I just realized that perhaps it might be a little confusing to you when the events in the story happen because there are many time skips in the chapters & perhaps I haven't made that clear.

This chapter here also has a few time skips. The events in this chapter occur in the period of June to September.

So in order to make it more clear whether things happen on the same day or whether there is a time skip:

---- = when these lines are present in between scenes, it means that the events occur on the same day

*** = when these stars are present in between scenes, it means that there has been a time skip.

Hopefully that makes things a little less confusing!

................

Seeing her own reflection in the mirror after eight weeks honestly felt unsettling at first. Seulgi had to process that the face she was seeing was in fact that of her own.

She recalled how she looked like when she had accidentally seen herself on the black screen of her laptop. Sharper jawline, hollow cheeks, dark and deep circles under eyes filled with emptiness. She had looked like a lost cause, really.

However, those hollow cheeks were now a bit fuller, her face seemed to be returning to its previous roundness and the circles under her eyes were slightly lighter. There was still a long way to go before she resembled the Seulgi from two months ago (she felt quite shocked at the realization that it really had been 11 weeks ago, two and a half months since everything had gone to ), but the progress was definitely visible.

Quite a lot had happened in the past four to five weeks.

Some time ago, Seulgi had finally dared to take her phone off of airplane mode, a few notifications coming in. Many of them had been Sooyoung’s missed calls and texts. Some were texts for the group chat she was in with her classmates. However, one in particular had both caught attention as well as made her heart sink.

Yerimnie has removed you.

Apparently, Yeri had almost immediately kicked her out of the group chat and even blocked her. Seulgi had expected for that to happen and yet she had been devastated at the notification. That’s when she had realized that she had hurt the youngest one of them more than she thought.

What had surprised her was that Joohyun and Seungwan hadn’t blocked her. That made her wonder whether it meant that there was still a possibility for things to be fixed.

Honestly, Seulgi had to thank Sooyoung for the progress she was making. Because of her, for example, she had been eating much better than when she was alone.

Of course, there had been quite a few days when she didn’t feel like eating, when she had no appetite at all. However, she had begun to force herself to at least eat a little then, just for her own health’s sake. Sooyoung had carefully encouraged her, reasoning that in order to get better that sometimes she had to try a little harder on some days but that in the end she would be happy to see the good results that she would get from her efforts.

At first Seulgi had been reluctant to follow that advice, feeling like it was nearly impossible to eat when she had no appetite. When she had that lump in that made it feel like the food couldn’t get through no matter what. However, as she thought about her wish to get better, about the danger of giving in to the unwillingness to eat and lose even more weight and feel physically worse, Seulgi decided to collect all of her willpower to keep moving forward.

But as they say, old habits do die hard.

When she was younger, before meeting Joohyun, Seulgi barely ate anything. She just never felt like it. On her lowest days, she didn’t eat at all.

Even after meeting Joohyun she maintained that habit, just not as extremely anymore. She actually began to love food, almost becoming the kind of person who lived to eat. Food lover had become one of the common terms that people at school used to describe her.

However, despite having Joohyun in her life, there were still many days when her depression got the upper hand. She would wake up feeling deeply heavy-hearted, as if her heart was sick. And on those days, she would eat barely anything to nothing at all. At times she managed to have enough motivation to buy some comfort food or her favorites, though she rarely finished eating them.

Now that she thought back to those days, Seulgi realized that she had never actually told Joohyun how bad it was, like in detail. On those days, she tended to just keep things in. Hearing the horrible things that happened at her best friend’s home, specially her mother, Seulgi didn’t want to worry the older girl and burden her with her own problems. She often pretended to feel better than she actually felt. Honestly, she now had to admit that it was perhaps not the wisest choice to make, especially since Joohyun had often reassured her that she would always be there to offer her a listening ear.

It was sort of a coping strategy. She used to believe that she could trick herself into believing that everything was okay by pretending. She loved to be known to others as Seulgi the positive, cheerful, food-loving, smart kid. She loved to believe it. She didn’t want to be known as Seulgi the depressed kid whose parents were never around. Besides, she knew she wouldn’t be taken seriously. Seulgi recalled that one day when some top celebrity had openly shared his experiences with mental illness. There had been so many people who had spread hate, stating that he had been overreacting, that he should be grateful he was rich. She could already imagine the judgemental looks in people’s eyes, those exact same comments being thrown in her face.

She did feel kind of proud at herself for trying to get rid of those habits. It were small steps, but they felt significant.

Besides food, Seulgi tried to let in more light and air. For the past 2 weeks, the curtains had been half closed and the windows slightly open. She had finally been able to see the streets and the sky, hear the traffic, or during quiet times, the sound of the wind or the birds chirping. It felt nice. Sooyoung had adviced her to do it. She said a bit of fresh air could help a bit. Ideally, the biggest step was for her to go outside. Yet something stopped her from doing it. She didn’t know exactly why though.

Maybe it was the lack of energy to pick out clothes to wear and to walk. To make her legs move for a longer time than usual.

Or maybe she was afraid to bump into someone she knew. Or more specifically Joohyun, Seungwan and Yeri. Specially the first two. They lived in the same building after all. The chances were quite high. If she stayed inside, the chances were zero. Honestly, she didn’t want to see them until she was ready. She was afraid of how she would feel and react.

In a way, the apartment had become this safe place where she felt like she could be shielded from reality.

A few weeks ago, Seulgi had actually considered just not going out ever again. But now she knew that wasn’t an option. If she wanted to feel better, she would eventually have to. But how?

“I know this is a bit random but how do you feel about going outside with me? I’ve been thinking awhile about taking you this place I often go to”, Sooyoung suddenly suggested as if on cue (honestly, sometimes it was quite scary how the younger girl just seemed to able to read her thoughts).

“Out… outside?”, Seulgi felt her insides clutch at the thought.

“Yeah, there is this place I often go to clear my mind and I thought that maybe it would be nice for you as well.”

“Hm, yeah… maybe, I guess? I don’t know…”

Despite having concluded literally a few moments ago that going outside would be good for her, the idea still felt… overwhelming to say the least.

“If you feel like you’re not ready yet, it’s okay”, Sooyoung smiled.

Seulgi bit her lip. If she were to be honest with herself, she knew that she would never be truly ready. There would always be doubts, fears, millions of negative possibilities that would keep her from going.

But maybe, just maybe, if she pushed herself to take this step today when she had the chance… perhaps things would be slightly easier next time. And then, slowly but certainly, she would be able to go outside willingly and freely. Just like before.

 Seulgi knew that despite her current state, that deep within she was still that same person that loved taking walks by herself and discovering the hidden gems of the city.

“Where… where is that place?”

“It’s actually by the Han river. But on the other side close to the Banpo and Jamsugyo bridge. There was this day when I was just walking by the river and I spotted it. For some reason, I’ve never seen many people by that specific spot. Actually, barely any. But I guess that’s why I like it so much.”

Seulgi thought about it. She did like the view and the sound of the flowing water. And according to Sooyoung there weren’t many people there. The place sounded peaceful and perfect for that breath of fresh air that she needed.

“So… we’ll take public transport?”, the thought of having so many people around her kind of worried her.

“Actually, we’ll take my parents’ car! They won’t mind, I borrow it often”, Sooyoung grinned.

“Wait, you can drive?”, Seulgi’s eyes widened. “Since when?”

“I got my license in April. Somewhere around the beginning?”

The older girl counted in her head. It was near the end of June.

“Wait, that’s like almost 3 months ago already! Why didn’t ever say anything about it?”

Sooyoung rubbed the back of her neck as she thought about it.

“It seemed… I don’t know… like it wasn’t the good time? Considering everything that was happening back then and stuff…”

“Yeah, but still… it was such a happy moment for you…”, Seulgi frowned. She felt kind of guilty.

“It’s okay! I celebrated it with my family”, the taller girl tried to reassure her.

“Sorry…”

Now it was Sooyoung’s turn to frown.

“For what?”

“It’s my fault. If I hadn’t ed things up, we could’ve celebrated it with you. With the five of us.”

The younger girl shook her head.

“Seulgi, you really don’t have to apologize for that. I told you it’s fine.”

“I feel like I do. I mean, I know we have only talked about me apologizing to Joohyun and Seungwan, but what I did also affected our friend group. Which means that it also affected you and Yeri.”

The way Sooyoung quickly flinched at the mention of the youngest girl didn’t go unnoticed.

“How…”, Seulgi took a deep breath, feeling slightly afraid of the answer to the question. “How is Yeri doing?”

“Uhm…”, Sooyoung paused and sighed softly. “She is really upset. Actually, angry even. At both of us.”

“Both of us?”

It wasn’t a surprise that she was angry. Yeri had blocked her after all and she had all the right to do so. But why Sooyoung?

“Yeah. I pretend not to notice, which probably isn’t the best way to handle this… but yeah, it’s really obvious. I mean I’ve known her for years, so I can see it written all over her face.”

“But why would she angry at you?”

“Well, I think it’s because she knows I often meet up with you. I haven’t told any of them about it yet but Yeri catches on pretty quickly at times. She probably thinks I’m stabbing them in the back.”

“Oh…”

She had never thought about it that way. About how it might seem like Sooyoung was turning her back on them by seemingly not siding with them. But Seulgi knew that it wasn’t the case. She was just trying to help her.

“It will be fine, don’t worry. I’ll talk to her eventually and I know she’ll understand despite her anger at the moment.”

“But-”

“Seulgi.”

The firm tone of her voice made the older girl shut up immediately.

“I told you it will be fine. I made this decision and I’ll take responsibility for it. I don’t want you to worry about it, okay?”

Seulgi sighed. By the way Sooyoung looked and sounded, she knew there was no use in discussing this further. Yet, she couldn’t help but be worried for her. Seulgi only hoped that Sooyoung was right and that the other three would understand.

“Fine.”

“Alright. So, about that place I want to take you to. Feel like it?”

Seulgi nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll go with you. I just need to take a shower first and check what I should wear… it’s been a while, so I feel like I’ve completely forgotten about what clothes are hanging in my closet…”

“Okay”, Sooyoung smiled.

Seulgi turned around ready to enter her room, her hand on the doorknob, when she suddenly paused as she reminded herself of the reason why she hadn’t entered the room ever since.

Her grip on the knob tightened as her breath accelerated.

“Seul?”

The younger girl stood up and walked towards the door.

“I haven’t entered this room ever since Joohyun left. I… I’ve literally slept on the couch because I was too afraid. I didn’t want to face reality.”

She grimaced.

“Well, I guess today is the day huh? If I don’t do this, I can’t go outside. But if I want to get better, I’ll have to, won’t I?”

She took a deep breath and before Sooyoung could react, Seulgi turned the knob and pushed the door open.

Her gaze immediately landed on the empty bed next to hers. It was so… bare, so lifeless. As if there had never been someone else there. She immediately felt her eyes water at the sight. An involuntary whimper escaped her lips.

Seulgi quickly brought her arm to her face in order to cover her eyes and the sudden streaming tears. However, she couldn’t hide the way her body jerked each time a gut-wrenching sob came out of .

The younger girl silently wrapped her arms around her, pulling the older girl into her embrace, a hand caressing her head.

Seulgi cried bitterly and continued crying until hurt and the tears no longer came out of her eyes.

And Sooyoung held her all the way through.

For some reason, the older girl came to feel lighter, as if a little bit of the heaviness in her chest had been lifted.

Perhaps facing her fears wasn’t that bad of decision to make after all.

***

“You are telling me that you actually prefer winter over summer?!”, Joohyun asked as terror overtook her face. She almost dropped her spoon at the almost outrageous statement.

“I hate- no wait… I strongly dislike hot weather and like the sunlight is too intense!”, Seungwan grimaced.

“But sun is life itself! It brings happiness and smiles and energy!”, the older girl moved her arms wildly in order to get the point even more across.

“It makes me want to be small enough to fit in a fridge.”

“What’s better than drinking something refreshing when it’s hot?”

Seungwan scoffed.

“Oh yeah, and then get thirsty immediately after. At least when it’s cold you can just wear more clothes. What are you going to do when it gets too hot? Walk around on the street? Rip off your skin?”

“Just sit in front of the air conditioner and it will be fine.”

“Isn’t that like really bad for your health though?”

“Do you really have a choice?”

“Yeah… winter over summer all the way.”

“Well, I guess you’re lucky today”, Joohyun looked out of the window. The wind was a bit strong today and the sun was getting repeatedly blocked by the clouds.

“Best summer day”, Seungwan grinned.

“Would you choose fall or spring?”

“Hm… I don’t know. I kind of like both. Honestly, if I had to pick a favourite season it would be those two.”

Joohyun nodded.

“I think I’ll agree on that one.”

The younger girl softly smiled.

“You know, it’s kind of funny how we met in fall and became a couple in spring.”

“Oh wow, I didn’t even notice that”, Joohyun chuckled. “The more reason why fall and spring are the best seasons then.”

“I mean technically speaking it was actually winter and it was so cold that it snowed so you know cold weather over warm weather, but yeah whatever”, Seungwan quickly added before bringing a spoon of soup to .

“Well technically speaking winter only official starts on the 21st of December and we met on the 19th of November who keeps track am I right?”

Seungwan smiled at how the older girl actually remember the exact date of the day they had met. However, she could not admit defeat this easily.

“Yeah, but the weather was literally winter weather and no matter what you say, you can’t deny that it snowed so much that everything was white. So yeah, cold weather above warm weather.”

“Okay, but the day we got together was actually the first hot day of the year and turned out to be the hottest day of the year until like 3 weeks ago.”

“Damn, you really remember that much detail?”

“Of course, I wrote it down.”

“That’s… that’s actually really sweet. A bit cheesy, but sweet”, the younger girl’s smile grew.

A faint blush appeared on Joohyun’s cheeks.

“W-well… I can be cheesy sometimes! But you’re still the cheesiest!”

“I can’t deny that.”

“Good thing I’m not lactose intolerant then”, Joohyun said with a coy smile on her face.

“Yeah, that would’ve been a problem.”

“Imagine if you were. Then you would be allergic to yourself.”

“Honestly, even without the lactose intolerance, I’m still allergic to my cheesiness. The cringe that I feel? Kind of a recurring thing”, Seungwan chuckled.

“Yeah, I get the cringe part, especially when you level up your cheesiness. Every time I think it can’t get worse you prove me wrong. So yeah, I totally get why you would cringe so insanely mu- HEY!”, Joohyun shrieked as a napkin was thrown at her face.

“You deserved that for me bullying me.”

“You think this is bullying? Oh, this is just mere teasing. Do you want me to show you what actual bullying is?”, Joohyun slowly scraped her chair back and stood up, a wicked smile appearing on her face.

Sensing the danger behind those words, Seungwan immediately stood up as well, quickly walking to the other side of the couch.

“No”, she pointed at the older girl. “I don’t want you to show me that.”

“Too late. Now I have to tickle until you admit defeat. It’s just the natural order of things.”

As Joohyun tried to walk over to the younger girl, the latter made sure to maintain her distance.

“You can’t run forever.”

“Okay, now this is kind of starting to sound like a horror movie.”

“Then it means I’m doing a good job.”

“Well, stop doing such a good job.”

Joohyun looked at the couch standing in between them, thinking about how to get as quickly to the other side as she could.

Seungwan, on the other hand, closely observed the older girl, ready to react to her every movement. Except… well… her reaction speed had never been a strength of hers.

“Guess, I’ll just have to take a shortcut”, she suddenly said and as the younger girl was processing those words, Joohyun jumped on the couch and grabbed Seungwan’s arm, pulling the latter towards her.

“Get ready”, Joohyun grinned.

“Wait-”

The older girl didn’t even give her one second of mental preparation before she started tickling her merciless resulting in an eruption of laughter.

“T-t-that’s n-not f-fair!”

“Oh, but it is fair! I even warned you!”

Seungwan’s attempts at pushing Joohyun away as tears of laughter started to stream down, all resulted in complete and utter failure. Eventually she fell on the couch, taking the older girl down with her.

“S-stop”, the younger girl felt like she was losing her breath from laughing too much. “I-I s-swear i-i-f I d-die, I-I w-will h-haunt y-you.”

“It has always been a dream of mine to be haunted by a beautiful ghost.”

“J-Joohyun!”

“Fine, fine”, she stopped and let out a loud laugh at the sight of a defeated Seungwan.

“Oh man, you are… so… going to… pay for this”, she said taking deep breaths in between. eyes.

“I can’t wait”, Joohyun smirked.

They remained like that. The room was silent save for their breathing. For some reason, Joohyun couldn’t stop looking at Seungwan, at the way she was laying underneath her, breathless and her eyes closed.

It took a while before she completely took in the current situation. But when she did, Joohyun felt her heartbeat accelerate and her face burn at the realization.

And before she knew, the panic completely overtook her.

She immediately pushed herself off, losing her balance in the process and eventually falling on the floor with a loud thud.

Joohyun hissed at the sudden pain, rubbing the back of her head.

“Oh my god, Hyun!”, Seungwan sat up straight on the couch and her eyes widened. “Are you okay?!”

Joohyun repeated the rubbing motion, hoping that the pain would lessen.

“I’m okay! I’m okay… just lost my balance”, she softly chuckled.

“Did you hit your head? Is it bleeding? Do you need ice?”, the younger girl asked obviously distressed at the situation.

“No, it’s fine! I hit my head on the floor but the fall wasn’t too high, it only hurts a little, that’s all”, Joohyun waved it off. “Besides, I kind of needed that…”

Seungwan frowned.

“What do you mean?”

The older girl felt her cheeks heat up at the thought and immediately put her hands on them to cover her blush.

“N-nothing.”

“Huh? But you just said tha-”

“Do you feel like ice cream?’, Joohyun quickly interrupted her. “I feel like ice cream! It’s been like 2 weeks!”

“Uhm, yeah? Sure?”

“Great!”, Joohyun stood up, however she couldn’t help but flinch at a throb of pain.

“Are you sure you’re fine?”

“Perfectly! I’ll take a quick shower before we go, okay?”, she said walking towards the bathroom.

“Didn’t you shower this morning?”

“Yeah, but it’s hot so, I need a bit of cold water.”

Before Seungwan could question her strange behaviour, Joohyun entered the bathroom and shut the door, quickly turning on the water and choosing the coldest temperature.

The cold made her unable to think clearly and well… she definitely needed that.

Though she did have to admit that she slightly regretted her decision when literal ice seemed to pour down on her, making it hard for Joohyun not to yell it out.

Joohyun came out of the shower with purple lips and her body shaking violently as if she had fallen through ice.

But hey at least it worked right?

Maybe Seungwan wasn’t that wrong when she said the cold was nice.

It definitely had its benefits.

***

Seulgi rested her elbow on the ledge of the car window, focusing on the way the wind caressed her face. She breathed in the fresh air as they drove alongside the river towards the bridge they had to cross. A calming acoustic song softly played through the speakers which made the mood just perfect.

Her gaze travelled over the sight of the flowing water and of people sitting on the grass and happily chatting despite the quite cloudy weather. The display was simple and yet it filled her heart with joy. It was comforting.

She turned her head to observe the girl who was silently driving. Sooyoung softly tapped her fingers on the wheel to the rhythm of the music while the wind gently played with her hair.  A subtle smile appeared on Seulgi’s face as she took in the tranquillity of the moment.

“We are almost there”, the younger girl quietly and gently remarked as if she didn’t want to break the current spell.

They reached the Jamsugyo bridge and whilst crossing, Seulgi couldn’t avert her gaze from the window’s view. From the thousands and millions of ripples in the water, to the glistering buildings of the Banpo Hangang Park, the green mountains stretching out behind the Dongjak bridge and the rows of trees near the border of the river.

For some reason the sight moved her, and in that one moment, she felt lucky. Lucky to be able to experience the beauty that the world could bring.

They reached the end of the bridge and entered a small road surrounded by trees and grass. The more they drove, the less people there were. Eventually they got to a parking lot near a convenience store.

“So that spot is 10 minutes walking from here”, Sooyoung said as she finished parking the car, removing the keys from the ignition.

Seulgi nodded as she unfastened her seatbelt and got out.

“Can we maybe walk by the water?”, she asked.

“Sounds good.”

They crossed the parking lot, towards the grass field and the river border.

“We have to go this way”, the younger girl said pointing to the right.

Seulgi put her hands in the pockets of her jacket. They walked silently and comfortably side by side.

Despite having felt anxious at the thought of going outside earlier that day, she couldn’t be any happier for having made the decision to go. For the first time in this long period, she felt energized rather than disheartened. It gave her hope.

They eventually reached Sooyoung’s spot and exactly as she had told her, there were no people nearby. Seulgi’s gaze fell on a set of small steps close by the water, made out of paving stones, weeds growing from in-between them. The row of bushes next to the steps made sure that they weren’t easy to find. From there, the Banpo and Jamsugyo bridges could be spotted in the distance as well as the high buildings of the city.

Honestly, there was something about that place that made her fall in love with it.

“Well, here we are! The spot I come to in order to find some peace and quiet”, Sooyoung chuckled.

“Wow… it’s really beautiful… I’m actually amazed”, Seulgi’s eyes widened.

“It has a certain charm to it doesn’t it?”, the younger girl said as she stretched her arms above her head. “That’s why it works for me, you know? I try not to think about anything, but just take it all in. The feeling of the wind, the sound of the water, the sight of the city. Sometimes, I’ll lie down on the grass and look at the sky or close my eyes and listen.”

She smiled.

“It’s honestly hard to not fall asleep when doing that.”

“I can imagine”, Seulgi said as she took everything in. It felt almost impossible to stop observing her surroundings.

She briefly looked at Sooyoung.

The younger girl was lying down on the grass with her eyes closed after having taken off her jacket to use as a pillow.

Seulgi smiled, feeling grateful for her presence. Sooyoung tried so hard to support her and Seulgi wanted nothing more but to do the same for her. Despite having shared some of her worries those few weeks ago, Seulgi could sense that there were more things that troubled the younger girl. Besides, she couldn’t help but wonder whether Sooyoung paid enough attention to her own wellbeing.

No matter how self-sacrificing a person was, everybody had their limits. And even though Seulgi truly appreciated her support, she knew that it was mentally draining to have to constantly worry about someone.

She shook her head. It wasn’t the time to think too much. Seulgi would do that after arriving home.  At the moment, she was supposed to try clearing her mind and focus on the present.

Having taken a few deep breaths of fresh air, Seulgi laid down on the grass next to the younger girl and put her arms behind her head as support. She looked at the sky for a while, observing the way the clouds moved and their shapes, listening to the chirping of birds and the sound of the water softly touching the rocks, not noticing the way she eventually fell into a long-needed, peaceful sleep.

***
 

“So, I’ve been wanting to know this for a while”, Joohyun said as they walked down the city’s streets, arms linked and with no particular destination in mind.

“What?”

“When did you start”, Joohyun dramatically ran her fingers through her hair. “Falling for me?”

Seungwan blinked a few times before bursting out in laughter.

“Wow that move with your hair… dramatic to say the least.”

“It was totally necessary!”

“Sure, it was.”

“Ehm, anyways… your answer?”

“Hm… honestly?”, the younger girl tilted her head towards Joohyun with a subtle smirk on her face.

“Yes, please.”

“I feel like there was already something the day we met.”

“Wow, really?”

“Hmhm.”

“Thank god I wasn’t the only one”, Joohyun chuckled.

“I actually remember thinking that you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen.”

“Wow, that’s too big of a compliment”, the older girl blushed.

“Hey, you wanted me to be honest, didn’t you?”, Seungwan’s smirk grew.

“You know, that day I almost died of stress.”

“What?”, the younger girl raised her eyebrows.

“Seriously! I was constantly stressing over what to say to you or how to