He was surrounded by darkness, drowning him in it. Suddenly he was standing on a crosswalk, bright headlights blinded him and then darkness again. 

Jungkook woke up in a completely white room. He was laying on an uncomfortable bed, as soon as he noticed the drip stand he knew where he was. 

His side hurt a bit, but otherwise everything seemed fine. He looked around, trying to remember what happened. But all he could think about was the boys. Jungkook closed his eyes and he could see the scene playing out in front of him, Taehyung’s deep voice saying ‘I love you’, Jimin’s face turning into a blissful smile and then everything was gone just like that. 

A nurse entered the room. She saw that Jungkook had woken up, so she asked few basic questions. 

Few hours later after a prompt check up from the doctor, visitors were allowed.  

Apparently Jungkook walked out into the street and some guy was speeding and texting, so he didn’t notice drunk Jungkook. 

They said Jungkook passed out just before impact and that saved him. He fell forward so the car only scraped him. No organs were damaged, but he was bleeding immensely and had to get stitches.  

Doctor was surprised that in that situation Jungkook survived at all, it was a miracle.  

The information just slid through his brain, Jungkook didn’t really comprehend the situation. He was just living in an apartment, right? 

Jungkook sat alone in his room, watching the grey sky through the window. Few moments passed and he heard a clatter, the door opened. 

J-Hope was his first visitor. He sat down on a chair near the bed. 

“You slept 3 days, we were worried.” He said with a cold tone. 

“Is that so…” Jungkook looked at the sky again. He didn't want to look at J-hope. 

“I heard you were drunk and ran out of a club, Jack chased you,” J-hope sighed heavily “He saw the incident and he’s blaming himself. He stayed in the hospital the whole time, I just talked with him… He’s afraid to see you.” 

“Why?” 

“Jungkook, do you remember what happened at the club? Jennie told me, I would have punched you if you weren’t in a hospital… Jungkook there are borders for everything, I had hoped you understood that, but it seems not.” 

Jungkook looked at J-hope. J-hope looked serious his lips were pressed tight into a thin line, it looked like he had more to say, but he kept silent. 

 Jungkook felt a warm drop sliding down his cheek “I’m sorry.” 

J-Hope’s eyes widened, this was different, Jungkook felt honest remorse for what he did? He couldn’t believe Jungkook didn’t flip him off like usual. It was his first time seeing the boy cry. 

J-Hope’s stern expression softened, he took out a handkerchief and wiped the tears from Jungkook’s face. 

“Jungkook… I will help you, but you need to stop drinking… and drugs that must stop too. We care about you and… you're destroying yourself like that, that hurts y’know, not just you.” 

Jungkook nodded meekly. J-Hope knew something was wrong, was it the crash? Jungkook seemed mellow, too soft, so different from before. Maybe it was for the better. 

“I’m tired… I want to rest.” Jungkook softly spoke and J-Hope nodded. 

“We’ll talk later, rest now.” J-Hope left the room.  

Jungkook was left alone. 

* * * 

Two weeks later Jungkook was discharged. He went home and laid down.  

Jungkook slept for 2 days. 

On the 3rd day Jennie came to visit, she brought food and talked a lot. Jungkook just nodded, but ate the food. 

Every two days band members would visit Jungkook, bringing him food and talking to him. Trying to keep him sane. 

Jack didn’t come. 

3 weeks and Jungkook felt like he could think again. Before he only slept. Jungkook thought a lot about Jimin, about Taehyung. He truly felt happy in that fake reality. He wondered if it really was fake, or maybe this was fake… 

Everything was just so overwhelming, he didn't know why he was such a wreck. Was it Taehyung and Jimin? Was it the near death experience? Or was he just tired of everything and that single reality with two pure as clouds boys made him happier then he had ever felt? 

 It was hard, Jungkook missed the boys, but he was scared. 

Taehyung said he loved Jimin and Jungkook could see how happy Jimin was because of that. 

He wondered what that could mean to them. Will Jimin and Taehyung date? Will Jungkook be thrown aside? Did Jungkook love Taehyung? Jimin? 

Jungkook felt his eyes becoming hot and teary. He curled up into a ball.  

The answer was clear, he loved Taehyung and Jimin, he loved them both. But was he loved by them? Was he needed? It hurt. 

A loud doorbell startled Jungkook. “Ah, they brought me food.” he thought. 

He opened the door. Jack stood there all fidgety with a box of still steaming food. 

“I brought you food… and I-I wanted to say sor-” Jack stopped in the middle of the sentence when Jungkook lowered his head. 

“I’m sorry.” came out as a broken whisper. 

Jack was taken aback, he had no words when he saw Jungkook’s cheeks already wet and his broken expression. 

Jack quickly pushed Jungkook into the room, sat him down on the couch and wiped his tears with his sleeves “No no no, don’t cry… It’s okay, I’m the one who’s sorry, okay?” 

Jungkook nodded, everything was too much at that moment, he wasn’t sure himself why he was crying. 

When Jungkook calmed down, Jack fed him and laid him down in his bed. 

Jungkook looked so small, like a child. He was hurt and it made Jack’s heart tighten. 

Jack decided to say the night, if Jungkook would need him, because right now he was a mess. 

Jack laid on the couch and listened to the clock tick. It was midnight, he could hear Jungkook’s light breathing. 

“I’m cold.” Jungkook whimpered.  

Jack stood up quickly and went to him, he brushed Jungkook’s hair from his sweaty forehead, he was burning up.   

Soon Jack gave Jungkook cold medicine, put a cold towel on his forehead and cuddled him in few blankets.  

Jungkook was breathing heavily now. Jack was about to go back to his couch, when Jungkook grabbed his hand. Jungkook did it unconsciously and seemed like he had no intention of letting go. 

Jack hesitated for a moment but soon gave in, he laid down with Jungkook, hugging him tightly. 

Jungkook cried out Taehyung’s and Jimin’s name too many times that night. 

* * * 

Jimin woke up in his room like before, he looked around seemingly nothing changed.  

The thoughts raced through Jimin’s mind. He was so close to Taehyung, so close, so warm. And now he was here again. Jimin wanted to go back, his hands were slightly shaking, he needed to go back. Now. 

There was no way back, he couldn’t go back just by wishing, he knew he had to wait. It felt like burning, Jimin felt like he was burning. 

Jimin knew there would be a maid or a guard behind the door, there always was. He needed to see the king, so he called the maid. 

A small and chubby lady entered, she bowed and asked if his majesty needed something.  

“I want to see the king.” 

“I am sorry, that cannot be done, the king sat by your side for 2 days and then he had to leave on an urgent matter to land of Ao.” The maid bowed gracefully. 

Jimin dismissed her with a nod. The king wasn’t here, Jimin didn’t know what to do. 

What was it that he did all this time before? 

Oh, right, he would write. 

Jimin stood up and went to his writing desk, his body was heavy, like he hadn’t moved in weeks.  

The writing desk was big and messy. Piles of papers littered the table in an order that only Jimin knew. He traced his fingers over the drama he wrote. 

It seemed fake, everything seemed fake. This wasn’t only a lingering feeling in the back of Jimin’s head anymore, it made Jimin’s skin crawl.  

The room seemed fake, the table seemed fake, the surface of the paper seemed wrong, the letters seemed unreal, Jimin’s body seemed fake. 

Was it because of the time he spent in that other place? 

A prompt knock on the door and someone entered his room. Jimin looked at the person, hoping it was him… 

Prince Jin stood with a tray of food with a gentle smile on his face.  

“Yoongi asked me to take care of you while he’s gone, I heard you woke up so I brought food.” 

Jin was a second prince, Yoongi’s brother. He was older then him, but refused the throne saying it didn’t fit him and he wanted to take his naps regularly, it was good for his skin. 

Jimin liked Jin, he seemed like a fun person. But right now, he felt sick and wanted to be alone. 

“Thank you, prince, but I still don’t feel well, do you mind?” Jimin looked at the door suggestively. 

Jin frowned “Rude.” but with just that one word left leaving the food tray on Jimin’s bed. 

Jimin ate a bit of the food and then stopped… it tasted bland. 

A week passed and king was still not coming back. Jimin went around the town, forests, castle trying to find something real, something that would calm the building up anxiety. 

There was no point in it. Jimin went back to his room one evening after a day in the forest.  

He locked the door and sat on the ground. He felt as if he was suffocating no matter how many breaths he took, no matter how deep, Jimin felt like it wasn’t enough.  

Jimin’s chest was heavy, he tried standing but he couldn’t, his body was shaking. Jimin went into a state of panic.  

Jimin was afraid, every cell of his body was rejecting something. Jimin started crying, what was his whole life? Was it a lie? Why the only thing that seemed real now was Taehyung’s warm eyes, Jungkook’s cheery smile. 

Jimin crawled up onto his bed curled into a ball and cried till he fell asleep.  

The darkness seemed more comforting than anything else. 

* * * 

Jack started living with Jungkook. The boy wasn’t stable and Jack wanted to take care of him. 

Jungkook ate, spent his days looking blankly at walls or TV, there wasn’t anything that made the boy happy. He just seemed lost. 

One day Jack started playing the guitar softly while Jungkook was laying on the couch in silence. At first room was quiet except for the soft acoustic guitar sounds. 

But soon Jungkook started singing, he sang a song that Jack didn’t know. Jungkook was creating. It was something he hasn’t been doing in years. Jack closed his eyes and carefully listened to Jungkook’s soft and almost sorrowful voice. 

It was a peaceful moment. But it was bothering Jack, what changed Jungkook? Was it the accident, was it him? There was something bothering Jack. 

“Jungkook,” Jack came up to the couch and put his hand in the boy’s hair “I wanted to ask you and you don’t need to say anything if you don’t want to…but could you tell me who’s Taehyung?” 

The peaceful expression on Jungkook’s face disappeared, his eyes widened “How do you know about him?” he asked flatly. 

“Well… You have been saying it a lot in your sleep, there was another name too…Ji-ji-“ 

“Jimin.” 

“Yes.” 

Jungkook closed his eyes, so he was talking about them in his dreams… Looks like he was too deep in this love sickness.  

“So… Will you tell me?” Jack carefully moved his hand through Jungkook’s hair. 

“Taehyung is… my first love.” Jungkook muttered with slight blush in his cheek. 

Jack was caught off guard, was he high school sweetheart? They’ve been a band for a long time but he never heard the name Taehyung. 

“What about Jimin?” 

“My second love,” Jungkook sighed “And the third is music, cheesy, isn’t it?” he flashed a smile. 

Jack felt his heart tighten, Jungkook smiled! For him! He felt refreshed, he felt over the top happy. 

Jungkook spoke up again after a moment suggesting to watch a movie together. 

Jack was on top of the world. 

* * *  

In the end Jimin didn’t see the king and now he found himself again at the cosy apartment he shared with 2 other people. 

It was just a moment ago, he was eating with Jin and now he was back. Jimin’s heart was beating so fast, he wanted to see Taehyung and Jungkook, so he ran through the rooms trying to find them. 

The house was empty. Jimin felt a pang of disappointment, he considered waiting for the others in the apartment, but quickly decided against it and after taking some money with him he ran to the store. He would meet the boys with steaming dinner. 

A moment after he ran out of the building he realized. It was blazing hot outside. 

“Wasn’t it just winter?” Jimin looked around at people walking around in shirts and then at himself with a warm jacket. 

He went back home to change into something cooler.  

Jimin entered the apartment and heard sobbing. He dashed to the living room. 

In the middle of the room Taehyung was sitting completely drenched, shaking from crying. Jungkook looked like scared dear with his eyes wide and hands slightly shaking, but he was holding Taehyung in a tight embrace.  

“W-what happened?” Jimin ran up to them falling on his knees and immediately putting a warm hand on Taehyung’s back. 

“T-t-they said she’s dead Jimin,” Taehyung let out a loud sob “She’s dead…”