Objective: To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.

Education: School – very expensive; Major – not important; GPA – don’t ask

Employment: Network management – Producing daily itinerary of TV programs to watch. Duties include changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages.

Debt consolidation: Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.

Skills: Angry Birds, Candy Crush, Doodle of Jump. For further references, contact my mother.