It was dark and cold outside.

It wasn’t raining but the wind was that winter’s harshest. It hit his face and collided with the tears that streamed down his cheeks without him even noticing.

He sat on the rooftop motionless, wordless, and expressionless.

He was shocked.

“I’m sorry son…” Chanyeol’s father sat next to Chanyeol on one of the benches. He patted his shoulder continuously, “I’m sorry for your loss, it’s… it’s our loss…”

Chanyeol still didn’t move. It’s like he wasn’t even hearing anything. Even his vision didn’t move, it had been fixed for a long time on a pot on the floor containing little pink flowers.

They were like Sarang. They were delicate and beautiful.

They were like his baby… the baby whom he’ll never get to see.

That’s right; he will never get to see his own baby because his pure soul left before it even came to the world.

He never got to greet him with a soft touch and a kiss on his mom’s tummy.

He didn’t get to even know if it was a he or a she.

His baby… his innocent little baby…

Chanyeol’s tears fell harder, uncontrollably.

I’m sorry... he thought.

He kept apologizing for them but no matter how much he apologized for his family it would never be enough. He failed to protect them; his wife, his baby. He failed to protect his family.

Chanyeol was waiting home happily, excitedly.

Sarang was finally coming back home.

She had something important to say. She forgave him.

She was finally coming back home.

He couldn’t control the wide smile that plastered on his face. He finally got the second chance he begged for.

This time he was going to treat her right, he promised himself. He won’t ever hurt her again. He would never make her cry, he would hold her between his arms every single night because she belonged to him and he belonged to her.

He waited and waited. Twenty minutes was already too long, and then it extended to thirty minutes and more.

Chanyeol called her but she didn’t pick up the phone.

He was getting anxious. Where was she? Why wasn’t she picking up her phone?

His phone rang; it was Sarang.

“Baby!” he called breathless, “I was getting worried, what’s taking you so long?”

The voice on the other end wasn’t the voice he expected to answer. It wasn’t familiar. It wasn’t Sarang.

“Hello, we are calling from the hospital,” the lady spoke formally. “Is this Miss Kim Sarang’s husband?”

Chanyeol’s throat felt suddenly dry.

“Y-Yes I am.”

“We’re very sorry to inform you that your wife has been admitted to the hospital after getting into an accident. Please make sure to—“

“Wh-what do you mean?? What accident? What happened to her?”

His hands were getting numb. He was shaking.

“She is currently in the operation room, her condition is critical. We will give you more details when you come. Please be here soon.”

The horror of that moment played itself again. Over and over again.

He had no idea what happened. How? When?

“We had to go through her phone to contact a family member.”

The nurse explained why she called him first. Sarang had him saved as “Hubby” he knew that.

A policeman approached.

“You wife was found on the ground unconscious after she apparently fell from a significant height. Someone called from her phone and reported the accident, but we didn’t know who it was. We are not sure whether it was an accident or not but unfortunately she was in sort of a deserted place. There are no surveillance cameras and nothing that could hold fingerprints, if there are any. We will have to wait for the operation to be done… If she woke up healthily she can tell us what happened.”

“W-What do you mean if-i-if she woke u-up?” he turned to the nurse, “She’ll be fine right?” he urged, “Right??!”

Chanyeol had a million questions. Where was she? How did she fall? Is she going to live? Is she going to be okay?

He begged them to save her. He couldn’t live without her, they had to save her.

One of the doctors came out after a while having only one thing to say.

“We’re doing our best. Your wife should be fine but unfortunately the baby didn’t make it.”

The baby?

That was another unexpected blow that hit him cruelly.

His baby. He lost his own baby whom he didn’t even know about. How cruel…

I’m so sorry… Chanyeol apologized again.

The sky was so dark. There were no stars, no moon. It was very cold, the coldest he had ever felt.

He had been sitting on the hospital’s rooftop for the past hour. The clock was ticking slowly, very slowly.

Sarang’s operation wasn’t done yet, and he couldn’t sit among her parents and friends.

He felt ashamed and guilty.

He cried silently. He couldn’t do anything else.

His father sat next to him. This time he had no criticism. He wasn’t there to yell or scold or tell his son how much of a disappointment he is.

No. This time he was there to console his son, to tell him that he’s there for him and that everything will be alright.

“Both of you are still young,” he said, “And the doctor said Sarang will be fine. You will have other chances… You will have other babies.”

It will never replace this baby, Chanyeol thought. Just because you get new ones doesn’t mean you can forget about the one that was gone. Chanyeol failed to protect him and he will never forgive himself for that.

How he wished he knew about the baby… He would have done the impossible to take care of him and his mom. He just didn’t know…

It felt like knives were twisting in his heart. It was painful.

~

Chanyeol walked down the hallways of the cold hospital. They were too white, kinda scary.

He stood by the end of the waiting hall where Sarang’s parents, her friends and his parents were waiting. He glanced over at them.

Her mom was crying as she leaned her head on her husband’s shoulder. He looked tired and weak, he was in different kinds of pain; physical and mostly emotional.

Yerim, Yoonseul, Jongin and Kyungsoo sat side by side on a set of chairs arranged next to each other. The four of them held each others’ hands as they prayed for their best friend to be fine.

Chanyeol sighed. His breath came out shaky.

As soon as the doors that lead to the operations’ room opened, everyone rushed to the doctor who came out looking tired as he took off his mask.

“How is she?” Sarang’s mother asked.

“The operation is over. Her condition is stable now,” the doctor smiled as everyone else sighed in relief and some of them even cried feeling grateful.

“When will she wake up?” Chanyeol asked worriedly.

The doctor rubbed his forehead.

“She should be up by tomorrow,” he said, “The fall wasn’t simple at all. Her head was badly injured. Her right arm is broken and her leg is fractured. We can find out more about her condition when she wakes up,” he finished, “Now please excuse me,” he bowed slightly before walking away.

“I just don’t understand what took her there…” Sarang’s mother started crying again. “How did she fall from up there? Who did that to my precious daughter…?”

“This is all my fault…”

Chanyeol turned to look at Kyungsoo who sat down, his shoulders heavy. He had never seen him crying. He looked broken.

“I… I showed her that place,” Kyungsoo buried his face in his palms. “She went there every time she wasn’t feeling good…” his voice cracked, “I should have never taken her there.”

“Hey,” Yoonseul rubbed his back gently, failing to hold her tears. “This isn’t your fault Kyungsoo-yah,” she assured.

“What made my precious baby so depressed…?” Sarang’s mother sobbed.

Chanyeol couldn’t listen to any of this anymore. It only made him blame himself more. She went there because she was depressed, and she was like that because he had messed everything up.

He took a few weak steps backwards before he his heel and left as quickly as possible.

He ran passed the empty halls and made it outside thinking he might be able to breathe out there but he still couldn’t.

“Chanyeol!”

Chanyeol turned his head and looked behind.

“Wait,” Yerim walked over to him. “I know you heard what Kyungsoo said… what happened isn’t your fault,” she said.

“She went there because she was frustrated,” Chanyeol sat down helplessly. “She was frustrated because of me, because of what I have done.