After almost 7 years, Myungsoo was back to his home. He slowly stepped into his room and saw that everything were at same place as he had left, nothing changed. The only difference was before it seemed so lively but now it feels so dull. But he didn’t have time to dwell on the past right now. He dropped his suitcase on the bed, got a quick shower, changed into fresh clothes and headed towards hospital. Yes, hospital. After all, he had come back to Korea to go to meet his brother Sunggyu who is fighting with life and death at the moment.

 

Though his house and his room had not changed much, as he walked through the streets, he observed that the surroundings, the streets, the houses, the shops, and many of the things had changed. He remembered the bakery, alongside the two-storey house, where he and Sunggyu used to frequent. They used to get very excited to go there and buy their favorite bread by the money they got by coaxing their parents. The rich aroma of the freshly baked cookies and the cakes used to get to their nostrils even from a mile beforehand. A small smile crept up in his lips remembering the time of their childhood. But to his dismay, when he reached the place, there was a huge apartment standing in all its glory instead of the small house and the bakery was nowhere to be found. He immediately felt nostalgic for some reason.

 

            Scurrying off those feelings, he accelerated his pace towards his destination. He politely smiled at the lady at the reception. After getting the Room No. where his brother was admitted, he hurried towards it. But when he arrived right in front of the room, he was fidgeting with the door handle. He was panicking inside. He was going to see his brother after whole 7 years. While he was having a mental battle, a person slightly shorter than him, came to him and patted his shoulder. He was petrified at the sudden touch but calmed down when he saw who the person was. He was carrying tumblr in one hand while the other hand was holding a magazine.

            “Let’s go meet your brother”, Hoya his brother’s husband said.

            With a nod, both of them entered the room.           

 

 

            Unknowingly his eyes had started to sting and tears were threatening to fall. His once very active and vigorous brother was now lying in the bed attached with so many strings, absolutely powerless. He made slow steps towards the bed where his hyung was and sat beside him. He gently holds his hyung’s hand which was so cold in comparison to his own. The hands which once used to pat his head lovingly, the hands which his hyung used to brag every time. “See, my hands are so pretty. My friends say that they are even prettier than any girls..hehe.”  He remembered the childish face his hyung made while saying so. Those hands are still beautiful but it was painful to watch those needles trying to ruin its perfection.

Not sure how long he had been staring at his hyung, but he was brought back to reality when Hoya nudged his arm and handed him a cute diary. He need not turn the diary to see who did it belongs to. It was definitely his hyung’s. Sunggyu was epitome of cuteness. He always loved the pretty things/persons.

            “Sunggyu wanted to give this to you. I’ll bring coffee for you.” With this said Hoya left the room.

 

Myungsoo thanked Hoya for being considerate and turned the diary. Just seeing the first page, Myungsoo was smiling.

 

            “Dear Diary,

                                    From today you and I are best friends, okay. I will share all my feelings with you.”

                                                                                      -Kim Sunggyu

 

And there was a big smiley face sticker at the bottom marking the childishness of his hyung. Sunggyu was such a kid sometimes that Myungsoo wondered who the real maknae of the family was.

He read the first few pages fondly remembering all those days.

           

 

 

 

            “Today Myungsoo tricked me by giving a coffee with salt, stupid boy. I was happy that he was thoughtful for once but how wrong I was. I’m never going to eat something he gives me. >< ”

Sunggyu’s sudden change in expression was hilarious that time.

 

 

 

 

            “Myungsoo is the sweetest dongseang one could ever ask for. I knew that he can cook better than me but I didn’t know that his skills have improved so much. I could not help myself from asking for more and more of the radish beef soup he made.”

Myungsoo remembered the sparkle in his hyung’s eyes while he said, “It’s delicious”. Myungsoo was proud of his skills that day.

“And you’re the best hyung one could ever ask for.” Myungsoo said looking at Sunggyu who was now lying in the hospital bed peacefully.

 

 

 

 

            “I had so much fun today. Hanging out with Woohyun, Junhyung and Minseok is always a great thing.”

Myungsoo remembers them. They were the nice friends of his hyung.

            “I like Woohyun so so much. No, cut it, I love him. He is too cute and sweet. He has a way to melt my heart. But I don’t know if he reciprocates my feeling. I am afraid to tell him. What if he does not feel the same and we end up being awkward with each other.”

Myungsoo pumped his fist in the air. “Yes, I knew that. I was sure that you loved Woohyun hyung. You love all the cute things/ persons after all. But you always denied when I asked you. Why did you hide it from me hyung?” Myungsoo asked excitedly with a pout in his face but he got nothing more than silence returning him. He once again turned the page, eager to know what happened next because now he is married to Hoya.

 

 

 

 

            “I was about to propose Woohyun today but no, he had to make some other plans. Guess lady luck is not with me. He took me to a photo exhibition. The gallery was artistic but I was mesmerized by the way Woohyun looked them in awe. He read all the descriptions written there and analyzed them from so many different angles. It’s good that I know something about photography due to my dear brother. I could interact with him well. I noticed how excited he was while talking to me about photography. Myungsoo-ah, thank you.”

Sunggyu had come one day home so happy and asked Myungsoo to teach him about photography. Myungsoo was surprised by the sudden interest but nonetheless was happy because he loved talking about the subject.

 

 

 

 

            “Nowadays Woohyun talks only about photography with me. Though I’m camera literate but I’m not a professional. And the lesson Myungsoo is giving me is very tough. I didn’t know taking shots were this difficult. Uff..But I want to impress him.”

Myungsoo had never guessed that the real intention behind Sunggyu’s interest in the topic was to impress Woohyun. He never asked him anyway, he was just happy to get his hyung’s companionship.

 

 

 

 

            “I don’t think camera and I suit each other. Stupid camera! Sorry Myungsoo-ah. Though you bought me a latest model of Canon, I don’t think I can capture great views through it. I honestly try but it’s difficult to learn all the filters to use, distance to maintain, angles to shoot. Learning about the different types of camera is yet another long story, which I’m not interested to know at all.”

Myungsoo had realized that the enthusiasm which Sunggyu came with at the beginning had soon faded away. He just knew that it was not his hyung’s matter of interest. Sunggyu was a very good singer, his voice was as melodious as cuckoo singing. But photography was just not something he could marvel at.

 

 

 

 

 

            “SORRY…SORRY…SORRY…SORRY… Myungsoo-ah. Hyung is doing wrong. I know but I don’t want Woohyun’s interest in me to falter. I want to get close to him and I can only do that if I keep talking about his matter of interest, which is photography. So, I took some of the pictures you captured and showed them to Woohyun. He was stunned by the beauty of the images. He could not stop himself from sprouting compliments to me. He hugged me for the first time. As much as I am feeling guilty about lying to him and betraying my own brother, I wanted to savor the time when I was in his arms.”

Myungsoo never knew about those things. That was complete new information to him. He quickly turned the next page.

 

 

 

 

 

            “I cannot look Myungsoo square in his eyes. The guilt is killing me but I don’t want to lose Woohyun too. Argh…If only I was genius in  photography as my dear dongseang but here I am taking pictures from Myungsoo’s album and showing them to Woohyun to get appreciation from him.”

There was a time when Sunggyu avoided Myungsoo as much as possible. He had become very awkward with his brother. Myungsoo wondered what the reason for this change in behavior was but out of all the possibilities, he had never seen this coming.        

 

 

 

 

 

            “I HATE WOOHYUN. I HATE MYUNGSOO. I HATE MYSELF. I HATE EVERY ONE.

            Today Woohyun proposed to me. This must have been the best day of my life. But the guilt I was feeling towards my brother won over the love I felt for Woohyun. Moreover, I didn’t want the foundation of our relationship to be based on lie. So, I confessed everything to him. I had expected him to get furious at me, shout at me, and finally accept me because he loved me right. But no, he listened to the whole thing calmly and what he said next shattered my heart.

            ‘I loved the art but not you. Since you are just a nice façade, GET LOST! I never want to see you again.’

            How could he say like that, like I am nothing, my feelings are a piece of trash? If he does not want to see me, fine. I also will ignore him. What does he think of himself? Is he that great! How could someone speak such vicious words with such simplicity? I HATE YOU NAM WOOHUN.”

 

Myungsoo had felt little hurt knowing that his hyung was using him. But what hurt more was Sunggyu didn’t have faith in his brother. If Sunggyu had asked him, he could have given the pictures himself. This could have made Sunggyu guilt free. Or Myungsoo could have given more efforts to teach photography to his hyung. But that Woohyun was a real jerk. How could he break such precious heart? If Sunggyu wanted, he could have continued to lie, both the parties had no hint at all till now. He had to pay high price for his honesty.

Myungsoo pitied his hyung being chained up with all these sorts of wires around his body and knowing the heart break he had to go through made him seem, more miserable. At the same time, he was fuming with anger towards that stupid Woohyun. How could that jerk know about art while he could not even appreciate the beauty in front of him?

 

 

 

 

 

            “No, I didn’t want to feel like this. I HATE YOU WOOHYUN. But when I see him, the love I felt for him tries to resurface. It’s painful to watch him treat me as if I don’t even exist. He either turns around whenever he sees me or frowns at me. He gives that judging expression and treats me as a bug. Is he that superior?”
 

Myungsoo felt the tears falling down uncontrollably.

“Phabo, hyung. He is not worth your love. You should have just ditched him.” Myungsoo yelled at the sleeping figure.

He himself felt as such a useless brother. He never got a single idea about his hyung going through so much pain. He respected his hyung more for enduring all by himself and not showing any of his heart aches in front of his dear person. Sunggyu was a strong person.

 

 

 

 

            “How dare him! He is trying to get close to Myungsoo. That bastard! It’s already enough that he hurt me so much. I won’t let that jerk to get near my Myungsoo. So, I confronted him and told him to stay away from my brother. But what that jerk said enraged me a lot. He said that he appreciated the pictures I showed him. So, he wants to know more about the person who was behind all those amazing creation. And …um…he said that Myungsoo was HOT! And he wants him.

            At this point, I regret everything, from the start, Woohyun was a jerk. I don’t know how I even fell for such a person. Ruining my life was not enough, now he wants to get to my baby brother as well. No way. I’ll bet everything to keep Myungsoo away from his sinful eyes.”

 

Myungsoo took Woohyun as his hyung’s friend, always. So, he never thought Woohyun had some other intention. He was dumb founded to know that. He wanted nothing more than to hug his hyung and thank him for always being his guardian angel.

“Hyung, wake up, palli. There are so many things I want to tell you.”

 

 

 

 

 

            “I want to  keep Myungsoo away from that jerk. But he is a sly fox who takes every chance to get close to my baby. And Myungsoo, being the nicest person, respects him since Woohyun is his sunbae. I can’t tell Myungsoo openly, “Woohyun is a jerk who played with my feelings so, stay away from him.” If I confess that Myungsoo would be over-protective, he will try to get revenge with Woohyun and he would be worried for me. I don’t want any of such things to happen. Oh God, how to keep Myungsoo away from that bastard without telling him anything.”

Myungsoo wanted to be strong. He didn’t want to shed tears but they were being stubborn and falling continuously. Myungsoo always thought that his hyung was a soft person. His generous heart made him vulnerable so, he needed to protect him but that had been the opposite way around.

 

 

 

 

 

            “I wanted to thank God so much for listening to my prayers. When I saw the scholarship documents Myungsoo got from Tokyo University, I thought now everything will result for the best. But before I could take a breath of relief, Myungsoo rejected the offer. He does not want to go to Japan, even if he can get the best photography courses there. And the reason he gives is ME. He says he loves me too much so, he can’t leave my side. He says that he needs to protect me from the evil around. If in any other situation, I would have been very delighted and touched by my dear brother’s words. But right now, I need him to go away. Woohyun is getting more flirty with Myungsoo, though I’m sure Myungsoo does not understand his single move. I’m very much aware of his devious tricks.”

Myungsoo remembered clearly the day he got the scholarship letter from his dream University. But he had never wanted to leave his family so, going abroad was never his option. It was his university that applied for the scholarship and to his amusement, Tokyo University accepted him. He thought his hyung would be happy that he declined the offer. He had never thought that Sunggyu would force him to leave him and do the things unwillingly. Myungsoo had wondered why he behaved that way.

 

 

 

 

            “I am making every effort to let Myungsoo fly to Japan but he is too stubborn. Whole day I’m trying to persuade him to chase his dream, show him the brighter future ahead if he gets a degree from such reputed university. Aish, this kid, now I only have a last measure. Though I’ll hurt him and myself a lot, I have to do this for his betterment.

            Myungsoo ah, mianhae.”

Without wasting even a second, Myungsoo turned the page. He dreaded what was to come next.

 

 

 

 

            “I fought with Myungsoo today, like real fight. I was almost going to use my fist towards him. I’m sorry little brother. I want to cry so much but have to keep my strong façade for my brother. Each word I spoke stung my heart and I felt guilty to see the tears roll down my baby brother’s precious eyes. I wanted to run to him, hug him, tell him it’s okay, keep him beside me forever. But if I wanted my brother’s well being, I have to do this. Hyung is really sorry. I am such a coward. I can’t protect you if you are with me. Mianhae.”

Myungsoo wondered where the origin of the tears was. He thought there was some Himalayas inside his body else how was it possible for those salty water to flow non-stop. Each word spoken by Sunggyu still was ringing in his ears.

“Let me be free for once, Myungsoo. I’m sick and tired of being with you. While you were small, I always had to look after you. I could not hang out with my friends frequently because you took most of my time.  Even till date, I have to come home timely to make lunch and dinner for you. I have to make sure that you are doing well in your studies. Since our parents are always busy in their work, I have become like a father figure. I never got a chance to enjoy my youth looking after you. So, please Myungsoo, I want this burden to be lifted from my shoulder, at least for some years. While you go to Japan, I was planning on catching up with some refreshment and excitement of my 20s. You clinging onto me have made me far from my friends, my freedom. But you are too stubborn and want to ruin my last bit of hope. Please Myungsoo, go away and let me live freely, without having to think of my brother for a while.”

After saying that, Sunggyu had turned back and retrieved to his room leaving the crying Myungsoo in the cold floor of the kitchen.  

Myungsoo could not believe his hyung whom he loved so much had felt like that all this while. He never knew that his love had become burden for his hyung.

 

 

 

 

 

“I think I can pass the audition to be an actor. From yesterday I have been giving cold shoulder to Myungsoo. Many venomous words are spurting from my mouth, which are very painful to my own ears. Poor Myungsoo, my dear brother, I can see his whole being crumbling down in front of my eyes. I’m the worst hyung anybody could have. I wanted to bring all the happiness in the world at his feet but all I’m doing is planting thrones in his beautiful heart.”

That was the first time Myungsoo felt so weak, vulnerable, unprotected, unsure. The hyung whom he treasured the most hated him. But he could not hate him back because he loved his hyung so much. He made his decision then.

 

 

 

 

 

            “I woke up with an empty feeling. The house was empty. It’s not like our parents used to be home but there used to be Myungsoo’s heartening presence, always. I was habituated to wake up by the morning call from my sweet brother. But today no one was there. I slowly went to Myungsoo’s room to see the vacant cupboard, clean room. I panicked and went to kitchen to find my breakfast in the middle of the dining table with a small note:

To,

The Greatest Hyung of the World,

                                                            I am sorry hyung, that I kept you away from so many things, sorry for being a burden to you. I promise you hyung, I’ll never bother you again. I’m going to Japan. I want to wish all the best for you hyung. Enjoy your freedom. Make the best out of the remaining time of your youth. And I persuaded our parents to let you be since I don’t think I can go if I see the person who means so much to me before I leave. By the time you find this letter, I would already be boarding the plane. I’ll try my best to give you space and not trouble you again.

 

Saranghae hyung <3

Your forever loving brother,

Myungsoo.

 

            I wanted to run to him, stop him, tell him that he is never a burden to me. I too treasure him the most but everything is finished now. My brother does not even want to see me. My eyes are swollen and tears dried in my face but who cares. Myungsoo-ah, hyung is really sorry to cause you so much pain. Mianhae!”

 

Myungsoo felt guilty that he never knew his hyung properly. He failed to see the lie that his hyung was keeping inside him. Though he was sorry for leaving his hyung like that, he never regretted his decision, because if he had not gone to Japan, he would have not met love of his life, Sungyeol.

            Rubbing the tears from his eyes, Myungsoo straighten up in his seat. “Hyung, wake up fast. Now that I know you didn’t hate me. I can leave the nagging feeling in my heart behind. I want you to meet my Sungyeollie and give us your blessing.”

 

 

                                                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

A/N : In case you guys got confused, the words in Italic are Sunggyu’s diary post so, it’s his words. The different paragraphs means the events of different days. Hope you enjoy reading it^^

On the other note, Happy 7^th Anniversary yerebbeoun /throws confettis/ #7YearsWithINFINITE! Wow, time flies by so quick and Infinite are now a veteran artists already. I am so proud of them, they literally came up from dust and made their own destiny^^

Btw, as a gratitude towards these wonderful 7 people, I made a video. Please watch it. Hope you guys enjoy it :

“THANK YOU INFINITE”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAVquUD90mg

At the same time, we, Nepalese Inspirits, did a small gathering yesterday evening to celebrate the occasion and I have uploaded the video. Hope you guys give your valuable time for that as well :   

“#7YearsWithINFINITE_Nepalese Inspirit”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tS5pJyhOkGo

 

Khamsamnida :)) Wish you all a great time ahead!!!