So they all found out. It was inevitable. Seungri awoke with Daesung by his side, squeezing his hand in support. There was nobody else in the room but Seungri's first reaction anyway, was to move his hand in relief. “I can feel it again” he said with effort. Daesung had been sitting by his dongsaeng for nearly two hours now, the others were in the waiting room, knowing Seungri wouldn’t want them to be there when he woke up. H-how did they do it?”  Seungri then said, seeing the bandage on his head.

“I don’t know the ins and outs, I’ll go and get the doctor, he can explain everything and tell you about how they are going to proceed.” Seungri nodded with discomfort and Daesung pressed the button by Seungri’s bed. The doctor came in after a few seconds, smiling warmly at the pair on the bed.

“I imagine that you might be feeling rather rough?” he addressed Seungri. “Basically what happened is that the tumour was swollen with fluid and that meant it was pressing down on some nerves in the right side of your brain, the part that controls movement in the left side of your body, we had to inject the fluid out of the tumour to shrink it back to it’s original size. There is still an issue, however. We were going to give you another MRI scan in about three weeks, but we had to take one just now and the tumour has not been reacting to the radiotherapy at all, we think it's best if we take you off of radiotherapy and put you onto chemo. It’s very intense and there will be major changes in your body once you start” Seungri knew this would come eventually, he somehow knew deep down in his body that the radiotherapy wasn't helping, he’d researched quite a lot about chemotherapy and so wasn’t too surprised at the information.

“Do the others know?” Seungri said, changing the subject from the future. Daesung looked down and shuffled his feet nervously on the floor.

“Yes they do” the doctor answered for Daesung and Seungri sighed deeply before looking at the ceiling. “They are in the waiting room” the doctor explained. Seungri closed his eyes sadly before speaking.

“I don’t want to see them” Daesung started at his words.

“Why? They’re desperate to see you!” Seungri rolled his eyes and winced when he moved too quickly.

“I don’t want them to see me like this! In a hospital bed, weak and helpless - this is why I didn't want to tell any of you” Seungri felt tears building up in his eyes.

“JiYong’s a mess, Seungri” he hasn’t stopped crying since I told him.” Seungri felt bad for his hyung.

“What is the ing point crying, what? It doesn’t help anyone or anything!” Seungri wasn’t really angry with JiYong. He loved Jiyong, more than he should but he didn't let anyone know that.

“Seungri he has every right to be upset” Daesung said, grasping Seungri’s hand. Seungri tore it out of his grip and turned away.

“I don’t want to see them. I want to be alone.” Seungri muttered, not looking back at Daesung. The latter sighed and turned away.

“We love you Seungri, and we just want to be there for you” Daesung sighed before leaving the room with the doctor. Seungri heard the door shut and the tears that had been building up behind his eyes broke forth. He pulled his knees up to his chest and sobbed into them, he just wanted to be okay. He never wanted to worry every one, or make JiYong cry.

Seungri was let out of hospital the day afterwards, his manager - who had now been told, picked him up and drove him back to his house. He still had a little bandage on his head but it wasn’t an obvious one as it had been before. Seungri still did not permit any of the others to go and see him and he collapsed onto his bed a few hours later, worrying about the fact they had a concert in a few weeks and he would have to go and see his bandmates. Jiyong had been calling him nonstop and Seungri put his phone on flight mode in the end.

He lay around for a few days, wrapped up in his comforter with his laptop propped up on a pillow and watched sappy movies until his stomach grumbled. Then he would make himself a quick dinner, take some medication and have a nap. It went on like this for a few days before he got a call from the hospital asking him to come in the next day for his first chemotherapy session.

So the next morning, he pulled some jeans on, accompanied by a hoodie and he got a taxi to the hospital. The nurse asked if he had anybody with him worriedly, and he shook his head in answer before following her silently. After sitting in the comfy leather chair for about three hours, the hospital staff took the needle out of his arm and took a blood test before letting him go. He had been warned of the effects and he threw up as soon as he arrived home. The next few days were a series of sleeping, painkillers and nausea attacks. He would wake up in the middle of the night and run to the toilet to puke up any remnants of his previous meal.

He had his second session a few days later and he poured over a number, debating whether to dial it or not. “Seungri oh my god” JiYong gasped, picking up the phone straight away. “Where are you? How are you feeling?” Seungri became flustered with all the questions and stayed silent before answering.

“I’m fine hyung, I’m at home” he breathed in deeply before speaking again “Where are you?”

“I’m in the studio, doing my solo album” JiYong replied.

“Oh sorry, I’ll go you must be busy” Seungri sighed, about to hang up.

“No no no no don’t go. Why is it you called?” Seungri kicked at his comforter with his toe uncomfortably.

“I have my second session of chemo today, I needed a ride” he said in a small voice.

“I’ll be right there, hold on okay?” Seungri hummed in answer and he heard JiYong explaining that he was leaving to the other occupants of the studio. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes okay?”

“Okay” Seungri muttered before hanging up. He stared at his ceiling for a few minutes before loping himself off the bed and trudging to the wardrobe. Seungri had been moping around in his pajamas for a few days now and he decided to keep it like that so he pulled on a pair of sweats and a battered old ‘thrashers’ hoodie of which he was sure belonged to Youngbae. His only form of disguise was the thickly rimmed glasses perched on the end of his nose and a scarf which he tucked up to his neck.

The doorbell rang a few minutes after and Seungri stared at himself in the mirror, psyching himself up to see JiYong. His eyebags were awful and his cheeks had thinned from himself not being able to keep meals down. Chewing on his lip thoughtfully, he took another deep breath before opening the door. JiYong looked tired, was the first thought that crossed his mind.

“Hey” JiYong said with a warm smile, Seungri smiled back and grabbed his wallet and keys before closing the door behind him. They made their way down to the carpark where JiYong had his driver waiting. It was painfully silent. JiYong was obviously debating whether or not to bring up the fact that Seungri had been hiding the fact he had cancer for over a year. In the end, he must have decided not to as they drove to the hospital in the same thick silence. If Seungri had known that it would be this awkward he wouldn’t have asked JiYong to accompany him.

He knew his way to the ward and kept his head down as he made his way to the private part of the hospital. JiYong suddenly gri