Hongbin could barely hold himself back from slamming the door of his room closed behind him. It still shut with more noise than normal after him, and he couldn’t bring himself to care. He didn’t care about much of what was around him at the moment, and just went and threw himself onto his bed, curling up where he landed. He didn’t care enough even to pull the fluffy blanket Taekwoon had first given him to him for comfort. He didn’t think it would work, anyway.

He was upset. Angry, even. Scared, too. Mostly angry, though. But definitely also scared. And sad.

He didn’t want to meet Taekwoon’s friends. Sure, they had been nice to him even though they didn’t know him. They’d made things for him, bought things, helped Taekwoon with things for him. But he still didn’t want to meet them.

Maybe, the fact they had been nice to him before was part of why he didn’t want to meet them. People expected things in turn when they were nice to him. It had always been like that. Even when they told him they didn’t in the first place. They always wanted something in return. Even if it would be something he wasn’t unwilling to give, he didn’t want to meet someone who had -or thought they had- a right to ask something of him. He didn’t want to be put in that position.

He also didn’t want anyone to come be with him if something happened to Taekwoon. He didn’t even want to think that anything bad could ever happen to Taekwoon, that just wasn’t allowed. If it did, he didn’t know what he would do. Probably really go feral. He didn’t want anyone come here to tell him Taekwoon was hurt. They would get hurt next, and it would be because of him, and it would disappoint Taekwoon. And he knew, he just knew, if someone opened that front door and told him Taekwoon was hurt, he would go out to find Taekwoon, against all reason. He wouldn’t be able to not be with him if Taekwoon needed help. And he knew now that he would probably be killed before he made it far out of the building, but he also knew he wouldn’t care in the situation. No, no one should come here to tell him. It was better if he just stayed locked in and eventually starved to death on his own.

He also didn’t want anyone to come stay with him because he was bored. He only wanted Taekwoon to be home with him, no one else. He wouldn’t go out with anyone else, either. Only Taekwoon could protect him from enforcers and other evil people out there. Only Taekwoon could prove he was allowed to be outside with him, and no one could take him away from Taekwoon.

Except…

Taekwoon could.

Hongbin’s whole insides froze as that thought hit him.

Was that what Taekwoon was doing? Was Taekwoon going to leave him? Was he getting tired of him, and wanted to get rid of him? Was that why he really wanted him to meet other people, so he wouldn’t have to deal with him himself all the time?

Hongbin’s chest felt as if it was being gripped in an iron fist and squeezed. Tears pooled in his eyes and spilled over before he had a chance to stop them. Sobs started to wrack his body.

Taekwoon couldn’t give him away. Taekwoon couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t just get rid of him. He… he needed Taekwoon!

A little further down the hallway, Taekwoon stood and listened, indecisive. It was breaking his heart to hear Hongbin sob, but he didn’t know if he should go check on him. Was he really just throwing a tantrum, or was there more to it? Had he said something that might have actually hurt Hongbin, or reminded him of some kind of trauma?

He rubbed his hands over his face, still debating what he should do. He still didn’t know enough about Hongbin’s past to be able to tell if he’d done something epically wrong and really hurt him. He didn’t know enough about him to know what had made him react the way he did. In the end, there really was nothing he could do except go to him and try to find out. Even if it was just a tantrum, it would be worth finding out.

Decision made, he took a deep breath and started down the hallway with determination, but stopped and hesitated in front of the door before knocking.

The sobs on the other side stopped immediately, but nothing else was heard, either.

Taekwoon knocked again.

“Hongbin? Can I come in?”

It took a moment before Hongbin answered, a weak ‘Yes’ barely filtering through the door.

Taekwoon opened the door quietly, peeking in before stepping into the room, where Hongbin still sat on his bed, wiping at his eyes. Taekwoon felt lost, not sure what he should do in this situation. For a while, he just stood there awkwardly, watching Hongbin wipe at his eyes and try to stop his sobs for good.

“Hongbin… Can you tell me what has you so upset about the idea of meeting my friends?” He asked eventually.

Hongbin tensed, biting his lips and balling his fists in the blankets of his bed. He stayed silent for so long Taekwoon thought he wasn’t going to get an answer from him before speaking up.

“I don’t want to meet them…” He eventually muttered, and Taekwoon sighed quietly.

“I got that much, you’re making that pretty obvious. But why?”

Taekwoon could hear fabric tearing, and Hongbin’s fists jerked open a fraction. If Taekwoon figured there would be holes in the blankets now, he didn’t mention it, just waiting for Hongbin’s answer.

Hongbin fidgeted, eventually figuring Taekwoon wouldn’t let it go just like that. But he couldn’t very well tell Taekwoon why he didn’t want to meet his friends, now could he? Taekwoon would never understand. Still, he had to say something!

“They’re not… you.”

Taekwoon blinked, confused.

“Well… obviously not. But why is that a reason for you to not want to meet them?”

Taekwoon’s questions were frustrating, so very frustrating that Hongbin snapped.

“I don’t want anyone to replace you!”

Taekwoon was taken aback, so much so he actually took a step back as Hongbin sat up straighter on the bed and almost glared at him, even without meeting his gaze. Only after a few heartbeats did the words Hongbin had said actually register with Taekwoon.

“No one is going to try to replace me, Hongbin. I won’t leave you.”

Hongbin’s eyes started to fill with tears again, angry ones.

“You said… if you had an accident-…”

“That’s not replacing me. That’s me making sure there is someone to keep you safe if I can’t.”

“I don’t want to be safe when you’re not safe, I-… You can’t have an accident!”

Taekwoon sighed, half touched by Hongbin’s vehemence in his last statement, half frustrated that he wouldn’t understand his reasoning.

“Hongbin-…”

“If someone comes and tells me you’re hurt, no one is going to be safe!”

Taekwoon shook his head, frustration winning for the moment.

“Hongbin, listen! No one can control when accidents happen, that’s why they exist. And they can happen to me as well as to anyone else. All I want is to make sure that there is someone to protect you from the s who’ve hurt you before if I ever can’t do that for whatever reason. It gives me nightmares to think that you might get hurt again because I haven’t done enough to keep that from happening!”

Hongbin looked contrite for a split second, but then shook his head again.

“Only you can protect me… No one else.”

“That’s not true.”

Hongbin shook his head vehemently.

“It is! I’m labeled Feral. You are the only one who can protect me. If you’re not with me, enforcers can take me. It’s in those contract papers!”

Taekwoon sighed.

“I know what’s in those contract papers, Hongbin, I’ve studied them carefully before even suggesting for the first time that we go outside. I can add people as your guardians so they can protect you.”

Hongbin’s eyes grew wide, and suddenly fear was the most prominent emotion in his expression.

“No!”

“Hongbin…”

“No! You can’t do that!”

Taekwoon didn’t understand that sudden change of emotions.

“Hongbin, what-…” He stopped abruptly when Hongbin suddenly threw himself off the bed and got on his knees, bowing in front of him as he pleaded with unconcealed panic in his voice.

“Please! You can’t, please! Don’t do that! Please, don’t!”

Taekwoon gasped quietly, taking a small step back before crouching as well, reaching out to place a hand on Hongbin’s arm.

“Hongbin… Hongbin, stop. Sit up, please.”

Hongbin sat up reluctantly, but kept pleading.

“Please, you can’t do that… Please…”

Taekwoon shook his head.

“Why, Hongbin? What’s so bad about that? Why do you not want anyone to be there for you in an emergency?”

Hongbin fell silent, his eyes still swimming in unshed tears as he balled his hands into fists in the fabric of his pants.

“I-… You-… I don’t want to-… I just-… Just want you. No one else.”

They were moving in circles, and Taekwoon was starting to get a headache from it. He sighed, lifting one hand to rub at his temple as he took a deep breath.

“Hongbin, I already explained why-”

“I don’t trust them! I don’t know them, and I don’t want to know them! They are not you, and I can’t trust them! They’ll want things from me that I don’t want, and I can’t do anything about it! I don’t want them to take me away from you, and to be with them when you’re not there!” Hongbin almost shouted, tears finally spilling over again as he forced himself to look up and meet Taekwoon’s shocked gaze.

“Please, T-taekwoon. Please, don’t let them- Please don’t send me away…!”

Taekwoon needed a moment to fit the puzzle pieces together to get the whole picture and finally understand what Hongbin’s fear was. He felt stupid for not realizing it sooner, and his voice lacked all the frustration it had accumulated during their argument, only pure sincerity laced in the soft tone as he tried to reassure Hongbin.

“Hongbin… I’m not leaving you. I’m not sending you away, and I’m not letting anyone take you away. I’m not trying to find a replacement for myself, or a reason not to have to spend time with you. You mean the world to me, and all I want is to keep you close and safe and happy, because you are who makes me the happiest.”

Taekwoon held Hongbin’s gaze for a moment as he surprisingly didn’t look away before he continued.

“I know you don’t trust my friends, and that’s ok. You can’t, since you don’t know anything about them. But I can promise you, they will never demand for you to do anything for them, and they won’t ever take you away from me. I swear, on my life. I would never leave you alone with them unless you felt completely safe with them, either. And I’m not forcing you to meet them. I’m asking you to consider getting to know them eventually, for my peace of mind and potentially your safety in a situation that may never even arise.”

Hongbin blinked slowly, averting his gaze to his lap afterwards as he sunk in a little on himself under Taekwoon’s steady gaze. Taekwoon waited in case he wanted to say something, but it didn’t seem to be the case. It was relieving to see he was relaxing, though, and his tears were coming to a definite stop.

“You don’t have to decide or even think about it today, either. Not even this week, or the next. You can take your time, as long as you want. You can ask me all the questions you might eventually have, and tell me about all of your concerns. I won’t judge you, and you won’t be in trouble for any of it. And if you eventually decide that you are ok with meeting them, we’ll do it on your terms. You feeling safe will always be what’s most important to me, and I’ll do everything to make sure you do.”

Truthfully, Hongbin didn’t know what he even should say to any of that. He hadn’t meant to admit any of what he did, but Taekwoon not understanding had just been so frustrating that it had broken out of him in the middle of his fear. And now Taekwoon understood and found all the right words to calm him down and ease his worries, and it made him wonder why he hadn’t wanted to admit anything in the first place.

That didn’t mean that his stance had changed in any way at all, but… He was just too tired to think about anything at the moment. He didn’t want to think right now. He just wanted Taekwoon to never leave, and maybe put his hand back on his arm. His hand was nice and warm, and it made him feel grounded and safe, especially from himself. He would never ask that of Taekwoon, though; he couldn’t.

Instead, he did what was actually the last thing he wanted to do in that moment. He scooted away from Taekwoon, getting up slowly and turning away.

“I’m going to sleep…” He announced softly, even though he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to find sleep any time soon.

Taekwoon got the message, getting up himself and moving towards the door.

“Ok. Good night, Hongbin.”

Taekwoon closed the door quietly after himself even though Hongbin didn’t answer, and Hongbin did go back to the bed, since he didn’t have anything better to do with himself. Sitting on its edge quickly became laying down on it, and since he felt the need for the comfort they provided, it didn’t take long before he was wrapped up in his blankets. Not five minutes later, against all his expectations, he was fast asleep.

*#*#*#*

Taekwoon had been reluctant to leave for work that day, but while he could stay at home during the morning, the same wasn’t possible for the afternoon.

Both of them had carefully avoided talking about the topic of the night before, even if at least Hongbin could barely think about anything else.

He still felt like Taekwoon was going to leave him, and him leaving for work didn’t make it better. He tried to keep telling himself to trust Taekwoon to have told him the truth when he reassured him he wasn’t going to leave him, but there was always a voice in the back of his mind that told him not to trust him, still, and when Taekwoon left for work, that voice grew stronger.

He didn’t want to listen to that voice, though. He couldn’t afford to if he didn’t want to face yet another downwards spiral of despair, and desperately needed to find something to distract himself. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done, and eventually he ended up just aimlessly exploring every corner of the apartment that he already knew yet again.

It was when he ambled through the living room, looking at the books on the shelves that he suddenly halted.

Sure, he’d seen all the books countless times, and the picture frames filling the spaces between the rows of books, too, but for the first time they sparked his interest.

All of the pictures were of people. Most of them he’d never seen before. Almost all of them, really, except one: Taekwoon. Taekwoon was easy to spot, even in the pictures where he was obviously way younger than now.

He picked the picture that’d first caught his attention up carefully. Taekwoon looked quite a bit younger than now in it. Already an adult, but probably just barely. At first, he thought Taekwoon looked grumpy in the picture, annoyed even; but it wouldn’t make sense for him to frame a picture where he looked so grumpy, now would it? Upon closer inspection, Hongbin could tell the signs that betrayed Taekwoon’s concealed amusement, until Taekwoon looked far from grumpy to him. Only then did he focus on the other figure in the picture, standing behind the chair Taekwoon was sitting in, with his arms wrapped around his shoulders and crossed in front of his chest, beaming at the camera.

They must be really close, Hongbin thought, inspecting Taekwoon in the picture again. He looked completely relaxed in the other’s embrace. He couldn’t fathom it, how someone could look so relaxed when someone else was holding them from behind like that; just one twitch away from being able to choke them.

He trusts him. It was the only logical explanation.

Carefully, he set the picture back down in the spot it had been in before, but he still couldn’t take his eyes away from it. Which of Taekwoon’s friends could the young man in the picture be? He had no idea… But he was in several of the other pictures in the living room, he soon found. He must have been Taekwoon’s friend for a while now, since they both looked so young still in some of the pictures, and he was still present in pictures that looked as if they had been taken just yesterday.

Another person was in quite a few of the pictures as well, even in some of the older ones.

Loud, was what Hongbin thought as he studied the face of the person. He couldn’t hear the pictures, of course, but he looked like someone who would be loud. And apparently, he managed to make Taekwoon laugh.

Hongbin stood looking mesmerized at a picture of Taekwoon and the loud one, with both of them laughing. Taekwoon looked so different when he laughed freely, he found as he studied the picture. He’d never seen Taekwoon laugh like that. He looked… beautiful. He wanted to see Taekwoon like that, too. So far, he’d only seen glimpses of it, and not often.

Moving on, he found a picture that portrayed a whole group of people. It looked very recent, he even knew the sweater Taekwoon was wearing in the picture. Taekwoon looked a little overwhelmed in it, but still happy. There were at least six people in the picture, including the two that were in most of the pictures. The tan man Taekwoon had the most pictures of and another one where sitting closest to Taekwoon, their arms around his back while a cake stood right in front of them.

Hongbin halted when he thought he was sure he’d seen the face of the other man beside Taekwoon, and not from a picture. ‘Man’ was also a stretch, since Hongbin was sure there was no way the dude was older than him, if even as old as him.

He huffed when he suddenly remembered where he knew that face from, the memory like a bucket of cold water; it was the boy who’d hugged Taekwoon in their doorway a few weeks ago.

Resolutely, he tore his gaze away from the picture, deciding to ignore it, and turned away. Unfortunately, that only served to let his gaze fall on yet another picture of Taekwoon and the annoyingly affectionate boy. And to make matters worse, it was a picture where Taekwoon was holding the boy bridal style, with him posing exaggeratedly. It was clearly meant to be a funny picture, and both subjects of the picture looked thoroughly amused, but Hongbin was anything but.

Before he could think better of it, he flipped the picture so it lay face down and he wouldn’t have to see it anymore. For good measure, he stalked out of the living room, too, returning to his own room. Even if he was bored there, at least there weren’t any pictures of overly affectionate friends Taekwoon might have taunting him about what he couldn’t have.

The little voice in the back of his mind that told him he could have that closeness with Taekwoon, too, if he just got over himself, was expertly ignored.

*#*#*#*

Taekwoon was relieved that he didn’t have to stay at work too long, making his return home not too late. Upon coming home, though, he was greeted by total silence in the apartment. It wasn’t completely unusual, but it still felt off after days of Hongbin coming to greet him at the door, or at the latest in the living room.

He told himself that maybe Hongbin was just taking a nap; he did that a lot, after all. With that in mind, he was careful not to make too much noise as he moved about, putting the few groceries he’d picked up away in the kitchen and moving to return the books he’d lent Eunkwang to their places on the shelves.

As he was doing that, he noticed something off with one of the pictures, wondering why it was flipped over. Another one had been moved, too, he found as he reached to put the picture back up the way it had been. It took him a moment to register which picture it was that had been flipped down, and he frowned at it.

He’d thought Hongbin had gotten over his jealousy of Sungjae; apparently, that wasn’t the case, though. He sighed wearily, setting the picture down, righting the other that was askew, and finally setting the last book down in its place, too.

The picture was most likely why it was so quiet in the apartment now, since he was pretty sure Hongbin was upset over it. Which, to be honest, , and not just because he didn’t like seeing Hongbin upset. Hongbin had never before seemed to express any interest in the pictures he’d set up in his living room, he didn’t think any of them would be an issue. But he also wasn’t about to take down all the pictures of his friends, or even just all of them with Sungjae in them, just because Hongbin was jealous of the other hybrid. And most definitely, he wouldn’t let that affect his friendship with the other, who was almost as much like a little brother to him as he was to Eunkwang.

Taekwoon stood indecisive for a while, debating if he should go talk to Hongbin about it right now or leave it for later. Leaving it be was not an option. After a while, he decided to check on Hongbin, but maybe only address the subject later, depending on Hongbin’s state of mind.

He knocked on Hongbin’s door quietly, just in case the other was sleeping.

“Hongbin?”

The answer was pretty much immediate, which was relieving.

“Yes?”

“I’m home early. Want to help me make dinner?”

The door opened before Taekwoon, Hongbin peeking out.

“Ok.” The hybrid answered, waiting for Taekwoon to step out of the way so he could leave the room.

He didn’t look particularly upset. Pretty much indifferent, actually, and Taekwoon decided to not say anything for the moment as he led the way to the kitchen.

He also didn’t say anything about the flipped picture while they were cooking, nor when they were eating. It was only when they were cleaning up the kitchen afterwards that Taekwoon spoke up.

“I noticed one of the pictures in the living room was flipped down earlier.”

Hongbin froze for a moment, then continued to sort tableware into the dishwasher.

“One of me and Sungjae.”

Hongbin’s hands shook slightly as he put the last of the knives in the dishwasher and stood up slowly. There was no point in denying anything, he knew Taekwoon knew it had been him; it was the only logical conclusion.

Taekwoon sighed at the lack of answer he got from Hongbin, but made an effort to let his question only sound curious, not accusing.

“Why did you do that?”

Hongbin’s throat closed up, and one of his hands gripped the counter tightly to keep himself rooted to his spot. Taekwoon’s relaxed tone went over his head and he couldn’t tell how much trouble he was in for that audacious action, and he didn’t really care to find out, but he was aware that running away wouldn’t solve the situation. Still, he didn’t find an answer for Taekwoon and preferred to remain silent.

“Hongbin, I won’t let this go. I’m not angry at you for doing that, since it’s not a crime or anything. But I’m curious to know why you felt like you had to turn that picture down.”

Hongbin thought it was quite obvious why he’d done that, but he didn’t even think to say that out loud. He was sure Taekwoon wouldn’t like that answer. For that matter, he wouldn’t like the real answer, either, so in lieu of an answer, he just shrugged tensely.

Taekwoon shook his head quietly, returning to his own tasks while cleaning.

“You recognized the person in the pic with me, didn’t you?” He glanced at Hongbin, and Hongbin nodded shortly, just once. He could admit at least that much.

“And you’re still bothered because we hug and play around closely with each other.”

Hongbin held his breath for a moment before releasing it slowly. How did Taekwoon always manage to get to the core of his issues so fast?

“Or are you still concerned because you feel like you can’t be like him?”

Hongbin winced, letting go of the counter and taking a step back. Had Taekwoon gotten to the core of the problem before, now he’d managed to find the one spot in it that truly hurt.

Taekwoon hummed softly.

“Do you remember what I told you last time when you were worried about that?”

Hongbin took a shaky breath as he tried to recall what Taekwoon had told him then. It wasn’t very hard, since he’d treasured those words for a while, even if he’d forgotten about them lately.

“That… that no one can be like him except him, and that no one can be like me, except me?”

“That’s right. And what did I say about only you being like you?”

Hongbin shifted his weight from one feet to the other, feeling uncomfortably dumb because he hadn’t thought of that before.

“That that’s enough?”

Taekwoon nodded.

“Exactly.”

Hongbin huffed, though, clearly unsatisfied.

“But…”

Taekwoon tilted his head questioningly.

“But, you like him better, because he’s-… He’s-…”

Taekwoon shook his head, interrupting him.

“No, Hongbin. I don’t like him more than you. I like both of you, for different reasons, because you are different people. I don’t compare you to each other; there is no competition, no way to rank you from who I like most to who I like least. That doesn’t happen.”

Hongbin wasn’t satisfied, still.

“But… He can hug you…”

Taekwoon nodded.

“He can, indeed. He is a great hugger, and he’s probably the person whose hugs I like the most out of all the people who’ve hugged me so far.”

That hurt, Hongbin found, almost as if he’d been kicked in the chest.

“On the other hand, you’re the person I’ve had the most fun going to the park with in my life. Also, the one I enjoy sharing a meal with the most. Or doing household chores. You are the only one I still look forward to seeing at the end of a day even when I can’t stand seeing other people anymore.”

Hongbin gaped at him, lips slightly parted and eyes faintly moist.

Taekwoon finished rinsing the rag he’d been using to clean the counter with and set it down next to the sink. Hongbin barely noticed his actions as he was drying his hands and approached him, only being brought back to reality when Taekwoon brushed his arm softly.

“Don’t compare yourself to Sungjae. You are too different. And please don’t ever feel like you are inferior to him, ok?”

Hongbin swallowed thickly, not being able to promise that, but Taekwoon didn’t make him. He followed Taekwoon to the living room quietly, but didn’t sit down with him by the couch. Instead, he chose a seat on the windowsill, hidden in the curtains as he looked out onto the nightly city.

How could he promise not to compare himself to that Sungjae? How, when Sungjae seemed to be able to get all the affections he couldn’t?

He pulled his knees up to his chest as he balanced on the narrow windowsill. It was an uncomfortable fit, but he didn’t care, continuing to stare outside into the night.

He didn’t actually need the affections Sungjae seemed to so effortlessly give and receive. He was lucky enough right now, being able to live inside a warm house and not being hurt all the time. Taekwoon protected him from the enforcers, and cared for him enough to keep him fed and warm and healthy, and even made an effort to keep him company and entertained as best as he could. It was his own fault he didn’t find something to entertain him enough to not be constantly bored, not Taekwoon’s. No, he was pretty lucky right now, he didn’t have a right to be jealous of Sungjae for having something else that he didn’t.

Why was he crying, then?

He wiped angrily at the tears, clearing his face of them without Taekwoon noticing. He was being stupid, he shouldn’t worry Taekwoon with that. Who knew if Sungjae didn’t have his own things that he struggled with? He probably deserved having people to hug him for what he’d gone through in his own life. He was a cat like him, in the end, and none of them had an easy life, as far as he knew.

As he thought about that, he became very pensive. Sungjae looked younger than him, which meant he must have been even younger than him when the facilities they’d been created in closed. He must have been barely a toddler back then. He’d been even more defenseless than he’d been.

His stomach clenched in sympathy. No, he couldn’t be jealous of Sungjae. The other deserved what happiness he had now, he was sure of it. He sincerely hoped Sungjae hadn’t had to go through half the things he’d gone through, especially since he would have gone through them at an even younger age than he’d been…

Suddenly, he even felt protective of the other, despite not knowing him, and the urge to make sure he was safe now, too.

Unfolding himself from the windowsill, he unwrapped the curtains from around himself and stood up to join Taekwoon on the couch. Well, Taekwoon was on the couch, he joined him by sitting on the floor, on the pillows Taekwoon encouraged him to sit on instead of the carpet.

Taekwoon looked up slightly from the book he was reading, acknowledging Hongbin’s arrival.

“Is Sungjae-… How do you know him?” Hongbin asked once he’d sat down.

Taekwoon lowered his book.

“He’s the little brother of my boss.”

Hongbin felt like he’d heard that before, but that didn’t exactly answer his question.

“Is your boss… also a-… hybrid?” He flinched at that word. He didn’t like it.

Taekwoon shook his head.

“No. He’s fully human. But his family adopted Sungjae when he was still little, and they grew up together. They aren’t biological siblings, but still just as close. If not closer than most of those.”

Hongbin let out a quiet, deep breath.

“So… your boss is good to him?”

Taekwoon smiled softly.

“Yes, he is. Eunkwangie would rather chop his own legs off before he’d let any harm befall Sungjae. He remodeled the whole company he took over for Sungjae, so Sungjae could work there safely, too. As well as others like him.”

Hongbin’s eyes grew wide.

“He did? So, you… You work with more people like-… Like Sungjae and I?” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word ‘hybrids’ again.

Taekwoon nodded.

“Yes. A lot of them. Around one in three of the people who work with me are like you.”

Hongbin found that hard to believe.

“What do they… What do they work as-… what do they do?”

Taekwoon shrugged.

“Whatever they are good at. They do the same jobs as their human colleagues. There are managers, sound and light technicians, stage coordinators, script writers, secretaries, choreographers, instructors, actors, singers, instrumentalists… They do all kinds of jobs.”

Hongbin still found it hard to believe. People like him working side by side with humans, without being put down by them? Sounded impossible to him.

“What does Sungjae do?”

“Originally, he’s a vocal instructor. He helps young talented singers develop their singing techniques. Sometimes he helps us composers and producers out by singing the demo tracks for us. But recently, he’s been filling in for the instructors coordinator after she fell sick, and from what I heard last it looks like he’s keeping the post since she’s retiring.”

It sounded unreal, that someone like him would be able to have such an important sounding job.

“W-what does he do there?”

“He coordinates which instructor works with which group of trainees or idols or actors, and when, and for how long, so everyone gets the training they need, when they have the time to get it. It’s mostly a desk job, but it seems Sungjae is enjoying bossing people around. Hakyeon keeps muttering about it since he isn’t sure if he should be offended that someone so much younger than him is his boss now, or if he should be grateful because now he can use his friendship to get exactly the shifts he wants by bribing Sungjae with movie outings.”

Hongbin’s eyes widened and he gaped at Taekwoon. Sungjae was basically a boss? Of humans, too? And they listened to him? He didn’t just think those questions, feeling the need to ask Taekwoon for confirmation.

Taekwoon hummed, nodding.

“As far as I know, none of the instructors mind having Sungjae as their boss. He’s very fair and understanding, from what I’ve gathered. Then again, it’s company policy that everyone is to be treated equally, no matter if completely human or not. Discrimination is an immediate reason to fire someone.”

Hongbin had never heard of a place like that. The place Taekwoon worked at must be the only one in the whole world with that policy. And Sungjae was doubly lucky because he was the boss’ brother. Surely, he must be the only one of his kind with such an important job in the company.

“Not at all!” Taekwoon was quick to rebuff. “Every job is assigned to the one who does it best. If it’s a human who’s best at it, they get the job, and if it’s a hybrid, it goes to them. That includes the high-ranking posts. In fact, the biggest and most beautiful office in the whole company belongs to a fox-hybrid, for instance. Eunkwang’s only got the second nicest office. And Sungjae worked like everyone else to get his post. Eunkwang wanted him to be co-CEO with him when he took over, but Sungjae wanted to earn whatever post he got through his own work, and Eunkwang is staying out of it, even if it seems to be hard for him sometimes.” Taekwoon chuckled.

To Hongbin, that sounded like a fairy-tale, and not at all like it was possible to be true. But if it by some miracle was, he could at least be sure that Sungjae didn’t have a bad life, and that was good to know. Thinking about Sungjae and how there were more like him working in that company begged another question from him, though, which sat too uncomfortably in his mind for him not to ask it.

“Do you… Do you have many friends like Sungjae?”

Taekwoon shook his head, sitting up slowly.

“No. I’m not good at making friends in general. The few friends I have just crashed into my life and refused to leave, and I somehow got used to them over time to the point I could start calling them my friends.”

He got up then, walking to one of the shelves and picking up a picture, with which he returned to the couch. He extended it to Hongbin.

“This is from my last birthday, a few weeks ago. That’s pretty much all of my friends.”

Hongbin recognized it from earlier, it was the one where Sungjae and the tan man that was in most of the pictures were hugging Taekwoon.

“You’ll probably recognize Sungjae in it.” Taekwoon started, and Hongbin nodded. Then he pointed at another man, right next to Sungjae.

“This is his brother, my boss, Eunkwang.”

He didn’t look like anything special, Hongbin found. Just a regular person. Except, maybe…

“He’s very short.”

Taekwoon laughed at that, startling Hongbin. It only lasted for a second, though, before Hongbin stared at Taekwoon, mesmerized. Taekwoon was even more beautiful when he laughed in person than on the picture he’d seen earlier. Quickly he averted his gaze back to the picture as Taekwoon shook his head.

“Actually, he isn’t. He’s the size of a normal person. For some reason, the rest of us in the picture just all happen to be freakishly tall compared to him... Wow. I already sound like him, defending his height…”

Hongbin continued looking at the picture, his eyes eventually landing on a pair of reddish brown and white ears with black tips.

“Who’s this?”

Taekwoon looked down to see who Hongbin was pointing at.

“That’s Minhyuk. He’s the fox hybrid I mentioned earlier, who has the biggest office in the company. He’s mostly friends with Eunkwang and Hakyeon, but I’ve been getting along with him lately. I don’t know him very well yet, though.”

Hongbin nodded slightly, his eyes still glued to the picture.

“Is… Is Hakyeon in this picture, too?”

Taekwoon hummed.

“Yes. Here. And this is Jaehwan.” He pointed at the two. Hongbin wasn’t surprised to find out Hakyeon was the tan man from most of the photos. Now that he knew who he was, he studied his face closer, though. He was really good looking, he found. Not as good as Taekwoon, but… He might be biased that way.

Taekwoon’s voice was soft as he kept talking about Hakyeon.

“Hakyeon has been with me the longest out of all of them. He’s also the reason I have any friends in the first place.”

Hongbin blinked at that, almost meeting Taekwoon’s gaze as he gave him a questioning look, and Taekwoon sighed quietly.

“I wasn’t always… like this. Like now. I used to be pretty much unapproachable, back then, when Hakyeon… found me, you could say. And approached me. I still don’t know why he did, exactly. He always says it was because I looked like I needed a friend, although for the longest time I would have disagreed with him on that. Anyway, he was just there one day. We were in a lot of the same classes in college, and he was just stuck by my side one day, insisting to sit next to me, work on the same projects with me, go out to eat and pretty much everywhere I went with me. He just wouldn’t leave. And I really tried to make him leave, back then. But he refused.”

Hongbin’s eyes were still glued to Hakyeon’s face on the picture, but he almost wasn’t seeing him, as he was so invested in listening to Taekwoon talk about him.

“I think eventually I just got used to him, and didn’t mind him anymore. And then, Hakyeon found Jaehwan, and Jaehwan was yet another one who refused to leave. Jaehwan is someone who believes no one can get truly mad at him, and therefore just ignores it when someone is harsh with him most of the time. It didn’t faze him that I was an abrasive back then.”

Hongbin gasped, his eyes widened.

“But… But, you’re not-… Not-… Not like that…!”

Taekwoon chuckled softly, shaking his head.

“I’m not like that now… most of the time. I think. But back then, I was. It’s thanks to Hakyeon’s persistence that that changed, I guess. Hakyeon is probably the gentlest, most caring soul I’ve ever met, with pretty much infinite patience; so much so, you could say he’s stubborn, even. It’s thanks to him that I eventually became more social, and go as far as talking to other people, eventually even making friends now. Before Hakyeon, I didn’t have any friends, and I believed I didn’t need any. I definitely didn’t want any. Now… I’m glad Hakyeon found me when he did.”

Hongbin remained silent, pensive after Taekwoon’s short excurse about Hakyeon. He couldn’t imagine Taekwoon how he described himself. But thinking that Taekwoon didn’t have anyone to talk to, that there had been a time when he was alone and cold… Cold, as far as warmth from others went… He knew how that felt, all too well. And he wouldn’t wish that on anyone, really.

“Hakyeon… he saved you.” He concluded eventually, quietly. Taekwoon hummed in answer.

“Yes. You could say that.”

Hongbin bit his lip, continuing even quieter.

“Like how you saved me…”

Taekwoon furrowed his brow slightly.

“Maybe not quite that drastically. I wasn’t in as dire a situation as you when he found me.”

Hongbin shrugged.

“You were a prisoner of yourself…” Like he was, now. Whatever he couldn’t do now was because his own mind didn’t allow him to. “It’s not hard to get someone out of a cage, but it’s very hard to free someone when they are a prisoner of themselves.”

Taekwoon didn’t know what to answer to those shockingly wise words.

Hongbin hugged his legs loosely to his chest with one arm, resting his chin on top of his knees as he studied Hakyeon’s face on the picture again. Hakyeon’s, and Taekwoon’s, too.

“He saved you, back then. And now, you’re saving me…” His voice was barely more than a whisper, and Taekwoon wasn’t sure he’d heard him right.

Then, suddenly, Hongbin set the picture down gently on the coffee table and got up.

“I’m going to sleep.” He announced, already half-way out of the door before Taekwoon registered what was going on.

“G-good night, Hongbin.” He stammered a little, surprised by Hongbin’s sudden flight. Hongbin nodded once, and then he was gone.

*#*#*#*

It was very late at night, long after Taekwoon had gone to bed, too, but Hongbin still lay awake. He couldn’t sleep, no matter what he tried. He was restless.

With a sigh, he to his back again, his blanket half covering him, half not, and stared at the ceiling above his bed.

It had come as a shock to him, the realization that Taekwoon was saving him. Not had saved him -which he also did, of course, he’d literally saved his life back in the shelter- but that he was still saving him, every day. And that the enemy he was saving him from was none other than he himself. Well, his mind. His memories.

Taekwoon was loosening the grasps his memories had had on him, pushing their hands away, until they no longer controlled him, one at a time. He was fighting his fears right next to him, without him even realizing half the time.

He wondered if Taekwoon realized he was doing it. If he realized how much he was doing, how much he had already done.

If not-too-long ago someone had told Hongbin that in a few weeks he’d lie on a bed, loosely wrapped in blankets, body as relaxed as it hadn’t been since he’d been a small child, warm and comfortable and without fear, Hongbin would have declared them a nut case. And then probably scratched their eyes out for taunting him with such cruel lies.

And yet, here he was. Comfortably lying in his own bed, relaxed, unafraid. The memories why he hated beds -or should hate beds- were still there, but that was it. They were just memories. They didn’t control him anymore every time he saw his bed. He knew now that this bed wasn’t dangerous. It was only his, and it was safe. Warm and soft and comfortable and everything good, everything he’d thought he’d never have again when it came to sleeping.

Taekwoon’s help wasn’t limited to his issues with beds, though.

He was able to eat next to Taekwoon now, too, without having to fear that his food would be taken away. Or that he would be punished for eating something, or not eating something, or eating it wrongly. He’d lost the fear that he wouldn’t have anything, or not enough, to eat anymore, too. It had become a non-issue, and that even though he could still see the tell-tale traces on his body from when that had been a constant concern.

Another thing was touch. He never thought he’d be able to stand a human touching him ever again, no matter in what way. And while he was still wary and couldn’t think about it without feeling terribly uncomfortable, it was getting better. As long as he didn’t think about it, he didn’t mind Taekwoon’s touches. He actually enjoyed them. He craved them when he felt insecure and disconnected, to ground him. He sought them out when he desperately needed Taekwoon’s comfort. And he especially might enjoy the feeling of Taekwoon’s hands in his hair a little too much. Ok, way too much. Maybe it was because it distracted him from the water on his head while washing his hair, but maybe… Maybe there was more to it. More that he didn’t want to think about too much.

He also liked Taekwoon’s company. Just his simple company, sitting in the same room as him, or working on household chores together with him. Cooking, cleaning, eating. But he especially craved Taekwoon’s company when he wasn’t sure about himself. He trusted Taekwoon with himself when he didn’t trust himself, because Taekwoon anchored him, and Taekwoon would make him calm down when he couldn’t do it himself.

Taekwoon was saving him, luring him out of the prison he’d built for himself in his mind, tearing down the walls he and others had built up meticulously over the years, but without any noise to startle him.

Maybe one day, Taekwoon would be able to tear down the wall that kept him from being able to hug people, too. It sounded ludicrous to his own mind right now, that he’d ever willingly let someone else hold him, restrict him in the circle of their arms, so close to their bodies, and trust them not to harm him there, to let go again when he wanted to. He didn’t know what could be enjoyable in such a situation, but if all the pictures of Sungjae and Hakyeon hugging Taekwoon, and Taekwoon clearly not minding or even enjoying it were any indicator, there had to be something. And if there was anyone who could show him, he was sure Taekwoon was the one.

But that was probably still in the very distant future, and didn’t matter right now at all. What mattered now was how far he’d already come, thanks to Taekwoon. And -he couldn’t silence the voice in the back of his head that kept insisting on it- thanks to Hakyeon, too. Because Hakyeon had saved Taekwoon in the first place, and only because he’d saved Taekwoon was Taekwoon able to save him.

And if Hakyeon had saved Taekwoon in a similar way that Taekwoon was saving him now, that meant Hakyeon couldn’t really be a bad person, right? Just like Taekwoon wasn’t a bad person.

And maybe… Maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad to meet Hakyeon… If Taekwoon was there. And if he didn’t have to touch him. Humans were always touching when they met, but he didn’t want that. He was pretty sure Taekwoon wouldn’t make him, either. Taekwoon would understand. Maybe he wouldn’t have to be in same room as Hakyeon, either. They could always meet while in different rooms, right? And with Taekwoon between them, of course. Maybe Hakyeon wouldn’t even have to come in, either. He’d met Sungjae through the front door, too, after all.

He had to talk to Taekwoon about that, but not now. Taekwoon was sleeping, and he was tired, too. Really tired.

Pulling his blanket up to cover himself completely up to under his nose, he curled up on his side and snuggled into his soft, and warm, and comfortable, and not scary bed, falling asleep eventually, not long after.

----

A/N: And here I am, back again, with another character development heavy chapter with next to no action. But I believe it's an important chapter anyway. There will be more action laden chapters soon, promise. And I might even be able to write them soon-ish, too, since my computer is healthy again and the most stressful time at work is ending now. Still, I might go on hiatus while I'm on vacation, but that's still to be decided, later. For now, enjoy confused Hongbin who doesn't really know what he wants, except Taekwoon. I like writing needy Hongbin, even if it makes me feel like a sadist, somehow. Let me know what you think about it, your comments always make my day, and night, and week, too. As do upvotes and subscriptions and discussions on twitter (if I find them between all the furry discussions that pop up when I search for Feral... *shudders and sprays holy water on twitter*) If you feel like recompensating me for writing this story in a more materialistic way, you can also do that here, but only if you want, no pressure, and please don't feel bad if you can't. I love all kinds of feedback for this story!