"Chanyeol, this has to stop!!"

Jongdae called out to him once finally, after two whole days locked in his room except for pee breaks, food restocking, and a few meetings with the fellow student who's borrowing his money for 'business' before giving it back, Chanyeol was out in the kitchen again.

He felt like trash. He looked like it that's for sure. Probably smelled like trash too.

With a sigh he remained standing in front of the closed fridge, a bottle of some 'healthy' yogurt drink opened in his hand, and a mustache of pink yogurt was painted above his lip once he took a large sip right from the lid.

"Seriously, you look like . You are acting like too. No offense, but even I am done with you."

Well, that makes sense. Jongdae truly is an angel, and if even Jongdae is getting to the boiling point it means something has to change. Finally, Chanyeol's much anticipated yet feared resolution is about to land on him.

"I am . I embrace it. Leave it Jongdae."

He replied coldly, knowing that while his instant current desire is to return to his room and continue playing, ignoring the piles of school work and studying he needs to do in order to fulfill his wish, deep down he needs it. He needs Jongdae's upcoming scold.

"Listen.. You're my brother, we've been together for years. Rather than being angry I'm just... I'm so sad to see you like this."

Jongdae began, sounding like he's truly struggling to remain above the surface and not become too sad. A little surprised, Chanyeol turned his head to look at him. Oh no. Jongdae's sad face is the worst.

Almost as bad as--.. Ugh. Chanyeol needs to seriously stop associating every single thing about his life with the stupid boy in the wheelchair.

"You've never been this bad before. Please, let's talk a little. I want to know what's wrong, I want to help you. Finals are coming and I heard from Baekhyun that your professor is concerned..."

Chanyeol sighed lightly. Fair enough. Jongdae has got a point. He's always right. Chanyeol knows that his situation has gone way beyond what he should have really done with the way he was and still is feeling.

But it's so much easier to forget the world and get lost in the colorful, exciting, bright virtual reality that he knows so very well.

There's no point in declining Jongdae's attempt at helping him right now. He already knows he needs it. Might as well take it while it's being offered. Jongdae doesn't deserve a ty roommate like himself.

After placing the yogurt bottle back in the fridge Chanyeol followed after his dorm mate to the living room, sitting down on the couch lazily by his side, he rubbed his face and eyes, stretching the tired bags that formed underneath them.

"Alright. Tell me. What is up?"

Jongdae asked him, determination yet caution are visible on his expression and noticable through his voice. Chanyeol wouldn't get angry now. He is too tired to be able to spare any energy into something as pointless as showing even more negativity to Jongdae.

"It's stupid. Remember that classmate I brought papers to...?"

He began, resting against the back of the couch and allowing his neck to stretch by leaning his head backwards.

"I can't... get him out of my head. After Baekhyun already came back.. Two weeks ago. I found myself standing in front of his place again... Without even having to deliver any papers? What the really?"

Chanyeol huffed with a sense of frustration, and even though there's a tiny portion of anger inside him, he knows this anger isn't turned towards anybody other than himself. 

"And like, I don't like him. He's using a freaking wheelchair. I can't stand these things. But.. Somehow he just knew and said some sad and then I felt... Guilty...?"

"Chanyeol? You? Feeling guilty?"

Jongdae's voice now sounded as if it was just announced that the world he has been living in is a lie and that everything is just an alternate reality to him. That level of surprised and shocked.

Is it really this rare to have Chanyeol feel anything other than shameless pride? Probably, actually. He can somehow understand why Jongdae's reacting like this. Chanyeol himself just doesn't know how to contain these sorts of feelings.

"I know, it's a ing disaster."

He admitted, rubbing his face once again with his palm, trying to distract himself with physical actions so that his mind wouldn't flash any more images of sad Kyungsoo right behind his shut eyelids.

"Chanyeol! This is really big! I've never seen you feel any sort of remorse, ever. I don't know who that guy is, but he did something to you--"

"Yeah, ruined my life--"

"NO! He made you feel something. It's more than Baekhyun and I ever managed to get out of you when you were being an ."

Jongdae insisted, giving pretty valid reasoning for his stance.

He is right. As always. Chanyeol knows it too, even if his conscious mind will try to battle and admit the defeat to his heart, his subconscious is burning with emotions.

Which is insane, because Chanyeol is convinced all these feelings and thoughts are a result of his disliking and fear of the immobility that entails from spending a life on a wheelchair like Kyungsoo.

Apparently according to Jongdae it might be something else. Maybe it's not just fear. Fear comes from an instinct of survival. But Chanyeol isn't worried about that. Quite the opposite, he has all the possibilities to keep his desired lifestyle, but chooses not to.

He chose not to go out all these days, he chose to lock himself up and remain like a mole. The exact opposite of Kyungsoo who's stuck inside without a choice. Was this some sort of punishment for himself that he wasn't even aware of?

"I don't know what you did with him, but he's literally the only person that made you feel anything ever. You should go see him again."

Chanyeol groaned with irritation. Really? That's the grand solution? Talking with the person who probably hates him and wishes he'd never come back ever again?

"Are you crazy? He hates my guts after what I've said. Dude, I ate his ing ice cream."

He ate the very last bit of the ice cream he brought Kyungsoo especially because he knew the boy's unable to get any by himself. Probably can't afford any. If he considers the fact that when they ate together rather than make more food Kyungsoo gave him his own as a refill.

Wait... What? So what if he ate his ice cream? So what if he doesn't have a lot of money for food? Why does Chanyeol even think about this?

"I'm telling you, you gotta talk with him. You have to. I've never seen you like this, something is haunting you and you're going to get worse unless you settle this."

He's right. Of course Jongdae's right. He knows it himself. Chanyeol's just a big stupid baby. He knew he needs to do all of this. He knew he has to go and speak with Kyungsoo again or he'll never breathe peacefully for the rest of his life, probably.

And yet, only now while being told to do it he is able to find the determination and will to act. This is terribly ironic. How Chanyeol's free way of life turned out against him, and only by someone else dictating him what to do he's finally feeling like he is able to act.

"Jongdae, I think I'd die without you."

"I know. Tomorrow's the day you used to deliver it, right? Go then. Need any help preparing?"

"Just need your love and support."

Jongdae laughed heartfully and even though Chanyeol knew his hair must be greasy and gross, Jongdae still reached his hand out and his head gently.

"Do take a shower though."

"Yup."

Chanyeol showered, he scrubbed himself clean from anything that might have remained as a dead layer of skin on top of his own renewed self. He scrubbed his entire bedroom clean as well. With Jongdae's help of course.

Today's the day and he can feel it in his bones. He's nervous and anxious. He's uncomfortable and slightly upset, but at himself. Because he's an idiot that allowed more than one person to suffer because of his own actions. And even though usually he wouldn't even blink about it, something in him forces him to.

Even with all of this, he's determined. It's something Chanyeol has to do. He's held back for too long and Jongdae wouldn't forgive him if he returns to the dorm without results. Without changing.

Class is going awfully slow, Chanyeol can't even imagine shutting an eye today. Not only because this material is actually important and he'll be needing any form of information to study for the rapidly approaching exams, but also because he's tense for what'll happen when class ends.

He plans to go to Kyungsoo's place right after the lesson. Probably buy some new ice cream on the way and explain everything, pop off this balloon of negative feelings so that he could finally breathe again.

What better way is there to get to Kyungsoo if not by the original way that they've met?

When the lecture finally ended Chanyeol packed his bag quickly, walking down towards the professor's table where he can see Baekhyun chatting with him, smiling while waiting for their teacher to give him the papers.

In quick steps Chanyeol made it to the table himself, grabbing onto the lecture papers that are being held between the professor and Baekhyun's hands.

Before neither of them could react Chanyeol just snatched the papers away from them and held them tightly in his own hands, already starting to walk towards the exit.

"What the Chanyeol?"

Baekhyun asked surprised, realizing his use of language and quickly turning to face the professor awkwardly.

"I'll do it. Shut up."

Chanyeol threw back at him, slamming the door open in front of him while hearing Baekhyun attempting to talk with the professor to tell them Chanyeol means no harm and will do the delivery himself this week as well.

Ignoring the buzzing of his phone in his pocket along the way to the little convenience store to get the ice cream, and then in the remaining path towards the Do apartment, Chanyeol walked fast. Feeling his muscles tense with every step.

In front of him stands the building. The oh so terrible building with three floors and exactly thirty seven stairs that lead to his destination. Chanyeol already knows that thirty seven is an odd number for a staircase.

Still with his backpack from class, with a plastic bag containing a new pack of ice cream, and the papers in his one free hand, Chanyeol climbs up and knocks on the door twice. As always.

Tension and stress building inside his chest from the unease that he feels about facing Kyungsoo again after their last pretty devastating conversation. An exchange that ruined Chanyeol's life for nearly three weeks.

He hears the usual creaking of the chair, a noise he hates being used to, and the door opens in front of him.

Kyungsoo is there. Same chair, same blanket, same messy uncut hair that somehow grew even lower beneath the line of his eyes, and yet Chanyeol can feel that he's surprised. Maybe it's from the way his little fingers are gripping onto the top of his blanket covered legs.

Without wasting time, Chanyeol shoves the papers in his direction, further than usual, this time he actually presses the papers against Kyungsoo's chest and hands with his own hand, making sure he holds them, making sure Kyungsoo felt that he's there.

"I brought ice cream again. Can I come in?"

Up at him the boy continues staring, and this time his hair is such a tangle over his eyes that Chanyeol can't be sure if he's happy about the ice cream at all, his expression unreadable.

"Sure. Even without ice cream."

He replied, and Chanyeol felt like a little bit of air finally deflated from the negativity balloon. Kyungsoo would have welcomed him inside even without the ice cream. That's good. That means not all is done and maybe they'll be able to talk again.

He doesn't understand why anyone would have accepted them inside after his messup, but who is he to complain about his luck.

Not that Chanyeol cares-- well, he does, a little. He cares because not caring had harmed him more. Thinking that he doesn't care has destroyed his life for long enough.

So he stepped inside and sat down on the couch in the spot that has been his usual for the past few visits he didn't skip due to self pitying and self destructive behaviour. While settling comfortably he already saw how Kyungsoo's stretching around in his chair to reach the cabinets that contain tools to eat the ice cream with.

It's a hot day, and even though Chanyeol felt like eating ice cream would be nice, he intended for this ice cream pack to belong to Kyungsoo alone. He has eaten enough of it. He can eat ice cream whenever he wants, Kyungsoo can't.

Without realizing that he has been staring at Kyungsoo's direction intensely, he was a little surprised when the other suddenly turned to look back at him, a worried expression on his face beneath all the hair.

"Is it not good...?"

"No. I mean-- yes. This ice cream is for you."

Chanyeol awkwardly replied, vaguely gesturing towards the pack that's still resting on top of the coffee table in the living room. Luckily the apartment is somehow always colder than the outside even though there's no sound of an airconditioner working.

"Oh. Well, it's hot outside."

Kyungsoo answered right away with a tiny bit of confidence. Or maybe reassurance, Chanyeol isn't sure exactly what it is Kyungsoo's feeling because he can't see his damn eyes under all the hair. How can Kyungsoo himself see anything?

With a few more creaks of the wheelchair approaching the couch with two bowls and two spoons, Chanyeol had a feeling of deja vu to their last meeting. Three weeks ago when everything went so bad.

Somehow he felt like the situation is a little unfair. Because Chanyeol has been through hell this whole time and Kyungsoo seems... Normal. Like nothing much has changed at all. Was he suffering this entire time for nothing? Was Kyungsoo unbothered after all?

At this point it doesn't even matter. Because Chanyeol came here for his own sake, because he has to let all that's been clogging him out otherwise he won't be able to move on from his damaging change.

"Listen, Kyungsoo."

He turned towards Chanyeol, already busy loading a small portion onto his own bowl with subtle eagerness. That's somehow cute. How much does he love ice cream that he's so excited to eat it?

Focus Chanyeol. This is important.

"I thought about what you said last time. Well, more like... I couldn't not think about it."

Chanyeol continued with frustration and confusion bubbling up inside him. His muscles are tensing and he feels like he's under the same pressure one feels when flying, when the ears lock up and all you can do is hope they'll somehow unclog themselves soon.

Looking at Kyungsoo now revealed a different image from his eagerness to eat from the ice cream. The bowl and spoon are held on his blanketed lap while he looks towards Chanyeol with a hint of fear almost.

Did he come out too aggressive maybe? Was his tone too scary? Chanyeol sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair, pulling it backwards and then allowing it to fall back in place on his forehead.

"You were right. I don't like people like you. It freaks me out and makes me upset. But... You're okay. You're fine, alright? I don't like people like you, but you're kind of cool. So like..."

Now from rubbing his hair Chanyeol moved to rub his face for a little bit, struggling to put the chaos of emotions that are spiraling inside him into words. These are his true feelings, he knows it.

"I am sorry. I think... I mean, no, I'm just sorry."

There's no point denying it now. He went through hell for long enough to realize there is something else about this guy that makes his heart pump in ways Chanyeol didn't know it could. He doesn't know the reason, but it's there.

"Just, don't make these faces okay. Like, the sad ones. Don't."

His voice starts stuttering a little, and he continues even though his eyes are dancing all over the place because making eye contact while talking about his feeling is a bit too much for his not-used-to-emotions self, plus it's nearly impossible with Kyungsoo's hair.

"I hate this, ugh. I don't know what I'm saying..."

His last resort, he finally poured whatever it is that clogged his heart out. His balloon has deflated and he knows he no longer has any regrets, but there's still strong tension and nervousness inisde him that he can't seem to throw away.

To avoid further dealing with his embarrassment about the odd quite demanding confession of feelings that could have been easily told without being labled as a confession, Chanyeol just smacked both his palms on his face. Covering it fully and groaning restlessly.

It was silent for a while, except for Chanyeol huffs and tense body making some of his muscles move a little uncontrollably.

But then he heard an unfamiliar sounds coming from Kyungsoo. Another one of those things that he never knew Kyungsoo had in him. Confused and slightly worried, hoping that whatever these sounds are don't include any tears, he debated whether or not to uncover his eyes to look.

His curiousity is too great to pass on such an opportunity, and he opened both his index fingers sideways, giving his eyes spaces to look through while his face is still covered by the rest of his two palms.

Right there, near him on the chair, Kyungsoo is sitting and laughing. Pink cheeks and crescent shaped eyes and a wide smile, and his lips... His mouth is in the shape of an actual heart this time.

This is the cutest thing Chanyeol has ever seen in his life. 

Kyungsoo laughing. Genuinely, honestly, it's cold inside and there is barely any sun coming from the windows and yet Kyungsoo himself is radiating brighter and hotter than it.

Slowly his hands started sliding off of his face, and a smile grew up across his own lips. Watching the boy laugh wholesomely in front of him. He felt like he has been healed. Maybe he trully has, because whatever stress that resided in his heart has vanished.

The laughter was over, but the smile remained. Both their smiles. Kyungsoo then seemed to have finally noticed Chanyeol himself was smiling, so he raised a hand and pulled the hair over his own eyes sideways.

Revealing a pair of shining crescents that look a little damper than they should.

"Hey, don't cry now, I'm glad you enjoyed my explanation but please."

Chanyeol broke the sudden emotional exchange of stares with the comment and leaned back against the couch with a huff, the smile still on his lips still can't be wiped away. And Kyungsoo chuckled again.

But this chuckle had turned slower, and lower, and became a little longer, until it somehow turned into small whimpers. Kyungsoo's hand dropped off from holding his hair just when Chanyeol could see the tears trickle down from the corners of his eyes.

"Oh no-- Kyungsoo, don't cry, please. I can't handle this--"

He began panicking, flailing his arms helplessly while his head began spinning around in an attempt to spot a package of tissues or something.

Kyungsoo began weeping silently, sniffling and wiping his eyes with his own fingers. His shoulders shaking and his head hunched forward to hide as much of his eyes and face as he could from Chanyeol.

Somehow he had the brilliant thought of searching on the cabinet that's located near the couch, finding a small pack of tissues, he quickly handed it to Kyungsoo, placing it on his blanketed lap, near the bowl of nearly entirely melted ice cream that's now coated with a few salty tear drops.

The boy calmed fairly quickly, using the tissues to clean himself a little before raising his head up with another slightly shaky smile towards Chanyeol's direction.

"Thank you--.. I Uhm. Nobody ever came back for me before. I'm just happy. I'm sorry. Thank you..."

Chanyeol cannot understand why, but hearing these words felt like another sting right to his heart. It made his pulse rate raise with sadness, with pain, with anger.

Why would anyone be bad to him and then just leave him like this? Kyungsoo's nice and he doesn't deserve this. Whoever's been treating him badly needs to be punished---

Wait. Chanyeol is one whole entire hypocrite. Chanyeol's intention mere three weeks ago was to never see this person again. Forget that he exists at all and move on with his life as if he had never met him in the first place.

Yet here he is, from his own selfish reasons he came to explain his issues, and Kyungsoo... Kyungsoo's heart was filled with joy? Because someone came back for him? Even if it wasn't for the sake of making Kyungsoo happy at all?

How many times has this boy been left behind and forgotten?

Chanyeol's heart clenched tightly in his chest as he watched Kyungsoo roll over to the kitchen to wash out his bowl of tear salted ice cream before rolling back to load another new small portion and actually eat it.

"Say,"

Chanyeol spoke, startling Kyungsoo and making him freeze in the middle of the action of taking a spoonfull of ice cream into his mouth.

"Is it okay if I will continue giving you the papers instead of Baekhyun?"

It was quiet for a few moments, except for Kyungsoo's little sniffle. Chanyeol's attention is directed towards his own hands loading some ice cream into his own given bowl.

"Yeah. Okay."

"Alright."