimes it seemed like there was no reason attached to it. Just emerging randomly. 

And she hated it. She completely despised it. 

Ridiculous. You are ridiculous.  

‘‘Have you ever had…’’, Joohyun frowned, thinking hard about what words to choose.  

Please brain, work with me. 

Expressing herself, specially to someone else, had always been one of her weak points. It was as if her mind was emptied every time she tried to verbalize her thoughts and feelings. An empty book.  

Or maybe just invisible words ready to be discovered. 

‘‘Have you ever had… these constant thoughts…’’ 

Wow, constant thoughts. That is totally specific and not vague at all. Easy to comprehend. Good job, Joohyun. 

‘‘About what?’’, Seulgi asked, narrowing her eyes in confusion. 

Joohyun twisted her tongue and gently bit on it holding it in place. It was one of her anxious habits. 

She hummed uneasily, until the correct words popped up in her mind. 

‘‘About someone…’’ 

After speaking out those words, Joohyun averted her gaze towards Seulgi, analysing her reaction.  

To be honest, she did not know what she had expected; what kind of reaction she would see. Maybe wide eyes, curiosity or teasing. 

But she did not foresee this. 

Her best friend visibly froze in place, as still as a statue.  As stiff as a board. Joohyun could have sworn she saw her slightly gulping.  

They had known each other for 10 years now. One would say that they could read each other like a book.  

But Seulgi’s indecipherable behaviour awakened a whole new level of distress within Joohyun. 

She sensed her anxiety rising as she thought about unnerving possibilities, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. 

Why is she reacting like this? Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt her? Did I sound like a crazy person?  

The few seconds of silence felt like torturous years.  

‘‘W-why are you asking that?’’, Seulgi finally broke the silent tension. 

It was Joohyun’s turn to be confused. 

Wasn’t it obvious? 

Before she had the chance to open , Seulgi asked another question. 

‘‘Are you thinking about someone?’’ 

All the time, and I just can’t stop it. It’s driving me ing insane.  

Joohyun felt herself heat up at the question. 

The thought of falling for someone that quickly felt so embarrassing.  

She had only known her for two weeks, yet Seungwan was all Joohyun could think about.  

‘‘You are, aren’t you?’’, Seulgi stated. It was definitely not a question. And lying was no use.  

Seulgi knew her too well and Joohyun had already given too much information to deny it. 

‘‘I am.’’ 

Joohyun wanted to look away from embarrassment, but the sudden shift in her best friend’s gaze prevented her from doing so. 

‘‘Is- who is it?’’, her serious tone sent shivers down Joohyun’s spine. 

It made the situation sound so grave. 

Was it such a horrible thing to think about someone? Was it inappropriate?  

She almost didn’t dare to reveal it, but something made her do so.  

Deep inside, she was hoping that saying her name out loud would release her from the weight that she was carrying. 

‘‘Seungwan.’’ 

If the first silence had been torturous then this one was death itself. The moment lasted longer than a few seconds and Seulgi’s lack of expression on her face did not make it one bit better.  

. 

Joohyun broke out in a high-pitched nervous laughter, trying to lighten up the mood; almost forcing it. 

‘‘I know! It’s ridiculous right? I have only known her for two weeks. It’s so stupid!’’, Joohyun felt like she was vomiting words, constantly making jokes about it and denigrating herself and her feelings, trying to make them pass off as a silly crush. 

‘‘It’s probably nothing serious you know? Ha-ha…ha… funny right? Totally hilar-’’ 

‘‘Is that why you have been avoiding her?’’ 

Wait… she noticed? 

‘‘You noticed huh… is that why you were reacting so strangely serious?’’ 

Joohyun hoped it was. Because otherwise it felt like she had done something wrong for her best friend to display such unusual behaviour.  

Now that she thought about it, suddenly avoiding Seungwan was kind of a jerk move, since the latter had done nothing wrong.  

However, Joohyun couldn’t help it. She panicked and that was the first impulsive. Her intuition told her it was best to do so. And it was always right. 

‘‘Why would you avoid her because of that?’’, Seulgi asked, completely ignoring Joohyun’s question.  

 Joohyun rubbed her neck and sighed deeply. 

‘‘I… I don’t really know. She just makes me feel weird things. It’s as if she can read me or something. There is just so much going on inside me because of that. It… it scares me. A lot. Is that weird?’’ 

Joohyun felt waves of sadness washing over her after hearing the hopeless tone in her own voice. She sounded so desperate and that hurt. It stung. 

Seulgi looked down and stared at the ground. It was as if she was processing Joohyun’s words. The latter could only wonder what was going on in her head. 

 It was strange, not being able to sense what her best friend was thinking or feeling. 

But then again, this was an unknown situation for them. Joohyun had never felt like this before, she’d never had crushes on anybody. It was a whole new scenario. 

Seulgi played with her sleeve. Joohyun frowned at the action. She seemed so… uneasy about all of this. 

‘‘Do you… like her?’’ 

Yes. 

‘‘I don’t know. Maybe. It’s just feels weird you know? I have only known her for a such a short time…’’ 

Everything was confusing, a blur, random lines. Joohyun felt her head breaking from thinking too much, trying to connect things. 

‘‘It’s probably just a small crush you know? It can happen.’’ 

A small crush would have made more sense.  

She wanted it to be just a mere crush, innocent puppy love, nothing serious. But the intense things she had felt gave her a lot of doubts. 

Whatever it was, she didn’t know. But she did not feel comfortable labelling as love. Everything was far too uncertain and Joohyun did not even know what romantic love felt like. She had seen things about it in movies and drama’s. But none of those seemed close to what she was experiencing.  

‘‘Have you ever experienced something like this?’’, Joohyun asked. It was all unknown terrain for her, but now that she thought about it, Seulgi had never talked about something similar either. 

The latter’s gaze seemed to shift again into something incomprehensible. It was only a fraction of a second, but Joohyun was sure there had been a change in her eyes. 

‘‘I have.’’ The older girl’s eyes widened at the unexpected answer. She immediately started to nag herself. 

How come I have never noticed it? Am I really that blind? What kind of friend am I, if I can’t even notice things like that. Joohyun, you truly are an idiot. A very bad friend. 

‘‘What!?’’, Joohyun couldn’t hide how shocked she was at the sudden statement. ‘‘Why haven’t you ever told me?’’ 

Seulgi rubbed her neck as she thought about what answer to give.  

It was funny really, how people took over each other’s habits the more time they spent together.  

‘‘It didn’t seem urgent back then.’’ Joohyun narrowed her eyes in confusion. 

She felt it. There was something off about her best friend. The latter would usually be bright, confident and teasing the hell out of her whilst throwing witty and sarcastic comments here and there.  

It wasn’t as if Seulgi was unable to get serious. In fact, they had many serious conversations, all jokes aside. Even though she was inclined to be bright and radiate positivity, she was actually very sensitive, however she never truly expressed it. Joohyun had rarely seen her getting angry or extremely upset. She had seen her cry a few times, but never about something serious. Rather something small such as movies or drama’s.  

Seulgi was the type to remain calm and collected. Sometimes it seemed like she was just good in controlling her emotions, but the way Joohyun saw it, it was more like a thin line between controlling emotions and suppressing them.  

Seeing the shifts in her gaze and sudden changes in her behaviour was something surprising. 

‘‘How long ago was it?’’ 

‘‘6 years.’’ 

Joohyun felt something unsettling within her. They had always shared their secrets with each other. Maybe not right away, but usually keeping something secret from one another would only last for a maximum of 1-2 weeks.  

But 6 years? 

This saddened her. Did she not trust her enough? 

Something about Seulgi held Joohyun back from asking any further questions about the subject despite her disappointment. 

Besides, Seulgi quickly moved the focus away from herself.  

‘‘Are you going to tell her about it?’’ 

Joohyun felt her heartbeat accelerate at the thought of confessing.  

‘‘Are you crazy? God, no!’’, she exclaimed as if it was something horrifying and immoral to even think about.  

‘‘You know I don’t like to talk about how I feel to others. And maybe you are right. Maybe it’s just a small innocent crush. And did you also forget that I’m like… avoiding her? Do you really think I would be capable of telling her?’’ 

Seulgi’s gaze kept slowly moving back and forth, from the ground to Joohyun and back down. Her lack of reaction was discomforting.  

Joohyun started to feel like she was some kind of criminal. Or was being nagged by an authority. Her judgment day.  

She couldn’t hide what she was feeling. Not from her best friend.  

‘‘Seulgi, please say something. It’s weird seeing you like this… this silent. Did I say something wrong? Please talk to me.’’ 

The brown-haired girl made eye contact with Joohyun and a smile appeared on her face. 

‘‘Sorry, I was just thinking.’’ 

Seulgi lifted herself up from the couch, walking towards her best friend only to playfully hit her on her arm, before caressing it.  

‘‘Stop worrying so much, you dumb bunny!’’, she chuckled, showing off her eye smile. Joohyun has never been so relieved to see her smile again.  

‘‘So, for how much longer do you plan to avoid her?’’ 

Joohyun sighed as she took her round glasses off and placed them on the desk. I