Ten months. Ten long, agonizing months had passed since Seungri had been diagnosed. And he still hadn't told a soul. Not even his family. He managed to hide it somehow, with excuses of exhaustion and fatigue, blaming his migraines in change of air constantly, his weight loss on the busy schedule and him not having time to eat. Or when his legs randomly lost feeling and he fell over during performances, he pretended his Hyungs laughing at him didn't affect him. Or how his Hyungs for being unfit when he couldn't do strenuous exercise. Or how they had to put extensions in his hair because it was thinning. When Seungri got angry, he tended to take it out all on himself - he hated how weak he'd become, he hated himself. He hated the cancer.

It happened when he started getting headaches and seriously bad migraines too often to be normal. He passed out a lot, mostly when he was alone. He would wake up on the floor of his apartment and wonder what the hell had happened. He only went to a doctor when he had a nose bleed so bad, they had to give him a blood transfusion. The doctor was angry that he hadn’t come sooner than he did and immediately sent him to the more advanced doctor who started to run tests straight away. The doctor had looked worried and had scribbled some things down on his notepad whilst Seungri was doing the tests.

They took a blood test and a full body scan. By this point Seungri felt scared of what was going on, he thought he just needed a few pills or an IV but not, the doctor was emailing even more senior ones about his condition. They sent him home when the tests were done and he received the results three weeks later. It had been a long day and he left the studio after beginning the recording for ‘girlfriend’. The post was lying on the doormat, just sitting there, and then he saw the hospital signature on one of the envelopes and he had picked it up, not opening it for three days. He was too scared. And when he did, it was the worst he had been expecting.

The hospital said he needed to start treatment straight away before it got worse, the tumor was already quite large, they couldn’t perform surgery as the tumour was inside the brain and too difficult to get at; and he should have gone to the hospital much earlier. It was on the left side of his head and they said he would lose his ability to speak and the right side of his body would be paralyzed if he wasn't careful. Seungri had cried and cried and cried. He knew this could be career ending, which is why he decided not to tell a soul. Not his mum, dad or sister, definitely not his band members; plus he was worried they would think he was attention seeking. The hospital recommended radiotherapy which was basically a toned down version of chemotherapy, he had agreed, just wanting it to be gone as soon as possible.

Somehow, the others didn’t notice that he always looked feeble and ill. He gained weight from the medication the hospital gave him and when the fans started calling him fat, he simply stopped taking the medication - which was the worst idea, he knew he shouldn’t have done it but he wanted to loose weight again.

He ended up collapsing in the studio and when he woke up surrounded by his worried Hyung's, he pretended he was fine and that he just hadn’t eaten that day. Seungri received the radiotherapy at regular intervals and no matter how much the hospital told him he needed to time out from his schedule, Seungri wouldn’t let the fans down, and he slowly got worse and worse because of it. He did not ever want to be on the title of an article named ‘Seungri leaves BigBang for health reasons’. He was never going to let that happen.

They were filming weekly idol today, and Seungri had an appointment at the hospital in the morning. He did the radiotherapy session then rested in one of the hospital beds. “Seungri-ah” one of the doctors sat on the end of the bed hesitantly. Seungri was exhausted and he opened his eyes before looking at his doctor. “How many people know about your condition?” Seungri looked at the ceiling.

“Nobody” he finally sighed, knowing where this was going.

“We’re going to have to tell somebody in your agency, the schedule you run is too busy for somebody in your condition.” Seungri fidgeted with the blanket. “You can choose who but we need to tell someone, you need someone who knows what to do in case of an emergency.” Seungri thought through the people he could tell.

JiYong? No way, JiYong would be too protective, or he’d think that he was exaggerating and just take it as a joke. Plus Jiyong panicked in emergency situations so he’d be awful. Youngbae would never leave him alone, he wouldn’t let him out of his sight. After thinking through all the members, Seungri decided Daesung was probably the best to tell, he was kind and responsible. And he was always on the ball, knowing exactly what to do if needed.

“C-can you tell them, I seriously cannot” the doctor nodded gently, glad that Seungri was cooperating. He didn't want to tell someone against Seungri’s will but that was what he was going to do if Seungri said no. “Daesung” Seungri finally said quietly “Please tell Daesung Hyung.” The doctor smiled and squeezed Seungri’s knee.

“I’ll phone him now, can we have his number?” Seungri gave it consciously and laid back on the pillows. Maybe it was good, maybe he wouldn’t have such a big burden on his shoulders if somebody else knew about it as well.

Daesung was doing stretches in his front room when he received a call from a hospital number. He frowned, genuinely confused why a hospital was calling him but he picked up anyway. “Kang Daesung ssi?” a deep voice said down the phone. Daesung listened to the man. “It’s about Lee Seungri, are you available at the moment because we would like to have a talk to you about his current health,” Daesung said he would come of course. In truth, Daesung had noticed how off Seungri had been for months, he hadn’t commented but he had noticed the younger becoming more and more frail as time went by.

He got dressed and drove to the hospital, feeling worried about the youngers condition. Why were they telling him and not someone else in the band. They took Daesung to a small office room where he met a doctor, he looked burdened and worried as he shook Daesung’s hand and gestured for him to take a seat in the posh leather chair across from his desk.

“What’s going on with Seungri then?” Daesung got straight to the point “And why are you only telling me?”

The doctor told Daesung everything. And he meant everything. Things Daesung was sure Seungri wouldn't want him to know, like how he had once nearly committed suicide when he was feeling so bad that he could hardly get out of bed. How Seungri didn't tell anyone because he didn't want to be a burden on anyone else, how he'd suffered in silence through ten horrible months, making time to go to the hospital three times a week for radiotherapy and then he'd go straight to his schedule again, even though the therapy made him weak and exhausted and made him throw up on a daily.

And Daesung cried. He cried so much as the doctor told him about Seungri and his experiences. “He didn't want me to tell anyone but every time he comes back, he's more and more frail and I'm afraid he's going to make himself so bad to the point of no return. I said if he didn't give my someone from the company to tell, I'd just tell yang Hyunsuk myself and then he chose you.”

“He's here right now?” the doctor nodded and Daesung stood up from the chair. “I need to see him.” He wiped his cheeks of the tears and bit his lip to stop more tears escaping. The doctor took Daesung to the room Seungri was resting in and squeezed his shoulder before leaving him to peer through the small window on the door. Daesung looked at his dongsaeng lying on the bed. An IV stuck out his wrist and he was staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression on his face. When Daesung opened the door, Seungri took one look at Daesung's tear streaked face and burst into tears as well.

They talked about everything for about an hour. Daesung tried not to cry, needing to be strong for his dongsaeng. “We have to go to weekly idol” Seungri smiled softly, pressing the button for the nurse. She took his IV out and patted him on the shoulder sincerely.

“See you on Thursday Seunghyun ” Seungri said goodbye and left with Daesung.

“Back entrance, underground carpark” Seungri said on the phone. “I told my manager I'm seeing my sick friend but I think he's starting to suspect she's been ill for a little too long” Seungri chuckled wearily. Daesung noticed that Seungri's hands were shaking as he tried to do the seat belt and he did it for him, then held Seungri's trembling hand up. “It's just something that happens” Seungri smiled simply, tucking his when between his legs silently. They drove straight to mbc end Seungri grabbed a coffee on the way down before joining Daesung at the lift.

“Are you tired?” Daesung asked. Seungri shook his head but he could tell that the younger was lying. “Do you feel sick?” he asked, trying again.

“Yeah” Seungri said, clutching onto the railings of the lift in discomfort. JiYong was already in the dressing room, getting his makeup done when Seungri and Daesung arrived. He waved gingerly before