12 - A Mistake
If You Know, I Still Do
"Good night, Harin," Yoseob muttered softly over the phone and I could imagine his smile even though I couldn't see his face now. "Have a sweet dream."
"Good night," I retorted with a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow."
I pressed the button to end the conversation and put my phone on the small table, right next to my bed. I turned around, tilting my head when I saw the white teddy bear.
"Seobbie...," I took it and brushed my nose against its. "Is there something wrong about me? Why am I feeling uneasy?"
Actually I knew the answer already. Ever since I lied to Yoseob about the reason Junhyung came, I felt guilty whenever I talked with him. Yoseob didn't doubt me yet I still felt wrong with what I had done.
Yoseob had been really sweet and nice to me that I didn't want to hurt him. It's not that my feeling was unsettled yet; it's obvious that my heart chose Yoseob all the way.
I thought it's pretty obvious that Yoseob had taken my heart. He was like a prince charming in the fairy tale. My life was like a dream came true ever since he came into my life.
Then why did I still think of Junhyung? He was my past and I wasn't supposed to even think about him more than a friend.
I opened my drawer and took out a picture of me and Junhyung together. It's the first picture we took on the rooftop of our college building and I really liked it that I still kept it till now.
His question still echoed in my mind. He couldn't be serious about asking me back with him, right? I couldn't differentiate whether he was joking or not sometimes.
"Ah," I suddenly remembered something and looked at the calendar in my room. I stood up and took a pen, counting the day since the moment I broke up with Junhyung.
It would be exactly 200 days by tomorrow. It's more than half a year already. Time went really fast, right?
If only we were still together, perhaps we would be celebrating our eight month anniversary. If only he would tell me the true reason why he broke up with me.
"200 days... What a coincidence...," I murmured to myself and laid down on the bed, opening my Twitter account from my phone.
It's past midnight already, meaning that the 200th day was today. I decided to tweet a short one without thinking of anything else.
"200 days. :)"
I put my phone next to my pillow and closed my eyes, ready to drift into the dreamland. I wasn't thinking of anything until my phone vibrated; a new text message.
"What does '200 days' mean?"
My heart almost stopped beating when I read Yoseob's short text message. I thought he already slept. I thought he wouldn't read it. In fact I never thought that he would ask me about it.
I bit my bottom lip, feeling anxious. I stared at the phone screen for seconds yet I didn't type anything. What should I answer him?
Before I could prepare a good answer, my phone vibrated again. This time it's not a text message again; Yoseob called me.
I hesitated for seconds to answer the call but I knew he wouldn't believe if I pretend that I was already asleep. I accepted the call with uneasy feeling.
"Harin?" he called my name and, for the first time, I felt scared to hear his next sentence. "Why didn't you reply my text message?"
"I... I...," I felt like the words were stuck in my throat. I couldn't answer him with the truth but I knew it's not a good idea to lie again to him. What should I do?
There were seconds of silence because I couldn't say a word before he finally broke the ice, "Is it about Junhyung?"
I gasped in surprise. How could he know...?
"I should have known it," Yoseob scoffed and I could sense that he's hurt. "What does 200 days mean, Harin?"
"It's...," I mumbled, feeling that my tears were going to fall. "I'm sorry, Yoseob.... I just..."
"Don't cry. Just tell me what it means," he repeated his question but it sounded really cold.
I wiped my fallen tears and answered him with hesitation, "It's... Today is... 200 days since we broke up.... But I just-"
"You can't never leave your past, can you, Harin?" Yoseob cut my explanation impatiently. "200 days and you still can't forget him? Looks like he is really important for you. At least he means more to you than me."
"No, Yoseob, I-" I started to be really panic but Yoseob didn't give me a chance to give an explanation, which I didn't know would be useful or not.
"Good night," he bid me goodbye but this time I knew that he was not smiling at all. "Goodbye, Harin."
"Wait, Yoseob-"
He ended the conversation right away. I tried to call him again but he turned off his phone. I sent him text messages of apologies even though I knew his phone was off.
"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry."
I tweeted the words with tears rolling down on my cheeks. I couldn't think of another word now.
I wanted to send him a Direct Message, hoping that he would read it but I didn't know what I should say to him.
Should I beg him to stay? Should I tell him to listen to me? Should I explain the reason I counted the days? Should I...
I didn't know. I didn't know anymore.
For the first time since I fell in love with Yoseob, I cried the whole night just by the thought of him leaving me.
No one could be blamed and that's why I cried really hard.
It's all my mistake.
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