"Youngjae.."

"Hm?" Youngjae turned to face Jinyoung who was currently deep in thought while staring down at the younger who was laying in his lap. The two had gotten very close since the incident which Youngjae was thankful for, the incident causing their closeness was terrible but Youngjae was glad he and jinyoung were closer. Before this he doubts they would've ever had such domestic moments like this.

"Would you hate me if i-" 

"I could never hate you Nyoungie" Youngjae answered before he even finished his question. And it was true, Youngjae wasn't a very hateful person,he cant imagine Jinyoung ever doing something so bad he'd hate him. He still cant find it in him to hate Jaebum...

"You havent even heard me out Youngjae" Jinyoung sighs, clearly displeased with his answer "Would you hate me if i went to talk to Jaebum?." Jinyoung held his breath waiting for youngjae to respond. A minute passed and the younger hadn't even moved, Jinyoung was getting really worried he'd messed up his friendship with youngae in the span of five seconds. He was getting ready to take back his question and forget the whole thing when Youngjae responded.

"I already told you, I could never hate you." Jinyoung sighed in relief, Youngjae didn't sound mad or betrayed but he couldn't shake the slightly distant tone in his voice, like he was deep in thought over something and only half listening to Jinyoung. But atleast he even bothered listening to him, Jinyoungs not sure how he would've reacted if he were Youngjae but he definitely wouldn't be this calm.

"I'd hate myself though" Jinyoung whispered. Jaebum might be his best friend but he messed up pretty badly this time and they couldn't fix this with a simple apology and talk. If he gave into Jaebum so easily and forgave him he'd hate himself.

"Jinyoung come on, You know Jaebum better than anyone, he'd never.. He'd never do that to me or anyone willingly he was drunk he didn't know any better and its not like anything really happened, I don't know how i feel about him right now but i don't hate him and you shouldn't either"

"You're too forgiving Jae." Jinyoung couldn't understand Youngjaes logic whatsoever, Not only was he basically forgiving Jaebum for what he did but he was asking Jinyoung to do the same?. Meeting Jaebum had been his idea in the first place but now it seemed like Youngjae was more on board with the idea than he was.

"Do it please, For me?" Jinyoung couldn't possibly tell Youngjae no when he begged, it was too cute and he knew it. If he talked to Youngjae any longer about this he'd just end up hating Jaebum more and feeling even worse so he decided now would be the best time to look for his friend. "About time you went home hyung you've been borrowing my clothes for two weeks!" Youngjae playfully hit him in an attempt to lighten up the mood.

"It hasn't been that long brat! don't lie you enjoyed my company'' Jinyoung jokingly scolded him "This dorm would be a mess without me"

"Yeah sure whatever just go Hyung!"

'And now the hard part,' Jinyoung thought as he left their dorm. Finding Jaebum wouldn't be hard, there's nowhere else he'd be besides home. Not their dorm home, they're house, the place they'd grown up and spent half their life. Technically it was Jinyoungs house but Jaebum spent enough time there for it to be considered his house too, Jinyoungs parents practically raised him after all. Whenever anything bad happened Jaebum always went running home to his and Jinyoungs bedroom to clear his mind: He did it in their first year of high school when he was still adjusting to dorm life and needed a break and here he is again in their last year of high school running back home..but for a very different reason. 

 Jinyoung doesn't even bother checking if his parents are home when he first enters the house, as much as hes missed them talking to jaebum is a very urgent matter.

"Jaebum" Jinyoung didnt know why seeing Jaebum as soon as he opened his bedroom door was so surprising, its what he'd been expecting but now that its actually happening he doesn't know how to feel. "I.." this was the first time he was seeing his best friend in atleast a week he should've planned this out better, he can't seem to form sentences properly.

"Dont cry Jinyoung, please dont cry im so sorry" Jinyoung hadn't even noticed he stared crying until jaebum mentioned it now he was painfully aware of the disgustingly salty tears streaming down his face. "Sit down please we need to talk"

"Talk..yeah i came here to talk" Jinyoung wasn't even sure Jaebum could understand what he was saying he was a rambling mess at this point. Jinyoung takes a deep breathe before continuing, "You-"

"I was wrong" Jaebum cuts him off before he even gets to say it, Jinyoungs always loved how he didn't have to bother finishing his sentences or thinking of the proper way to word things before saying it because Jaebum always knew exactly what to say. "I hurt him, badly. I cant forgive myself and knowing Youngjae he probably already forgave me, i dont deserve him, i don't deserve you, you came all the way here for me and all i ever do is up. Just like when we were kids all i ever do is hurt people-" Jaebum couldn't even continue, It wasn't until Jaebum mentioned the past that Jinyoung realized just how distressed he was. They never mentioned that, It was sort of a taboo subject and neither really needed the reminder.

  Jaebum always had anger issues. The very first memory Jinyoung had of Jaebum was him freaking out at the playground and pushing another kid off the slide. They were only five at the time so Jinyoung didn't understand why Jaebum was so violent or what his 'melt downs' were and why their teacher advised them to avoid him when he was like that. Jinyoung was never a good listener anyways, He'd approach Jaebum whenever he could. He was the only boy in their class that hadn't jumped at the chance to be Jinyoungs best friend and that frustrated him, Something about how jaebum was always alone and gloomy interested him. After that day he took it upon himself to become Jaebums one and only best friend. When he told Jaebum about this and offered him his second favorite toy the boy rejected it threw his toy in the bin in front of the entire class. 

'I dont wanna be your friend anyways! i only offered 'cus ms.park told me to,' that was the first lie Jinyoung ever told. He cried as soon as he got home and told his parents all about it, he had expected them to scold him for lying but they told him to invite Jaebum over and try to befriend him anyways. It took two years and a lot of  begging on Jinyoungs part before he could finally say Im Jaebum was his friend. It might not mean a lot to others but Jinyoung was extremely proud to have the title of Im Jaebums best friend.

  It took way longer for Jaebum to start opening up to him, It wasn't until they were ten that Jinyoung learned about his abusive parents when Jaebum showed up to their house in the middle of the night with a busted lip and a black eye, the poor boy didn't even bring shoes with him, He told Jinyoung and his parents what happened, how his dad was particularly angry with him that night, said he was the biggest mistake he ever made and he regrets ever making such a mess. Jaebum didn't even shed a tear as he talked about it, Its like it wasn't the first time he heard it. All Jinyoung could do was cry, hes never heard such words before. Ever since that day it was a unspoken agreement that Jaebum stayed with them, He was basically Jinyoungs brother now and that's all four year old Jinyoung could've ever hoped for. Since they were practically brothers now Jinyoung's parents treated Jaebum like he was their son, they did everything they did for Jinyoung and more for him even taking him to therapy sessions and getting him medicine for his 'issues'. Jinyoung never understood what all of that meant but if it meant Jaebum would be happy and he'd get to stay with them forever he didn't care.

  The days Jaebum had to go home were the worst. His parents only made him go back to look like the perfect family in front of guests, the second they were gone Jaebum was sent back over to Jinyoungs house, his real home. Jinyoung always insisted Jaebum was better off with his family anyways. 

  It was their first major fight when the incident happened, it was right after Jaebum came back from a weekend at his 'families' house so Jinyoung should've known not to bother him. He should've gave him time to calm down before talking to him, it was all his fault. Truthfully that day was a blur, Jinyoung doesn't even remember what they were arguing about in the first place. All he remembers was the faint sound of Jaebums sobs and his mother screaming into the phone for the ambulance to hurry up. Apparantly they had gotten into a huge fight and it got way too out of control, Jaebum was on the verge of another meltdown but Jinyoung wouldn't stop arguing about whatever the two were so mad about, Jaebum couldn't take it anymore he pushed him hard down the stairs and Jinyoung didn't wake up for over two hours. Jaebum freaked out, he called Jinyoungs mom and he ended up in the hospital. The first thing Jinyoung noticed when he woke up was that the elder was nowhere to be found, It was weird not having Jaebum by his side when they spent the past few years linked at the hip. It was two whole weeks before Jaebum returned. He still has no clue what happened in the time he was gone but it couldn't have been good. Jaebum was covered in bruises and whenever Jinyoung confronted him about it Jaebum brushed it off, eventually Jinyoung just stopped asking. He didn't have to say it, Jinyoung knew they were from his parents, Jaebum thought he deserved it for hurting him. 

And suddenly Jaebum is back in his arms crying his heart out and its like they're twelve again. 

"Hey listen to me bummie" he cups his face in his hands so they're facing each other "i know you, you ren't a bad person. I don't know how we'll fix this but we will, i promise." and that's how their night ends, holding onto one another for dear life and desperately trying to convince themselves everything will be okay, and maybe if they wish for it hard enough it will be.

Authors note: this is NOT a redemption  arc for jaebum i don't think his actions are very redeemable but i do not think hes the worst character, honestly in this situation no one is completely to blame but i want to reassure you all i am not overlooking what jaebum did as i write this, but please let me know if you feel like im being insensitive. Moving on, thank you all for the encouraging comments when i took a mini break from this fic. honestly that was a really bad time for me and id rather not remember the situation but the comments you guys left for me made me want to continue this fic when i had given up. I wont lie, the jonghyun thing affected me a lot more than i care to admit, it even made me want to change my original ending for this fic that ive had planned since the beginning,,, lets just see what happens.(happy late bday to jaebum btw..sorry i made you such a in this fic lmao)