Dear diary,

Again a day without troubling anybody. I did whatever chores my mom told me to do. I heard all of my dad's advice. Even though he said he loved me and knew how I felt, I couldn't believe him. He wouldn't have said those hurtful words to me if he understood me and my feelings. I just wanted to leave everything and vanish from this world.

"Tisha, what are you writing?" asked Sasha as she tried to read my diary.                                                           

"I told you to knock, Sasha!" I scolded her for the first time.                                                           

"I'm sorry. Anyways, why are you back in the room again? Did your homeroom teacher give you homework already? It's only the third day of school," whined Sasha.                                                         

"Why are you here? Do you need anything?" I asked out of habit.                                           

"Why do you keep asking if I need anything every single time?" she asked in a pissed tone.

Are you serious?! Are you asking me because you didn't know or what?' I seriously wanted to ask her that. But I changed my phrases.

"Because you only come to me when you needed something. So, do you need anything?" my words were harsh, I know. But I didn't care at this moment.

I'm sure that Sasha was taken aback due to my words.'         

"I don't need anything. But, mom asked to ...," I didn't let her finish.                                          

"Tell her that I have already folded the clothes. I also cleaned the kitchen after dinner. It's clean now, and I mowed the lane when I got back home after school," I listed every work I did in the house today.              

"Why do you do that? Mom can do that by herself tomorrow," she replied as she couldn't believe what I said.

'I did this before too. Why are you giving me this look now?' 

If only my mind voices had their own voice, Sasha would be more shocked than this.

"Do you have anything else to say? I wanna sleep early," I told her truthfully.

Because I can feel my energy draining out of me, I sleep a lot nowadays. Sleeping is not simply sleeping anymore. It's an escape, which I need the most.

"I want to talk to you about Mark?" started Sasha slowly.                                            

"What about him?" I asked as calmly as I could like I didn't care.                                

"Tisha, give some expression!!! We are talking about Mark here. You were crazy about him," she said excitedly.

'Well, not anymore,' was all I could think.

"Tisha, why are you not taking his call?" she asked again.                                                     

"Do I have to have a valid reason for that?" I questioned.                                               

"Well, yes," she replied doubly.                                                                        

"I don't remember his number. I accidentally deleted it," I replied unbothered.

"Tisha, that is ridiculous. I know something is wrong, and you're not telling me. You can tell me anything. I'll try my best to help you," she said softly.                                                                 

"Hmmm," I hummed in response and nodded my head.                                             

"Tisha, when is your next appointment? I'll follow you this," before she could finish, I cut her off again.              

"You don't have to do that. Sowon is following me," I replied.

'I lied. I don't want to trouble anyone anymore.' But she doesn't have to know that.

"Tisha, since the accident, you have changed. You are not trying anymore. You are not even talking back or even saying anything to anyone," she stated sadly.

'Why should I keep trying? For who should I keep trying? What do I get back by keep trying?' the voices in my head are loud today.

I wanted to say those words to her too. 

But I don't want to look pathetic. 

I don't want to accept her kindness once and get hurt ten times more.

"Whatever problem you had with Mark, I want you to keep trying. He'll, He will," 

She wanted to say something, but as usual, she didn't.

"I'm done trying. I don't want to try anymore," my voice cracked in the end. 

Tears are trying to escape my eyes, but I won't let her see me like that.         

"Tisha...," she called me softly to encourage me. But I don't want fake hopes.

"I'm tired. I want to sleep. I have to be in school early tomorrow," I reasoned.                 

"But, Tisha..." 

I'm not going to trust her again. Her soft pleading won't work on me anymore.                                                                    

"Switch off the lights when you go out, please," I said as I hugged Mr Teddy and rolled to the other side of the bed.

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