Highway

N speeds down the highway. The deep shade of royal blue was a dome that dripped onto the river. The water ripples under the vibrant highway. The world is a tunnel that him through motion, until everything on his mind blurs together. He drives past two teenage boys walking home. They, too, have no shape in the growing black that has specks of red and green lights. Perhaps Ravi wrote about those two in his script. The revised script is his passenger on this trip back to home. He picked it up this morning in the company via mail. N purses his lips. He thought that Ravi would deliver the script in person.

As N is about to exit the highway, he spots someone else that stands out at the side of the bridge. He signals to move to the the furthest lane and stops where the highway ends. He scrolls down the window and cranes his neck. He raves over the woman wearing ripped fishnet leggings, a pair of leather short skirt, a black cami, and a long army jacket. The purple long hair flows past her chest. She saunders over. She tilts to the right but never loses her balance. She bends over to lean on the passenger’s side window. Her skirt rides up to reveal more muscular thighs that were bursting out of the gold brace. N’s heartbeat goes off the regular rhythm as he roams over her lanky but toned body with his gaze, and then he settles on her powered pink cheeks and violet eyes shadow and glitters that sprout like fairy wings around her eyes. The magenta gauze lipstick highlights the pillow-like lips. “Want to give me a ride?” Her voice is low and lethargic.

N unlocks the passenger’s door

She throws Ravi’s Lost Land to the backseat. Her hand rubs over the cottony sweatpants that stuck close to N’s hard thigh. She draws circle over the rough muscle lazily. When N stared straight ahead at the road, she squeezes him. N meets her eyes.

“My place or your place?” she asks. She would have vomit all over the costly leather, but tonight, she is the queen. She can forget about Ravi. She can forget about N playing Kim Wonshik. She can forget about them having something together. She can forget what she’s about to do to N.

“Where do you live?”

She tells him his address. She watches his unblinking concentration on the road. Her slim fingers rubs along his leg. Up and down and higher. She pinches his pelvis. She smiles at the little gasp.

N’s lips drew a taut line immediately. “Why are you in drag, Ken?” he asked.

Ken sunk back to his leather seat, his hands off of N. The amusement dashed from him also. “Why aren’t you in drag?” He throws the question back at him in spite.

“You know why I don’t dress up anymore.”

He puffs out his magenta full lips. “I’m not ashamed being a queen. It’s nice not being myself.”

“What’s her name?”

“Acacla Echevarria.”

N tightens his grips on the wheel. “Ken, what do you want? I don’t have any more secret for you to sell. Can you leave my life alone? I just got it back.”

Ken loosens his grip on N’s thigh. He angles his face towards the window, away from N. “I just want to see how you are doing.” His voice cracks.

“I’m doing great. Better than before. I’m going to it up and act in Ravi’s movie.” He turns to Ken when they are at a stop light. “What else do you want from me?”

I want everything from you. I want to be you. Ken bites on his bottom lip. He touches the edge of his skirt to pull it down to cover more of his ivory skin. He can never be someone else.

“I thought about why you and Hyuk would bring me down. I couldn’t think of anything except that you wanted money. I thought our friendship ran deeper than that.”

Ken shudders when he hears N’s shaky voice. He in his abdomen, steadying his tears. Tonight, he’s Aca. Aca whisks her index finger against N’s lips. She stares into his moist, foggy eyes before drawing closer. She removes her finger and places her lips there instead. She grips his shoulders as she deepens the friction between them. Heat rises between them, choking her. Still, she locks his face in place with her sweaty palms. She tries to remember if he is a better kisser than she.

A honk sounds behind them. N shoves her away before she can remember.

N steps on the acceleration, until he slows down to park besides an empty sidewalk. N yanks the purple hair off Ken’s scalp. “Aca ‘s time over. Talk to me, Ken.”

Ken stares down at his wig. Without the synthetic hair, he feels , very cold. “I’m sorry, N. It wasn’t our secret to tell. You didn’t to deserve to be treated like .” His voice is small. Dressing up as Aca to find N already saps out all of his courage. Limply, Ken reaches out. His palm caresses N’s cheek and chin. The stubbles prick his skin.

“I liked you a lot,” says Ken. He saw N in his lowest point in his life serving as a drag queen in the host club. The silhouettes of men and women threw roses up on the gold-lit stage at N’s glittery heels plague his mind. N was born to be a spectacle on the shiniest stage. That period of time were surreal memories from another alternative universe. Their wallets were stuffed with quick, stinky money. Ken drank with him until dawn. Their sequins skirts wrinkled in their sleeps..

Hell him if he has to witness it again. Ken tells himself not to bring N down for the second time, no matter what his boss said. “People love you. You’ll be the best in no time.” Ken understands why everyone loves him. N is too great for his filthy hands to strangle him alive. “I can see why he loves you.”

N quirks his eyebrow. Before N can say ask him to clarify, Ken gets out of his car. He lean over one last time. “N, whatever happened, I tried my best to stop it from happening. I warned against Hyuk to leave you alone. What I’m doing right now, I have no choice.” He slams the door before N can tell him that he always has a choice.

Scandal News

What do you mean we are going to follow N? asked Ken. The boss replied: Remember his boyfriend? He’s suspicious. Ken slammed his fists on the table, causing Hyuk to jump out of his chair. Remember how everyone hates us because we ratted N out of the closet? You think anyone is going to want to work with us anymore? The boss clamped his fingers together. His expression was as serene as a pond on a windless day. We’re closing down. This is our last chance. Ken, you were here with us since the beginning, you’re going to abandon us like this? Hyuk hopped on his feet and was about to yank Ken hyung out of this bull. Ken shot him a glance and Hyuk stayed put. For the next ten minutes, he watched the puppet show directed by an equally lifeless master. You want some scotch? the boss asked Ken. Ken refused and walked out with Hyuk following close behind him.

The ridiculous episode is long behind Ken now, though not far enough for him to cool down and get the thought of beheading his boss on a guillotine out of his head. In the hollow office, Ken screams out a desperate yell. The veins in his neck pop. He stumbles backward being propelled by the magnitude of his own shout. He tips over a chair behind him, but he can care less. He can already imagine all of his colleagues calling him a traitor that will always stay unfaithful to his bottom line. A scum forever unworthy of being mentioned, even amongst other disrespected professionals. Ken and Hyuk are a bad taste in everyone’s mouths. Hyuk is smart enough to get out of this stranded Hell and runs into N’s arms.

“What else do you want from me, Ken?”

Shut up, N. I don’t need you to make me feel worse than .

Ken can’t possibly walk away from this mess. He started it, so he had to say.

Woof. Woof. A crazy ring of barks scare Ken into stiffness.

“Poki?” Ken calls into the dar. The barking grows louder. You know when people say they can feel their arms sometimes after they lost them? What are they called? Phantom limbs. Are there such things as phantom dogs?

No. Poki can’t be dead.

A white shadow slowly trots towards Ken. “Come here, Poki.” He gathers the grayish Maltese in his arms. The old dog doesn’t look too glad to see him. Nothing would ever amuse him. Ken leans in and their faces touch. He never expected to meet him again, same as Ravi. “Damn him. He took you away from me.” Something pokes his face---it’s a card hanging around Poki’s neck. He flips it open. All the card says is “I’m sorry” in cursive letters. Sorry about what? Was he sorry about being defensive about his memoir the other on the mountain? Was he sorry that he chose N over him?

His phone vibrates in his pocket. To his surprise, he answers the call without hesitation. “Hey, Ravi. I thought you threw him away,” says Ken with a hint of accusation.

Ken feels Ravi snaking his arms around his waist before he sees Poki jerks his head.

“I’ll never throw you two away. Never,” Ravi says. His breath is warm against the side of Ken’s neck. Their phones still stick to their ears. Poki is still safe in Ken’s embrace. The three of them close all the gaps between them, warming up the dreary, dark office around them.

Just a little more, let him cling onto the illusion that he has a family for once. Ken kisses Poki’s head. This is what he always wanted, wasn’t it? He imagined owning a nice apartment off the outskirt of Seoul with Ravi and Poki. He will raise a couple of adorable kids with him. They will call Ken “dad” and Ravi “father”, because he’s the more serious one. Wouldn’t that be nice? The people closest to him wouldn’t act like s for once.  That’s what he used to believe. “Ravi-”

Ravi cuts off what he’s about to say with a gentle tug at his waist. He hums a familiar melody---their song. The song that Ken always bugged him to sing with his deep, “terrible” voice. He used to say to Ravi: “Just because you’re not a superior singer like I am, doesn’t mean you’re a terrible singer.”

You’re just too good to be true, Ravi hums. He pecks Ken’s cheek. “Welcome home, Jaehwannie. Poki missed you.”

Jaehwan whispers something into Poki’s ears. Something that is not meant for Ravi to hear. “I missed you too.”

Club

The boss of a media corporation wanted Hongbin to come, so he is there in the club. The red and yellow palette flash past his body. More warm bodies press against his torso and thighs. Someone’s hand find his demp one and pulls him along towards the back door. The stranger brings him to the lightless alley. The stranger slams him against the wall. “Oh. Yes,” he says and moans out loud. The guy holds onto him and s his tongue into his mouth. He presses his wet lips against his dry ones. He flicks his tongue lightly at the roof of Hongbin’s mouth. His knees turn into jelly in an instant. The stranger decides to slow down his pace as Hongbin’s pants grow tight. He applies gentle pressure on his mouth and holds Hongbin in place by burying his hands in his half-gelled hair. Hongbin leans in and his hand rests on his waist. The stranger pulls away. Hongbin gasps. “Taekwoon,” says Hongbin. The night sky splits and vacuums all the little air remains around him. He runs his hands over the familiar yet foreign features. He touches the ghost of Taekwoon.

“Who are you?” the stranger asks, heaving breaths.

“I’m Hongbin.”

The silhouette stumbles backward. “You aren’t Sojin.”

Hongbin knows nothing about Sojin. He watches the intoxicated Taekwoon stagger back into the deafening music.

Hongbin’s

Hongbin wakes up from blackness and was attacked by a stabbing headache. He turns to his bedside where the red gladiolus reside and the clock flashes “5:47 PM”. He groans. He picks up his phone and punches the speed-dial key. “Ken, make me chicken soup.”

“You’re ing drunk again,” says the man on the other side.

“Duh. Are you coming over or not?”

“No. I’m busy writing a draft on your exhibition. Did you shake my Big Boss’s hand last night? You got yourself a sugar daddy?”

Hongbin makes puking sound. He turns the phone on speaker mode and throws it on the bed.

“Yah. Did you just throw me around?” Hongbin can imagine Ken raises his eyebrow.

“I need to strip.”

Ken scoffs. “You always need to strip. Did you get laid? Say hi to that unlucky bastard for me.”

“Ha. I wish I could find someone as beautiful as I am to sleep with.”

“Sorry. I’m not ing interested.”

They guffaw. Ken chokes on something.

“Obviously,” says Hongbin. “We talked about that when we were three-year-old.”

“We babbled, you ing idiot.”

Hongbin rolls on his bed, laughing. His headache recedes.

“Seriously, no one interesting?”

“Sojin was pretty. I hated her so much.”

“Jealous of her beauty?”

“Oh, please. She’s annoying. She kept twirling her long hair.” Hongbin’s eyebrows wriggled. He pinched his voice higher, more girlish, whatever stereotypical girls sounded like. “She was hot stuff trying to seduce my man.”

“My man?”

“Mmmhmm. My Taekwoonie.”

Silence responses to Hongbin. “Ken?”

“You sure he’s Taekwoon?”

“No. Remember a person that perfect doesn’t exist?”

Ken’s laugh stutters. “Right. You can’t find anyone like your Taekwoon in real life.”

“Unless you know him already.”

Some papers shuffle in the background. He waits for his reply.

“Why would I know him?” asks Ken a few seconds later.

“I don’t know. Hyuk knows him, so I’m hoping you might know him too.”

Ken laughs again. “He never mentioned Taekwoon to me.”

A stone drops to his stomach. “Okay.”

“What else did he tell you about Taekwoon?” asks Ken.

“Nothing much. They were on a school newspaper together.”

“I see. I’m going to go back to work. Don’t miss me too much. Mwah.” Ken smooches his phone, and then nothing.

Hongbin stares at his phone. The call only lasted five minutes and six seconds. He will call him again and answer out of him. He will ask him if he cares about Taekwoon at all. He will tell him that he can be his and Taekwoon’s wedding photographer, so he should know everything about his future groom. Ken should ask him all about Taekwoon, like they always did when one of them has an unrequited crush. Hongbin touches the key once to call. Twice to close it. Ken is weird.

A/N: Hi guys, I'm so glad that I'm back online on AFF!! T.T I really need to get my back into writng if I don't want to have shattered dream like old Hongbin. D: On a positive note, I can't wait to reply and see your comments. <3

Hopefully, the N and Ken bit isn't that confusing... o.O Please let me know what you think of the exchange. >< The connection between each charater is complicated since they have a long history from decades ago lol. (Yay. Long live VIXX friendship.)

I suppose the question of the day is should Ken or Ravi be forgiven? And as I promised one of the dedicated Leobin shipper, there will finally be some more of the ship developing as well! I'm excited to see what  happens to Leo after he broke up w/ N. ;)

Anyway, thank you for your support so far. I appreciate all the feedback through comments, subscribe, and upvote. Thank you!

Your dreamer,

suzyelf

P.S. I want to make a OST playlist for this sad melodrama, I welcome any song that reminds you of the story and the characters! :)