Seungwan poured herself a cup of hot chocolate milk, repeatedly shivering due to the freezing weather outside which seemed to dominate her room. She didn’t complain as the winter was her favourite season and she favoured snow and the cold over the sun and heat of the summer.

She leant against the kitchen counter, taking a sip of her drink as she observed the white city view through the glass door connected to the balcony. The streets were abandoned due to the thick layers of snow and the portrait brought her a sense of peace, momentarily distracting her from school’s responsibilities.

Her gaze travelled over the buildings, the snow-covered park, the people on the streets holding snowball fights or building snowmen with their friends and family, the smiles on their faces and how she could nearly hear their laughter from all the way up.

Seungwan observed their figures until something else caught her attention. A glimpse of a person standing on the balcony next to hers and flashes of grey. She recalled a conversation that had taken place between her neighbour, Seulgi, and herself when the older girl had told her about leaving for one month to spend time with a very close friend of hers.

Now four weeks had passed, and it seemed like Seulgi had returned, the thought of it immediately bringing a smile to her face.

She held the cup in her hands, hot enough to make up for a pair of gloves and took a few steps towards the door, her fingers holding the handle ready to swing it open and welcome the cold weather. However, instead of pulling it down, Seungwan found herself being unable to move any further, her breath getting caught in at the sight of an unexpected stranger.

fell slightly open as she ran eyes over the girl, her long black hair which cascaded over her back, ending just above her waist, her sharp jawline and big dark eyes, focused on the sight before her as if she was alone in this world, completely unaware of anything else, giving of a dream-like aura to her.

She stared and stared until she suddenly realized the thin clothes the raven was wearing, making her frown in concern for her. It didn’t seem like she minded the cold, but Seungwan couldn’t help but feel the need to say something about it. She blamed on the instincts she had developed after all of the years of having to look after her little sister.

Seungwan took another sip of her drink, mentally preparing herself to surrender herself to the cold, and even more to talk to this girl she found herself being slightly curious about. She opened the door and carefully stepped outside, immediately shivering as a flag of wind hit her, her thick black hoodie unable to protect her. Her gaze remained focused on the girl who was still unaware of her presence, a small smile creeping up to her face as she tried to hold in a few chuckles threatening to come out.

She felt the heat of the cup slightly sting as she pressed it against the palms of her hands. After having observed the raven for a few minutes, Seungwan found enough courage to finally speak up.

“Aren’t you dressed too lightly for this kind of weather?”, she chuckled, attempting to start off the conversation with a light mood.

There was silence, only broken by the sound of the blowing wind. Seungwan focused on the slightly taller girl, watching her every movement, trying to guess what went through her head as she gradually turned her head towards the blonde until they had finally locked eyes.

Seungwan found herself to be unable to avert her gaze somewhere else while at the same time trying to guess what the meaning was behind the raven’s unreadable expression in her eyes. She wondered whether she had startled the girl that much and proceeded to smile gently at her, hoping that it would make her more at ease.

After what felt like an eternity, the girl blinked a few times, as if woken up out of some trance and took a quick glance at her clothes.

“Oh, yea…”, she quietly replied, her voice soothing and gentle yet filled with uncertainty.

That had been their first exchange of words. Simple and yet somewhat meaningful. Even months later, Seungwan had never forgotten that warm and cold evening.

***

Later that night, the blonde had barely been able to close her eyes as she thought of black hair, dark eyes filled with treasures and secrets and a smile brighter than galaxies.

***

Seungwan walked in circles around her room, rubbing her neck and biting her lip, sitting on the couch and then getting right back up.

She thought back to the conversation she’d had with Joohyun while they were eating Ddeokbokki in the shopping mall and wondered whether she had gone too far with teasing her as the raven had seemed obviously anxious about it.

She also thought about the way Joohyun pressed her lips together and played with her sleeves whenever she felt uncomfortable, the way she quietly smiled and the way her gaze averted anywhere else until she was finally confident enough to look someone in the eyes and when she finally did, Seungwan couldn’t help but briefly lose her ability to do anything but stare.

Stare at the sparkles in her eyes, eyes filled with wonder, and observe each movement the raven made, unable to look anywhere else.

And if she was honest with herself; she didn’t know which thought was mostly responsible for the rapid beating of her heart.

***

The sound of a stirring spoon echoed through the apartment, surrounded by nothing else than the faint melody of the wind outside. Yet, Seungwan didn’t hear anything, merely absently repeating the motion, moving the spoon around in her cup of coffee as she watched Joohyun observing the darkening sky.

All of her senses were solely focused on the raven and eventually, the blonde found herself being led outside by her feet as if they had a will of their own.

She quietly opened the door to the balcony, slightly hesitating, wondering what-the-hell she was doing and what she was going to say, before stepping outside anyways as if some impulse from within had given her a last push.

Her eyes seemed to be glued to her neighbour and Seungwan stared and stared until she suddenly realized that she had no clue about what she was doing and started internally debating with herself about her own peculiar behaviour.

However, her train of thought came to a halt as a voice, calm and soft, a serene harmony on the keys of the piano, the gentle strumming through guitar strings, brought her back to reality despite its surreal feeling.

“Beautiful…”

Seungwan found herself agreeing as she continued to look at the raven.

“It is, isn’t?”

The raven didn’t react. Instead she continued to absentmindedly observe the scenario in front of her until something seemed to dawn upon her as she suddenly locked eyes with the blonde, making the latter’s heart skip a beat.

Seungwan wondered why.

***

One of Seungwan’s biggest fears was the absence of possibility. The possibility of her being able to move on.

Especially when flashes of memories, glimpses of faces, would show up in her dreams late at night.

Haunting her, reminding her of her faults. Of a past she wished to erase.

A past responsible for the sleepless nights and dreadful nightmares.

No, it weren’t the faces of her parents or her grandparents. She would never dare to desire for their disappearance in her dreams as it was the sole time when she felt the closest to them.

No, it wasn’t them.

It was someone else.

One person. One person with many faces.

His faces.

Glimpses of his smiles covered in toothachingly sweetness that hid the sour taste underneath.

Glimpses of his cries, his false pleads for forgiveness, his pretence, his pointing fingers.

Glimpses of his cold eyes when he no longer felt like trying, when he no longer played the part.

Glimpses of his back before the door slammed shut.

The last memories she had of him.

He was the cause of her sleepless nights.

And during the nights she did fall asleep, he turned her dreams into nightmares and made her wish that she had not closed her eyes at all.

Every night, she was reminded of him.

Of the reason she would rather flee from the possibility of love than make the same mistakes again.

But she had accepted it.

2 years later, the same glimpses still appeared, her nights were still the same. But at least she hadn’t experienced the same pain with anyone else.

She had learnt her lesson.

So why?

Why couldn’t she stop thinking about her?

***

It felt like her heart was about to burst out of her chest the moment her she laid eyes on the person she had been thinking about every day, every single day since the last one they had spoken. Seven days ago.

Seungwan was sure Joohyun had been avoiding her and she wondered why. Whether she had done something wrong, whether she had hurt her. She wanted to know why and couldn’t concentrate on anything else much. Not during class, not when she hung out with Sooyoung and her sister or truly anything else.

Late at night she would lie awake in bed, her brain constantly filled with thoughts and theories and questions. Not that this last one bothered her much. She’d had sleeping problems since a few years and it was nothing new to her, nothing more than just frustrating at this point.

However, the growing anxiety did feel suffocating. And what bothered her the most, was the thought of the raven in pain. That was the most miserable one of them all.

And Seungwan wanted to make it right. Whatever she had done, she wanted to make it okay again.

So, she took a deep breath and called her name.

“Joohyun!”

The latter looked at her, with that absentminded and unreadable look in her eyes.

“Seungwan…”

The blonde gulped before smiling brightly again.

“Wow, I didn’t expect to see you here of all places after a week!”

Joohyun looked at her, shaped in an ‘O’, silent and indecipherable, an illegible music sheet.

Seungwan bit her lip nervously, contemplating on whether to drop the question or not, finally deciding in favour of it.

“I actually wanted to ask you if…”

She observed the raven, searching for any clues, any reaction, but getting none.

“I was wondering whether I upset you”, she breathed out.

Joohyun blinked once. Then twice. And another few times, before dramatically raising her eyebrows in utter shock.

“No!”, she said, the sudden volume in her voice startling the blonde.

Seungwan frowned, even more confused about why the older girl had been avoiding her for the last week.

The answers she searched for were given. She experienced a more vulnerable part of Joohyun as the latter confessed about her insecurity on the area of friendships, her shy nature, her fear of ruining any conversations she engaged in.

And Seungwan felt her heart sting when she realized Joohyun’s view of herself, immediately wishing she could help her with it.

All she wanted was for the raven to feel comfortable and free of judgment, of the criticism she was afraid of. But how would she do that?

Seungwan spent a good 10 minutes thinking about it, as they walked quietly through the park. She thought about it, and then thought about it for some more.

And eventually, she settled on simply making sure that Joohyun knew.

“There is no need to feel uneasy around me.”

“You don’t have to hold back.”

“You can be yourself when you are with me.”

She meant every single word.

She meant every single word, and she hoped Joohyun would trust her, that she would feel her sincerity.

Seungwan would repeat those words every single time until Joohyun believed her, no matter how long it would take.

Yes.

She would do it all for her; and more.

***

Seungwan slammed the pen on her desk and picked it up right after, scribbled down in her notebook, skimmed through her schoolbooks, ran her hands through her head imploring for her brain to function, for her to just hang on for a bit.

Just a little bit until the tests were over.

Just a little bit until she would finally see her again.

***

Sometimes she would look up at the sky and be reminded of the stars in Joohyun’s eyes.

***

Sometimes everything reminded of her. The first notes of a song. The lyrics that came with it. Her favourite melodies. The falling snow. Someone else’s black sweater. Someone else’s habit of playing with their sleeves.

She was in every song she heard, every story she read.

She seemed to be everywhere.

But Seungwan didn’t mind.

Because if Joohyun wasn’t somewhere, Seungwan would search for her.

Even for the tiniest parts of her.

***

Seungwan closed her eyes and let out a small sigh of content as she rested her head on the raven’s shoulder, fully immersed in her warm and safe embrace.

Feeling a