TAGS: angst, jeongyeon, twice, haeju

"Tomorrow I will turn 23....."

Jeongyeon is sitting on the edge of her bed. Momo, her roommate, is not there. Or even the rest of the members. It's weird for her to talk by herself. She never does it before. But somehow she feels like not telling her mind to anyone. She never looks this sentimental in front of them. She also thinks that no one can understand what she has been thinking.

".....The other members are teasing me because I'm getting older. Nayeon is the oldest member, but in the team, it looks like I'm the one who is the oldest. Nayeon cares about her dongsaengs and Jihyo is so responsible to Twice too, but actually, I'm the one who takes care all of the members. I'm not saying that it's tiring. I'm just....

....Exhausted."

She gets up and locks the door. Even though it's awkward, she is planning to talk alone a little bit longer. She knows there is no one who understands her but herself. She shouldn't think like that, but somehow this afternoon is just different. It feels right for her to be like this.... 

"To be frank, sometimes I'm envy to the other members. Nayeon is so easy-going that makes her loved by everyone, Momo is happy and simple-minded, Sana always goes viral whatever she does, Jihyo is so talented and skilful, Mina is so attractive and interesting to be friends with, Dahyun looks like the happiest because she is so cheerful and happy, Chaeyoung has the best taste in art and music and she is so damn cool, and Tzuyu is just a very beautiful and lovely maknae. Meanwhile, there is me with them. Ordinary. Maybe weird. No jam. And a fail girl-crush. In this so awesome girl group nation, I'm just someone who fills in the spot. I'm no one........."

She grabs a pillow near her and hugs it. "What can a nobody like me do in this life? It's like I'm here just to follow the stream! Argh, why am I so pessimistic about life? Even realizing that I have no dream and lonely makes me feel comfortable.

I wonder if this is what the young-adult life wants. Being older makes me realize that sometimes I just gotta lose in life. If Twice stops promoting one day, I think I will have nowhere to go. I'm not unique so I'm sure the entertainment industry doesn't want me. I'm also not so pretty so I can see myself becomes single forever. But I keep thinking that it's okay. It's fine. Life is not perfect anyway. Not everyone is created to be the winner......."

A tear starts falling from her eyes. "I'm chasing nothing, but yet I'm so exhausted just to keep standing. Maybe life is just like a long marathon. Even though you are tired, all you do is keep going and going. Although you fall so far behind the others, there is no excuse that makes you stop. Although at the end of the track is just an empty finish line with no prize, you still need to keep running!

Many people think that being a Twice is great because it's easy and we are all wealthy. But it's not like that at all. They don't get it because they are not living it! Sometimes I imagine