"I watched you as you left but I can never seem to let you go/
'Cause once upon a time you were my everything/
It's clear to see that time hasn't changed a thing/" - "Never Forget You", Zara Larsson, MNEK

Art Exhibition

She is  a little angel in his life.

She sends hope to him from Heaven above.

She arrives as a challenge.

"‘Hope For Hospital: Calling For Artists To Paint For Ill Children’

by Lee Jaehwan

[…] The contributing artists will draw murals of hopeful symbols in the children's’ rooms, hallways, and operation rooms. “Just something calming for them to look at before their big surgeries,” said Kim Sooyeon, the director of Seoul Outpatient Centre.

The centre continues to search for passionate artists who want to instill hope in the children, many of whom are terminally ill and permanently reside at the hospital. Anyone interested in the project will show their works at an exhibition before commencing the assignments.”

The flower field blossoms on the blank canvas. The pale yellow dandelions concentrate in the centre. The velvet blue lilies give life to the peripheral. At the outermost skirt of the ring of flowers are pale green grass, framing the whole painting.

“It's a flower,” the child says.

Hongbin nods. “The artist is great.”

She raises her pale finger at him. “You’re the artist.” Her eyes are sharp as knife. She's not a kid that takes any bull.

Hongbin’s face is red hot. He points at her black lace dress. “Nice dress. Where are your parents?”

She looks over to her left at a pair of tall couple as well-dressed as the young girl. They stand over a little boy in the wheelchair. The woman whispers in the boy’s ears.

“My brother loves flowers. He does all the flowers arrangements our parties.”

The brother smiles at their direction. The smile can compete with a sunflower. A dying sunflower.

Hongbin beams back. The boy’s smile retreats. Maybe he realizes that he can never be as wholesome and full of life as he.

“I’m going to buy your painting,” says the child.

“You don’t have the money.”

She is unfazed of his teasing. “My parents have lots of money. I can buy it.”

Hongbin laughs, but the girl doesn’t. “I’ll give it to you. For free. After the exhibition is done.”

“Really?”

Hongbin nods. “What’s your brother’s name? I’ll sign the back of the painting.”

The girl becomes serious again. “I don’t want your signature. I just want the painting.”

Hongbin hides how stung he is. No one has ever rejected his free signature before. “You’ll sell it for a lot of money with the artist’s signature on it, little girl.” Here he is, arguing with a child and stuffing life hack in her pocket. Why does he even bother?

“I’m not ‘little gir’. I have a name,” says the girl. “Thank you for the painting.”

Hongbin watches in amusement as she grabs her black skirt and gives him a courtesy.

The girl stalks back to her family. She only smiles brightly when she chats with her parents. Her world isn’t cold anymore. In fact, she is the source of light for the people around her. They laugh until their stomachs hurt. The little boy’s smile is permanent on his snow-white face.

He is beautiful. It is a shame that Hongbin doesn’t draw anything that dies.

Hospital

The tinge of citrus seeps through the fingertips. Ken glides his fingers through the orange peel along the the rhythm to his father’s heart shown on the beeping machine. Beep. He’s still alive.

Ken hands him a slice of orange. He half leans against the blue pillow. The day is bright without warning anyone in the room. His father cringes. The juice seems too wholesome for him. He dabs around his mouth with the tip of a napkin. “Too sour,” he says.

Everything is too sour to him.

"Jaehwan, your grandma’s eightieth birthday coming up. She wants you to be there.”

Ken would tell him that he's busy like he always did. “Do you want me to be there?”

“She wants to meet your girlfriend.”

Red creeps under Ken’s skin. “I don't have a girlfriend. I will never have one.”

“Then make one.” His father’s brown eyes are paler. Sickness strips colour from a person, though he was already fading from Ken’s life a long time ago.

“You can't make a mom for me. Why do you think I can make a girlfriend?”

“Jaehwan.” His bark comes out as a cough. He covers himself so no one will see his sickness. “I left you alone. Can you return the favor?”

It’s worse than robbing Ken’s grave. He asked him to be back to life for one day from wherever he buried him. Then he will slither back underground where the filth came from after the business is done. Ken splits the fruit in three parts.

His father has a coughing fist. Ken flinches, though he sits where he is. He’s done running away. He is not the little boy who threw his synthetic wig at his father. Or forced his father to watch him holding hands with Ravi with shining rings around their fingers. But he is not the guy to bring a girlfriend to his family either. “I’ll think about it.”

Ken stiffens when the smooth skin touches his. He is too old to pull away. “Jaehwan-ah. All you need to do is play a role. It’s not too much to ask.” Away, he coughs in his hand.

His life is short. And his is even shorter to play any part that he at. Ken picks up a shovel and begins digging grave. He peers at the hollow ground, deciding what he should bury along with his father.

Twosome Cafe

“Let’s talk propreply, Jaehwan.”

“I’m sorry, Jaehwan.”

“I’m an , Jaehwan.”

“Jaehwan.”

“I love you.”

Ken scrolls through ten more messages like that. The last message is two days ago: “Sure. Let’s meet.”

Ken arrives a little early at the Twosome Cafe near Jellyfish. He drinks on his cappuccino, which he has to spit out when an impact hits his shoulders. Someone’s arms squeeze him tight around his waist. “I miss you so much, Jaehwan.” His cidery smell overwhelms the aroma of coffee sticking onto his skin. It’s amazing how he already took something from Ken, then replaces it with something of his own.

Ravi takes a seat across from him.

He would not order anything. He avoids caffeine as much as he can because he gets addicted to things easily. “The berry smoothie here is pretty good,” says Ken.

“I’ll order later. Jaehwan, I thought I’ll never see you again.”

“I wouldn’t disappear without saying anything, unlike some people.” Ken’s gaze wanders off to the window like he expects the cold rain splatter on the window, but the summer afternoon shines on without his permission.

“I won’t do that again.”

Ken raises his hand, putting the conversation to a stop. “My dad asked me to bring a girlfriend to my grandma’s birthday. She’s been asking for me.” He lowers his eyelids. “I haven’t seen her for a year now.”

"Are you going to bring a girl?” Ravi looks alarmed. “Do you have one?”

“I don’t want to.” Ken glances over to him. “I want to bring you.”

The chair creaks as Ravi lurches forward. “Are you serious?”

Ken draws back from him. “You don’t want to?”

“I want to be there for you. “ His eyes are earnest enough. “But are you ready?”

Ken grips on his coffee cup. “I’m not ready. But I don’t want to live on hiding. I already lost so many things because of… who I am.”

Ravi takes up his hand, Ken doesn’t move away. “You didn’t have to lose me. I was stupid to leave you.”

“It wasn’t only about you. I want to meet my grandma too. I stopped visiting her awhile back when I got tired of her nagging me to get married.” The image of his father lying in bed haunts him. “She’s getting old. I don’t know how many more times I can see her.

“But I don’t want to lie. I have to bring her a boyfriend.” Ken is fairly certain that he was making no sense, rambling, though his heart feels otherwise.

“Thank you for giving me a second chance, Jaehwannie.” Ravi’s clasp tightens around Ken’s cold fingers.

“I’m giving myself a second chance. You’re gone if my grandma doesn’t like you.”

“Does she like guys in a vest. My biceps look great in a dress shirt.” Ravi grins.

“You are lucky if no one throws rice at you. Don’t expect anyone will like us.” A trace of smile appears on Ken’s lips.

“We’re going on a suicide mission. Fun.”

“Does it matter? I’m already dead to them.”

Ravi brings his hand to his lips---they are velvety like rose petals.

Broadcast Station

A plastic folder drops on Leo’s table. The thud jolts him awake in the middle of the night. He can no longer tell the time for the blinds in his bustling workplace are drawn tight, separating him from the real world without being entirely cut off from the outside world. He’s been looking up on another mass shooting at the United States. The ideas of what he is going to write dissolves into the air after the folder interrupted his thoughts.

Leo looks up at Elly. She gives him a nod, telling him to go ahead to flip through it. Leo’s eyes widen as he goes through the pages of proposal. This person is out of their mind criticizing South Korea’s ambiguous, pacifist stance towards China’s expansionism to the South China Sea. “This kid do know that we are a state-subsidized corporation?”

“This kid is Minah.”

A smile creeps onto Leo’s worried facade; he can’t help it. “What are you going to do with her exclusive coverage?”

Elly walks into his cubicle. She stoops down until her lips are next to his ears. “It’s up to you. I always want you to sit in that room than Minah. Should I pass this onto the boss?”

“You’ll get in trouble too when Minah’s under fire.”

Elly directs his attention to the room next to the one she had been pointing at. “I will get Minah to convince Mr. Choi to approve it. We all know he has a soft spot for rich girls. I will help her out too. Unless you don’t want me to do anything.” Elly presses her fingernails into Leo’s shoulders. “You want me to rip your opportunity apart in the shredder?”

Leo stares at the jumbled words on the paper. The passages are passionate. They have the honest rawness that will make any corrupt politician’s stomach churns. He remembers writing something controversial and sensitive a decade ago. But a kind sunbae warned him against it. His article never got published. It was shredded and deleted off of the database. If it wasn’t for that sunbae, he’d probably end up in Scandal News like Hyuk, digging through trash, buying off interviewees, gathering “insider tips” that are as ridiculous as claiming discovery of rabbit on the moon. And the colleagues in the journalism field would regard you as a loser with no life.

“Last time you had a brilliant idea with Sojin, it backfired,” says Leo.

“I was trying to help. It’s my fault that you and Sojin couldn't agree with each other?”

Leo closes the folder and gives it back to Elly. His eyes flit back to his computer screen where the terrorism awaits him.

“Leo,” says Elly in gentler tone. “How many girls are you going to go on blind dates with? You won’t meet a nice woman like Sojin again who accepted you for who you are. You need to do better to be independent from your family. You know that better than anyone.”

"The folder is yours. You can do whatever you like. I don’t care.”

Elly grins. “Perfect.” She pats his cheek. “And you won’t tell Minah that this article is a big mistake? Good. It will all work out for you.”

It’s a gamble, Leo. Are you willing to risk your everything?

Leo's

On weekend nights, Leo does a hundred push-ups, three sets of chin-ups, bench presses, and fifty squats. His flat would trap his salty sweat for forty-minutes. The stink would recede and settle over the next fifteen minutes as the hot water washes his body. His hand mindlessly creeps to his groin. He does not think of anyone he knows. He rather fantasizes a faceless person with toned abs and pecs. After shower, he performs a deep cleansing facial ritual that makes his pale face glows on camera. Like the weather woman, his intelligent gaze and small face contribute to his climbing popularity. In a patriarchal world, a rich girl like Minah still have to work hard to compete with him. He pats his skin softly with a towel.

Leo finally mounts on his bed at ten o’clock, ready to catch up on sleeps that he lacked on the weekdays. But first, he checks the latest updates around the world on Reuters. His mind organizes a rough draft of a report on blockage in Syria and the missiles testing in North Korea. In half-an-hour, he shuts his eyes for entry to dreamland, but lately, he acquires another bedtime habit.

He clicks on his phone and his voice fills the dark room.

“Morning, Taekwoonie. I miss you.” The baritone voice chuckles without glee. “N asked me to be the art director for his movie. I would have said ‘yes’ right away if that person isn’t in charge.” A wistful sigh comes through the speaker. “To be honest, N has always been the one who raised me up. Are you jealous, Taekwoonie?” Hongbin laughs. “But when I was all alone without anyone around me, I had you. I could only find comfort all those years drawing you. Now that you’re gone, that’s all I do…”

Leo opens the next voice message: “Taekwoonie, I’m going to accept N’s offer. Without him, I wouldn’t have everything I wanted today. This is the least I can do to support him. Will you be there for me when I face Ravi? I thought about it. Maybe I should move to London and live with my annoying cousins until they are done with the movie. I can work over phone and Skype so I’ll never ever have to meet him in person. But I don’t want to be alone.” Leo pictures Hongbin pouting and cracks a smile. “And I hate the rain. And my cousins.” His laugh sounds like coughs, like he’s choking on something. “I would ask you to come with me, but I know you won’t, and I don’t want N to waste his time to find me either.

“I want you to be there for me, Taekwoonie. I want to show Ravi that I’m fine. I don’t want him to blame himself for how I lost my mind completely.” And then a pause. Leo is about to close the message, but then Hongbin’s voice comes in breathily, as if he is a sinner confessing to the priest at the last minute.

“Have I told you how much Ravi lives like me? We both wanted something in the beginning. We’d fought hard for it. We want to keep it forever. We keep going back to that thing most special to us and won’t let go.

“Reply me, Taekwoonie. Let me hear your voice.”

Leo deletes the messages without calling Hongbin back. He falls asleep thinking about Hongbin but he will never reply. Leo wants to slip out of Hongbin’s world quietly, he doesn’t want to be like Hongbin, nor N, nor Ravi. He is ready to stop playing pretend tea party with the Mad Hatter, before he consumed him.

Still, everyday, he listens to his voice telling him his day. Weeks have past, and it became his routine. But one day, he has to delete Hongbin without listening to him. He is Leo, not the Taekwoonie that Hongbin knows. And Leo doesn’t need Hongbin.

A/N: 

I thought there have been hints that Leo might eventually want a break from Hongbin, but what do you think?

How do you like the new characters introduced here; there were Seongi and Ken's dad? What troubles do you think they will bring? XD

If you like the story, please upvote and subsribe. Comment to let me know what you think of this story at this point. 

Your dreamer,

suzyelf