Hyuk’s

Ken knocks down a stack of folding papers as soon as he steps past the threshold of the living room, Hyuk yelps.

The younger kid glares back at him. “Pick them up, hyung,” he says. His attention then returns to the red paper that he holds between his short fingers. He flips the paper over and over again, until it becomes a smaller shape.

Ken bends down to pick up the strayed papers. They all have the colour red. He looks around and spots some green papers as well. He peers over at Hyuk and his strangely satisfied smile. He snatches the paper from Hyuk’s hand.

“Ken hyung,” says Hyuk, whining. “What are you doing?”

An origami rose. Ken looks from the rose to Hyuk, and then back to the rose. Ken clears his throat. His hand sweeps over the room that are strewn with roses. “What all these for? The marketing department at Jelpi has nothing better to do?”

Some pink creeps onto Hyuk’s cheeks. Ken peers down at him. It’s true what Sungjae said, Hyuk does get red easily, making him popular amongst guys and girls back in the high school days. Ken chuckles lowly. “Prince Sanghyuk, who’s the lucky princess this time?”

Hyuk blushes even harder. “They aren’t for a princess; they are for a prince. No. A king. Because I’m the prince already.” He smiles back at him cheekily, mocking his own nickname.

Ken squats down next to him. He looks thoughtful. “Who’s the king?”

“None of your business.”

“Han Sanghyuk.” He nudges his side, trying to tip him over.  “I thought I’m your best hyung. You can tell me anything.” Ken’s smile is friendly, but his ill intention shows through.

Hyuk pushes him over, annoyed.

Ken cries dramatically, he clutches his stomach as if Hyuk’s coldness stabbed him. “Ow. Hyuk, you ungrateful wench. After all that I’ve done for you. You can’t even tell me who your crush is?”

Hyuk rolls his eyes. “What are you talking about?” He is going to pull his hyung up, however, something shiny catches his eyes. “You’re still wearing the bracelet?” Gently, Hyuk grabs his wrist to take a closer look at the lucky charm.

Ken grins. “My grandma’s taste is so exquisite and so expensive.”

Hyuk laughs. “You’ve been going out wearing silver and gold? You’re going to get mugged.”

Ken stares at the bracelet that is meant for his one true love. Ironically, Ravi was never there to receive it. A small smile appears though when he looks back at Hyuk. “I don’t want to take it off when it’s a gift from you.”

Though Hyuk is blushing, he kicks Ken nonetheless.

Ken looks on at his dongsaeng’s daft hands that produces another piece of paper rose. His gaze meets the bracelet on his wrist, a token that Hyuk gave him out of kindness. After his hyung has been stood up by his date, it was inevitable that Hyuk would be nothing but kind to him. Ken couldn’t think of any other thing that Hyuk would do in that embarrassing situation. Because of him, the bracelet isn’t about Ravi anymore; it’s about Ken and who he likes.

“If you weren’t being nice to me, who would you give this to?” asks Ken, not truly expecting any answer.

Hyuk doesn’t answer him, he’s fully absorbed into his gifts.

Ken’s attention is on the jewelry again. Maybe Hyuk really thought of him as someone special. Maybe all these roses are for him. Did his favourite dongsaeng finally grew up to be serious and assertive?

Ken takes one of the roses to keep it in his pocket. He will pretend that he doesn’t already know that the surprise is for him. “Thank you, Hyuk. Thank you for everything.”

Press Conference

Someone knocks at the door to the dressing room. N sits cross-legged in front of the brightly-lit mirror, judging his own flawless complexion. He used to hate the nickname the “Dark Knight”. He was his individual person, though he still wanted to fit in with other idols once he got more recognition as a mainstream artist; when he was no longer dancing hiddenly in the dingy shadow.

From the scents of the faint roses, N can already tell who the visitor is without taking his eyes off of himself. “What are you doing here, Hongbinnie?”

“‘Hongbinnie?’” Hongbin first scowls, then he smiles. He walks over and takes the chair next to N. He glanced over at the Nylon magazine. “I never knew that you have an interest in what you’re wearing.”

N rolls up his magazine and slaps Hongbin’s broad chest. “Not everyone is born handsome like you. I have to wear the right clothes to be attractive.” Sometimes, he can’t help to stop a flatter or two slipping out of his mouth that will boost Hongbin’s helpless ego. He shakes his head at himself.

“All I remember of your ‘fashion’ was that one black t-shirt and baggy jeans when we still lived together.” Hongbin cringes.

N laughs too. “I was always working. I still looked good though.”

“Oh. Please.” Hongbin leans back into his swivel chair. “But I still liked you better before even though you were derpy. You were cooler.” He winks.

N gets what he meant. He, too, had a soft spot for the Hakyeon before. Back then, he only had one goal: to be the best Cha Hakyeon he can ever be.

“Are you ready to meet the reporters again? Do you have the script ready?” Hongbin’s serious sonorous voice grounds N to the present and the great next move that he is about to throw himself into.

N straightens his own white collar. “Ravi will do most of the talking. This is his movie’s press conference too.”

Hongbin lightly spins N’s chair toward him. He reaches out to fix his crooked tie. “I heard that he’s nowhere to be seen.” He stares up at him. “You’re on your own, N.”

N grimaces. “I’m always on my own. I got used to it.”

Hongbin pulls his chair closer. Their knees bump against each others. His ardent gaze holds N in his place. “And I’m always rooting for you. So do Sungjae, Hyuk, Ken, and even Ravi. You care about Ravi’s problems way too much to see how much you’re loved.”

N pulls away from him. “I’m not worried about him.” He clears his throat. “I’m not sure if the public will like a controversial idol singer-turns-actor. No one’s going to take me seriously, Hongbinnie.”

Hongbin unclasps N’s tight grip on the wrinkled magazine. His urging gaze never leaves him. “Remember you’re not really Kim Wonshik. You’re still you, Hakyeon. They will all see your hard work.”

N lets Hongbin hold his hand for another second. “I got it, Hongbin. You can let go now. You’re creeping me out.”

He squeezes N’s hand. “You said you only care about your fans. Your true fans will love whatever you do even no one else does. You can’t give up now.”

"Who said I’m giving up?” says N. “I have my fans, and they love me. I am loved.” His assertion rings loud and true in the private room.

Hongbin finally drops his hand. He reaches in his pocket to get out a hand sanitizer. He rubs the gel all over his hand. He puts it up for N to see. “You see this beautiful hand? It’s for my lover only.”

N rolls his eyes. He looks down at his magazine. He doubts Hongbin can detect the dullness in his eyes. He wants to ask how it’s like to be loved by Leo. He wonders if he can give up the chance of the world loving him in exchange for that one person who sees him as the whole world.

“N,” Sungjae calls from behind N. N twists his body sideway to avoid a collision with the manager. Sungjae slings his arms around N to keep him close anyway. “Where have you been? You left right after the conference. I thought you’re flying to Amazon, never coming back.”

N pushes his cheek away from his face. “Stay away from me. Do you want a scandal with me?”

Sungjae pulls him tighter. “You’re too hard on yourself. You did well explaining your role and your expectations about the movie. You were pretty convincing when you talked about your plan for acting. But I don’t think that the fans will be too thrilled about not hearing any plan for a musical comeback.”

N suddenly halts in his track down the hallway. Sungjae runs smack into him. “You guys told me to keep quiet about new songs. I need to focus on making the perfect movie.” N loosens his tie. “I don’t want to affect my music with my reputation right now. It won’t be fair to what I create.”

Sungjae shrugs. “Okay, man. Let’s go drinking? You don’t have morning schedule tomorrow.”

N’s shoulders sag. His only desire is the warm bed back into his ghost apartment. He wants the image of the flashing camera and the aggressive reporters out of his minds. If only Ravi came today to answer all the bombarding questions. N tried his best to answer as much as he knew about the production without giving away too much. He needed to keep on a cordial smile too. He’s ready to collapse in his safe haven.

“What’s this?” Sungjae squats down in N’s track. N nearly trips over Sungjae. N takes a deep breath to swallow his yell; in case there might still be some paparazzi lingering around the venue.  

“Look at this flowery path.” Sungjae gasps dramatically.

N follows Sungjae’s gaze. He picks up one paper rose in front of him, and then another. On the way out of the building, he gathers ten roses in total.

Sungjae laughs. “Stop, N. Maybe this is a prank cam or some poor guy is about to propose to his girlfriend.”

N drops the flowers in his hands. Sungjae is right. Why would anyone prepare these thoughtful gifts for him? His face starts turning red. Don’t red roses represent passionate love? N doesn’t recall being loved whole-heartedly at the moment.

N steps over the flowers and aims straight for the exit. He can’t wait to become one with his bed.

As soon as he steps out into the cruel wind, the confetti boom into the starless night sky; some of them fly straight to N’s face, being cushioned by the current. Then he sees the small crowd of people bundled up together, cheering. All of them gather red roses in their arms. Some of them even carry banners over their heads. They read: “N is my brightest light”; “N is my only light, I’m his only flower”; “ Lost Land’s Kim Wonshik Daebak!” Although N already knows half of the people showing up are from Jelpi plus Hongbin and Ken, there’s still a dozen fans waiting for him to come out. He doesn’t dare move from his spot. In his mind, he captures the moment. He will replace the previous harsh frame in his timeline with softer, more meaningful minute. His world is bright without star.

“N hyung.” Hyuk steps out of the crowd. “Congratulations on landing your role.” He lifts the flowers in front of N. His cheeks are flaming, exceeding the roses.

N accepts his roses in one sweep, he can no longer hide his doting smile. He sniffs on the paper, he smells the love exuding from the fake, but real bouquet.

Hyuk says, “I thought it would be nice to have a fan event today. We folded three hundred roses for you. Do you like them?” he asks shyly.

“Why roses?” asks N.

“We all love you. This is a promise of forever from us, like lovers.”

Like lovers? N smiles. “Thank you.”

Even though N can’t have one person, at least he has the whole world.

At last, N steps into his van, among the enthusiastic farewell from the crowd. Hyuk packs away the box of roses into the back of the company van. Ken leans against the vehicle, watching the young man flexes his arms. “I still can’t believe the roses are for N.”

Hyuk closes the trunk. “I did tell you they were for my king. Who else can that be?”

Ken laughs. That is typical of Hyuk. N has always been an unsurmountable role model for Hyuk. If it wasn’t because of his intention to get close to N, Hyuk wouldn't have found his passion to be a journalist. But without Ken, Hyuk wouldn’t be a good journalist. With his right arm well supported by the van, Ken angles himself nearer to Hyuk, almost trapping him in the back. Hyuk is oblivious. He is busy digging for something.

“Ta da.” A bundle of flowers suddenly appears in Hyuk’s hands. The bouquet is made of flowy, soft texture that gives away hints of paper napkins. They have been dyed red. “I made something special for you. They are carnations.”

Ken closes his palms around the base. “I used to give them to my mom on Mother’s Day,” says Ken.

Hyuk pouts. “Only pink carnations are for moms; these are red.”

Ken ruffles Hyuk’s hair. It doesn’t matter what red carnations are suppose to mean; he’s grateful that Hyuk remembers him. “I’ll hang them up in my living room. I will let you sign it.”

Something squeezes around Ken’s torso. Hyuk runs his hand down his back. Unlike Ravi’s touch, his touch sends no shivers, but Ken is safe.

A/N: Thank you for still following the story. How's everyone's back to school? I have been busy with school and work as always. Thank you for being patient with me! I will be focusing on updating the chapters leading up to the ending.

I wrote this relatively new chapter because one of my readers has expressed that N is really unloved. And they are right! I just want to write this chapter to give N some love. :') 

Thank you for reading. Comment, upvote, and subscribe are always welcome.

Happy September.

Your dreamer,

suzyelf