Chapter 17

Hongbin didn’t know what time of the night it was as he stood in the bathroom, leaning heavily on the sink, panting and sweating as if he’d been running all night. All that mattered was that he got here, that he’d gotten out of the room. Quietly, without waking Taekwoon in the process, without panic blinding him, without collapsing.

Every other night since he’d gotten the key to his room and decided to sleep in the bed, he’d eventually woken up from horrible nightmares. They all revolved around the same, always around beds, people, people and beds…

Thankfully, the beds in his nightmares were always white or red, never blue. And always much bigger than his bed. It was the only thing that made it possible for him to climb into his small, blue bed at the end of a day and find sleep in the first place.

Still, slowly but surely, he began to dread sleeping in the bed, despite how comfortable it was, how different from his nightmares, how well he sometimes managed to sleep. At least this time, it hadn’t been as bad as the other times.

The first time the nightmare came to plague him was the night after he’d gotten the keys.

He’d fought with the blankets, tangled around his legs to the point he could barely move them, dazed from sleep, ending up falling out of bed. With that, the blankets had untangled, too, and he’d half stumbled, half crawled away from the bed until he’d found himself in the corner on the opposite side of the room, with nowhere to go.

All he’d wanted to do was get away, as far away as he could from the bed, but there had been no escape. To make things worse, he couldn’t avert his eyes from the bed once he’d made the mistake to look back, and his sleep addled mind hadn’t been able to tell the present apart from the memory. He’d wanted to scream but couldn’t, wanted to run, wanted to escape, and then his mind had not so helpfully supplied the memory of faces of people he wished he’d never seen in the first place.

He’d thrown up, unable to cope.

Unexpectedly, that had been what extinguished the memories, making him focus solely on the bitter, acid taste of bile in his mouth as he emptied his stomach. When he’d looked up, the room looked the same as always, the bed merely an inoffensive shadow in the corner, and he was alone.

Alone with a giant mess in front of him that he couldn’t just leave there, and so, he’d gotten up and snuck out of his room to get the utensils he remembered he’d needed the last time he’d had a mess like that to clean up. He’d gone through the motions methodically, until he’d tripped over the bucket after cleaning it and moving to clean the dustpan, causing it to fall over on the bathroom tiles with a loud clatter.

It hadn’t taken long before Taekwoon had peeked into the bathroom, eyes puffy from sleep, hair sticking up erratically, asking him what was wrong.

After a moment, he’d managed to tell Taekwoon he’d had a nightmare. He’d reassured him it was ok now, he’d cleaned everything up, he was sorry he’d woken him up, and Taekwoon had listened quietly, asking him if he wanted a cup of tea afterwards. He’d been taken aback, but tea sounded really nice, especially considering the taste still lingering in his mouth… Despite not having answered, Taekwoon had taken his hesitation as a yes and returned shortly after with a mug of tea, just as he’d finished cleaning and putting everything away.

The tea had had a calming effect, but he didn’t go back to bed even after Taekwoon had long since returned to his own room. He’d spent the rest of the night awake, not daring to trust himself with sleep anymore until the middle of the afternoon, when he’d finally given in for a nap.

That night, he’d slept well, too, but the night after the nightmares were back.

He’d had the presence of mind to try and get out of the room, making it to his door, but no further than that. He’d forgotten it was locked, and the voices of his memories, calling him in his mind as if they stood behind him hadn’t helped him focus as he tried to open the door without remembering he had to unlock it.

Desperate, he’d hit the door and called out for someone, anyone, to help him, before curling up against the door in a ball, waiting for pain in any form to rain down on him.

Instead, though, he’d felt more than heard someone knock on the door from the other side, calling his name.

His name hadn’t fit in the memory, and some lucidity had returned to him. It wasn’t enough, though, and it had taken a while before Taekwoon had managed to talk him down enough through the door for him to be able to unlock it and stumble out into the hallway. Taekwoon had somehow helped him to the bathroom, wetting a towel to clean his tear-streaked face, and that had been what finally got him to calm down for good, along with a cup of tea Taekwoon had brought in at some point.

There was no way he could have gone back to sleep for the longest time, even after trying to sleep on the bathroom floor eventually, with no success. He’d forced himself to stay awake throughout the day, despite how tired he was, and slept soundly through the next night.

The day after had been great, but tonight… he’d woken up from that same old nightmare yet again.

Tonight, though, he’d managed to keep his composure and get the door open, being able to flee the room before the memories had a chance to overwhelm him. He’d made it to the bathroom, ironically enough a safe spot for him when the room was not.

Shakily, he reached out for the dark blue towel hanging next to the sink, wetting a corner. He might not like water, but cold moisture was good to distract himself, as he’d found out the other night. He calmed down slowly as he wiped at the sweat on his face, his breathing steadying after a moment while his hands didn’t stop shaking quite yet.

He jumped when a light knock sounded on the door, but he was aware that it could only be Taekwoon and answered to let him in.

Taekwoon peeked around the corner, seeing Hongbin still standing in front of the sink.

“Nightmare again?” He asked quietly, and Hongbin nodded.

Taekwoon hummed, approaching the counter to place a mug on top of it. It was tea, and Hongbin reached out for the mug as soon as Taekwoon took a step back. It was becoming some kind of a routine, that Taekwoon would make him tea when his nightmares got the better of him, but, as he was blowing at the surface of the hot liquid to cool it down a bit, he found that was actually something to look forward to in those dire moments.

Taekwoon stood silently to the side, watching as Hongbin leaned against the counter by the sink, sipping his tea quietly. He could tell from afar how the boy calmed down as he focused on his tea, and he was glad that he’d found something that helped him when he was upset. It was also nothing short of a miracle that Hongbin accepted the tea so readily whenever he brought it, considering how careful he was with everything else.

Eventually, Hongbin finished his tea, and Taekwoon gave him a small smile.

“Better?”

Hongbin’s eyes flickered up at him, never meeting his gaze, though. For a second, Taekwoon wondered if he would ever dare look him in the eyes. Then, he nodded lightly, but there was a hesitance in his posture that told Taekwoon the boy had something else to say, and so he waited.

Hongbin cleared his throat quietly, shifting in his spot, and Taekwoon noticed his knuckles going white from how hard he held on to the edge of the counter.

“I…” He started, breaking off and clearing his throat again. “I’ll… I still can’t wash my hair on my own, and…” He broke off again and swallowed thickly, his voice somewhat shaky when he continued. “I was wondering… If you could help me, again…”

Taekwoon blinked, surprised.

“Now?!”

Hongbin flinched, averting his gaze to the floor, and Taekwoon could see his ears poking out of the mess of hair on his head, facing down in a rather pitiful manner.

“N-no…”

His posture told Taekwoon that his answer wasn’t what he really meant to say, though. It dawned on him that Hongbin hadn’t slept the rest of the other nights after he’d woken up from his nightmares, and he was probably looking for a distraction since he most likely wouldn’t try to go back to sleep, or even just back to his room, quite yet.

“I’d help you wash your hair anytime, Hongbin. Even now, if you want to.” He stated calmly, and Hongbin’s gaze returned to him, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Really?” The boy’s question was barely more than a whisper, but due to how quiet it was at that time of the night, Taekwoon heard him just fine.

“Really.” He would probably regret staying up half the night in the morning, but for Hongbin he would do it without complaint.

Hongbin needed a moment to think about it, but eventually his frustration over how gross his hair already felt again won over.

“If it’s ok… please?”

Taekwoon almost cooed over the hopeful expression in the hybrid’s eyes, his ears perking up adorably again, too. Smiling, he nodded at him.

“Go get your towels.” He indicated, already moving towards the shower to gather the bottles of shampoo and conditioner he would need. Hongbin hurried to comply, being back in front of the sink before Taekwoon was and already adjusting the stool that still remained near it from the last time they’d washed his hair.

“Can I help you with the towels?” Taekwoon inquired, to which Hongbin set them down on the edge of the sink, nodding.

Taekwoon worked quietly as he put a towel around Hongbin’s neck, and he didn’t have to say anything for Hongbin to climb onto the stool, taking the second towel Taekwoon was folding to shield his face without needing encouragement. All in all, he was considerably less hesitant and anxious than the last time, leaning over the sink readily, too.

Taekwoon hesitated a moment before turning on the water, using his hand to keep it from splashing onto Hongbin right away.

“Are you ok to go?” He still made sure to ask, and Hongbin nodded.

Reassured, Taekwoon started wetting the boy’s hair, already quite matted again, and while Hongbin tensed at first, he quickly relaxed as Taekwoon worked shampoo into it, rinsed, conditioned and cleaned it again. Not once did he ask to stop, not once did he show signs of discomfort, and soon enough, Taekwoon was done, wrapping a dry towel around his head and indicating him to sit up.

Hongbin looked almost disoriented when he did, blinking into the light as he lowered the towel from his face and his vision took a while to adjust to the sudden clarity. Taekwoon couldn’t hold back a fond smile at the adorable sight.

Clumsily, Hongbin climbed off the stool, his legs stiff from kneeling so long, and cleared his throat.

“Thank you… And… I’m sorry… to bother you…”

Taekwoon sighed quietly.

“You didn’t bother me at all. It’s ok to need help, Hongbin.”

Hongbin bit his lip, looking away.

“Speaking of, should I help you drying and brushing your hair, too? It’s already quite matted again, you know…”

Hongbin tensed visibly, and Taekwoon couldn’t miss how his gaze wandered to his hand, namely to the scar he’d sustained from when Hongbin had bitten him. As he moved his hand, Hongbin quickly averted his gaze, shrinking in on himself a little as he stood rigidly in the middle of the room.

“I’m not afraid of you biting me again, Hongbin. Just… if you want to purr, just do it. It’s not a bad thing, and nothing bad will happen to you for it.”

Hongbin exhaled a shaky breath, clenching and unclenching his hands at his sides as he looked around, uncertain.

“I won’t… do that.”

Taekwoon hummed placatingly.

“That’s ok, too. Just don’t bite me if you do, please.”

Hongbin nodded quietly, more to himself than Taekwoon.

“I won’t… bite, either… I’m sorry I bit you before!”

“I know… It’s ok, I forgave you a while ago. Does that mean you want my help drying and brushing your hair, then?”

Shyly, Hongbin nodded once after a moment, and Taekwoon smiled softly.

“Go ahead to the living room, then. I’ll be right there.”

Hongbin didn’t have to be asked twice, darting out without making a sound.

Taekwoon shook his head softly at him, before gathering a brush, comb, towel, and on second thought, a hairdryer.

Hongbin was already waiting for him, sitting on the floor in front of the couch, and Taekwoon sat down half behind, half beside him.

“Have you used a hairdryer before?” He asked, and Hongbin turned to look at the device in Taekwoon’s hand skeptically.

“No…” he eventually admitted.

Taekwoon hummed to himself.

“Hmm, ok… Do you want to try it?”

Hongbin’s skepticism didn’t lessen.

“What does it… How…?”

He didn’t have to finish the sentence for Taekwoon to understand what he meant to ask.

“You just hold it with the opening close to your hair and warm air will come out to dry it.” He explained how the contraption worked. “Should I show you how?”

Hongbin’s suspicion was almost tangible, but he nodded anyway.

“Or do you want to try it on your own?” Taekwoon offered, but Hongbin shook his head hastily, shying back.

Taekwoon bit back a chuckle.

“Ok, ok. I’ll do it. Don’t be scared, it’s a little noisy when I turn it on.”

Hongbin jumped anyway when the whirring noise started, staring wide eyed at the device in Taekwoon’s hands.

“It’s harmless, see?” Taekwoon tried to calm him down, putting his hand in front of the opening.

Hongbin stared for a moment, then reached out tentatively. Taekwoon retreated his hand, letting Hongbin feel the warm air for himself. He relaxed a little as he only felt the warmth on his hand, and ended up nodding at Taekwoon to go ahead and dry his hair with it after a while.

It didn’t take that long after Taekwoon had directed the stream of air onto Hongbin’s head that the hybrid gasped, leaning away from Taekwoon and covering his head with his hands.

Frowning, Taekwoon turned the hairdryer off, tilting his head as he watched Hongbin rub at his ears.

“Too loud…” Hongbin whispered, still covering his ears as he looked timidly back at Taekwoon. On top of it all, the noise reminded him of the vacuum cleaner, and that more than anything else was a big ‘no’ that close to his head.

Understanding lit up in Taekwoon’s eyes, and he wordlessly set the dryer aside.

“Towel, then?”

Hongbin relaxed slightly, nodding and sitting back up straight to let Taekwoon reach his head with the towel. Taekwoon started gently, massaging his fingers lightly over Hongbin’s head in small circles, and it didn’t take long until Hongbin leaned into the touch.

Still, Taekwoon could tell there was a certain tension in the boy, yet he could tell after a short while that it had nothing to do with him and what he was doing. Well, not entirely. If the way Hongbin was biting his lip, breathing through his nose in deep controlled breaths, was anything to go by, it looked a lot as if he was desperately trying not to purr.

Taekwoon bit back a smile. Even if Hongbin was holding his purrs back, the fact he had to do that meant he was enjoying himself and the situation he was in enough that it made him want to purr in the first place. And that was definitely a good thing.

Still, Hongbin didn’t let any noise out until Taekwoon finished drying his hair.

He still remained quiet most of the time Taekwoon took to untangle his hair, but with every brushstroke that passed through his hair without catching a knot he simultaneously relaxed and tensed further, until he simply couldn’t hold it in anymore and a soft, long purr escaped him.

Immediately, Hongbin froze, and Taekwoon stopped his brushing, too. Hongbin didn’t relax on his own again, though, until Taekwoon sighed quietly.

“It’s ok, Hongbin. You can purr all you want. You don’t have to hide it. I know it’s only natural for you.”

Hongbin shifted in his seat, worrying his lip and averting his gaze, but relaxed a little.

Wordlessly, Taekwoon resumed his work, taking care to untangle the hybrid’s hair as gently as possible, and it didn’t take long before Hongbin purred again; quiet, barely audible, but still there. He tensed, too, but this time Taekwoon kept going as if nothing had happened, and Hongbin relaxed again eventually. The same happened a couple more times, until Hongbin stopped tensing every time a purr slipped past his throat, limiting himself to try and bite them back.

Taekwoon’s caring fingers were so soothing, though, that they eventually managed to relax Hongbin enough to fall into a state of almost-sleep where he didn’t control his purrs anymore.

Taekwoon was long done untangling Hongbin’s hair eventually, his thick locks laying in soft, silky waves around his head, but he kept brushing them quietly to not disturb the rare moment in which Hongbin seemed so completely comfortable and at peace, purring ever so softly as he sat almost asleep in front of him.

After a while, Taekwoon began to feel the tiredness the lack of sleep that night had brought with it so far, and stopped his brushing. Hongbin didn’t move, though.

“Hey, Hongbin…” He called softly, and after a moment, the hybrid stopped purring, eventually blinking his eyes open, fixing a point in the center of Taekwoon’s chest.

Taekwoon smiled softly.

“We’re all done... Think you can go back to sleep now?”

Hongbin looked pensive for a moment, then nodded lightly.

And really, he felt tired enough to fall asleep anywhere. He swayed a little as he got up, trudging out of the living room. He hesitated in the doorway, though, turning back around, uncertain.

“Thank you… for helping…” He mumbled, and Taekwoon hummed in answer.

“You’re welcome, Hongbin. Sleep well.”

Hongbin bit his lip, looking uncertain for a moment, before nodding and continuing on his way. Shortly after, his door fell close behind him, and Taekwoon sighed quietly.

He really hoped Hongbin could find some more sleep now. He was sure he himself could, and after quickly returning the things he’d used on Hongbin’s hair to the bathroom, he was proven right as soon as his head hit his pillow.

*#*#*#*

Taekwoon rubbed his temples angrily as he hung up the call he’d just been on. That was the third call this morning that only served to rile him up and worsen his increasingly bad mood.

He’d wanted to sleep in after staying awake such a long time with Hongbin, and it usually wouldn’t have been a problem, if it wasn’t for the people who wouldn’t let him live. All of a sudden, the project that hadn’t been due for another two weeks had to be handed in by midnight, while the one he’d been working on and that was just about done wasn’t needed anymore. A third one, a masterpiece he’d intended to save for a special occasion and a special artist, if he ever met one, had to be assigned to someone who didn’t fit it at all because he didn’t have other projects in that genre done and ready to hand out.

On top of that, the housekeeper was a lazy, incapable prick who couldn’t be bothered with his duties, and now Taekwoon had to see for himself how he’d get a huge water leak in the ceiling of his bedroom fixed before his bed soaked through completely.

Also, his throat was sore from yelling so much for the past hours, and he really needed another cup of coffee before he went back to work; work he didn’t know how he was supposed to get it done with the state of mind he was in.

A glance at the clock in the kitchen told him it was already past lunch time, too, and he really needed to whip up something to eat; if not for himself, at least for Hongbin.

Thinking of Hongbin calmed him down a little. The events of last night were still fresh in his mind, and the sight of a purring, half-asleep Hongbin looking so incredibly soft as he sat cross-legged in front of him wasn’t an image that allowed anger to persist for long.

He hadn’t seen the boy yet since he’d gotten up, but he figured he was most likely sleeping in, too, since that was what he would have been doing if it wasn’t for the constant, aggravating calls reaching him.

He was almost finished with making lunch, when the doorbell rang.

Frowning, he opened the door to find a post-man standing there, extending a form to him.

Taekwoon took the piece of paper from the man, his frown intensifying as he read the note.

“Customs office? I never ordered anything from outside of the country, why should I go pick something up from the customs office?”

“I don’t know, Sir. But that will be $689,99 in holding fees for now. You can pay the other half when you pick up the order at the office.”

Taekwoon’s jaw almost dropped to the floor. He wanted to argue, but the paper in front of him didn’t lie, nor did the customs seal and stamps, and that was definitely his name on that order with the outrageous sum.

He only just remembered that the poor delivery man wasn’t at fault and just doing his job, and refrained from directing his anger at him as he paid the fee with clenched teeth. As soon as the door closed behind the man, though, he pulled out his phone to call the most likely culprit. He answered after the second ring, too.

“Hey, hyung, what’s up?”

Taekwoon took a deep, controlled breath.

“Jaehwan, did you buy something in my name again?” He forewent greetings and other pleasantries, and the sudden silence answering him from the other end of the line told him enough to know he was spot on.

“Uh… I meant to tell you about that…”

“Tell me when, about what?”

Jaehwan cleared his throat.

“Uh, that… Soon… Actually, last week, listen, hyung, ah… I can explain…”

“Really? Go on then, I’m waiting.”

It bordered on a miracle that Taekwoon managed to keep his tone level for so long, but it was the best for his vocal chords, too, after he’d been yelling all morning.

“Uh, you see, I kind of spent everything I’d saved up on… well, that thing we talked about last time at Hakyeon’s? And, well… I’m not even in the city, and, hyung, I’ve been waiting ages for this to be released and it is a limited edition and I just had to have it and I know you’re basically swimming in money anyway and I’ll pay you back, I promise, but I couldn’t wait or it would have been out of stock and I would never get one and-…”

“Jaehwan.” Taekwoon’s voice was still level when he interrupted his rambling friend, but he might as well have shouted, given the immediate silence that answered him.

“Y-yes, hyung…?”

Taekwoon took another deep breath.

“Please tell me you didn’t buy another plain white T-shirt for over a thousand ing dollars.”

Jaehwan swallowed thickly.

“N-no…”

Taekwoon didn’t allow himself to feel relieved just yet.

“What did you buy?”

Jaehwan hesitated.

“Uh, that… Well… It’s kind of a collectible, hyung, you know, so, the true value is in the collection, and, you see, without this my collection-…”

“What, Jaehwan. What did you buy.”

Jaehwan exhaled slowly, hesitating longer to answer.

“Well, technically… Socks, hyung.”

Taekwoon hung up on him, before he could say something he might eventually come to regret. He couldn’t think of anything he would regret right now, so it was probably for the better if he didn’t say anything for the time being.

Unfortunately, Jaehwan seemed to want to continue their conversation, calling as soon as Taekwoon had lowered the phone. Taekwoon ignored it once, twice, as he stared blankly at the wall in front of him while his grip tightened on his phone. When it rang for a third time, he picked up, though.

“If you value your life, Jaehwan, you will get Hakyeon to come get a signed permit for you to pick up your order from the customs office, pay the rest of the fee yourself, and stay out of my sight and reach for the foreseeable future!” With that he hung up again, slamming the phone down on a side table and stomping back to the kitchen. He needed coffee. Or something stronger.

The first thing he noticed when he returned to that room was the smell of something burned. The second thing, the charred remains of what should once have become lunch.

Taking out his revenge against everything on the poor pot holding the burned food, he threw it into the sink without a second thought, taking satisfaction out of the loud clatter and hiss of water droplets against the hot metal. He would clean that up later.

His appetite had been thoroughly ruined, but somehow, he was still able to remember that Hongbin must still be hungry. Quickly, he heated up some leftovers, putting together something like a meal for the hybrid, which he left on the counter.

“Lunch is in the kitchen!” he shouted down the hallway as he stomped out of said room, slamming the door of his office shut behind him with more force than intended.

*#*#*#*

Hongbin whimpered at the sound of Taekwoon’s shout, flinching when it was followed by the sound of a door slamming shut.

He sat on the floor, curled up in the corner furthest from the door without ever leaving it out of sight. He’d been sitting like this for hours now, namely since he’d first woken up because of Taekwoon shouting at what he’d later realized must be someone on the other end of a phone call.

He had absolutely no intention of leaving his spot, but Taekwoon’s latest shout had been aimed at him, he was sure of that. And while he hadn’t outright told him to leave the room, the implication that he should go eat lunch in the kitchen was there, plainly.

He really didn’t want to leave his room, though.

Currently, the door was locked, providing a barrier between him and Taekwoon’s anger. He was safe in here. He wouldn’t be safe out there.

But he couldn’t stay in here forever, he would have to leave eventually, and then… he better not have made Taekwoon even angrier by then. Meaning, he should do what he wanted from him and go out, and maybe, just maybe, he would be able to get away relatively unscathed.

He forced himself to get up and tiptoe to the door, listening intently for any noises Taekwoon could be making as he leaned his forehead against the door.

He didn’t understand what was going on, why Taekwoon was so mad. Everything had been fine when he’d gone back to sleep last night; when he’d actually been able to go back to sleep, thanks to Taekwoon. More than fine, even. Or, at least he’d thought so. Apparently, the same didn’t go for Taekwoon, considering his mood the past couple of hours.

Holding his breath, he turned the key in the lock slowly, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt the bolt slide back in the door, and flinching when it snapped into place with a loud click. Nothing moved outside in the hallway, though, and maybe Taekwoon hadn’t heard it.

He opened the door slowly, peeking out and finding the hallway empty. He was glad the door didn’t creak as he stepped out carefully, creeping along the hallway without making a sound until he reached the kitchen.

He had to physically slap his hands in front of his mouth and nose so he didn’t gag as he stepped inside the room. The smell of burned food was overwhelming and gross. Was that what he was supposed to eat?!

He relaxed a little in relief when he found the plate with leftovers on the counter, the pot with charred food half spilled in the sink. Surely, he wasn’t supposed to eat that, but the leftovers instead. At least he hoped so. The burnt food was in no state to be eaten, by anyone, after all. Taekwoon wouldn’t be so cruel as to make him eat that… right?

He shook his head, approaching the plate instead as he still listened carefully to his surroundings, wary of Taekwoon suddenly approaching, and didn’t let his guard down even as he ate. He finished his meal quickly, glad to have something to calm his growling stomach with.

Quietly, he picked up the plate to put it in the dishwasher, when a shout from Taekwoon made him jump.

“ing damn it all to hell, for s sake!”

His heart was beating so loud he almost couldn’t hear anything else over it as he clutched the plate to his chest, back pressed to the frame of the door to the living room. He didn’t know how he’d gotten there so fast and how he’d managed not to drop the plate as he jumped, but neither of that was any of his concerns right now.

He waited, listening closely for quite a while, but Taekwoon didn’t come out of his office, and his racing heart calmed down a little.

Swiftly, he dove back into the kitchen, placing his plate in the dishwasher and fully ready to dash back to his room and lock himself in again when it registered in his mind for the first time how much of a mess the kitchen was in. And it was his task to make sure it didn’t stay that way.

He would have whimpered again if he dared to make any kind of noise.

As it was, he forced himself to take a deep breath, trying to remain calm as he wiped his clammy hands off on his pants.

He could do this. He could clean up really quick and then return to his room, before Taekwoon came out of his office again. All he had to do was do what was expected of him and stay out of Taekwoon’s way, that way he most likely wouldn’t attract his anger at him… right? He didn’t seem mad because of him for now. He just had to make sure it stayed that way…

He almost managed to convince himself of that, when more shouting sounded from Taekwoon’s office. His chest felt too tight to breathe, but Taekwoon was shouting at his phone again, most likely; definitely not him. And he wasn’t coming out. He just had to be quick, it would be fine…

With shaking hands, Hongbin started cleaning. Dirty plates, bowls and cups in the dishwasher. Rinse cutting boards and knives with hot water and dish soap and dry them off quickly. Clean out the rice pot, put leftover rice in the fridge. Scrub the black crust out of the pot in the sink, and throw the burnt food in the trash, not down the drain… He could do it, he kept repeating to himself, but it didn’t help him ease the shaking in his hands.

Just put the clean dishes from the drying rack away and wipe down the counters… Make sure to put everything away and leave the kitchen spotless, that was all that mattered…

He exhaled quietly when he was done, taking a look around to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. He hadn’t. He could go.

And that was what he did, returning to his room quickly and quietly, while Taekwoon kept heatedly discussing something with someone over the phone behind the closed door of his office.

Hongbin breathed out a deep sigh of relief once he was able to close his own door behind him again, quickly locking it, too. He was safe again. He just hoped Taekwoon would stay too busy to remember his presence, and not turn his anger on him.

He hoped, but he didn’t believe it.

And so, he returned to his spot in the corner, sitting on the floor and fixing his gaze on the door, hoping no knock would sound on it anytime soon.

*#*#*#*

Hongbin was dozing off when he heard the door of the office open, startling him awake. He could hear Taekwoon walk down the hallway but make a beeline for the toilet, and then walk away again.

It was getting dark outside, but he didn’t even think to turn on the lights in his room as he listened closely for telltale signs of what Taekwoon would do.

He wasn’t returning to the office, so his bets were on the kitchen. For a moment, he worried that he might have failed to do something that was part of his chores, but he clamped down on it. He hadn’t forgotten anything. The kitchen was clean. There was nothing to worry about.

He could hear Taekwoon move about, sounds like plates being set down on the counter, cabinets and drawers opening and closing, water running.

And then, a surprised yell, and the sound of something shattering.

Hongbin’s heart stopped, terrified, as the silence following the dissonant noise stretched indefinitely. Then:

“Hongbin!”

Hongbin thought he would die. In fact, he would have preferred to die on the spot. Rather that, than getting up, unlocking the door and obediently following the call of his name. He didn’t want to, but if he’d learned something in his life it was that ignoring the orders of those at whose mercy he was, was pointless and led to worse punishments in the end, and he didn’t know what it would lead to with Taekwoon yet. He didn’t want to find out.

“I-I’m here…” He mumbled, shaking as he forced himself to stand in the doorway to the kitchen, in plain sight, even though he wanted to hide in the darkest corner of the apartment.

Taekwoon was standing on the other side of the kitchen, in front of an open cabinet, surrounded by shards of glass on the floor. He was barefoot.

Hongbin swallowed thickly.

“Go get a broom and dustpan.”

Hongbin didn’t have to be told twice, rushing to the supplies closet down the hallway to get the tools. He was back in no time, but just as he was about to step into the kitchen, Taekwoon’s shout stopped him.

“Don’t!” He froze. “Stay where you are.”

Numbly, he nodded, not daring to move from where he was, head cast down and staring at the tiles in front of him.

Taekwoon exhaled airily from where he stood, trapped by the shards, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Did you put that lid in here?” He asked after a moment, and only then did Hongbin notice the metal hoop and handle laying in between the shards at Taekwoon’s feet.

That had been the lid of the rice pot. He recognized the handle. He’d held it in his hands only hours before. How it had ended up in that cabinet, he had no idea. It didn’t belong there, he knew that, but if he hadn’t put it there, who else would have? He was rushing so much earlier, he might have put it there, even if he didn’t remember. It didn’t matter anyway, Taekwoon knew it must have been him putting it there anyway.

He managed to nod quietly, even if his heart seemed to be trying to jump out of his throat, cutting off all air trying to get to his lungs.

Taekwoon huffed from where he stood.

“I’ve told you before, if you don’t know where something goes, just leave it out on the counter and I’ll show you later. Don’t just put it somewhere where it doesn’t belong, so that something like this doesn’t happen!”

Hongbin’s chest constricted further, his vision starting to go out of focus as he tried desperately to breathe past the lump in his throat while trying to keep his body from shaking visibly.

He knew that he shouldn’t put things in places they didn’t belong in. He hadn’t planned to put something in the wrong spot. He didn’t know why he’d done it. He even knew where the lid of the rice pot belonged, he really hadn’t meant to-…

“Hongbin, did you understand?!”

Hongbin couldn’t take it anymore, he felt dizzy from lack of oxygen and the memories of past reprimands assaulting his mind, his head swimming, tears b in his eyes, and his hands let go of the dustpan and broom as he sunk to the floor, kneeling on the cold tiles and pressing his forehead to the floor.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, master! I won’t do it again!” He gasped, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his hands into fists as his whole body went rigid, waiting for his punishment.

Taekwoon gaped at the boy suddenly collapsing to the floor like that. It hit him like a bucket of ice water, waking him up suddenly as if from a nightmare, only he hadn’t been dreaming.

Hongbin was terrified of him. Again.

And this time, he knew why, and it was all his fault.

He’d really been yelling at Hongbin, over something as stupid as a lid.

With how bad he was shaking, he must have scared him worse than ever before, when he hadn’t even done it intentionally.

How could he have yelled at Hongbin like that? He wasn’t even that angry over the lid breaking, it was just another nuisance on top of a lot of other things that had gone awfully wrong that day, but none of those things were Hongbin’s fault! Why did he think it was a good idea to take his frustration out on Hongbin?

“, Hongbin, I-…” He shook his head, rubbing his hand over his face harshly before closing the distance between them, disregarding the shards biting into his feet.

Hongbin wouldn’t hear him if he stayed where he was, no matter what he said. He could tell from where he was that he was trapped in a nightmarish memory again, and he had to get him out of it and make sure he knew he was safe. Nothing else mattered at the moment.

He crouched on the floor in front of Hongbin, tentatively resting a hand on the shaking hybrid’s shoulder, hoping the contact would get through to him, anchoring him in reality.

“Hongbin, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to yell at you. Please, sit up.”

Hongbin gasped quietly, but didn’t move to sit up, instead struggling with his breathing, as tense as ever.

“I’m sorry, Hongbin. You’re not in trouble. I won’t yell anymore, and I won’t hurt you. There will be no punishment. It’s ok.”

Hongbin didn’t seem to hear him, and he tightened his hold on his shoulder a little, moving his hand to rub at it gently afterwards. If he couldn’t hear or see him, that was his only way to get through to him.

Hongbin could feel Taekwoon’s hand on his back. He expected it to lift just to come back with enough force to break his ribs at any moment, or at least severely bruise him, but it didn’t. It just kept rubbing soft circles on his back until his muscles relaxed under it of their own volition.

As soon as he became aware of that, he tensed again, but Taekwoon’s hand didn’t stop. Instead, he started to be able to pick up on the words Taekwoon was trying to get through to him.

Not in trouble. No punishment. He wasn’t mad. Sorry. Not his fault.

It didn’t make sense.

He had put the lid in the wrong spot despite what Taekwoon had told him about not putting things away wrongly ages ago. It was his fault it was broken. It was. He deserved to be punished. He’d disobeyed… disobeyed his master.

He felt like puking.

“Shh, Hongbin, it’s ok. Just breathe. I won’t hurt you. It’s ok. I’m not angry at you.”

Despite what his mind told him, he clung desperately to the feeling of Taekwoon’s hand on his back, tuning the words out again. The words made no sense. The soothing circles on his back made no sense, either, but they didn’t hurt. They were foreign, but not bad. They could ground him, away from his mind.

He forced his mind to go blank, not questioning anything, just accepting. He didn’t fight his muscles relaxing, his body untensing. He allowed his breaths to get deeper, calmer.

“That’s it, you’re doing well. Deep breaths. It’s ok now, Hongbin. It’s ok, just relax.”

And he did, following the instructions as Taekwoon’s words filtered through again, until his mind belonged to himself again, not his memories. He would have liked to stay like that forever, but he couldn’t. Aside from his knees becoming sore and going numb, he would have to face reality sooner or later.

Tentatively, he tried to sit up, only just stirring.

Taekwoon’s hand stilled on his back.

When he moved further, sitting up slowly, Taekwoon’s hand fell away from his back, and he immediately missed the touch. He kept his head low, eyes downcast, still half expecting Taekwoon to lash out and punish him now. It never happened, though.

“Are you ok now?” Taekwoon asked quietly, and Hongbin found himself nodding.

He was ok. He didn’t exactly know why, but he was. An eerie calmness had overcome him, and he found himself thinking that even if Taekwoon punished him now, it would be ok. He deserved it after all. It would be ok. Taekwoon wasn’t deliberately cruel. Not like the others. He would survive. He was almost sure of it.

“Hongbin… I’m sorry I yelled at you. It wasn’t fair of me. I took my anger over a lot of people and different things out on you, and that was not ok. Please, forgive me, if you can.”

Hongbin’s head swam again, but for a different reason than before.

“But I…” He shook his head, his gaze going past Taekwoon to the shards of the lid, and Taekwoon followed it.

“I’m not happy about the lid being broken, but it didn’t warrant my reaction and the way I yelled at you. That was wrong of me, and I can only apologize and hope you’ll forgive me. It was never my intention to scare you like that, and I promise I never intended to hurt you.”

It was so strange, it felt so wrong, to hear Taekwoon apologize like that. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he was right to be mad at him since he’d messed up.

“I’m… I’m sorry I put it away in the wrong place. I don’t know why… why I put it there… I don’t remember putting it there… I’m sorry.” He mumbled his apology quietly.

Taekwoon frowned slightly, but shook his head to disperse his confusion again.

“It’s ok. What’s done is done. Just try not to put things in places where they don’t belong and from where they can fall and break again, ok?”

Hongbin nodded, and Taekwoon sighed quietly.

“Shall we get up? The tiles are too cold to sit on…”

Hongbin nodded, moving to stand, only to freeze when he heard Taekwoon hiss.

His eyes fell on the patch of blood smeared on the white floor, right next to Taekwoon’s bare feet.

“You’re hurt!” He exclaimed, feeling choked.

“Ah, it’s nothing, don’t worry-…”

“The glass… You…” He stared at the floor wide-eyed, gaping, trying to process the fact that Taekwoon had gotten hurt, because of him. Again.

“Hongbin, it’s ok. It doesn’t hurt. I’d already forgotten about it, it’s that small. Don’t worry.”

Hongbin shook his head.

“You’re hurt…”

Taekwoon sighed, extending his hand to wave in front of Hongbin’s eyes, blocking his view of the glass and blood.

“It’s ok, Hongbin. I’m fine. It’s nothing. Come, let’s go somewhere else. I’ll just put something on my foot so it doesn’t get everything dirty, and you rest, or something, ok?”

Hongbin shook his head, contradicting Taekwoon, to his surprise.

“I should clean… It’s my fault.”

Taekwoon sighed, unsure. Hongbin was so stubborn! And his foot actually did really hurt, even if he told Hongbin differently. He needed to clean that cut and put something on it to at least keep it from getting infected. But he couldn’t do that and at the same time make sure Hongbin was ok and wouldn’t have a bad episode again over something like that.

Spotting a rag on the counter not far from him, he quickly snatched it and wiped at least the blood away from the tiles where he stood, leaving only the glass.

“You don’t have to clean, but if you really want to, you can. Just make sure you don’t cut yourself. And put on some slippers so you don’t step into any shards; there are spare pairs next to the front door.”

Hongbin nodded, taking a tentative step back, and when Taekwoon didn’t follow him, another, until he could slip into the hallway. He held his breath as he stood in the dead end of the hallway, only the closed front door behind him as he looked for the spare slippers he had sorted into their shelf himself not too long ago, and Taekwoon stepped out of the kitchen, too. He didn’t turn to him, though, walking down to the bathroom instead like he’d announced he would without coming close to him again.

Slowly, he started to actually calm down once he’d returned to the kitchen and busied himself sweeping the shards onto one single pile. He worked methodically, as always, focusing on not forgetting a single corner or spot so he wouldn’t overlook anything.

That didn’t mean he didn’t notice Taekwoon’s return not too long after he’d left, but he didn’t stop sweeping, finishing cleaning up under Taekwoon’s watchful gaze. He stalled, though, taking unnecessarily long to pick up the dustpan filled with shards and dumping them in the trash. What was he supposed to do once he was done with this? Could he go back to his room? Was there more he should do to make up for the broken lid?

He closed the lid of the trashcan slowly, turning around to face Taekwoon hesitatingly. Maybe he should go and put the dustpan and broom back where they belonged first… Taekwoon clearing his throat softly stopped him, though. It took a while before Taekwoon spoke, clearly hesitating as he rubbed at the back of his neck, gaze unfocused as it swept over the floor.

“Uhm, I meant to ask you something…”

Hongbin remained quiet, waiting.

“About earlier… When you first apologized… What did you call me then?”

He inhaled sharply, and Taekwoon noticed his whole body tensing up, his grip on the dustpan still in his hands becoming tight enough to make his knuckles protrude and go white. He didn’t answer, though.

“Hongbin… did you call me ‘master’?”

If it was possible for Hongbin to tense up further, he did it, the plastic handle of the dustpan bending in his grip, close to snapping. His gaze remained trained on the floor, but he nodded, once, sharply, yet at the same time almost imperceptibly.

Taekwoon exhaled slowly, something like disappointment crossing his features.

“Please, don’t call me that again.”

Hongbin’s head jerked up in surprise, trying to gauge Taekwoon’s expression without directly looking at him.

“I’m not your master, Hongbin, and I never will be. I don’t own you, and I don’t want to.”

The expression of bewilderment on Hongbin’s face actually hurt Taekwoon.

“If anything, you could say we’re… roommates. I know things don’t work like that outside, but in here, in this house, we are equal. I don’t own you, and am in no way superior to you. As long as we live here, together, we will both have our own share of chores to do, our own space and things, as well as spaces and things to share as equals.” He inhaled deeply, giving Hongbin a moment to process what he’d just said.

“When I get upset and tell you not to do something a certain way, it’s not because I want to order you around or think I am here to rule over you. Not because I make the rules. It’s because I hope that that way, we’ll be able to establish some kind of order to make things work for both of us, without building up unnecessary frustration and tension. And I hope you will do the same should I do things you don’t agree with and don’t like; it’s important that you let me know what you think, too.”

Except for a light twitch of an eyebrow, Hongbin showed no visual sign that he had heard and understood what Taekwoon told him, never mind any indication that he agreed.

Inside, he was in turmoil, though. He was sure he would never dare tell Taekwoon what he liked and what he didn’t. In part, because he didn’t even know what he liked and not in the first place. He wasn’t used to being allowed his own opinion on things, so he never bothered to form one. So, how was he even supposed to tell Taekwoon what he thought, if he didn’t know himself?

On the other hand, even if he did know, he wouldn’t dare tell Taekwoon, either. As much as Taekwoon might insist that they were equal here, he knew they weren’t. This was Taekwoon’s place; he could never own his own place. And it being Taekwoon’s place, it gave Taekwoon the natural right to make the rules in the place, whether he wanted it or not. At any given time, he could decide he didn’t want him there anymore and kick him out for some reason or another.

Now, he wasn’t stupid enough to risk that. Not with that collar around his neck, not with enforcers roaming the streets just waiting to shoot him down for no reason, not as long as living with Taekwoon was bearable. Considering he had yet to be hurt by Taekwoon, it was very much bearable, and all he dared wish for at this point.

Not having to call Taekwoon ‘Master’ was a bonus he’d gladly take, though. He hated that word with a passion, and the feelings it brought with it whenever he forced it past his throat even more. No, he thought he could live quite well without having to deal with that constant reminder that his life didn’t belong to himself, that he had no rights and existed only to please someone else.

Even if that was the truth.

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A/N: Hello, I'm back with another chapter! I guess there is no such thing as an updating schedule anymore, I'll just sporadically dump chapters on here whenever I get them done and became sick of proofreading them for the 6 billonth time. Things are going to pick up a little from now on in this story, I hope (I might have the whole plot planned out for this story, but WHO KNOWS what these characters decide to do in between; definitely not me!).

If you like this story, upvotes, subscriptions and comments are very much appreciated and tend to make my day, and if you like it enough to feel like supporting my struggling self in a more materialistic way, you can do so here. It will make my breakfast, which is basically the same as saving my life (and that of those around me). <3