lost its beat & so i find

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About a week passed by since Namjoon was alone, since Hoseok left him and took everything with him that was dear to Namjoon. He soon realized that without Hoseok by his side, nothing made sense and everything came to him in dull colors. The whole week long he had stayed at home, more like in his bed, only getting up when he needed to pee or if the thirst got too bad and he had to walk over to his kitchen. Without Hoseok even his home didn’t feel like home anymore. It was weird. They hadn’t been living together, still Hoseok had been spending so much time in his apartment that it had felt to Namjoon as if they already were. He would have loved to. He would have loved to live together with one person he loved more than anything else, the one person he would have even given up on his passion, music. For Hoseok he would have done anything and he was pretty sure he still would if the older would call for him. Nothing was as important as Hoseok, nothing, not even now that he had left him and taken Namjoon’s heart with him. Sometimes Namjoon thought about the possibility that they would still be together if he would have asked the older to just move in with him, maybe that would have killed all of Hoseok’s doubts.

He knew Hoseok was insecure, had always been, especially when it came to his family, friends or even more Namjoon. Namjoon had been reassuring Hoseok that he loved him more than anything else on a daily base, but Namjoon didn’t mind doing so.

Several times he was about to get up from his bed, put on his shoes and jacket and just drive to the older’s home and get him back, reassure him that he was the only one for him. Yet at the same time the pain was eating away on him. To be honest, he felt hurt, maybe even betrayed. He felt like Hoseok had ripped out his heart, stomped on it and left him back to die. But, Namjoon was smarter than to give in to those feelings, because in the back of his head he knew that this wasn’t the case. In fact, it had been the exact other way around, the only difference that Namjoon hadn’t done it on purpose. He had never intended to do so, would have never ever imagined something like that.

But, he should have known better. Even though he had promised the older several times that he would stop spending so much time at the studio, working on his music, he didn’t. Quite the contrary