you take my breath away, you know i'm bound to choke

ㅡ

And after times passed by he thought he was okay, he really thought so. Well, he was wrong. Oh, so terribly wrong.

After about two weeks, or maybe longer, of completely shutting the world out of his life and staying in his bed all the time, he finally decided it was time to face reality. He didn’t know if it was too soon. He didn’t know if it was too late. He had been ignoring his friends, his work and who knows how people would react now that he was about to show himself to their eyes again. He had no idea who would be angry with him, who would be worried or whatever. He basically knew nothing. The only thing he was pretty sure of was that he just had to get better. He had promised it to himself before. ‘For Hoseok.’ He thought to himself as he was getting out of his bed. It felt like torture, it really did. His body was aching from not moving for hours and he instantly felt nauseous due to the sudden movements. Eventually he got up anyways, moving to the big mirror Hoseok had loved so much since one could see his whole frame in the reflection. Namjoon had always adored the way Hoseok would have been watching the world reflecting in the mirror, to Namjoon it had felt like Hoseok had been able to look into another world.

He took a look at his own reflection, only to notice that he was looking bad, really bad. He didn’t recognize himself anymore and it honestly shocked him that the impact of Hoseok’s absence would show so clearly on his body. He had lost weight, a whole lot of it. His skin looked dull and his hair was one big mess. He was in desperate need for a shower and for some food. He walked back to his bed, leaning down to grab his phone, which had been lying n the floor all this time, and finally decided to charge it. As he finished plugging his phone to the charger he decided to just take a shower and so he did. He enjoyed the feeling own the warm water running down his body, it felt like it was washing away his worries and he also felt fresh again. After showering he dried his body with a towel before he took another glance at his reflection. He still didn’t look that much better and he blamed it on his still messy hair. He didn’t know why he decided to do that, or actually when that thought even hit his mind, but he grabbed a scissor, brought it up to his hair and just cut it.

After cleaning up the mess he made by cutting his hair, he walked back into his bedroom to put on some fresh clothes. He took some time to choose his outfit, but eventually he decided to wear all black. He really liked wearing only black, he wasn’t on good terms with colors anyways. After finishing putting on his clothes he walked over back to his bed, checking on his phone. He blinked a few times as he noticed the enormous amount on messaged and calls he had receiver throughout the few days. He checked up on a few of them, actually only on those his friends had sent him. He didn’t need to be a genius to notice the worry in all the messages, but what worried him was that Hoseok had texted him as well several times, asking him if he was okay. Namjoon instantly regretted not answering his phone. He could have been in contact with Hoseok. He sighed heavily, pushing back the demand to just walk against a wall with his head first. How could he have been so stupid? Hoseok was worried about him, cared for him, still and what did he do? He was lying in bed instead of actually talking to the older. After all Hose