Chapter Five


The distance between us


Looking at the old photos on my cell phone, a movie goes through my head. All the moments that we spent together are memories that I will never forget. Those were precious moments for me. That's when I found out I loved him. During the filming of the drama. I know I'll never be able to totally separate from Go Mi Nam. You'll always be a part of me. A watershed in my life.

When I met Oppa, I felt so nervous. He was so handsome. And I did not know what to do or tell him. And over the years, he was getting more and more beautiful in my eyes. And I've been blinded by its brilliance. Like a star. One star, distant and unreachable. I always knew that Oppa liked Noonas. He preferred older, more experienced women. And who was I near them? Just one more friend. At most the sister he never had. And maybe that's why Oppa felt so comfortable with me. Maybe I would remember someone in his family. Even his mother liked me.

But over time, my hopes were fading, and my courage to declare myself. More and more my place as a sworn sister settled down in his life. And as such, I was able to meet all the women who went through his life. And to each that he knew, my heart was being shattered more and more. But as a Platonic sentiment, Oppa did not know, I did not even suspect my feelings for him. I wanted it that way. It was better this way. I could not bear to live a life without him.

And then, after all those years, I decided to let that feeling go. Like the wind, blowing away. Like the river, taking away the current. So I said goodbye to my loyalty to Oppa. He already had someone who could take good care of him. And so be it.

I decided to go for a walk on the Han River, to clear my mind, and decide, once and for all, what to do with my life. Maybe the light breeze emanating from Han can help me. Tennis ok. Headphones ok. Ready. All right. For these confusing days, I like to listen to my playlist of sad songs.

Walking slowly near the Han, my heart would calm down. The beats were already at a slower, softer pace. I sat down on one of the empty benches to admire the landscape. The stars gleamed in the sky, as bright and enigmatic as the moon. A beautiful spectacle. I feel grateful to be able to admire this sky.

I was so lost in thought that I did not see him approach and sit beside me. I only noticed his presence when I heard his deep voice. That voice I knew even in my dreams. That I loved to listen. The voice of my Oppa.

"The sky is beautiful today is not it? The stars and the moon are a perfect match, do not you think? "He looked at me with curious eyes, those eyes that made my poor heart melt in a minute. Then he ran his hands through his hair, and stared at me for an answer. He was a little breathless. Half-zonza. With difficulty breathing. All at once. That look could do this to me.
"Really. Very handsome. "That's all I could think of to answer.
"Have you been here long?" He asked curiously, giving me a cornered eye. "I enjoyed meeting you here. I believe it was destiny. "And her smile flooded her beautiful face, that smile that I missed so much. I just managed to smile back.
"Maybe yes, maybe not. Who knows? I just got here. "I bowed my head and smiled shyly, not knowing what to do next. Oppa could always make me nervous, especially when I was this close. I had even forgotten how good her smell was.
"I've been waiting for this moment for months," he said to me in a whisper as it drew nearer and nearer until our eyes were only a foot away. "Shin Hye, I want to tell you something. I need to tell you before I go to the military. Time was never my forte. I've always been very bad at these things, you know. But there is something that I can no longer ignore. It's something very big, and I can not express it in words, because nothing seems to fit what I'm feeling. "Until then my heart was already beating out of rhythm, since I heard his voice.
"I also have something to tell you, Oppa." I answered with a certainty that until now I do not know where it came from.
"So let's say it together, okay?" Oppa told me, with that confident air only he could do.
One two. Three.
"I love you."
"I'm with Jong Suk."