''I promise you,

this storms are 

only trying to

wash you clean.''

~

''What happened---I'm so ing tired of dealing with your--''

''Shh! They're sleeping!''

Daesung glared at him and dragged Youngbae inside before closing the door.

''They had a car accident.''

''What?! What do you mean they had an accident?! Why didn't you call me before?!''

Daesung rolled his eyes.

''You just said you're tired of us.''

''Are they okay? What happened?'' Youngbae quickly put his jacket on the couch.

Daesung didn't know what to say.Actually, he hated this.Couldn't they just be one of that funny friend groups? Like in the movies? Why the this kind of bulls were always following their ?

''They're okay they just---''

''What accident?! What the happened?! Where are they?!'' Seunghyun rushed into the house.

''Can you guys just ing stay quiet?! They're sleeping!''

Seunghyun hid his mouth with his hands and quickly sat beside them.

''Spill.''

Daesung sighed and looked at the mans, sitting on his sides.

''Seungri wanted to go with Shin again.''

Youngbae let his head fall on the cushion, groaned loudly.Seunghyun was feeling the same, they were about to puke everytime they heard that guys name, so he Youngbae's back as he kept groaning with disgust and anger.

''But Jiyong hyung couldn't hold himself anymore and got angry.''

Youngbae quickly lifted his head.

''Really? He did well then--- someone needed to do that.''

''They started to yell at each other, it was more like, roaring.'' He sighed and others nodded, everyone knew their roaring sesions. ''Jiyong hyung tried to drag Seungri to his car, didn't want to let him go with Shin.But Shin ran after them, I tried to stop him but..'' Daesung rolled up his sleeve.

''That bastard--'' Seunghyun hissed, caressed the purple spot on youngers arm.

''It's okay hyung-- It's not hurting---But he kept going after them and followed them with his friends car.I was about to call you guys when the two cars were not on my sight anymore, but when I grabbed my phone, we heard a loud crashing sound.''

Youngbae put his face on the cushion again, this time groaned a little louder.

''I ran towards to their side, they were not even so far.It wasn't a serious thing, it was Shin's fault, probably he wasn't even sober and seeing Jiyong taking Seungri away made him act like an idiot.It wasn't a big thing, they were okay but--- Seungri was weird.''

Youngbae quickly lifted his head and looked at him.

''What did he do?''

Daesung his lips and crossed his legs, now talking lower than before.

''They were all okay, only Shin had some blood because he hit his head on the steering wheel.The blood was rolling down his face and he was seeming really, really high.''

''Aw, so poor.'' Seunghyun grinned, felt pleased with imagining Shin like that.

''But Seungri didn't even look at him.''

''What?''

''When I went to there, Shin get out of the car and walked towards Seungri.He really didn't want to let Seungri go with Jiyong hyung.I was about to go to Seungri and pull him but Seungri looked so lost when Shin approached him---I mean--- he seemed like he was scared-- he pushed Shin's hands away and walked to Jiyong hyungs side.''

Youngbae looked at him with shock.

''Are you serious?''

''I know, I was surprised too--- He was seeming really scared, hyung.''

''Oh--- Once he told me that he had a car accident with his friends, he said they were going to a school trip and a girl died in the accident.'' Seunghyun sighed. ''Probably that was why he was too scared even it was a little thing.''

''But hyung--- he didn't even look at Shin.You should've see him-- Even Jiyong hyung got surprised.He was so sure that Seungri was going to leave with Shin.He got out of the car and he was caressing his arm, swearing while coming towards me.But Seungri pushed that guy---I mean--- that happened for the first time.''

This time Seunghyun held Youngbae's neck and pushed his head into the cushion.

''Scream for me too.''

Youngbae did as told and Seunghyun pulled his head up.

''Go on.''

''Then he-- Jiyong hyung stopped when he saw Seungri by his side.It was really--- I mean they were fighting and he said he wanted to go with Shin but Jiyong hyung dragged him to the car with force.He thought Seungri would leave after the accident.Seungri's eyes were so big when he grabbed hyungs hands and asked him if he was okay or not.''

''What about Shin?''

''His friends were with me when the fighting started--- so they all ran to him and wiped his face-- found some water-- Hyung--He didn't even looked at Shin-- didn't even wonder if he was okay or not--- That guy had a ing blood on his face hyung--''

''He loves Jiyong-- What the is wrong with this boy?''

''I don't know but when Jiyong hyung insisted about taking him to home, he didn't even let his hand.He said he didn't want to go home and when I brought them here, he was still holding Jiyong hyungs hand.But the thing is--- he didn't seem like he noticed it.I mean he was holding his hand but--- like it wasn't something he could control.''

''He was afraid of losing him.'' Youngbae sighed, shook his head. ''He was really scared.''

Daesung kept telling them about the accident but Seunghyun stood up and decided to take a look at the idiot two.

He approached the guest room and opened the door slowly.The first thing he tried to see was Seungri's hands.

And he sighed when he saw the hands he were looking for, still holding onto Jiyong's.

Seunghyun really couldn't understand.Everyone knew that Seungri was a dangerous boy.But still he couldn't understand why he was acting like this.He really wanted to understand him, if one of them could understand him, it would be enough.

When he saw Seungri opening his eyes, he didn't move, wondered what Seungri would do.

Seungri blinked for few seconds, looked at Jiyong.His head was laying on olders arm, so he was looking at Jiyong from down.Seunghyun really couldn't understand how could he look at him so calmly but shout at his face everyday.He was lying, and it was obvious.

Seungri closed his eyes again and nuzzled into Jiyong's neck, fingers still locked with others.
One of them, if one of them could understand him, it would be enough.

He closed the door slowly and heard some shouts from the living room.

''You said !''

''I didn't.''

~

Jiyong smiled before opening his eyes, feeling Seungri's breathe against his skin.

He wanted to wrap his arms around of the boy but he noticed that Seungri was still holding his hand.

He got scared this time, Jiyong could feel that.

He wasn't scared of the accident, it wasn't even a big thing.But it was enough to make Seungri scared because it made him think.What if the guy he always turned his back at, wouldn't be there for him? What would happen then? What if he turned around for see the older standing there and saw nothing? Seungri didn't know why but, it made him shiver.

Everyone was trying to understand him, he could see it on his hyungs faces.But the real question was different.Could he even understand himself?

Everyone was blaming him because of the way he treated Jiyong.But nobody knew how he felt like a piece of him dropped every time he turned his back at Jiyong.

Nobody was looking at the whole picture.

''Hyung...''

''Hmm?'' Jiyong hummed, burying his nose inside youngers hair.

''Why do I feel so sleepy?''

''You're tired.'' Jiyong moved his other hand to youngers face, because Seungri was still holding the other.He slowly caressed his cheeks, let his thumb fondle on Seungri's sideburns. ''You're too tired Ri, you need to stop.''

Seungri didn't say anything for a while, let Jiyong caress him with longing.But then he shook his head no on olders neck.

''At least, let it go for today.Only today.''

Seungri lifted his head and looked at him.

''What do you mean?''

Jiyong couldn't help but smile widely, because it has been a long time.He really missed this side of Seungri.This was the real side of the boy and Jiyong knew it so well.

''Don't turn your back today.'' Jiyong said while brushing Seungri's hair back. ''Just one day, Ri.''

''The dinner is---'' Youngbae suddenly opened the door but when he saw the cuddling boys... ''Oh---Please tell me that you guys ed! I will buy everything for your new house--I swear!''

''You said ed!'' Daesung yelled from kitchen.

''It doesn't count, you dumb!''

Seungri chuckled and tried to get up.

''Ahhh--Hyung--'' He suddenly looked at Jiyong, holding his waist. ''I told you to be gentle.''

''Oh my---- Oh my god! Jiyong you did it!! You did it, right?!!-''

Youngbae started to smile and he was looking so excited before Seungri let out a loud laugh.

''I'm sorry, hyung.''

Jiyong bit his lips and tried to not laugh at his friend.

'' you! Don't play with my innocent feels!''

''You said--''

''Shut your ing mouth Daesung!''

Jiyong chuckled when Youngbae left the room, probably for kick Daesung's .But when he turned to Seungri, he noticed that younger was already looking at him.

''Just for today?'' Seungri asked and Jiyong smiled.

''Yeah, just for today.'' Be yourself.

Seungri nodded, he could hear the unsaid last sentence.

Jiyong was sure, he was sure he knew Seungri so damn well.He knew it, that was the reason why he didn't turn his back at him even he kept leaving Jiyong behind.Because he knew it, he could see it.

''Okay, I'm sick of your ugly asses so, don't you have some horror movie , Dae?'' Seunghyun said and Jiyong tried hard for not laugh when he saw Seungri in front of the toilet, waiting for him to go out.

''Seriously Seungri, are you sure you didn't hit your head?'' Youngbae asked, smirking.

Seungri didn't say anything and Jiyong ruffled his hair, gave him one of his most special smiles.He knew why younger was waiting, so he opened his palm.And of course Seungri didn't lose any time, he quickly intertwined their fingers again.

Actually if Jiyong needed to be honest, he was glad that hit him with the car.He didn't know what kind of feeling he was having, but he felt it so heavy when Seungri didn't give a about Shin and asked him if he was okay with scared eyes.Seungri have that power on Jiyong, he could change his mood with only moving his finger.

Seungri was always cute, always sweet, and God, did you even see his smile? It was making Jiyong crazy like everything was unnecessary, like he only needed Seungri by his side.

''Are you ing serious?'' Youngbae asked, opening his arms. ''Are you gonna walk in the house while holding hands?'' 

''Do you have a problem?'' Seungri asked to Jiyong, who quickly shook his head no.

''You're sick.'' Youngbae sighed. ''He is not going anywhere Seungri, actually if you would want to go to an aisle right now and marry him, he would never make you say it twice.''

Seungri chuckled before threwing himself on the couch, pulling Jiyong with him.

''I don't need that,'' he said, hugging one of Jiyong's arms. ''--this is enough.'' He said while putting his head on Jiyong's shoulder and smiling cutely.

''Awwww~~'' Daesung and Seunghyun said at the same time.

Youngbae dramatically hold his palm against his heart, grimaced.

''Ahh---You--You poked my heart.''

Seungri giggled at the comments, Jiyong didn't even know how to stop smiling.He reached out and pulled the strands back, which was a mess on youngers forehead.When Seungri leaned into his touch and closed his eyes, Jiyong decided, he was ed.He knew he was going to replay this scene over and over for the next months.Actually, they were used to be like this.They were Tom and Jerry, always together, always close.Everyone had a role in their group, Youngbae supposed to be the mommy, a mommy who swears a lot, Seunghyun supposed to be the eldest hyung who always saves their , Daesung supposed to be the angel, who always runs when they needed help, and they, Seungri and Jiyong supposed to be close.That was their role.

Jiyong didn't even realize that he fell in love with Seungri.Because hey, he was always there.Jiyong was laughing with him, touching him, sleeping with him, this was so normal for them.But then, he noticed that his touches got softer when they were towards the younger, his laugh was a bit louder when he was with Seungri, his smile was a little bigger when he was looking at Seungri, and he noticed that he was living a little better when Seungri was near.He didn't pull himself back, he was in love with him, so what? He didn't acted like a scared teenage boy, because the thing he felt was so strong.Seungri was just breathing near him and his mood was lighter, he was feeling like everything could be okay.But Seungri didn't do that, Jiyong was sure, Seungri realized the thing between them earlier than him.He was always letting Jiyong take the control, always chasing him around; Jiyong was his favorite hyung anyway.But then, things changed.Jiyong found himself chasing him.But this chasing was too painful, because it wasn't like seeing Seungri with a girl, hugging kissing.This pain was nothing to compare with the thing Jiyong felt.Seungri was loving him, Jiyong knew that.He knew that like how he knew Seungri liked his earrings.He knew it like he knew how happy Seungri was when they were all together, like he knew Seungri liked his white trousers more than the other ones, like he knew his favorite ice-cream was chocolate one even everyone thought it was the cherry one.He knew it, so the pain he felt was ing too heavy, Seungri was loving him, but Jiyong didn't know why he was always turning his back.He couldn't get the point.But somehow, younger was like a pretty, colorful light for him.Every time he appeared, Jiyong was feeling like his world was more bearable now.He couldn't control it, it was just happening.But for some reason, Seungri didn't let it.Seungri didn't let him touch, didn't let him talk about the thing between them, didn't let him, love.

Jiyong could see it, everytime he tried to get closer, touch a little more, Seungri was pulling himself.The reason wasn't that he didn't want Jiyong, older knew it so well.The reason was, he didn't want to fall into this.Jiyong didn't know why, but Seungri never let himself.

Except, today.

''Are you still ing holding his hand?'' 

Everyone chuckled when Youngbae started to swear again.Seungri just brought Jiyong's hand to his lips and kissed it before grinning at Youngbae.

''Just for today.''

Youngbae quickly regretted.

''No no! It's not that I'm complaining---Please---get married and have kids, Seungri.''
Younger chuckled before closing his eyes again, everyone was watching the movie but he didn't want that.

''I don't like scary things.'' He mumbled, rubbing his nose to Jiyong's neck. ''I really don't like them.''

''But you're always doing the most scariest things, sweetheart.''

Seungri smiled at that and of course it made Jiyong smile uncontrollably.

''I do, don't I?'' He said, getting more closer to Jiyong on the couch, letting older hold him.

''Hyung..'' He whispered and Jiyong kept smiling, he put his head on youngers, caressing his hair while begging to God for not let the time pass.

''Yes?''

''Do you know why I always feel so sleepy with you?'' He asked softly and Jiyong embraced him warmly.

''It will be okay.'' Jiyong said, he didn't know why Seungri was doing this, but he knew it was hurting Seungri too. ''It will be okay.'' He whispered again and Seungri chuckled against to his skin.

''You're cute.'' Younger said and Jiyong grinned.

''Seriously? Cute like, you're cute shut up, or cute like, I would be a cute husband?''
Seungri giggled at that, shook his head no.

''Cute like, you're probably the cutest thing in my life.''

~

''Seungri---no no--- look at me---'' Jiyong quickly cupped his cheeks, looked at the pale, sweating and trembling boy.

''You need to chew this---Seungri---Focus on me---Hey--'' 

Seungri opened his eyes, more like, he tried.

''No----You---y-ou--'' He couldn't even talk anymore, he was laying on the ground, he didn't know how he ended up there, probably he tried to get out.But his head was on Jiyong's knees now, he was trying to hold him properly.

''No-- listen to me--'' Jiyong looked at his eyes, holding a little medical box in his hand. ''You're gonna chew this--- it will make you better-- come on--'' He tried to make Seungri sit.

''I----I c-can't move Ji---I can't--'' 

Jiyong bit his lip so hard, no, no, he could do this,He didn't learn everything about drug addicts for couldn't stand to see Seungri like this and let him go for run to that s for use some candies.He didn't ing called Seunghyun and asked him to learn the meds his doctor friend used in this kind of situations.Jiyong would love to put Seungri in a hospital, he would go there like every ing day.But he knew Seungri so ing well, he wasn't going to stay there.

So, Jiyong needed to do this.

He could do this.

''P-please---don't do this to me---'' Seungri started cry again, this time more desperately.His fits found his curls and he pulled his hair so hard while groaning. ''---Don't---I'm---I'm going to die---I c-can't stand this---''

''You're not going to die.'' Jiyong pulled Seungri's slim body easily, he made Seungri lean his back on his chest, brushed youngers hair back and wiped the sweat on his forehead.

''It will be okay.'' He said, trying to stay calm. ''It will be okay.'' He kissed the top of Seungri's head, trying to hold him still because Seungri couldn't control his body, he was having spasms.

''Open your mouth, Ri.'' He said and tried to put the med between his lips but Seungri shook his head, kept struggling while crying.

''You don't----understand---l-let me go--''

''Shh----Shh--'' Jiyong wrapped his arms around of Seungri's body strongly. ''Hey---hey---take a breathe, Seungri--'' He made Seungri lay still on his chest, forcing him to do that with his stronger arms.

''P--please---please--I need to--''

''Shh.'' Jiyong rubbed his cheek on youngers from behind, kept whispering against to his ear. ''It will be okay---It will be okay, sweetheart.''

Seungri didn't respond but Jiyong knew, like he always did, Jiyong knew Seungri remembered that day.The day he let himself.The only day he let himself.

''You were so scared---Do you remember, Ri?--'' He kept talking, still holding Seungri's body against his, talking softly against his ear. ''You were so scared to lose me--- Did I let you?--Did I let you when you hold my hand, Ri?''

Seungri was still crying, he couldn't control it, he needed his candies.He needed them so bad he couldn't even think about something else---

''Did I let you?'' Jiyong asked again, this time it got Seungri's attention because Jiyong reached down and intertwined their fingers.Made Seungri remember that day, how Jiyong let him hold his hand because he felt scared, he didn't want to lose Jiyong.

Seungri shook his head no and Jiyong smiled, kissed his temple.

''That's true---I didn't let you---This time, I'm the scared one Ri---Can you please--let me hold you for a while?''

Seungri closed his eyes, tried to stop crying.

''I don't want to lose you----I can't lose you--'' Jiyong mumbled, leaving kisses on his cheeks, wherever he could reach. ''I'm not going to let you live like this---You're gonna die Ri----If you don't---You're gonna make someone die---or hurt--- I won't let this happen---do you hear me?''

Seungri kept shaking his head no, but couldn't even fight anymore, he couldn't even make his body move.

''Listen to me---I'm-- I'm stronger than you-- You can't hurt me and go out of here--- You can't Ri--- I will never let you go out of this room--- Do you hear me?''

''P-please--''

''No, no----- Shh..'' Jiyong embraced him tightly, kissed the skin near his ear. ''It will be okay-- You will feel better--''

''No---It's---h-hurting--you don't--''

''I do, I understand-- I want to make it disappear Ri--- You need to trust me, okay?''

Seungri shook his head no again.

''You need to want this-- Or else, you will suffer for nothing--- You need to want this, Ri.'' Jiyong tried to talk without showing that he was crying too.

''Do you know why you always feel so sleepy with me?--- Because, you do want to sleep when I'm near Ri---Because you trust me-- Do you remember how you felt when you thought I could be disappear in any moment---Do you remember how you kept holding my hand?----''

''I'm---I'm sorry--'' 

With that, Jiyong paused for few seconds.Tried to not make any sound while crying.

''Yes, you're sorry---So stop making me feel like that Ri--- I didn't let you-- you shouldn't let me too-- You always do the most scariest things, right sweetheart?'' He said smiling, his tears still rolling on his cheeks.

''I do----'' Seungri chuckled, still sweating as hell and he hardly finished his sentence before throwing up again.

''D-don't I?''