Kriiiiiiing~Kriiiiiing~hyuuung wake up~ it’s morning~ it’s time to wake up, love~come on now, wake up~wake up~ oh love~ hey hey~ now you are awake right? Good~good~ now smile! Have a great day ahead~ I love you I love you I love youuuu!~

Jiwon can’t stop himself from smiling from ear-to-ear as he heard his alarm tone. He was already awake as soon as it alarmed, but still he let it finished before he turned it off. He was doing some stretching when he remembered something. Grinning, he gets his phone and called Sunghoon.

“Hi love, good morning~” says Sunghoon

“Good morning, love. Are you on your way to Seoul now?” Jiwon asks in a longing voice. Sunghoon laughs softly and also in a soft voice answered, “four more hours, love. Just four more hours and we’ll be together again.” Jiwon hums and then sighs. They were silent for a while.

“I missed you.” They both said at the same time. Sunghoon laughed and Jiwon smiled after hearing his laughter.

“Four more hours”

“Yes, four more hours. See you later, Jiwonnie. I love you!”

“I love you too, so much.” Jiwon replied affectionately, he knows Sunghoon is smiling brightly on the other line.

It took them a minute before they managed to cut the call.

--

Jiwon took his time on starting his day. He took so much time on making breakfast and eating breakfast. Afterwards he did a general cleaning and made some new arrangements in his house—in his bedroom, kitchen, living room. He made himself busy, trying to divert his attention from looking at the clock—he put his phone away from him (and set the ringer volume to the loudest) just to stop himself from looking at the time, also he took off his watch so he won’t be tempted to look at it. Still, he can’t keep himself from glancing at the clock hanging in the living room.

“Done!” shouted Jiwon as he slumped on the sofa, eyes trained to the clock on his right side. “I still have two hours before I’m going to fetch him at the airport…” Jiwon hums, thinking of what to do with his time. “ah, I’m so tired. I’ll just take a shower afterwards…sleep sounds good right now.”

**

“Hyung? Hyu~ung, why are you here? Hyuuu~uung” Sunghoon slapped his arm, waking him up.

“Huh? What? What!? Ah, it’s just you, Sunghoon. I thought something is happening.”

“That’s what you get on sleeping here. Why are you sleeping here in the park again?” They are at the park. You would think that now they are both college students, they would change but they never did.

Jiwon looks at Sunghoon’s face before he glanced back at the sky. In a soft tone, he answered, “it is so peaceful here. Also it brings back memories. Do you remember?” he asked, closing his eyes. He felt Sunghoon sitting beside him.

“Yes, I remember. This is our tree. We used to play in this area and sleep under this tree back then.”

“They did some renovating but still we know the place that we marked as ours.”

“And we have the tree to help us anyway.” Said Sunghoon

Jiwon laughed, “right. We put our names on it. You were too childish with the heart that you put between our names.”

It was Sunghoon who laughed this time, “No, you were more childish with the umbrella that you drew right above the heart that I drew.”

Jiwon smiled, “We were so childish back then. But, you know that promise we made back then won’t change, right? It might have sounded so childish but it is true. I will always be beside you. I will always have your back. You will always have me to cry on, to lean on. I—“ Jiwon averted his gaze from the sky to Sunghoon, who was already staring at him as he started talking, “—I will always, always, be beside you. That’s a promise that I will not break. Ever.”

Sunghoon solemnly stares at Jiwon’s serious face. “Even after ten years?”

Jiwon nodded, “Even after ten years. I will always be here for you—if you would allow me to stay beside you then I will stay beside you, if someone is already standing beside you then I will be behind you, I will always have your back, and even if you would change and tells me I can’t stay with you anymore, I will still be here, will still watch and protect you, even if I could only do it in silence, even if I could only do it from far away.”

“Even after twenty, thirty, fifty years?”

Jiwon cracks a smile as he said “Is it that really hard to believe?”

“I believe you. I was just asking for assurance.” Sunghoon replied with a cheeky smile. “And since we are talking about promises, I am going to promise you this.” Sunghoon took Jiwon’s left hand and put it on his chest “I am going to take care of this so that hyung won’t worry about me. I will always be happy. And I will always smile for hyung.”

“You can’t.” Jiwon said with a frown.

Sunghoon frowned with what he said too. “What? Why?”

Jiwon slowly rose his right hand and put it on Sunghoon’s left cheek. He is still wearing a frown as he looked at Sunghoon’s lips. Slowly, he traced Sunghoon’s lips as he said, “only smile when you mean it. It’s alright not to smile, I am here and will be here to make you smile. It’s alright to not be careful and be broken-hearted, I am here and will be here to help you heal. It’s alright to not be happy, I am here and will be here to lift up your mood.” He finished, tapping Sunghoon’s cheek. Sunghoon chuckled as Jiwon shifted beside him and put his head on his lap.

Sunghoon sweetly smiled down at Jiwon, saying, “You really are the best best bestfriend in the world! I’m glad I came back! I am glad I am here with you!”

Jiwon stared at Sunghoon’s eyes. He didn’t break their eye contact until Sunghoon tilted his head and questioned him what’s wrong. Jiwon closed his eyes and shook his head, “nothing. Nothing’s wrong.” He turned sideways and burrowed his face on Sunghoon’s stomach. “yeah, best friend.” He mumbled, still Sunghoon heard him.

Jiwon didn’t see Sunghoon biting his lower lip as it trembled. He only heard Sunghoon humming. He didn’t see him staring at him with longing. He only felt Sunghoon running his hands on his back and his hair.

Their time together was interrupted when Sunghoon’s phone rang. Jiwon took Sunghoon’s phone, which is near his head, and answered it. As soon as he heard the voice, he sat up. With his face lighting, he said, “Yah! Where are you!?”

**

“It’s been so long, Jaejin-ah!” Jiwon greeted when they finally found him after roaming around the airport, after telling Jaejin to stay in one place. He patted Jaejin’s back before standing next to Sunghoon. Sunghoon was quiet, only staring at Jaejin. Jaijin noticed this but didn’t say anything because Jiwon was already talking, asking him how he has been. Jaejin haven’t seen Jiwon for seven years, among the six of them, Sunghoon is the only one he sees every year, during summer break, sometimes during winter break. Since his family moved to the states with Sunghoon’s family when they were still in Junior High, they grew closer. Though Sunghoon was only there for three years before going back to Seoul to continue college, they have been in contact and Jaejin along with Sunghoon’s sister, Seoyeon, were the persons who keep on checking on him since Sunghoon has been on bad terms with his parents. “You should have told us in advance that you are going to visit! If you did, Suwon and Jaeduckie would be here welcoming you too!”

“Nah~ I’ll see them at school.” Jaejin uttered, smiling wide at Jiwon. He then stepped forward Sunghoon and hugged him, saying “Have you been well?”

Sunghoon returned the hug before saying, “Yes, thanks for asking, hyung. Why are you—“

“What do you mean you’ll see them in school?” Jiwon interrupted, slinging his arm around Sunghoon’s shoulder when the two break their hug.

“I just transferred. I’ll be going to start attending school next week.” Sunghoon looked sharply at Jaejin while Jiwon was smiling wide, happy that the five of them are together again. “Now, the only missing is Jiyong.” Jiwon said.

“Ever since I told Jiyong that I’m going to transfer here, he has been itching to see everyone. He kept on telling me he is jealous.” Jaejin said, laughing “But because he is busy, he couldn’t come with be.”

“Right, where are you staying, hyung? You can come and stay with me.” Sunghoon suggested

“Hmm, then let me stay with you for a while”

“Only for a while?” Sunghoon asked, brows rising.

Jaejin felt himself sweating, he didn’t tell Sunghoon but Seoyeon and him has grown a lot closer and just started dating three months ago. “Uh, I need to have my own place. You know how I have a separate room for my art back home…”

“Alright, till you can find your own place then.” Sunghoon said, smiling. Jaejin didn’t know but he thinks Sunghoon’s smile looks different. He was about to say something when Sunghoon walked towards him and held his arm, leaving a confused Jiwon behind. “Now, let’s go home. I’m pretty sure you are tired, I’ll cook for you.” He said sweetly, cutely smiling at Jaejin “Let’s go, Jiwon hyung.” He added as he looked back only to catch Jiwon’s confused and hurt expression before masking it with a smile. Sunghoon then realized, it was the first time that Jiwon sees him clinging to another person when in fact he has always been by Jiwon’s side, every time, always. But Sunghoon didn’t let go of Jaejin’s arm even when Jiwon took the vacant place at his left side, and Jaejin let Sunghoon cling to him.

Both didn’t see Sunghoon’s hurt but determined expression before talking to the both of them animatedly.

It took Jaejin a month before he understands what Sunghoon was doing. He was trying to show to Jiwon that Sunghoon likes him. It took him three weeks before he realized that Jiwon likes Sunghoon more than a friend does, and another week before he realized that Sunghoon loves Jiwon.

Every time the five of them are together and Sunghoon is being attentive with him, he sees how Jiwon’s hurtful eyes would glance at them. And everytime Jiwon excuses himself, he would see Sunghoon’s façade breaking with his eyes following Jiwon longingly.

It took him another month before he confronted Sunghoon about it. He found an apartment after two weeks of staying in Sunghoon’s apartment. Jaejin then thought why it took him that long and why he didn’t realize anything when Jiwon was always there with them, every day, even when he found his own place.

Sunghoon had an attack that morning and stayed at home, only telling Jaejin about what happened. As soon as he answered Sunghoon’s call and told him about it, he ran and foregone classes to take care of Sunghoon. He was putting the last of the plate when he opened the topic.

“Sunghoon-ah, you need to tell him. You need to stop this.” Jaejin said gently.

Sunghoon was quiet for a while before saying, “Why are you helping me, hyung?”

He knows Sunghoon doesn’t want to explain why. He knows Sunghoon has been keeping his sickness a secret to everyone. He has been telling a lie to everyone ever since they were in Junior High. He only learned about it when they were in the states. And only when Seoyeon got angry at Sunghoon and cried to him that his brother is not okay and has been living his life purely believing that there is no future for him. It was then that he remembered the frequent visit of Sunghoon to the hospital but just kept on telling everyone it was a monthly check up that his parents want them to be healthy and keeps on taking them to the hospital every month for a health check-up. Ever since he knew the truth, he has been seeing the lonely and pessimistic Sunghoon clearly. He learned how to differentiate the younger’s expression and tries to lift his spirit up. He has been Sunghoon’s hyung since then and sees the younger as the dongsaeng that he never had. “Sunghoon, he needs to know the truth.”

“Thank you for always helping me, Jaejin hyung.” Sunghoon softly mumbled.

Jaejin just sighed and went to the younger, putting his hand on his head, patting it. “Sunghoon-ah”

“I know. I know hyung I know. But I can’t-I can’t do it.” Sunghoon answered, looking up with a frightened expression that made Jaejin hugged him tight.

“Sunghoon the both of you are suffering. Can’t you see?” he whispered

“He’ll suffer more if we gave it a chance, hyung” was Sunghoon’s muffled reply

“Sunghoon-ah, listen to me.” Jaejin said, cupping Sunghoon’s face, looking him in the eyes. But before he can say what he has in mind, Sunghoon took something out of his pocket and held it up for him to see. It’s a blue envelope.

“Please give this to him tomorrow, hyung.” The younger said, voice cracking/

“What is this? A letter?” Jaejin asked, inspectioning the letter up close. There was a “To Jiwon hyung” written at the front and a “Please be happy” at the back.

“Yes. Give it to him tomorrow, hyung, please.”

“Are you telling him through a letter?” Jaejin asked, trying to read Sunghoon’s expression.

“It’s the only way that I can speak to him. I can’t say it. I can’t talk to him face to face.” Sunghoon said in a pained voice.

“Alright, I’ll give this to him. You are not running away, are you?” Jaejin asked, in all honesty, the letter is scaring him.

“I’m not.” Sunghoon sadly smile. “I won’t run anymore.”

And with that, Jaejin’s warning headlights calmed down and he exhaled loudly. “Arasso, I’ll give this to him when I see him tomorrow morning.”

“Thanks, hyung. Also thank you for checking up on me.” Sunghoon gratefully smiled and gave him a hug.

“Alright, I’ll go now.”

He bid Jaejin farewell and closed the door of his apartment. Sunghoon leaned at the door with eyes staring unfocusedly at the wall. “I can’t run anymore. This is it for me.” He clenched his hands and bit his lower lip. But as soon as his eyes watered, he clamped his left hand on his mouth, muffling a sob, and his right hand positioned on his left chest. He clenched his hand and hold onto his shirt tightly, his knuckles turning white while he tried to muffle his cries.

Minutes has passed and he was still there muffling his cries of “why’s” when he was startled by the door behind him which was suddenly opened harshly. Jiwon closed the door behind him as he pocketed the key given to him by Sunghoon years ago. He was breathing hard as he stared Sunghoon down.

“What are you doing here?” Sunghoon asked, voice cracking. He hurriedly erased the sign of tears on his face.

“What is the meaning of this?” Jiwon asked, lifting his right hand. He has Sunghoon’s letter on his hand, already crumpled with the way he is holding it.

“Why do you have that now? I told Jaejin hyung to give it to you tomo—”

“Damn it, Sunghoon!” Jiwon shouted, silencing Sunghoon. He pocketed the letter, trying to avert Sunghoon’s gaze from it to him. “I decided to check up on you. I met Jaejin on the way and gave this to me. Now, what do you mean by what you said on the letter? You are sick? What-how-you love me? Sunghoon, is everything you have written there the truth?” Jiwon asked, voice mixed with insecurity. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was supposed to be tomorrow… I planned everything. You are supposed to read that letter tomorrow.” Sunghoon mumbles, eyes locked at the spot behind Jiwon.

“Sung—“ Jiwon took the three steps distance from him and Sunghoon to engulfed Sunghoon in a bone-crushing hug. “Idiot!” he harshly whispered, tears starting to fall in his eyes as he heard Sunghoon trying to muffle a sob. “Stupid, idiot! You are so selfish! Why are you keeping these things from me? Am I not worthy—”

Sunghoon stopped Jiwon from completing what he was saying by returning the hug and burrowing his face on Jiwon’s neck. “No, no, no hyung! Don’t say that! I just want to protect Jiwon hyung too! I just want to… I know… I know it was wrong for me to pretend that I…to Jaejin hyung… I hurt you. I know. I also know how you feel about me. Because I do feel the same, hyung.” Jiwon burrowed his head on Sunghoon’s neck as he tightened his hold around Sunghoon more. “I want to be with you so bad but I know it’s just not about me. What about you? What would happen if I’m gone? What would happen to you?”

“Don’t say that. Don’t say that, please.” Jiwon begs

“And then you said all of those promises and I just can’t—you love me so much, what would you do if I was gone? That’s why I pretended that I like Jaejin hyung. I pretended, hoping that the love you felt for me would slowly diminish but you—but you still continue on staying and showing how much you care and love me! And everytime you do those little things for me, I always wish I can be open and vocal about my feelings for you. I want to reciprocate your love so bad. But then something would happen like me fainting, or my chest would hurt suddenly, and it would be a reminder for me to stick to the plan… the plan to at least lessen the hurt that you would feel when I—“

“Did you really think you can lessen the hurt that you made me feel? Did you really think what I feel for you would fade away? You let me feel the opposite, Sunghoon-ah” Jiwon whispered on Sunghoon’s ear “You hurt me but then you would do something, making me feel special. It hurts so much that it’s not me. But then when you see me hurt, you would do something to soothe my wound. It hurts me because you are doing it for me, to calm me. At the same time, it made me love you more. You let me love you and show you how much I care for you. How can I love you less? I can only love you more and more each day.”

“But hyung, we can’t—”

“What are you afraid of? Don’t be afraid for me. Because you are not going anywhere. I know because you won’t leave me. You don’t want to leave, right?”

“Hyung, you know that I—“

“Do you love me?”

“I love you, so much.”

“Then, let’s be together. Allow us to be together, Hoon-ah. Allow us to be genuinely happy together.”

“Hyung—“

“We’ll worry about your problem together. Share your burden, your worries, your nightmares to me Hoon-ah. Share everything to me. Let me protect you. Let me make you happy.” Jiwon cupped his face as he added “Let’s make each other happy."

Sunghoon holds Jiwon’s wrist and kissed his palm as he stared back, eyes shining from unshed tears. “Alright, let’s be happy together.” He said in a soft voice with a smile on his face. Jiwon smiled back at Sunghoon.

Still cupping Sunghoon’s face, Jiwon leaned down slightly to kiss Sunghoon on the forehead, with Sunghoon chuckling in reply to his kiss.   Jiwon gazed at Sunghoon’s eyes with a small smile, Sunghoon smiling back sweetly. “Saranghae” he whispered, thumb caressing Sunghoon’s cheeks, and eyes still staring at Sunghoon’s.

Sunghoon encircled his arms around Jiwon’s waist as he leaned into his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “Saranghae.” He replied

***

It has been four months since they got together. There was never been a day that they did not show how much they love each other. They always do something that would show how much the other means to them. They are happy. And Sunghoon is glad that he let himself to be happy, that he let himself to be with Jiwon. And because of that, he made a decision.

He was admitted to the hospital earlier that day because he suddenly passed out. Thankfully, Jiwon was with him during that time. They just finished eating their breakfast, he stood up and was about to put the dishes on the sink when he felt dizzy and passed out. Jiwon got scared and frantically called an ambulance and his friends about what happened to him.

His condition is getting worse, the doctor said so. He was looking at Jiwon’s face when the doctor said the news so he saw how it changed—from being worried to being scared. And he could only hold Jiwon’s hand as a sign of comfort to the older. Still, Jiwon gave him a smile and told him they’d find a way to make him feel better, but he already saw how scared he was. Right then and there, he made his decision.

Sunghoon never got along with his parents. That is the reason why he is living alone, the reason why he flew back to Seoul after graduating high school. Yes, they send him money for his living expenses even when he is already in his 2^nd year in college but that’s all that. The only person that he gets along well in his family is his younger sister. He loves his younger sister very much and he knows his younger sister is the reason why Jaejin transferred schools. That is also the reason why he called Jaejin to visit him when Jiwon was busy in the uni.

“What is it Sunghoon? Are you not feeling well? Do I have to call for a doctor? Wait here, I’ll be rig—“

“They sent you here, didn’t they, hyung?”

“Wha—”

“I know. And I’m sure, Seoyoon told you something that convinced you to be a part of this.”

Jaejin stares at him and sighs. “Yes, you are right. I know you don’t like them and you love your freedom that’s why I was hesitant at first… but Seoyoon told me something that changed my mind. They might have never been the good parents but they are trying their best to change that.” Sunghoon snorted at that but Jaejin continued “they never stopped on looking for a way to help you, Sunghoon. And I just got a call from your sister yesterday. They found a heart donor, Sunghoon!” Jaejin said, excited, amazed.

“That means—“

“Yes!”

“The chances are 60-40 right? Wait… but that also means, I need to be away from them, especially from Jiwon hyung for a while.”

“I was told by your father that they are still going to monitor you 6 months after the operation and he also suggested that it would be better for you to finish your studies in the states.”

“That means I am going to be away for almost three years…”

“If you’re worried about Jiwon hyung, don’t be. The situation is different now. Both of you have confessed and started a relationship already. Communication won’t be a hassle and I am pretty sure you guys won’t let a day without communicating with each other.” Jaejin said, looking pointedly at him.

“You know us so well, hyung!” Sunghoon laughed then added “but aren’t you talking from experience?”

Jaejin blushed and stuttered “Ah, well, Seo Yoon is, wait how did you know?! Right, don’t answer that, you’re his brother after all.”

“Why did you think I made you suffer when you came here? I was just trying to see if you are worthy to be with my sister but since you helped me without even asking me what you have put yourself into, I pitied you instead.”

“Hey!” Jaejin butted in

“Just don’t let her cry hyung. May the both of you be happy always.” Sunghoon said with a smile. Jaejin send him a grateful smile. Then he zoned out for a bit before he focused his gaze on Jaejin again. “And I’m going to do it. For Jiwon hyung.”

Jaejin confusedly blinked at him but then gave him a bright smile as soon as he got what he was saying. “When are you going? I need to arrange a plane ticket for you. Sadly, I can’t go with you because I need to prepare the papers for us to transfer schools, more like I am going back to my school though. I’ll go as soon as I’m finished here.” Jaejin blabbered, already dialing Seo Yoon about the good news.

“Just please—“

“Hmm? Did you say something, Sunghoon?”

“Don’t tell Jiwon hyung about this first. He is busy with his exams this week. I already told him to contact me only through texts and calls and focus on his exams, that he can only visit me when his exam period is over.”

“But Sunghoon—“

“If ever he would find out, just tell him what I told you, that I am going to do this for him. That I am willing to start anew with my parents and that I am not going to give up. I intend to go back to him and grow old with him. But if he could not wait, then there is nothing we can do about it right? We can only move forward.”

**

Jiwon did found out about it. He just finished his last exam, accounting, when he saw Jaejin talking to the Dean of Sunghoon’s college. He half run half-walked towards their direction and heard the ending of their conversation.

“…please send my regards to Kang Sunghoon-ssi. We are sad to see one of our smartest student changes school but I am rooting for him. I hope he continues on excelling on his chosen field.”

“He will continue on studying biology sir, that’s his passion. I’m sure he will, he is a smart kid afterall.”

The dean laughed at what Jaejin said, “And you too, Mr. Lee. Please continue on excelling on the field of arts. Till then.” The Dean said and bid Jaejin goodbye. The Dean saw him when he turned and offered him a smile before he went on his way.

Jaejin saw Jiwon and knew when he stopped and listened to their conversation. He braced himself from an outburst when Mr. Kim went on his way. “What was that about? What does he mean by Sunghoon changing school?”

“Hyung, calm down for a moment—“

“How can I calm down? He didn’t tell me anything even when we contact each other daily!” Jiwon took his phone out and started dialing Sunghoon’s number.

“Hyung listen to me!” Jaejin shouted, startling Jiwon. He succeeded on stopping Jiwon. He took a calming breath, they started walking and he said “Hyung, he is doing this for you. No, I’m not yet finished” he added when he saw Jiwon opening his mouth again “The real reason why I came back is because I was asked by Sunghoon’s sister to talk to Sunghoon and persuade him to go to the states and live with them. But we all know how strained Sunghoon and his parents’ relationship is, so I was hesitant. But Seo Yoon told me that her parents are trying to reach out to Sunghoon. She told me they never stopped on looking for a way to help Sunghoon. That made me reconsider and that is the reason why I came back. And as always, Sunghoon connected everything and he knew the reason why I was here. At that time too, I was just contacted by Seo Yoon that they have found a donor. Sunghoon didn’t tell you because you are going to worry about him and not focus on your exams. He told me to tell you that he is going to try reconnecting with his parents for you, that he is not going to give up so that the both of you will be able to be together and grow old together. He intends to go back to you, hyung. He is not going to disappear in your life.”

“Oh… but why transfer school?”

“Uh, about that…” Jaejin scratched his cheek as he said “he is going to finish his studies there. His father suggested about it since they still need to monitor him after the operation.”

“…that means—“

“He also said that if you couldn’t wait, you just have to call him and tell him” Jiwon snorted “Right, funny isn’t it? You have waited for him for so long, three years is not that long. And it is different now, you are in a relationship and can freely tell each other about how much you love each other and all those mushy stuffs you always do every day. Also you can communicate every day.”

“Thanks Jaejin-ah. Thanks for explaining to me. Also, please take good care of him for me since I can’t be there right beside him.”

“I will hyung. And I will contact you and will update you about his condition too.”

“Thanks.” Jiwon said, sighing in relief, grateful for Jaejin’s words.

“Now you can contact him and scold him for not telling you.” Jaejin joked, “I’m going now, hyung. I still have a flight to catch. The operation will be on Sunday, by the way.” He added as he jogged towards the direction of the exit.

Jiwon remained standing there, phone still on hand. He was startled when it rang. He hastily answered the call when he saw it was Sunghoon. “Hello?”

“Hello, hyung? I just woke up and saw you called me. What is it?”

Jiwon didn’t know where to start—should he scold him? Or encouraged him? Should he tell him to worry about himself before him? In the end, he only said “I love you and I will always wait for you. You are worth it. That will never change.”

And Jiwon knows Sunghoon understands the meaning of his words, that Jaejin might have told him already and that Jiwon understands his underlying fear that’s why he said those words, to comfort him and give him strength.

*Ding~dong* *Ding~dong*

Jiwon woke up sweating. He was looking at the ceiling with his clouded eyes. He was trying to remember what woke him up on his nap. *Ding~dong* “Right, someone is here. Wait, someone is here? Who could that be, I just started my leave today, I still have 10 days before I need to go back to work.” *Ding~dong* “Ah! I still need to take a shower!” he glanced at the clock and calmed himself when he saw he still have an hour to get ready.” *Ding~dong* “Coming!” he shouted as he wiped his sweaty face. He didn’t bother on looking at the intercom, he just went directly to the door. “Who is—”

“Hi, I’m home.” Sunghoon said, eyes shining, smile widening at Jiwon’s facial expression. But then his face softens as he saw Jiwon’s eyes watering. Sunghoon pushed his luggage away and enveloped Jiwon in a very tight hug. Jiwon reciprocated the tight hug, burrowing his face on Sunghoon’s neck, Sunghoon doing the same. No words were exchanged. They just kept on holding each other tight, once in a while kissing each other’s neck, with their clothes slowly being damped by the tears that they were shedding.

Finally, at long last, they are finally together.

*cling-clang-cursing-whispering*

Jiwon opened his eyes, slowly blinking away the haze he was feeling and when his eyesight cleared, he saw Jaeduck looking at him worriedly while holding a bottle of beer in one hand and a plastic bag in the other. “Where is Sunghoon?” he asked as soon as he found his voice. Jaeduck looked at Jaejin and Suwon who stopped with their cleaning and looked at each other before looking back at Jiwon. It was Jaejin who answered him.

“Let’s stop this already, Jiwon hyung.”

“What are you talking about?” Jiwon asked Jaejin confusedly. He lazily turned his body and sat up. “We were just together a while ago. It looked like I fell asleep. What about him? Is he downstairs preparing some food? I’m hungry. What are you all doing in my bedroom by the way?”

“Jiwon hyung” Suwon started, when Jiwon’s attention was on him, he said “Hyung, it has been almost two years. You need to stop this. Please. We are worried about you.”

“Hyung, please.” Jaeduck said too.

“What the are you all talking about? Call Sunghoon, I need to tell him that the three of you are banned to enter my bedroom now.”

“Hyung, please stop this. You know Sunghoon has been dead for—”

“Shut the up, Jaejin!” Jiwon shouted. “No… we were just…” Jiwon ruffled his hair, and tried talking again “he was just here and I was just holding him a while ago…” he pulled his hair with both hands “that can’t be true… that’s not true…” he was still murmuring it again and again when he heard Jaeduck calling him. Jiwon looked at Jaeduck in the eyes, anger and hopelessness visible on his face. “Get out.” He said.

“Hyung—“ Suwon started but was cut off harshly by Jiwon

“Get out!” The three are actually very familiar with this Jiwon, Jaeduck and Suwon calmly walked towards the door but still throwing some worried looks at him. It was Jaejin who went near him and handed him a blue envelope.

“Before you throw us out. This one came today. Seoyoonie told me to tell you that she was sorry because she just remembered about this. Each of us received one and just in case you haven’t checked your mailbox again, I checked it myself. Also, Jaeduck cooked some food for you and we did some cleaning before we accidentally woke you up. Hyung, we might have promised Sunghoon but it is not the reason why we are still here for you. It was not only you who lost him, hyung. Please understand that we lost him too. And we are all in this together. We know that the pain you are feeling is much deeper than the pain we feel. But please do understand hyung, we can’t lose you too.” After saying those words to Jiwon, he turned his back and walked towards Jaeduck and Suwon. “We will always be here for you. I hope the time will come when we could, once again, hang out and share our happy memories with Sunghoon, hyung.” And with that, the three of them closed the door to Jiwon’s bedroom.

Jiwon was left contemplating what Jaejin has told him. After a minute of staring at the wall, he averted his gaze to his side, to the blue envelope that Jaejin gave him earlier. He knows who wrote that letter. Because he received one before and in a blue envelope too. He took the envelope and gently opened it. He then started reading it, eyes already watering.

“Dear Jiwon hyung,

Happy birthday! How are you? I hope you are doing well. It would be a year now, eh? I don’t know, I’m not sure. How are you hyung? Did you change? Please don’t change. Please stay the way you are now. Handsome, gentle, sweet, and kind. Haha! Jaeduckie and Suwonie always tells me you only showed those traits to me, I mean being gentle, kind, and sweet. Not being handsome because you are always handsome.

By the way hyung, are you being hard to Jaeduck, Suwon, and Jaejin hyung again? Please don’t be hard on them. You know that I always find it funny when you are being hard and stubborn to them, but please do treat them kindly, sometimes. Hehe.

How’s life, hyung? “It’s been hard without you, Hoon-ah”

I really hope you are doing well without me, hyung. “Well, you are wrong”

Did you forget about me already? Do you have someone new in your heart already? Uwaa, writing these questions and imagining you loving someone else and being with someone else is hard. But you have to, for you to move on. If moving on means you forgetting about me, it’s alright. If moving on means erasing all our memories together, it’s alright. As long as you can move on. If you can move on without forgetting about me and if you can move on while treasuring our memories together, then that means you have peacefully moved on and is now happy! But if you are the opposite, hyung, I beg of you, please if you are being the opposite right now, don’t. Don’t be a sad and an angry person.

How I wish we can still be together. How I wish we can grow old together. How I wish I can be there with all of you. How I wish I’d be able to stay alive. How I wish I was born healthy and strong. How I wish… how I wish I can still make memories with you.

There are many things that I would like to do with you but cannot do now. There are many things I want to experience with you but those things are unreachable now. I’m sorry if my handwriting became bad, I just can’t stop shaking. I’m sorry it has become wet my tears cannot stop falling.

Goodbye, hyung. I’m sorry I cannot be with you anymore. I am sorry I only wrote two letters. I am going to ask my sister to send this to you once per year. On your birthday sounds good, right? I would like to write more letters for you but in my condition right now, I cannot anymore. I’m sorry for everything. I love you, Jiwon. I love you so much. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you!

Please keep on going. Please continue on living. Please live your life well. For me, please do it.

Fall has ended as I write this letter. Winter is coming. Please take care. I love you so so much.

“Wake up, hyung, wake up.” Jiwon woke up gasping for air. He was shaking, tears pouring down his face. He was startled when someone hugged him. He turned his head and found Sunghoon staring at him with a frown on his beautiful face.

“Sunghoon-ah” Jiwon said, face clearly in shock. He looked around and found he is in his bedroom. It was messy, clothes were scattered on the floor, there was even a shirt hanging on the doorknob. He looked back at a Sunghoon, mind still in shock.

“Yes? You were crying on your sleep, and was clenching your fist too tightly so I woke you up.”

“Sunghoon-ah” Jiwon said again, this time he reached for the younger’s face, cupping it.

“What’s wrong?” Sunghoon asked worriedly as he wiped Jiwon’s tears.

Jiwon tried to smile at Sunghoon. “Nothing’s wrong. It was just a nightmare.”

“What kind of nightmare is it? It must be really very scary for you to be so scared and for you to cry like this.” The younger said, pulling Jiwon towards his chest, hugging him.

“It was. You were gone and I was…” he stopped mumbling, he hugged Sunghoon tightly instead.

“What is it?” the younger asked Jiwon softly while caressing his hair.

“I just hope you and I are together and living happily in each parallel worlds too.” Jiwon murmured, his dream still vivid in his mind.

“They would be. They are us after all.” Sunghoon answered confidently. Jiwon squeezed him before answering him softly with, “yeah. One thing for sure though,” Jiwon lessened his hold to the younger and looked him straight in the eyes “you are very precious to me, I don’t know what to do if you’re not here.”

“I’m not going anywhere again, hyung. From now on, we’ll always be together, forever*”

“I love you so much” Jiwon fiercely said, face slowly getting closer to Sunghoon.

“And I love you” Sunghoon replied lovingly, just in time for their lips to meet in a very passionate way.

*forever – forever for me means as long as we live; that also means till our next life and the next after that.

Author’s note: Happy 21^st anniversary SECHSKIES!!!! This is my peace-offering fic to my unnies: Kim unnie, Reyn unnie, Liz unnie, Ckooolet unnie, sleepycrep unnie, also to julienne hahaha. Posted this today because it’s Sechskies’ anniversary. Other fics will be posted on 22^nd.

I’m sorry the fic turned out like this. Huhu the story was supposed to be different but I was stuck and kept replaying Last Scene by Ikimono Gakari, then voila~! The story changed! Also, I am cringing at the fluffs omgosh if im already being cringey towards the fluff that I write, how am I going to write ?! I’m not saying I am going to write one though.

By the way, it was supposed to end with Jiwon and the letter... but I can't do it because I can't just do that to Sunghoon TT haha but really the ending is the alternate ending. Since it's supposed to be a happy day today that's why, happy ending XD