It was still dark outside, and with the lights off inside too, everything was dark.

“What time is it?” Chanyeol mumbled as he opened his eyes fully awake. He was drunk last night and slept quite early.

He passed his hand over the cold sheets realizing that the warmth only surrounded his body. Today, it didn’t spread around him as it usually does.

He quickly sat straight when he realized the bed was empty.

“Sarang?” he called softly but she wasn’t there.

When he finally found his phone that was lying on the small table next to his bed he pressed the home button to check the time but was distracted with a notification displaying a text message from Hwasoo.

The message said It was good seeing you tonight, Chanyeol-ah.

Chanyeol scoffed. What was she talking about? It wasn’t good at all… he was thinking when the realization hit him.

“Sarang-ah?” he called again, leaving bed quickly. He walked straight to the living room and there she was lying asleep on the couch.

She wasn’t covered. Not even with a thin blanket and it made him shiver. She looked pale and cold. Of course she was cold and uncomfortable because she was still wearing her jeans with a thin shirt from the previous day.

“S-Sarang-ah…” he whispered as he slowly squat next to her.

What happened last night? He wondered. Last thing he remembered was Baekhyun tucking him in bed and telling him to rest and sleep, but after that he has no idea what happened. What time did Sarang come back? And why was she sleeping on the couch? Did she read the text message?

Chanyeol shook his hair with frustration… why was he feeling guilty when he didn’t do anything with Hwasoo? But then again why would he even feel guilty if he did something with Hwasoo?!

“” he cursed under his breath. It was driving him crazy, the fact that he couldn’t bear hurting her. He didn’t want to care about her. He really didn’t want to give a damn if she was hurt or not.

After gently covering her up with a blanket, Chanyeol went to the bathroom. He still felt the lipstick smeared on his jaw and neck and it disgusted him. He needed to take a shower.

There was something about the sound of water harshly hitting the ceramic that was strangely calming, yet the more he looked at his own face in the mirror the more he felt rage inside of him.

Chanyeol didn’t go under the water immediately. Instead, he stood observing his reflection on the mirror. The red stains on his skin disgusted him, and the misery in his eyes made him even angrier.

This familiar misery brought him old memories that he always wanted to forget.

“Y-you don’t really mean that…” Chanyeol reached for her hand, trying to laugh. He tried to believe she was just joking but she pulled her hand away.

“Yes I do” she coldly said, “We’re over.”

“Hyojung-ah…” he pleaded. He didn’t care about his bleeding lips or the bruises on his jaw or even the cut on his nose bridge. All of it didn’t hurt at all, but it was his chest that was painfully hammering.

He reached for her hand again but this time she jerked his hand away harshly.

“I said it’s over, Chanyeol! Won’t you understand? I left you long ago, now stop following me around!”

“No, Hyojung-ah, you just- you don’t mean it I know that you love me just like I love you- you can’t… you can’t just leave me… Hyojung-ah” he pleaded, “I’ll do any-anything you want I promise you… just don’t leave me.”

Hyojung glanced back at the man who was impatiently waiting for her by his expensive Lamborghini.

“Stop making a joke out of yourself” she said, “Just go home. I don’t want to be with you. I don’t love you.”

With that she turned around and left. With every step she took further he called her name expecting that she’d turn around and look at him. He expected she’d at least spare him a glance or just slow down her steps but she didn’t.

She really left. Unhesitant.

Chanyeol’s knuckles turned white. He didn’t notice it but he was tightly holding onto the rim of the washing sink. That memory still burned in his brain.

The Hyojung he knew loved him more than anything. She loved his smile, she used to say. He was the most important person to her in the whole world, she used to say.

On that night he knew all her words were lies. He got beaten up before her eyes by a group of guys for constantly trying to approach her again even after she had broken up with him.

She didn’t try to stop them, and she didn’t even look worried. In fact, even after she got into the car with the other guy Chanyeol ran after her. His body was weak but it didn’t stop him from using all the energy he had left to run after her. Even when the car disappeared he still called her name but she never came back.

He thought she loved him, and that she wouldn’t just leave him, especially because she had no reason to suddenly leave. They hadn’t fought. He did nothing wrong to her, he would never even think of hurting her, yet she left with no explanation except “I don’t love you.”

That was exactly why he couldn’t fall in love again. He couldn’t do the same mistake twice. How could he trust someone again? How could he trust that Sarang wouldn’t hurt him in the same way?

Sarang was a nice person. She treated everyone nicely; her family, his family, her friends, his friends, and most importantly him. She smiled a lot, she laughed a lot and spoke whatever was on her mind. She loved everyone, and was loved by everyone.

But still… he wasn’t willing to take the risk again. He didn’t care about her, or at least that’s what he wanted to believe. He can’t fall in love with her, he decided. He won’t.

~

“What are you doing here?”

Sarang turned around quickly when she heard Chanyeol’s voice behind her. The fact that he was now clean with no stains on him made looking at him easier.

“Your hair is wet” she said, “Go inside.”

The two were standing in the balcony. It was early, around six in the morning, and the late autumn weather was harsh and cold.

Chanyeol scanned her from head to toe. Her shirt was too thin, she was barefoot and her fingernails were starting to feel blue. Even her nose got red.

“Let’s go inside” he suggested but more like an order.

“I’m fine here.”

With a swift move Chanyeol grabbed Sarang’s hand and dragged her inside. Her hand was painfully cold.

“Are you out of you