Jinyoung's POV:

One Week Before the Party:

I laid in my bed looking up at the ceiling, my mind was blank, and I didn't feel like moving. It's been like this for me for a couple of weeks now. You could say I've been stressing out on every aspect of my life right now. 

My phone vibrates through the quiet space making me groan as I went to grab it. I wonder whose calling me this time. I've been ignoring calls, mostly the ones from my family, but it never looked too good whenever my sister called out of the blue. 

My voice was hoarse as I answered, "Hello...?" My eye twitched slightly from the lack of sleep. "Jinyoung! About damn time you picked up!" I pulled the phone away from my ear, why did she have to be so damn loud. "Yeah...what's going on?" She was quiet for a moment, "Did you receive any of my texts? Or anyone's for that matter?" I yawned, "No...well yes, but no I didn't read them." She was quiet again which was usual for my sister, I mean she was born a loud brat. 

"Sis, what's got you all quiet..." She began to speak, "Jinyoung, Mom's really sick...I—no, don't worry about it, I just wanted to let you know." My eyes widen as she hung up. At the moment my mother and I aren't in the best space in terms of relationships...but she's still my mom. I sighed, rubbing my face. Taehyung had entered the room shortly after the phone call. 

"Yo, you been looking hella stressed for the past month my dude, what's going on?" He walked over to his desk and I just chuckled sadly. "Nothing...oh, what time is it?" He his monitor looking at the time as it popped up. "7:30." I took a deep breath as I grabbed my bag. "Duty calls." Taehyung smiled with a worried look in his eye. 

Let me run down the schedule I live by at the moment. Currently, I have above a full load of classes about 21 credit hours worth, working four jobs on the side, two during the weekend and two during the week, and don't forget the actual passing my classes part that I have to do by studying. Don't ask me how I do everything, I couldn't tell you other than through hardcore will and the generosity of God. Why am I doing this? Because I'm a stubborn guy with a heart full of diabetes from a guy that I know I love...not just like but love. 

I've been saving all the money that I earned through work for this apartment. I don't know why I decided to take on the task alone, but I just wanted to surprise Mark...I know...sounds cheesy as hell, but I'm that corny old school type of guy you can't blame me for being this way! 

I opened the door to the coffee lounge. In actuality I have more than four jobs because I tutor elementary school kids and college level history. I tried to tell myself that I could take on all of this, I mean I'm the one who forced it on my plate so I should take responsibility for everything right?

So, here I am, stressing my life and health away. The good thing is that I'm so close to being able to buy an apartment in full. I'm talking about a really nice one, with lots of sunlight and space. It made me giddy inside at just the thought that I could be living with Mark, that's all I needed to keep going. 

Then another phone call came. I couldn't get to it because I was working, but my mother was really sick for sure, and hospital bills are quite the expensive luxury most of us don't want to be burden with, but my family had to take up one nonetheless. 

I was back at the dorm, tired and exhausted like any college student would be even if they weren't working fifty million jobs like me. I fell onto my bed, squeezing the stuff animal that Mark gave me. I wished oh so badly if he was here in my arms so I could kiss him and talk to him...his smile would be enough to blow all my stress away. I rolled to my side biting my lip. It felt weird imagining that with someone you didn't even know like you, I felt like a creep, but at the same time I couldn't help that my mind would go there in the times where I need it most, though what is that I only got four hours of sleep, and that's if you don't count that hour that Taehyung kept me up with his snoring!

This was a testimony to my death, I had my head face flat on the table as Jaebum and Jackson snacked on their fries. I hadn't told them about all the work I was under, or that my mother had gotten really sick and needed her medical bills paid. I didn't want to burden anyone, I could definitely figure out something. It was already Wednesday, time was falling by so slow. "Jinyoung!" Jackson slammed his hand on the table making me fly up. "W-What!?" Jaebum laughed like hysterically. "Where's Mark, you haven't been hanging out with him as often as you were, something came up?" Right, Mark...I've been so busy I hadn't made anytime for him, I always felt guilty when he called and I could only say a few words normally with "busy" in the mix. If there was more time in the day, I'd spend it with him...he's just so precious. 

"And you seem a lot more tired too dude...maybe you should take a break from the classes?" I just smiled at Jaebum's suggestion, I mean classes were only half the battle for me. “There’s a party next week, I think you should go.” I laughed. Despite the way I looked and my demeanor, I was nowhere near a party person, actually I wasn’t even the type who’d get up to go out if anything. But, maybe a break would serve me good? 

“I’ll think about it.” I zoned out from the rest of the conversation, my phone was blaring with text messages from sister. You know, sometimes I feel like I’m drowning, like I’m being choked from the essences of living. Everyone says they’re so ready to be an adult, but when it hits you...it’s like a nightmare you couldn’t bare to defeat on your own. Crazy enough, as I’ve learned in my philosophy class...maybe we are selves are the nightmares we can’t atone for?

My mood was in the lowest part of the junkyard by Saturday. I felt like all hell broke lose in my brain, I was running on microwave noodles and thirty minute sleep cycles. How does everyone else do it...I seriously felt like jumping off a cliff. But it wasn’t school or work...it was my mom. 

Now...have you ever felt like you worked so hard for something, but in the end it was meaningless, so you had to start all the way from square one and repurpose your goal...yeah that’s where I’m at right now. My sisters were having troubles paying the bills and my father wasn’t around anymore...so...I mean I seriously cried when I went to the bank. 

I used the money...and I mean quite literally all the money I had made to pay for that apartment with the great lightening to cover the difference for my mom’s medical bills. I was a brat, completely angry at the world. Like, why was it my mom that had to get sick? Why did I have to use my money that I spent the last six ing months slaving over!? I know I sounded selfish...but, all of everything just seemed so unbearable. I wasn’t asking for anyone’s help either. So imagine having to get all that money back on your own. It was just too damn depressing. 

My body was spread out on the green grass. I just wanted to give up. What should I do? How shall I cope? I know there are people going through so much worse, but this right here is just unfair! Taehyung was sitting next to me as I mentally cursed out everyone. 

He nudged my shoulder. I looked up to him, sighing that my rage moment was over. “What’s going on with you Jinyoung?” I shifted my gaze elsewhere. Honestly, the only person I seriously wanted to talk too right now was Mark, his