Chanyeol is free. Ever since last week he was finally no longer under the oath of his favour for Baekhyun. He didn't have to go to the Do household and deliver lecture papers while wasting his own time.

He was actually happy. There wasn't even a hint of anxiousness within him about the uncomfortable task he was given. Class was going as boring as usual, the summer events in his games are almost over, he's been having a blast.

Completely forgot about anything related to any handicapped classmate he used to visit weekly. His name isn't even being called out in class, never has, never will. He's gone from his life and it's great.

He has enough time everyday to do whatever he wants, he goes on runs again now that the weather isn't as thick and impossibly dreadfully hot. The nights are warm though, which , but other than that he's great.

Baekhyun has been visiting Jongdae and his' dorm room almost every single day this week, back in his old healthy noisy behaviour that makes them either laugh or sigh. Back with his whiny demands to eat some of their snack stash in the tall cabinet.

No matter how hard he tried, Chanyeol still wasn't able to surpass Baekhyun's scores in the game. Frustrated he is, but hey, being second best is just as satisfying sometimes. Baekhyun is just impossible to defeat when it comes to these things.

Especially now that he's healthy again and has enough time to spend in front of the screen just like Chanyeol himself. So their score gap doesn't change much, but the permanent distance between them remains the same as well.

Yes, this is what Chanyeol's life has become. Dedicated entirely to the games and the screen just like how it used to be before the favour has began. At least his runs around the block under the sun on almost a daily basis kept his skin from ghosting.

Everything is perfect, because he's in charge of himself, he's in control of what he does.

He can't even remember how it felt to look at his absent classmate's wheelchair creaking around. His pleasure chasing personally that rushes after the instant desires just pushed all memories of the man aside.

In this one single week that he treated like an entire celebration, he even managed to befriend the cute leader of the soccer team in their university. 

A short guy with spikey hair and big fox like eyes that literally looks like one of the fantasy characters in his game came into the real world. A sort of unrealistic type of beauty. Chanyeol is all about the small figure, big eyed types.

Even though at first he was sure he'd be more than glad to hit it when they'll get to that point, somewhere along the way he realized the soccer player might not be what makes his heart flutter.

Chanyeol is free. It has been a whole week since Baekhyun announced it to him.

And yet, how come he's standing right in front of the Do apartment, breathing a little faster after climbing all thirty seven stairs of dust up to be spotted in front of the door?

Class today was easy, Chanyeol didn't nap at all this time since these lessons are actually sort of important for finals. Containing information that is summed up in a way that'll make it easier for him to binge study before the exams.

He remembers packing up his notebooks into the backpack while watching how Baekhyun greeted the professor with a smile to announce his return and take the pile of lecture papers that he will have to bring himself.

Baekhyun clearly left the class and went towards the dorms' direction, and he... Chanyeol... Turned the other way. 

And now he is here. Standing in front of the apartment his absent classmate is chained into. Without any lecture papers, without juice, without ice cream. Just him, his class backpack, and his confused state of mind.

He doesn't even remember walking there, why would he do it? His plan for the day was the finish up his and Jongdae's laundry from last week and game. Like always.

Apparently he already knocked too, because he can hear Kyungsoo's wheelchair creaking its way towards the door.

What is he supposed to do? Or say? Or what?

He wasn't even supposed to be here right now. No matter how fast and hard he's trying to think about it, there seems to be no logical explanation. Chanyeol clearly doesn't enjoy coming here. Maybe it just became such a part of his routine.

But that wouldn't explain why he didn't even take the papers for Kyungsoo himself. What excuse is he supposed to give his classmate when the door opens? He doesn't want to be there. He wants to turn back and run, but his body's frozen in place when he hears the door unlocking.

It opens and in front of him, with the familiar messy way too long hair that drops down under Kyungsoo's eyes over the glasses, with the plaid blanket wrapped around his lower half of the body...

Kyungsoo smiles. He adjusted the angle of his head upwards in order to be able to see Chanyeol's face, and smiled. And Chanyeol is dumbfounded.

Standing there grounded in his steps, mouth shut tight and eyes slightly shaking in their sockets from the internal state of distress. Chanyeol has never done anything like this. He never experienced how it feels when his heart and body and mind are all pushing him in different directions.

What the hell is he doing here? All he can do is stare at Kyungsoo in a sort of shock for a while, confused by the state of his paper-less hands, annoyed because he just can't seem to understand why.

Did the routine carve so deep into him that he just automatically got here right after class? What was he expecting? Well, he really doesn't have a single answer and way too many questions to continue asking.

"Hey, uhm. I have no idea why I'm here, because Baekhyun was supposed to deliver the papers today himself."

He finally speaks, breaking the slightly too long silence between them with a slightly nervous tone, that Kyungsoo seems to have caught on immediately and gave Chanyeol a questioning look.

"Would you like to come inside anyway? I still have a little bit of the ice cream left from last week."

The boy offered with a small friendly smile and started rolling himself backwards in order to allow Chanyeol access into the apartment.

"Oh, sure. Just give me a second."

Kyungsoo nodded understandingly and fully creaked his way into the apartment, Chanyeol could hear from the door that was left open how he probably rolled towards the kitchen in order to prepare everything for it.

Instead, Chanyeol decided to call Baekhyun. It would be way too awkward, and ruin his entire fake 'bad-boy' reputation if Baekhyun will catch him eating ice cream with soft Kyungsoo like they're friends or something.

Because they aren't friends.

He turned around, leaning his arms over the dusty cement railing that prevents the visitors from falling down to the ground beneath, he stares out at the view of the rundown neighbourhood when listening to the overly cheerful calling ringtone Baekhyun chose. Finally, an answer.

"When are you going to papers boy?"

"In like an hour, why?"

Papers boy. The nickname Chanyeol always addressed Kyungsoo as whenever he ranted about how terrible the task was while Baekhyun was still unable to do it himself.

"Okay."

Alright, that means he has an hour to stay with Kyungsoo, eat the ice cream, and make it back into his own dorm room in time before Baekhyun will be there and possibly ruin whatever little respect Chanyeol still has for his social status.

"No, now I'm curious. Why? I thought you hated doing it? Are you worried about him?"

Oh great. Now Baekhyun will go on his usual annoying half interrogation half teasing sessions of squeezing every bit of information out of impatient and upset Chanyeol until he feels like either sewing Baekhyun's lips together, or just running away.

"No."

He answered cold and sharp, he has no time for this nonsense if he plans to eat ice cream and make it back on time so it won't be suspicious.

"Awww, Chanyeol! I knew you had a soft heart deep inside."

More than the very annoying tone Baekhyun uses whenever he feels like being smug, it was the fact that he could Baekhyun was smiling on the other side of the line that got on Chanyeol's nerves.

" you, it's your fault I've been coming here--- I mean, going there every single week."

. Oh god. The worst timing to make such a mistake. Baekhyun is smart, he knows that. If the slip up was too obvious Baekhyun might have already deduced that he really is there already.

"I hate that place, the neighbourhood is ugly, everything is filled with dust and it smells like all the time because of the gross homeless people around,"

He has to keep going, he has to distract Baekhyun enough with other complaints so that he'll forget about the accidental exposure of his location.

"It's stupid, and the stairs are outside of the building? Who the builds anything like this. It falls apart like it's been standing here for centuries. I could break the ing windows with my finger if I wanted to,"

Just a little more, a bit more so it would sound believable.

"And this crippled guy, I can't stand him and his stupid noisy wheelchair, creaking like a sad old dying car that already lost its engine, it's not worth it. I hate going there. I don't worry about him or anybody,"

"Oh, really? Why would you list off all these things if you didn't care?"

He can hear that Baekhyun's about to take a breath and continue pestering until he'll admit his defeat, so it's time for the final blow.

"I DON'T ING CARE ABOUT HIM! So get off my back."

Chanyeol ended up raising his voice louder than he originally planned. Tapping the screen of his phone and shoving it into his pocket aggressively right after. Then he sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair.

What the is Baekhyun implying? That he actually has a soft spot for this stupid seated kid who can't even get ty juice on his own? Who cares if it's from a valid reason.. It's stupid, and Chanyeol doesn't care.

He shouldn't care, because caring means he'll be thinking about it, and thinking about it makes him feel uncomfortable and nervous. Chanyeol needs his freedom and the lack of it stresses him out.

Then he turned around, slightly calmer than before, only to be faced with Kyungsoo standing right at the door, holding a bowl with a pretty small portion of ice cream in his hands.

The way his eyes look at Chanyeol now is different. It isn't filled with fondness and wonder anymore, it's... Clouded. Chanyeol can no longer make what is in his eyes, the hair over them makes it too hard.

"I.. Uhm. I had less than I thought, I saved it over the week for today but I think my parents ate from it.. You can have it all if you want."

Kyungsoo explained with a small timid and really-trying-not-to-be-sad smile.

He definitely heard him.

. Chanyeol feels like the true he is for once. Not understanding why, because he really doesn't care about Kyungsoo. Right? He's just been bringing him stupid papers for a few weeks.

So what? That doesn't make them friends. Barely even acquaintances. Kyungsoo means nothing to him. He's a nobody that comes out of nothing and is capable of nothing.

This whole situation shouldn't make Chanyeol's heart clench like this for no reason. He's known for being blunt and honest and cruel. No holding back Chanyeol when he's going off. Ever. He never felt bad for it either.

So why now? Why towards this stupid boy in a wheelchair?

"Thanks." 

He replied dryly instead, shutting off the loud clatter of conflicting thoughts and emotions. He'd much rather listen to the annoying creaking of Kyungsoo's wheels than the way his conscience is starting to scold him.

Chanyeol's not used to it. He doesn't know what it feels to care about someone. So clearly he doesn't care about this classmate of his either.

When finally inside after Kyungsoo once again rolled himself backwards to close the door, Chanyeol sat down in his now usual spot on the couch and began eating the ice cream alone. Big portions with each spoonful.

It's nearly done within two bites, because whatever was left from last week must have really been eaten by Kyungsoo's parents if he saved it. 

Wait, why does he even care? Why does it matter of Kyungsoo's parents ate it? Who cares if he has any ice cream at all? And he actually saved it the entire week? What for? Is he stupid? He should have just eaten all of it on his own.

Did he save it for the sake of eating it with Chanyeol again...? No. Stop. This boy's nice, but not to the level of being this dedicated that he'd save it just to be able to share it again. Baekhyun said that he can't get it on his own. And Kyungsoo himself said he hasn't had any for months.

He must have eaten all of this on his own, even if Chanyeol really can't detect a single sign of a lie in Kyungsoo's appearance or behaviour right now. Ugh-- Why does it matter? Chanyeol's going crazy.

His mind just spiraling all over the place between his determination to remain ignorant, cold and distant, and between a hidden part of himself that he didn't even know existed that makes him feel like he wants to.. Help. 

Which is ridiculous, because he's Chanyeol. He needs to chill, and stop his mind from this chaos.

They are silent for a long time, the two of them in the living room of the Do apartment. Kyungsoo sat a bit further away from him than the last time they shared lunch together.

"Chanyeol, you don't... You don't have to come here."

Kyungsoo finally breaks the ice sharp silence that stood like a thin wall between them. He spoke in a tone Chanyeol never heard him use before. But it's better to focus on the ice cream than to turn and match the tone with whatever expression Kyungsoo might be doing.

"Thank you for the papers. The ice cream too. It was delicious."

He continues with sincerity.

"I'm grateful for your help even though I'm... Me."

Chanyeol then finally turned his head to look at him. All he can see is Kyungsoo looking down at his own old chair with a mixture of sadness and anger. Anger that sparks a hint of pain on his expression, and a light sting in Chanyeol's own being.

"Anyway... Uhm. Thank you. You've done a lot for me, so don't feel obliged. I know people don't really like... Uh... Others that are like me. I know you don't like me."

It goes down and down. Kyungsoo's charm, the magical aura of pureness that always surrounded him through the past visits is now gone, replaced by something dark that makes Chanyeol's stomach twist.

What is this? What is he feeling? Regret...? Guilt...? Anger...? Sadness...? Why does Chanyeol have any emotional reaction at all to anything that this guy is saying, even if he's correct? 

"It's okay. I don't blame you at all because... I don't like me, too."

Chanyeol keeps staring at him. Maybe it's a good thing that Kyungsoo's eyes are covered with thick messy uncut hair. Maybe it saves him a lot of discomfort right now. Not seeing the way the pain dwells in his eyes is good for Chanyeol right now.

The last bite of ice cream that was left on Chanyeol's spoon while Kyungsoo spoke is melting and dripping down onto the bowl beneath it. He's been holding it in the air for a while and his fingers must have heated the metal.

Something about Kyungsoo's lack of expression, the fact that his eyes are hidden so well for a situation like this, makes Chanyeol feel nervous and stressed inside. Something is very wrong. Either with Kyungsoo, or with himself.

And he isn't willing to sit here and wait until the answer is revealed. He's had enough for one day. He shouldn't have come here to begin with. Literally. And now he'll be leaving this place in an emotional turmoil.

"Listen, I should go."

He called out, his voice slightly breaking downwards through the end of the sentence, and he felt like if he remains even a little longer more things will begin dropping. Like his own heart. Like Kyungsoo's... Tears.

Chanyeol has to go. Just like Kyungsoo said - he's done enough, he did what he had to, even went above and beyond and brought the boy some ice cream. He was just praised by Kyungsoo for his doings, so he should take it and go.

And so he does. He grabbed his backpack again and left. Closing the door behind him. Not daring to look back at Kyungsoo's hunched body over the wheelchair, motionless and silent as he made his way outside.

He rushed down the stairs that he won't ever climb again and began running back. It was hot, he didn't have comfortable clothes for running.

But he ran. He ran faster and noticed how unevenly his heart is beating his chest while putting barely any effort. He feels like he's choking on his own breath and his blood is pumping fast.

This was their goodbye. Their final goodbye. An unexpected meeting. It's good. He won't have to see him ever again. It's good because he will definitely remember not to come here next week.

It's good, right?

Even if he feels that his entire body is tense and aching. Even if he sweats way more than he intended and the laundry will take longer. Even if Kyungsoo's emotionless eye-less expression hidden by his long hair is flashing repeatedly in his brain.

Why? He doesn't care. Chanyeol just doesn't care.

No stairs have been climbed that week. Not the week after it either.

The more Chanyeol stayed on the flat ground, the lower his general mental state descended.

The lower his actions became too. He ended up doing a little too many 'businesses' with his fellow university student that takes and then brings back his money, somehow.

He stayed away, he made sure to remember. Not setting a foot outside of the university grounds. Barely setting a foot outside of the dorm room. Let alone of his very own bedroom. He invested every waking moment of his day to the games.

He skipped class many times with the excuse of 'not feeling well' that he gave Baekhyun after the act. It was a stupid decision, because right now is the most important time to come and show up in classes.

Exams are approaching, and even though Chanyeol's opinion about his own achievable success doesn't sway, Jongdae and Baekhyun are worried.

Chanyeol just doesn't care.

He could hear how Jongdae told Baekhyun he hasn't even heard Chanyeol using the shower for a few days when he came to visit one day. That'd kind of mean, Chanyeol's not--.. Okay, he stinks. But who cares?

Students that are known to skip classes all year round are attending, while Chanyeol himself, the student at the very top of his class is taking his damn time and ignoring his responsibilities.

Not only that, but when he finally does leave his room to do anything other than hunch down over his desk and blurr his eyes out in front of illuminated computer and television and cellphone screens, he's an .

A total . A jerk, a bully. He even caught himself one day almost bursting out at Jongdae for not putting an item in the fridge in a certain way. At Jongdae! The best person he has ever known!

Chanyeol is well aware that he is going through something bad. He's turned hostile and nasty. An angry mess that refuses to do anything when being told unless he wants to. Maybe too much freedom isn't much of a blessing like he thought he knew.

He knows, and yet there is nothing he's willing to do about it. Becasue it doesn't matter. He doesn't care. Soon enough exams will come. He will study for a couple of days until he drops, ace the test and return to the dark routine of self destruction that he enjoys so much.

It's getting worse by the day. Two weeks have already passed since the last time he stepped out of the university grounds. Or out under the sun at all for that matter.

The indication that made Baekhyun and Jongdae worry the most, was the fact that Chanyeol has stopped working out. Well, technically, he didn't. He just does everything inside his own room every single day.

Pushups, sit-ups, stretches, squats, weight lifting with his own two little bell weights. He does those every day when he wakes up, and before going to bed. The only problem is that he barely washes himself anymore. So his bedsheets are smelly, he is smelly, his clothes are smelly.

One thing remained the same these entire two weeks. The memory of Kyungsoo's shining and happy smile when he recieved the ice cream, compared to the horribly sad smile he expressed after hearing the phonecall, and the... Lack of emotions he had right when Chanyeol left.

He can't get it out of his head. The sudden intenral burn he feels whenever he remembers the amount of misery that gushed out of the poor boy at their last meeting.

It's stupid. Kyungsoo is stupid. Chanyeol is stupid.

Chanyeol is tired. He can't handle this for much longer. As much as he loves flaunting around how much he doesn't care about anything and anyone, he needs to do well.

His future depends on it, and without being perfect at the classes his parents had submitted him into, he will lose credibility from them and have to settle on his own. His father won't allow anything else. And he's not going to give up his loved games for this.

Something needs to be done for him to snap out of this situation, but the longer it lasts the harder it is for climb out of this dark pit.

He's torn between so many things at once, and even though he'll never admit it, he kind of hopes someone will do something to pull him out of this evil web of constant distress and anger.