The Alternate One
If You Know, I Still Do
"Ah, I'm sor-"
My heart stopped beating for a second when our eyes met. As if time had stopped between us, I stared at him for seconds in silence.
He had not changed at all.
His black hair was still short. He wore his favorite blue shirt and brown jacket. His eyes were still as captivating as the last time I saw him.
"Hey," he greeted me shortly with a smile. He also looked at Junyeon and Rina, giving them another bright smile.
Within a split of second, thousands words were crossing my mind. Should I say something to him? Should I open up a conversation with him? Should I ask him to join our lunch?
"I gotta go," his words snap me back to my senses. "Enjoy your lunch."
My hear sank immediately upon his answer. I didn't even manage to say a word to him and he was going to leave now?
"A-Ah, Y-Yoseob!"
I finally called his name when he had opened the door. He stopped and turned around, tilting his head with questioning look, waiting for me to say something.
My heart was beating uncontrollably but I kept telling myself that I needed to say something to him.
It's now or never.
"How's your final project?" I blurted out the question and I cursed myself mentally; that's all I could say to him after months? I was a genius in stupidity.
For my surprise, he gave me a smile and answered, "I'm doing pretty much good. I think we will finish it in two or three weeks. How's yours?"
I felt like I could fly when I heard his question. He could be mad at me but he was still the nice Yoseob I ever knew.
"Good but I think we're still far from finish line," I laughed, trying to lighten up the atmosphere.
"Well, good luck then," he said calmly. "I really need to go. You know, finish the final project. Enjoy your lunch."
He waved to us and stepped out from the restaurant. Junyeon and Rina rushed to me and told me that it's a good thing that I started to talk with him again, not just avoiding him all the time.
I couldn't help myself to smile during the lunch. It was a really short conversation but at least I talked with him again. At least he talked with me.
"Ah, where are you going?" Junyeon asked me when I got ready to take off from the bus. We had finished our tasks for today and we're on our way back. "Our stop is the next one."
"I need to go somewhere," I grinned to her and Rina. "Go ahead. I'll see you tomorrow!"
The moment the bus stopped, I walked out from the bus and plugged the earphone to my ears, listening to the music while I headed to my own destination.
After I met Yoseob, I really wanted to go the place where I had my first date with Yoseob. Perhaps he was right. I couldn't forget my past easily. That's why I still couldn't forget him.
I walked pass the restaurant where Yoseob scolded me because I folded the paper cranes, not even paying attention to him. Remembering that moment, I chuckled at myself.
I heaved a sigh as memories went through my mind. Tears were threatening to fall so I quickly sat down at an empty bench nearby and took out my phone to open my Twitter account.
"It started with a smile."
I tweeted the words, remembering the first time I saw Yoseob in class. His bright smile had captivated me ever since the first time.
"Everything looked perfect at first."
Yoseob made my life perfect. All the surprises. All the sweet words. All the happiness he gave to me was priceless.
"Until I messed up everything we had."
A tear escaped my eyes as I remembered our last conversation on the phone. My heart ached again when I remembered his word of goodbye.
I was the one to blame. I was the one who messed up everything with uncertainty of my heart. If only I ensured myself, this would never happen. I would still be together with him.
"I just want to tell you... If you know, I still do."
I hit the tweet button and looked up, trying to stop the tears. Those words were what I really wanted to tell Yoseob. I wanted him to know my heart.
I sat there for at least ten minutes, just listening to the music. I finally decided to leave and go back to my house.
"Harin?"
I turned around due to the familiar voice. My eyes widened in surprise when I saw who was standing in front of me. He tucked his hands inside of his jacket's pockets.
"Y-Yoseob?" I mumbled his name. Was I dreaming?
He stepped closer to me with a smile, "What a coincidence to meet you here."
He was alone. What was he doing here alone?
"You know, I happened to read your tweet just now," he scratched his nose, avoiding my gaze. "Is there anything you want to say perhaps?"
I clenched my fists tight. My heart beat really fast against my chest. Was this my chance to tell him the truth directly?
"I...," I paused for seconds. I didn't think about going back to the past where we were together but at least I wanted to be the reason he smiled again. "I'm sorry for everything, Yoseob."
"You're right. I am still immature. I hurt you even though you are the most important person for me," I told him what I had been holding on inside. "I just want to... I just love you too much. I'm sorry."
He blinked in surprise but he suddenly reached out his hand and wiped my tear with his thumb, "Don't cry. People will think I just did something bad to you."
I laughed nervously, letting his soft hand to touch my face. I missed this feeling. I missed his warmth.
"Thank you," he stated with a smile, caressing my cheek gently. "I thought we would never talk again. Thank you for not avoiding me again, Harin."
Yoseob patted my head and smiled sweetly to me, "Can we start all over again?"
Another tear rolled down on my cheek but this time it's not because I was sad.
It's a tear of happiness.
He held my hand and put it near his lips before whispering softly,
"If you know, Harin, I also still do love you."
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