When Nancy came crashing into consciousness, it was, in a way, destructive. 

She hurriedly sits up from her hospital bed and shouts, moving everywhere and getting the dextrose accidentally removed from her wrist. 

She struggles against all the chords connected to her body and only calms down when she sees Jane infront of her and holding her by her shoulder. 

“Calm down kid.” Jane says in a soothing voice as she pats Nancy on the shoulder and the head. 

Ahin and Daisy were also there, holding her hand to calm her down.

“Jane unnie-“ Nancy says between breaths, her voice hitched out of panic, “What’s going on? Why am I here?”

Nancy for sure didn’t like hospitals, it only brought out her sad memories. She’s lost her mother here as well as her sister. She hated the sickening white of the walls, the smell of medicine and chemicals, and the thought of people fighting for their life here. 

So when she woke up, seeing herself on that same hospital bed, her mind initially went to panic. 

“What happened unnie?” Nancy whispers when she calms down, hugging Jane tight as she did so. 

But the girl didn’t answer. She meets eyes with Ahin and Daisy, who just looked away without answering her, the look of being heartbroken was present in both their faces.

“The painkillers still have you high.” Jane says when she moves away from the hug, “You’ll find out soon.”

Nancy looks at her confusedly.

She then starts feeling her gut twisting, and the slight ache in her bones. It hurt, but it was bearable. 

And when she felt those things, she started to remember. 

Her eyes widened as she felt her heart beating so fast again, opened but no words came out. She struggles to speak or to say anything, but realizing had taken its toll an her, and she’s there sitting dumbfounded. 

After a few seconds, her surprise turned into panic. Then into rage. 

“YEONWOO UNNIE!” She finally manages a sound.

She hurriedly stands up, not caring about the tubes attached to her, not caring about how her mind spun when she hurriedly got on her feet.

Her mind was thinking of Yeonwoo.

The image of Yeonwoo when she last saw her, lying on the ground, totally helpless with blood pooling at her. 

It was an image that clenches Nancy’s heart whenever she remembers it. 

“WHERE’S YEONWOO UNNIE?! WHERE IS SHE?!” She shouts to her friends who just looks away. 

“!” Nancy shouts as she walks out of the room, limping at her side because her legs felt numb. 

“Hey! Calm down. Please.” Jane says as she grips on her hand. 

“TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!” Nancy shouts back. 

Her mind was in a state of panic, in a state of nothingness that Jane recognizes that her words would be futile and useless. The only way to calm her us to bring her to Yeonwoo. 

“I NEED TO SEE HER PLEASE! I NEED TO KNOW HOW SHE IS!” Nancy sobs and Jane just pulls her closer to her and lets the girl cry. 

“I’ll bring you to her.” 

—-

It was just a few walks, and a few floors below Nancy’s room where she saw the ICU Unit. 

When she went out of the elevator with Jane, Daisy and Ahin, she sees Hyebin sitting on a chair in the hallway, looking at the ground in sadness, nervousness and a look of despair. 

She was with a guy, who looks around their age, who was standing beside her with his arms crossed. He looked so worried and anxious as well. 

She also spots Jooe, Taeha and Nayun who were sitting as well, clinging into each other as they sobbed. 

The view made Nancy’s heart clench more. 

The feeling wasn’t right. The aura wasn’t right. 

What the heck happened to Yeonwoo...

Nancy sees Ahin in her peripheral vision go to Jooe and wrap her in a hug as Jooe sobbed even more and clinged to Ahin. 

She looks back and sees Daisy clinging to Jane, her face buried in Jane’s shoulders as she sniffles a sob. 

Nancy...

Well Nancy wasn’t even thinking straight at that point. Her mind has been overcome with panic, nervousness and anxiousness. 

She slowly took steps closer to where Hyebin and the others are.

Hyebin looks up and meets eyes with her. 

She sees the captain’s eyes turn into fury and rage as she walks up and glares at Nancy.

“WHAT THE ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE?!” 

Her words stung Nancy, but nothing hurts Nancy so much right now than the thought of Yeonwoo being in danger, Yeonwoo being hurt.

She feels it. The pain that Yeonwoo is feeling, although a lot less than what Yeonwoo actually feels, but she does. And her heart breaks a million times again as she realizes how much hurt Yeonwoo feels. 

“H-how is she?” She’s shaking so much right now that it was a struggle to actually put her thoughts into words. 

But Hyebin just growls, “NOT ING FINE! SHE’S FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE BECAUSE OF YOU!”

“I...” 

But Nancy trails of, seemingly not knowing what to say anymore. So she just drops to the ground and sobs hard. 

She feels numb as her sobs turn into cries, and now she was screaming. 

Screaming at everything. 

At her for being so damn stupid. 

At her for not being able to save her the moment the truck crashed into her.

At her for being a useless piece of . 

At her for letting the girl she loves be in this state, in between life and death. 

She’s never been so scared of anything until now. 

She imagines life without Yeonwoo, and her heart breaks again, even if it was already so broken. She sinks further into her cries and screams as she blames herself more. 

She punches herself in the face, crying in rage and sadness as she hurts herself more.

“I’M AN IDIOT!” She shouts between her punch to herself, “IT’S ALL MY FAULT!” 

She feels hands and arms wrap around her, telling her to stop and calm down. 

But her ears turn deaf to everything around her. She just wants to kill herself for doing these horrible things.

After a while of doing that, she feels a hand wrap around her fist.

She looks up to see a guy there, looking at her in anger and a mix of hurt in his eyes. 

“LET ME GO!” Nancy shouts as she cries, wanting to hurt herself and to kill herself for putting Yeonwoo in this position.

“Yeonwoo is already in too much pain. Don’t add to that by hurting yourself.” He coldly tells her, “She’s your soulmate.”

And that seems to calm her down.

Her hands limply falls to the ground, her eyes look lost in pure despair and anguish. 

“Don’t hurt yourself. She’d be hurt too.” The guy says again and walks back to the chair and sits down. 

Nancy just sobs again. She feels arms wrap around her from her friends, but it hardly provided any comfort. 

She was still blaming herself. 

And if given a chance, she would gladly just take Yeonwoo’s place and be hurt instead. After all, it’s what she believes she deserves after hurting the girl so much.

She sobs as she thinks of a life without Yeonwoo. 

It’s scary. So damn scary. 

She doesn’t know how she’ll manage without her, how she’ll live without her. 

And really, the fact that Nancy found out that Yeonwoo is her soulmate hardly matters anymore, because she just loves the girl too much now. 

She would love her this much even if she wasn’t her soulmate.

A world without Yeonwoo...

Thinking about it just sends Nancy into a mess again. 

Her insides churn, and she identifies it at Yeonwoo’s feelings. She feels the tugging at her bones, the need of her lungs for oxygen, the bleeding of her wounds. She feels it. 

And although it wasn’t as painful as when she first felt it, it still hurt. Not to mention, her own frustration and anger is getting the better of her. 

She feels herself falling deeper and deeper into the hole of despair.

She doesn’t see any light.

—-

Although Nancy really didn’t want to leave that hallway, she was ushered by the doctor to go back to her room and run some tests on her.

She was about to complain but Hyebin had already grabbed her by her hand and led her to the room. 

When they were inside the elevator, it was an awkward silence. 

Nancy knows that Hyebin probably hates her now. She put her best friend, her sister into this mess. And not to mention, Hyebin has tried countless of times to talk to her and make her wake up.

But she was a stubborn and blinded idiot that time. 

So she really doesn’t blame Hyebin for being angry at her.

“If something happens to her...” Hyebin starts as she looks straight to the elevator door, “I don’t know if I can forgive myself.” 

Nancy looks at her confusedly, “What did you do?”

Hyebin sighs, “Dabin is...my savior. I was bullied a lot when I was a kid, and she protected me from all those things, from all the bullies. It was ironic, since she was the the orphan, the poor one, while I was the kid with powerful and rich parents. She’d always protect me so I promised her when we reached high school that I would be the one to protect her.” 

“But I guess I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t protect her from you. Nor from that truck.” She grits her teeth, “I was there. I followed the two of you when it happened. But I was too far away and too late to save Yeonwoo. I saw how that truck crashed into her, and how helpless you looked.”

Nancy looks away. She really didn’t want to be reminded of that scene, where she was utterly useless. 

The elevator door opened and they both walked onwards, “But really. I can’t blame you. I’m actually quite sad. When you realized your feelings for her, this happens.” 

Nancy looks at her captain who had tears in her eyes. Hyebin looks at her and says, “I’m sorry for shouting and getting angry at you earlier. I...I was just really frustrated and scared at that time. I know how much you feel like now, how angry you are at yourself. I had no place to say that.” 

Nancy just looks down, seemingly disagreeing with Hyebin.

“But it really is my fault.” Nancy whispers, “You can blame me all you want.”

“No.” Hyebin says when they reached the door to her room, “It was an accident. You didn’t want it to happen as much as I didn’t.” 

“But I hurt her and-“

“Promise me one thing, Nancy.” Hyebin looks at her straight in the eyes as she sits down her bed, “If Yeonwoo wakes up again, please stop hurting her. She’s been through so much already.”

Nancy just nods, “I wouldn’t even dream of hurting her again.”

The doctor came in and soon ran tests on her. She was fine, her legs were still strained from the fatigue of running but it didn’t require any special treatment. She was also given medicine to null her pain receptors for a while because the doctor had been informed that her soulmate was undergoing an operation.

“Take this every after you eat. If not, you’ll start feeling the pain that your soulmate is feeling.” He says as he places a bottle of pills on Nancy’s bed side table. 

“I...I actually want to be able to do so. I want to feel her pain, I want her to be able to share it with me.” She says. 

The doctor then sighs, “You won’t be physically hurt if you do so. But in case, I’m going to just leave this here. You’re actually already free to go. We didn’t find any complications or whatsoever on you. Don’t overuse your legs again though, as it would cause a bigger problem than just a strain.” 

He then leaves the two. 

“Do you want to go home for a while and change your clothes?” Hyebin asks her.

She sees the flash of concern and worry in Nancy’s eyes. The younger really didn’t want to leave and be far away from Yeonwoo. 

“You can feel her right? Her breathing, her pain.” Hyebin starts, “As long as you can feel her, then you’re still connected. You can feel her even if you’re a few meters away from her. You need to get some rest as well you know. She won’t like it if you overuse yourself again.”

Nancy was hesitant at first, but she soon agrees. 

She grips on her chest, and feels her heartbeat, synchronized with Yeonwoo’s. She can feel her.

So she just agrees as she stands up and walks home. 

—-

The road towards home had been hard. She was still too broken to function, to even process anything. 

After she changed her clothes, she really didn’t feel like doing anything. Occasionally, she grips on her chest to make sure that she could still feel Yeonwoo’s heartbeat and pain. And it reassured her, even for a moment, that Yeonwoo’s still fighting.

Not really knowing what to do, she walks outside and wanders aimlessly. She wants to go back to the hospital, but she felt like she needed to do something before that, although she didn’t know what. 

Her legs eventually stopped moving, and she looks up, realizing where she is.

She’s at the orphanage that Yeonwoo grew up in, the place where they had their ‘first date’. 

Her eyes immediately stung when memories came back, and she struggles to wipe the tears away. She recognizes the kids playing on the playground, and imagines Yeonwoo there with them, playing and taking care of them.

She sees once again how beautiful and perfect Yeonwoo is. How she didn’t realize this back then is beyond her. 

“Oh! You’re Nancy right?” 

Nancy pushed away her thoughts and as she looks to her side to see the caretaker of the orphanage. 

“You’re our Yeonwoo’s friend, if I remember correctly.”

Nancy wanted to say no. Because she really didn’t know if Yeonwoo even considers her as a friend anymore. 

So she just nods and smiles, masking the hurt and pain.

It hurt to see the old woman in front of her. Yeonwoo grew up in here, and this woman is probably the only mother figure Yeonwoo has. 

She couldn’t bear to see Yeonwoo’s mother right now, especially when she knows how heartbroken she will be when she knows her daughter is fighting for her life.

“Why aren’t you with Yeonwoo?” The old woman asks. 

“I...” Nancy looks down. Tears are threatening to run down her cheeks but she just smiles, “I wanted to visit the kids again without her. She’s busy today.”

“I see.” The old woman smiles sincerely as she opens the door and leads Nancy inside, “Come on in.”

They walk inside and a few of the kids recognize her. They run to her and greet her happily and Nancy smiles. The kid’s happiness were contagious that even for a moment, Nancy feels fine. She doesn’t feel the immense feeling of sadness pushing down on her chest.

She sits down together with the old woman on a bench as they watch the kids play.

“You remind me so much of Yeonwoo.”

Nancy looks up from holding Shiro and tilts her head sideways as she didn’t understand what the older said.

“I can see that you two have opposite personalities. She tends to be quiet and mature, not exactly shy but not really social. And you’re really easy going and kind of like a kid.” She laughs, “But you have so many things in common that both of you may not even notice. Both of you love unconditionally. You love, just because you love. You love even if you get nothing in return. You love even if you feel like the other person doesn’t. You love with your whole being.”

Nancy laughs softly, “I remember loving like that, but it was with the wrong person. Maybe that’s the reason why I didn’t realize that that person is cheating on me. Because I just loved.”

“Yes.” The older nods, “Because loving unconditionally is also hurting endlessly. But that endlessly turns into something more. Just love and love and love, and eventually you have nothing left but love. And love in turn gives happiness.”

“Loving unconditionally...” Nancy whispers.

“You and Yeonwoo both have that trait. And I believe that it is the most powerful out of all.”

Nancy doesn’t reply. For she doesn’t know what to say nor what to feel. Yeonwoo only loved unconditionally, and that was why she dealt with all the pain Nancy has caused her. And Nancy only loved unconditionally, and so she forgot about what the truth and reality was. 

They were both just loving.

But Nancy wonders if what she really felt for Chaeryung is love. Was it love? Or just an infatuation for the fact that she thought she has a soulmate?

Before she could think more, the old woman spoke again.

“The kids really miss Yeonwoo. She hasn’t been visiting much lately. Do you know what’s going on with her? She still sends me messages to update her day but I noticed how her messages have grown a lot shorter. She doesn’t use-uhm-what do you call those faces in text? Ah. Those emojis. She seems sad these days and I’m worried because I can’t visit her, the work here requires me to always stay here.”

Nancy grips her shirt in guilt. Just how much hurt has she given Yeonwoo? She’s affected so many people just because of her stupidity. 

She slowly stands up and faces the old woman. She looks down and kneels infront of her as she struggles to keep her tears at bay.

“I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. Yeonwoo is hurt because of me. I-I... I broke her.” She sobs as she buries her face in her hands.

There was silence for a few seconds. Nancy thinks that the woman hates her now, for hurting her daughter. 

But then the old woman reaches for her and hugs her, “Whatever the problem between the two of you may be, I believe that you can resolve this. That everything will work out.” 

She moves away and holds Nancy by the shoulder, “And it’s because both of you have love. A love that burns bright and strong, even if everything is against it. Even if your whole body feels empty from hurt and anger. You still have love inside, refusing to die, and still fighting against your problems.”

And Nancy cries again. She sobs due to the hurt, the pain, the fear of losing Yeonwoo, but also with the feeling of hope. 

There was still hope as long as she loved.

—-

There was a call.

So Nancy runs and rushes back to the hospital. 

Hyebin has just called to say that something had happened. So she runs again, ignoring the strain in her legs. 

Her heart was thumping loudly. She couldn’t hear anything other than her heart. The honk of the cars, the shouts from other people, and the busy noise of the city remain ignored by Nancy. 

Once again, her mind is occupied by Yeonwoo. 

And although it was faint, she still feels Yeonwoo’s heart beating with her. 

When she reaches the hallway, she didn’t see Hyebin and the others inside. So she slowly walks towards the door. 

Her heart thumping loudly, she grits her teeth as she turns the doorknob. 

After she opens the doorknob, she stays planted on the ground. 

She doesn’t know if she can go inside. She didn’t know if she’s ready to see what was happening. 

“Come on.” Jane walks to her and grips her arm as she leads her to the hospital bed. 

With a deep breath, she looks up. 

And she sees her.

Her heart breaks and she feels like crying again. 

Yeonwoo had tubes all around her, she had a bunch of bandages everywhere. She looked so broken and so fragile. Like one touch would break all of her bones and make her heart stop. 

But even so, she still looked beautiful. She still looks like the girl she loves. 

“How is she?” Hyebin asks the doctor inside the room.

Nancy looks up towards the doctor because at this moment in time, nothing matters more than his words.

Nancy grips her chest again. She hears and feels Yeonwoo’s heartbeat. She holds it strongly in her hands, holding their hearts together as she resolves herself to listen to the news.

“She’s stable now.” The doctor says. “She’ll wake up after a few days.”

Nancy literally fell to the ground. 

She sits down the ground, cries but laughs as the same time. She cries out of relief, laughs out of happiness. She might look crazy in front of others, but it was what she really felt. 

She’s too damn happy again.

“Loving unconditionally huh?” Nancy whispers as she cries.

—————————

AND IM ALIVE GUYSTHS

SORRY FOR THE HURT

EVERYTHING WILL GO A LITTLE LESS ANGST FROM HEREEE. 

SORRY FOR BEING ON A HIATUS FOR SO LONG BUT HERE I AM AGAIN!!

THANK YOU FOR WAITING AND THE SUPPORT EVERYONE GAVE!

And no I won’t kill Yeonwoo. The two have been in so much hurt already, I don’t want to make it more than it already is GAHAGAHAHAHA