February 14- Day 29 

There is a difference between knowing and understanding. I knew that Jungkook was dying, I knew that he had long since ceased to live and that every passing moment was a little further from me, but I hadn’t understand ... Until that night.

His room, which was normally lit by the lamp at the head of his bed, wasn’t there. It was dark. The only light was coming through the door. Through the curtains I could see the silhouette of his body wrapped in a blue blanket in the gloom.

As I stepped cautiously through the door, a nurse I vaguely recognized came out from behind the curtain, a smile on her face as she saw me.

"Nice to see you, Mr. Kim." She whispered, typing something in her briefcase, pointed to Jungkook. "He had a headache all morning, he's been a very strong one, so I don’t know if he wants company now."

“I’ve got this” I said calmly.

She took a step back, toward the place where Jungkook was, her voice taking on a reassuring tone.

“Jungkook, You have a visitor. Do you think it's OK?”

There was a long pause of silence before he let out a "yes" so silent that it was barely audible. She winked at me before I left.

"Just try to be calm, he is very sensitive to light and noise. And be sure to close the curtain after entering. ”She said and I nodded.

I let her go and entered the small place, closing the curtain behind me, I left my bag on the floor. As I approached my eyes began to trace the lines of his face, his lips, his nose, everything in the shadows. In the half-light it looked like an angel's spice, and I wondered if Jungkook was too beautiful for this world.

Looking at him was strange. He entangled me inside, I could feel a strange feeling running through my organs, vessels. I took off my jacket and focused my eyes on the floor, feeling ashamed for a reason I couldn’t identify.

I had missed Jungkook last week, missed him during my other activities, missed him during the joyous dinners with Jimin, and also on the nights Krystal took us with her to her party nights. It is safe to say that I always missed him, that somehow he had placed himself in my bones.

I looked for my chair, but it wasn’t in the same old place.

I hung my jacket on the bed post and went to sit on the floor,  I was unable to leave Jungkook out of my sight, but I knew I couldn’t stand by his side all the time. He had a hand out of the bed, his long fingers sliding slowly as if he were looking for something to grab.

Before I could think of my movements, I let my hand take his, he tensed with the touch, our hands brushing before we interlaced our fingers, he squeezed my hand, his grip was strong and desperate.

“Tae.”He breathed as if talking caused him pain.

“Jungkook, you don’t have to talk. It’s Okay, "I answered, getting on my knees.

He said nothing for a long time, finally whispering "come".

I stood up slowly, letting his fingers separate from mine as I walked around the bed. I sat on the mattress as carefully as I could. Jungkook opened his eyes and blinked a few times before he met my gaze, his eyes glazed and filled with pain. I wondered if it was because of the headache, or something completely different. I reached out my hand almost involuntari