when i close my eyes, i still see your ghost

ㅡ

And again he did the same mistake, he thought he was okay, that he was finally getting better and after days and weeks finally getting a grip upon himself. He thought so. He was wrong. Because after yet another night he spent out with his group of friends he was falling back into that hole that was built of nothing more than darkness, regret and the sadness that stung ones hurt and tore it apart. Who often had he already told himself he would get better? How many times had he gotten up from bed, going out and facing reality just to be able to tell himself that he was moving one? So effin’ many times he wasn’t even able to count anymore. Not only that he told himself those sentences once a day, no multiple times a day. Each time he was enough of a fool to believe his own words, but at the end of the day he always remembered that he was wrong to do so in the first place.

Maybe it wasn’t good for him to spend so much time with his friends after all. Maybe he should keep some more distance to them until he would be sure he moved on. But was it even possible? He knew he wouldn’t be able to distance himself from them. He was afraid of one day losing them, and that was something he couldn’t risk. Not only due to the fact that they were now his only connection left to Hoseok, but also because he loved each of them more than his life. He would give up his life for each of them and walk straight through hell. No questions needed. He needed his friends, but what he needed the most was Hoseok like the air he breathed.

Only now he understood why all the people told him that it wasn’t right for him to have such an obsession with Hoseok. Only now he knew they had been right all the time, because now he was feeling the impact of the lost. Hoseok had always been his obsession and his passion, he had declared that so, so many times. He had never thought that there would be a time he would regret it, but he did, now. Well, at least the pain stuck with him. Now more offic