His blanket wound tightly around himself, Hongbin sat leaning against the foot-end of his bed and staring unseeingly out of the window into the darkening evening sky. Hours must have passed since they’d come back home and he had locked himself in his room.

Locking himself in had been an automatic reaction. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to be alone or for Taekwoon to stay out, but he needed it to feel safe in that moment. Safe from the enforcers, safe from the outside world. It worked, somewhat, since he’d been able to calm down and not space out again since he’d gone to his room. The staring unseeingly out of the window part didn’t count, since he was still very aware of everything around him even if he was mostly in his head.

The aftershocks of the fear he’d gone through today still ran through his bones, but they didn’t jar him anymore. He was able to deal with them. Whenever they threatened to spread and take control, threatening to take him under again, one thing helped like no other to keep them at bay: the memory of Taekwoon putting himself between him and the enforcers at the café.

He exhaled a shuddering breath, clutching the blanket tighter; Taekwoon had protected him. He’d kept him safe, just like he’d promised he would. Taekwoon’s calm, collected reaction, never stopping being rational, an unmovable object against his panic… It impressed him, and reassured him, guaranteeing him that Taekwoon would take care of him and keep him safe even when he completely lost himself.

Hongbin didn’t know what he’d done to deserve ending up with Taekwoon. He didn’t feel like he deserved being that lucky, but he wasn’t going to complain.

Shuddering once again, he tried wrapping the blanket even tighter around himself, just to find it wasn’t possible. He was already as cocooned in it as possible, but he still felt cold. The room wasn’t even that cold, not by a long shot, since he liked to keep the heater on and the room as warm as it was possible, but still he felt cold. Cold, and… lonely.

Now, that was new. He couldn’t remember ever feeling lonely. In fact, he’d always preferred to be alone, trying his best to keep everyone at a distance. Anyone who was far away from him wasn’t close enough to bother or hurt him, after all. Right now, he didn’t want to be alone, though. In fact, lately, there were quite a lot of times he hadn’t wanted to be alone, and had just acted on it without thinking deeper about the feeling, he realized as he started untangling the blanket from around himself and getting up. It made him pensive, but didn’t stop him from his mission to go find Taekwoon to not feel alone anymore.

It was just…

He paused by the door, listening closely for any telltale sounds anywhere in the apartment with a frown on his face.

The fact that there weren’t any sounds became glaringly obvious in that moment, and he wondered why. He was sure Taekwoon hadn’t left again after he’d gone to his room. It was impossible for him to miss the sound of the front door opening and closing.

So, was Taekwoon sleeping? He hadn’t heard him come down the hallway to go to his own room, either…

Carefully, practically soundlessly, Hongbin opened his door and slipped into the hallway.

It was dark.

Not a single bit of light filtered into the hallway. Not that it was unusual for the light in the back part of the hallway to be turned off, but the light for the front part was usually always on when it wasn’t bright daylight. Why had Taekwoon not turned it on yet? It was already dark outside!

Well, he didn’t exactly need the light to see well, but it was strange. Unusual, and he didn’t know what to think of it. What if Taekwoon had left after all, and he just hadn’t heard because he had spaced out without noticing? What if Taekwoon had left for good, because he was too much of a nuisance to him?

He shook his head angrily, dispelling such thoughts. Taekwoon wouldn’t leave him. Even if he left the apartment for a while, he would come back. And he would tell him before he left, unless he was sleeping at the time. And then he would leave a note. No, Taekwoon hadn’t left him, he was sure of it. There must be another reason why the hallway was dark.

As he reached the corner of the hallway, he stopped again to listen, harder than before. And there, he finally heard it, the soft, telltale sound of someone breathing, proving he wasn’t alone in the apartment. Despite his own berating thoughts a moment ago, he was still glad for that proof.

He wasn’t as careful as before when he rounded the corner and followed the sound of the soft breaths to the living room, where he could now tell Taekwoon was. He frowned as he stood in the doorway to the room, only lit by the city lights coming through the windows, as here, too, the lights were off.

Taekwoon was sitting on the couch, head resting in his hands, with his elbows propped against his knees. It didn’t look very comfortable, but it did look as if Taekwoon had been sitting like this for a while.

Hongbin only hesitated for a moment before stepping into the room, no longer careful not to making any noise. Still, Taekwoon didn’t move, even though he must have heard Hongbin coming in. At this point Hongbin began to worry, without being able to reassure himself. What was wrong? Why was Taekwoon sitting in the dark, unmoving? What should he do?

Tentatively, he continued further into the room, until he reached the couch. He almost jumped when Taekwoon heaved a big sigh, finally moving, but only just enough to lift his head out of his hands and turn it to acknowledge Hongbin.

“Hey…” He almost whispered, his voice so quiet.

Hongbin swallowed.

“Hey…” He whispered back, unsure, but Taekwoon managed a hint of a smile. He fidgeted for a moment, but ultimately decided to sit down, on the floor by the couch. If Taekwoon leaned over he would be in his reach, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t feel like he should make sure to keep more distance between them.

Once he’d gotten comfortable, silence fell over the room again, Taekwoon having turned away again to stare somewhere else with unfocused gaze. With the cover of the darkness surrounding them, Hongbin took the chance to study Taekwoon’s features. He looked as if his thoughts where racing, but he remained quiet. Worry was still etched onto his features, but he didn’t voice it. Hongbin was sure a couple of times that Taekwoon would turn to him to ask him if he was ok, wearing the same expression he always did when he asked him that question, but it never came.

The silence should have felt uncomfortable, Hongbin was aware of that, but for some reason it didn’t. He actually felt comfortable, just sitting there in the dark with Taekwoon…

Taekwoon probably didn’t feel the same way, though, he pondered. Taekwoon looked like he’d been crying. Not too recently, but a while ago. He could still smell the salt of the tears, and if he looked closely, he could tell Taekwoon’s eyes were still puffy. Now, that made him uncomfortable.

Taekwoon wasn’t supposed to cry. Taekwoon should never have a reason to cry, but there was only one conclusion he could come to why Taekwoon might have cried, and Hongbin didn’t like that reason at all. Taekwoon should never have to cry because of him.

Hongbin swallowed thickly, biting his lips afterwards. What could he do to make sure Taekwoon didn’t feel bad anymore? He had no idea. It wasn’t like he could just go and hug him, like he’d often seen people do. That was not something he could do. Or just tell him not to worry about him. That was unhelpful, Taekwoon would worry and be sad anyway. Maybe he could distract him. Just, how? He didn’t really have anything to say… Or did he?

The silence stretched a while longer, and still it wasn’t Taekwoon who looked like he was going to break it any time soon. Eventually, Hongbin cleared his throat, quietly.

“I…” He started softly, and Taekwoon turned to him slightly. Hongbin was sure he couldn’t really see him, anyway, though, shrouded in shadows as he was. Human eyes weren’t that good.

“I wanted to thank you…” Hongbin managed to finish his sentence. Taekwoon looked surprised, confused even, but didn’t say anything. Hongbin took a deep breath before continuing.

“I want to thank you for going outside with me… And for protecting me and keeping me safe. And also… and for being so patient… when I can’t do things quickly, or don’t understand, and ask a lot of questions, and… and for teaching me what I don’t know.” Hongbin exhaled the rest of his breath shakily after letting all that out, pulling his legs up in front of him.

For a moment, there was silence, as Taekwoon seemed rather stunned by his sudden confession, too.

“You… You don’t need to thank me for that, Hongbin… This is the least I can do, it’s not a big deal…”

“I do!” Hongbin almost interrupted him. “I do, because… Because to me, it is big…” He took another deep breath, but this time, his voice was much softer as he continued. “It is a big deal, because I’ve never had that before…” He bit his lip, kneading his hands in his lap. “Before you, no one was ever patient with me… And no one cared about what I wanted. Before… Everything was always about everyone else, but... But you… I at least feel like I matter, with you. It’s like… as if… As if I’m normal, like… like I’m not just… just… an object?”

Taekwoon could barely breathe as he listened to Hongbin’s tentative, soft words as they came slowly, as if he was only just wrapping his mind around them himself as he was voicing them.

“You treat me so normal, like… You don’t force me to do things I don’t want to do… You tell me why some things have to be done even if I don’t like them so I can understand them, like why I can’t go outside alone or why I have to sit on a chair in the café or wear a coat properly outside. But you let me choose. And when you set rules and boundaries, they make sense, they’re not just there to make me feel small beside you.”

Taekwoon didn’t know if he should say something, or even what he should say. But apparently, Hongbin wasn’t done yet.

“And, most of all… I know I’m scared a lot, and I don’t handle a lot of things well, and it’s not good that I always get caught in my head and have so many nightmares, too, and I’m sorry because that worries you, but… I’m the most thankful because you always manage to help me when that happens, and you make everything less bad when I can’t handle it anymore, and then I can handle it again…”

Taekwoon felt himself choke up.

“Oh, Hongbin…” His throat closed up, and he took a shaky breath, unable to continue.

Hongbin tensed with worry, fearing that his words had the opposite effect of what he wanted them to have.

“Are you… going to cry again?” He whispered, barely audible and desperate, but Taekwoon shook his head, letting out a choked, incredulous laugh.

“No, no, I’m not. Don’t worry. I’m… I’m just grateful, too.”

Hongbin didn’t understand, and Taekwoon didn’t need to be able to see his face in the darkness to be able to sense the confusion from the other.

“You see, I… I worry the most because I think I’m making everything worse for you. I’ve been told often enough that I look cold even if that’s not my intention, and that my stature makes me look intimidating. But, the last thing I want is to scare you in any way, so...” He trailed off, swallowing the tears that were indeed pricking at his eyes.

“I don’t… I don’t think you look cold…” Hongbin admitted quietly, making Taekwoon look up again. Hongbin continued, even quieter. “And I’m not scared of you… I’m scared of certain situations… a lot of situations, but not you, specifically. Like… I’m scared of people touching me, of being touched; not of you touching me, per se.”

Taekwoon nodded slowly, thinking that he understood what Hongbin meant.

“Thank you, Hongbin. I… I needed that. That reassurance. And… I’ve been touching you a lot recently, haven’t I? I’m sorry if it was too much…”

Hongbin was silent for a moment.

“I… I didn’t even notice… Was it really a lot?”

Taekwoon chuckled incredulously.

“I think it might have been, thinking back…”

“I don’t think I minded it that much, then, if I didn’t notice…” Hongbin admitted, pensively. That possibility intrigued him. Logically, it didn’t make sense to him that he wouldn’t mind being touched when he usually couldn’t stand it. But then again, when it came to Taekwoon, lots of things didn’t make sense in the way he was used to.

*#*#*#*

“And then we made dinner and ate together, and when we were cleaning up afterwards, he told me he’d like to go out again sometime. To the park, at least, to see if the cat would be there again.” Taekwoon finished his tale of the events that had unfolded during and after his and Hongbin’s trip to the park and café. Since he’d had to come in for work, the first thing he’d done was take the chance that he was already here and asked Minhyuk if he had some time to talk about Hongbin’s recent progress. Because that was what it felt like, a significant step in the right direction, and he needed to discuss it with someone he felt would be able to make him understand the magnitude of it.

Minhyuk nodded slowly, satisfaction radiating off him as well as incredulity.

“That is… nothing short of amazing. All of it, but especially that he doesn’t seem to mind your touch as much anymore.”

Taekwoon hummed.

“Personally, I’m more amazed that he opened up like that in the first place. I… I still don’t really know how to process all of this.”

“Of course, that is a big step, too. With how things have been going between you two, it was just a matter of time before he would start to open up to you, though. Something you did while you were out together must have triggered the right things in him to make him want to take that final step to come talk to you. I’m just more amazed by the fact he said he didn’t mind you touching him, because reactions to touch are most often subconscious and hard to control consciously. What it suggests is that subconsciously, he already feels closer and safer with you than he will consciously admit, most likely even to himself. And that, more than anything else, gives me a lot of hope for him. For both of you.”

Taekwoon needed a moment to process that new information.

“What about him saying he wants to go out to the park again, though? Do you think that’s a good idea? What if we run into enforcers again? I don’t want him to keep getting scared like that.”

Minhyuk shook his head, biting the back of his pen.

“No, I think it will be good for him if you keep going out with him, like you have been doing... Going to the café was a huge leap, but not bad. Still, maybe backtrack a few steps for now and for the next two, three outings, just go to the park, walk around and play there a little before going to the café again in a while, and later on to other places. Of course, it’s unavoidable that you’ll meet enforcers again eventually, and of course he’ll be scared and might have violent reactions. No one is saying it’s going to be easy, but you need to work with him on that. It wouldn’t be good for him if he stayed holed up in your apartment forever. It’s just not realistic, either. There will always be situations where he’ll need to leave the apartment, predictable and unpredictable, and he’ll need to be ready to face the outside world again for that.”

It made sense, Taekwoon found, but he was still not entirely sure about this.

“How do you suggest we work on this, though? I don’t think confrontation therapy will be the best course of action here. I consider us both lucky that he didn’t give in to his first instinct when he saw the enforcers in the café, which would have been to bolt out and run as fast as he could go, never to be seen again. I don’t really want to chance that.”

Minhyuk shook his head again.

“No, of course not. But, it is a really good sign that he didn’t give in to that instinct and came to you instead. Given what you told me about his actions later on, I don’t think he will give in to the instinct to run when you encounter enforcers again, though; if anything, he’ll run to you with even more determination. Still, you’re right, confrontation therapy isn’t the wisest way to go; and that’s not what I meant with working on it. No. You should talk with him about the enforcers, and especially his experiences with them. Don’t force him to, but encourage him to tell you. That’s the best way for you to learn how to handle his fear and help him deal with it. Actually, that’s how you should go about all the situations that cause him that paralyzing fear.”

Taekwoon grimaced, unsure about this method.

“You really think that’ll work? I mean… He hasn’t really told me much of anything so far…”

Minhyuk nodded.

“You probably haven’t asked, either, have you?”

Taekwoon had to admit he hadn’t; not really.

“On the other hand, he did come to you and started to tell you some things of his own volition now. I think he might actually be looking for someone to open up to, bit by bit. You can help him with that, prompt him.”

Minhyuk had a point there. Or several, actually. Taekwoon’s heart sank when he saw Minhyuk’s expression cloud over as he thought his own words over, though, dreading what the other might tell him now.

Minhyuk’s voice was somber, and a good deal quieter when he spoke again.

“As much as I wish that Hongbin will open up to you so you can help him, though… Promise me that you’ll take care of yourself, too, Taekwoon. You need to be aware that what he’ll tell you might be worse than anything you could come up with yourself. Don’t keep it to yourself when it starts to affect you too much. I’m here for you, ok? I’ll help you.”

Taekwoon paled at that, swallowing thickly. He couldn’t miss that Minhyuk had said when instead of if. As if it was guaranteed that it would become too much at some point. Given what he already knew about how hybrids were treated in their society -like how he’d literally found Hongbin chained up, cramped in a much too small cage, about to be killed!- he thought he knew what he was in for. If it was even worse than that… He didn’t know if he was ready to know about it, to imagine Hongbin going through it. Then again, Hongbin would have literally lived through it; the least he could do was help him with that burden!

“Ok… Thank you, Minhyuk…”

Minhyuk inclined his head in a welcoming gesture.

“It’s ok… And, on a lighter note…” Minhyuk looked pensive, following the lines of the wood of his desk with the back of his pen. “I’m thinking you should probably slowly start introducing Hongbin to more people. Your close friends, for instance. Hakyeon, Jaehwan… Maybe wait a little longer with Sungjae, since he’s already had that fit of jealousy because of him. He might be biased against him.”

Taekwoon sighed.

“Yeah… I feel like he has a tendency to become jealous easily…” His brow knit into a frown as he thought about Minhyuk’s suggestion, though. “But, isn’t it a bit early to actually have him meet new people? I mean… it’s one thing if he runs into strangers outside… And he’s really skittish when that happens. But he doesn’t have to interact with those; now, with Hakyeon or Jaehwan, that would be different. Maybe still a little too much for now…”

Minhyuk shrugged lightly.

“I didn’t say you have to do it immediately. Suggest it to him sometime, like you did with going outside. Give him time to think about it. Tell him about your friends, what to expect. Try to make him curious, let him ask questions. You know him best, you’ll be able to tell when he’ll be ready to meet someone. Talk with Hakyeon and Jaehwan, too, prepare them for what to expect of Hongbin and how to react in certain situations you think might come up. You might need a couple of tries before Hongbin will be ready to come out of his shell and accept the introduction, so make sure your friends are aware of that beforehand, too.”

A small smile crept onto Minhyuk’s face, and he looked up with an amused twinkle in his eyes before continuing.

“Oh, and, for the love of everything good, don’t introduce them both at the same time. It’s a challenge for anyone to handle them both at the same time without knowing them, so please, don’t force that on the poor kid. Seriously, I have no idea how you ended up being besties with the two loudest people I’ve ever met, in every sense, and at the same time, no less…!”

Taekwoon laughed, some of his tension falling off him for now, too.

“It’s all Hakyeon’s fault, not my doing. One day he was just there, and I never managed to get rid of him. And then he found Jaehwan, and he just wouldn’t leave, either. I swear I tried!”

Minhyuk snorted.

“I bet you did…”

Taekwoon chuckled, sitting up and shaking his head determinedly.

“Yeah, no. I wouldn’t even think to introduce both at the same time… I’m kind of debating finding a new, calmer best friend real quick to introduce instead, actually…”

Minhyuk chuckled, raising an eyebrow at Taekwoon.

“Good luck with that, Mr Popular. How many years did it take again before Hakyeon even found out your name in the beginning of your friendship?”

Taekwoon groaned, rolling his eyes and hiding his face in his hands.

“Not years… Eight months… Give or take a few days.”

Minhyuk chuckled, shaking his head.

“Yeah… Hongbin will be old and grey before you made a new best friend to introduce to him like that… Leo.”

Taekwoon’s eyes narrowed to slits upon hearing that name.

“He told you that, too, didn’t he? You know what, I think I’ll introduce Jaehwan first, since I have a feeling Hakyeon will have a most tragic accident real soon that will keep him from doing much of anything for a long time…!”

Minhyuk laughed out loud. He might not know Taekwoon that well yet, and what he knew was mostly through Hakyeon, but if there was one thing he did know was that there was no reason to worry about Hakyeon despite Taekwoon’s threats; the man loved his friends, even if he rarely voiced anything that sounded like he did, and would never do them any harm.

*#*#*#*

The house was so quiet without Taekwoon… Not that Taekwoon usually made a lot of noise, on the contrary, but still… It felt too quiet, and that even though the washing machine was spinning in the bathroom, providing background noise.

Hongbin shook his head, getting down from the windowsill in the living room, aiming for somewhere else in hopes of some distraction that would keep him busy until Taekwoon came back home.

He’d said he wouldn’t be back late, but what was not late? It was way past lunch time already, already going into late afternoon. It was too late for Hongbin’s tastes.

Wandering through the kitchen, Hongbin checked the fridge where his barely touched lunch still sat on the top shelf. He hadn’t really felt hungry enough to eat much at lunch, and he still didn’t now. The fridge was closed again. The rest of the kitchen didn’t provide much distraction, either. He’d already cleaned up everything there was to clean up earlier.

He wandered to the hallway, staring at the closed front door. He was so bored, he’d love to go out right now. But he couldn’t; not alone.

Quietly, he groaned to himself. Why was everything so boring on his own lately? He turned away abruptly and almost collided with the jackets hanging next to the door. He stopped just a hair’s width away from the fabric of the coat he’d been using.

By now, the coat smelled more like him and the rest of the apartment than its rightful owner, but there were still traces of Taekwoon’s friend’s scent in the fabric. That, and a slightly earthen smell… Of course, he’d been climbing trees and rolling on the ground with that jacket, not to mention stuffed the pockets with things from outside-

Right; that was something he’d done, collecting leaves and pebbles. He’d completely forgotten about that!

Quickly, he searched the pockets, carefully extracting the precious treasures. Most of the leaves were crumpled now, no longer pretty, but a small red maple leaf was still intact, as well as the tiny pine cone. Setting the intact things aside, he quickly cleaned the rest of the crumbs out of the pockets, disposing of them into the trash before gathering his treasure and carrying it to his room.

The pebbles and the pine cone were hidden in an empty match-box between his clothes, but he didn’t want to put the leaf away there with them; it could get damaged between the hard objects. For a moment, he wondered where he should put it, looking around his room, until his gaze fell on his bedside table; of course, his journal!

With a slight spring to his step, he walked over, crouched in front of the small chest and took the journal out before sitting down on the floor with it.

He held the book almost reverently, placing it gently on his lap. A gift like this one was meant to be treasured, and he made sure to do so. Carefully, he opened it on the first page, where he usually kept the piece of paper Taekwoon had written his name on, as well as a doodle of an animal Taekwoon had done to teach him the letters.

The animal doodle was there, but his name wasn’t.

Hongbin frowned. Why wasn’t the piece with his name between the pages? Had he put it somewhere else in a hurry some time?

Carefully, he turned to the next page, which held the first note Taekwoon had left and he’d been able to decipher on his own, but the piece with his name wasn’t there. He turned another page, and another, hoping to find the small slip with his name on it. He paged through the whole journal, but the piece he was looking for remained missing.

His hands trembled as he closed the book. If the paper wasn’t in there, it must have fallen out.

Carefully, he looked on his lap, beside himself, under himself. He stood up and shook his clothes out, looking under the bed, too.

Nothing.

He checked the drawer of the bedside table, then all the drawers, then behind the drawers. It wasn’t there. It wasn’t behind the bedside table, either.

He willed his heart to stop beating so fast and his mind from spinning.

Where had he been sitting the last time he’d opened the journal?

On the bed.

Methodically, he stripped the bed. First his snuggly blanket, shaking it out in the middle of the room in case the slip fell out. Then the duvet, the pillows, the sheet; everything was shaken out, turned and overturned in search for the small paper. He checked between the bedframe and mattress, even went as far as lifting the mattress out of the frame. Still, he didn’t find what he was looking for.

It got harder to keep the nagging thought that the piece of paper was lost, gone forever, at bay. Hongbin forced himself to take deep steadying breaths.

It couldn’t be gone. He hadn’t taken the journal out of this room since he’d gotten it. The paper had to be somewhere in here.

He kept searching, turning and overturning everything he owned, emptying all his drawers, looking in the folds of all his clothes, under, on, inside and behind every piece of furniture. And still, he came back emptyhanded.

He searched and searched, to no avail, and searched some more even when he grew frantic and simply refused to accept the nagging thought that told him it was all in vain.

Eventually, the light started to vanish outside, and Hongbin stopped his frantic search. His room looked a mess, there was no point trying to find anything in here anymore. Now it was truly impossible. Still, he didn’t feel motivated to clean it up again. He didn’t feel motivated to do anything, his chest hurting with a pain that was foreign to him, but that he instinctively knew stemmed from losing something dear to him.

He returned to where he’d started out, next to the bed. The journal was still there, and he picked it up as carefully as ever. This time, he didn’t open it as he sat down, cradling it to his chest instead as tears filled his eyes. Not tears of fear, the kind he was used to, nor despair or pain. At least not a physical pain. It was a different pain, one that hurt inside, one that he wasn’t used to and that was so much worse because of it.

He didn’t hear the front door opening, and he chose to ignore Taekwoon’s call for him. Maybe Taekwoon would come find him if he didn’t answer; then, at least one of them would be able to find what they were looking for today.

It still took a while before Taekwoon’s footsteps could be heard padding down the hallway to his room. He knocked, even though the door was open, and Hongbin looked up. He didn’t say anything to invite Taekwoon in, but Taekwoon came in anyway, crouching in front of him.

“Hey, Hongbin… Why are you crying? What’s wrong?”

Hongbin wanted to answer, but instead more tears came and his answer died in a sob. He hated it, because he knew Taekwoon would worry more because of it, and he wiped angrily at his tears, trying to take deep breaths to calm himself.

Taekwoon tried to help him, the same way he always did, the same way that always worked, and Hongbin started to feel silly. He was crying so hard because of a piece of paper. Not because of fear or a trauma, but a stupid simple piece of paper! Granted, it was a piece of paper Taekwoon had written on, and it was his name he’d written on that piece of paper, but still, it was only paper.

It didn’t matter, though. It hurt that he’d lost it. It hurt so much.

Not as much as Taekwoon’s worried expression, though, and he renewed his efforts to calm down. Eventually, it resulted, with Taekwoon patiently waiting next to him.

“There… Feeling better now?”

Hongbin accepted the tissue Taekwoon offered him, cleaning his face, and sniffled. He didn’t know what to answer. He didn’t feel better, but at least he wasn’t crying anymore.

“Can you tell me what happened here?” Taekwoon’s voice was so gentle, so soothing, already understanding even though he didn’t know what he was going to hear, it almost made Hongbin cry again.

He stomped down on the urge to cry again, though, instead trying to find the words to explain what was going on to Taekwoon. How was he supposed to explain that, though? That he’d completely taken the room apart in search of a stupid tiny piece of paper to the point it looked like several natural disasters had taken place in it at the same time? He couldn’t say that, Taekwoon would never take him seriously again.

He wanted to tell Taekwoon that, though. He wanted him to know, and he wanted Taekwoon to find the right answers that made him feel better, and find the piece of paper. He felt himself choking up again, but fought it down once more, trying to find a way to tell Taekwoon what had happened that wouldn’t make him cry again.

“I was… looking for something.” He finally admitted.

Taekwoon could tell as much, looking around.

“Hm… I take it you haven’t found it yet…?”

There they were again, pricking his eyes, the pesky tears. He blinked them away, though, as he shook his head. Taekwoon handed him another tissue, and he accepted it gratefully. His sleeves were far too wet already, anyway. Which was gross.

“Ok… And you’re sure it has to be in here? Or have you looked outside this room, already, too?”

Hongbin froze.

“N-no. I-… I haven’t looked.” He answered quickly.

“Alright. But could it be outside of this room?”

Hongbin bit his lip. Could it? It shouldn’t be possible. He hadn’t taken it out of the room again, neither it alone nor the journal.

“I don’t know… I don’t think so… But maybe?” His voice was scarcely more than a whisper.

Taekwoon hummed pensively.

“Maybe. Ok… I take it it’s something very important to you, so we definitely have to find it, whatever it is. How about I start looking through the rest of the apartment where it could be, while you clean up in here?”

Hongbin blinked, incredulous.

“That is, if you want my help…”

“I do!”

Hongbin’s mouth was faster than his brain, and he bit his tongue after almost shouting that.

“Alright, I’ll help you, then. I’ll start in the living room. That ok?”

Hongbin nodded slowly, but Taekwoon didn’t move away.

“And you’ll be ok cleaning your things back up in here? Or do you want to sit down and have a tea first?”

He shook his head. He did want a tea, and he did want to not worry anymore and just sit down and curl up, but he couldn’t until he’d found the piece of paper again. Not now that he’d recovered enough from his crying to start looking for it again.

“Alright. We’ll have tea later, then.”

Taekwoon got up, and Hongbin scrambled to his feet as well while Taekwoon returned to the hallway. Just as he was passing through the door, though, he paused and turned back around.

“Just one more thing… What exactly am I looking for?”

Hongbin froze, eyes fixed on the floor, and held his breath, not answering.

“Hongbin?”

Hongbin still didn’t answer, but he felt his face grow warm, and eventually heard Taekwoon sigh softly.

“Hongbin, I do need to know what it is I’m looking for to start searching, or I won’t be able to help you… It’s a keepsake, isn’t it?”

Hongbin bit his lip, slowly unfreezing to nod at Taekwoon’s question.

“I had a feeling… I want to help you find it, because I know how important keepsakes are. I know that even if they look like nothing important to others, they sometimes mean the world to those who keep them. And I want you to have yours back.”

Hongbin bit his lip, but eventually gave in.

“It’s a… a piece of paper.”

Taekwoon hadn’t expected to get an answer so soon. Hongbin was acting extra secretive, which was why he hadn’t asked right away what it was he was looking for, but he’d thought it would take more coaxing to get him to admit what it was.

“Ok. What size?”

Hongbin showed him with his hands. It was a tiny slip, really. That wouldn’t be easy to find.

“Mhm. Colour?”

“White.”

“Is there anything on it?”

Hongbin averted his gaze to the floor again, fidgeting with his hands.

“My name…” He whispered eventually, barely loud enough for Taekwoon to hear.

If Taekwoon wondered why Hongbin was so desperately searching for a tiny piece of paper with his name on it, he didn’t comment on it. He simply nodded, wished Hongbin good luck with cleaning up and hopefully finding the paper himself, and left for the living room.

He had no idea where he should start looking, truthfully. Hongbin never sat on the couch, but he checked behind the pillows and in the creases anyway. Looking under the furniture was an adventure, and he took the chance to deep clean there, too. Rugs were lifted, smaller furniture rearranged. Soon, looking for the missing snippet became mostly cleaning the lounge.

Taekwoon had no idea in what way looking through the stacks of paper he and Hongbin had written and doodled on would help him find the slip, but he did it anyway, sorting them, arranging them, until he could put them neatly in a spare folder.

It was getting late, and he was getting hungry, and the piece of paper with Hongbin’s name remained unfound. He was also getting tired. As much as he wanted to find the thing for Hongbin, they couldn’t keep looking for it fruitlessly forever, and had to eat and sleep sometime.

With a sigh, Taekwoon finished wiping the dust off the small shelf under the coffee table before putting the folder with Hongbin’s letter-learning pages back there, as well as the frames with the pictures Jaehwan had drawn for him. He was about to get up, when something caught his eye.

He sat down on the floor again, taking the frames out again. At first, he wasn’t sure what had caught his attention, but once he turned the one with the number drawings around on a whim, he found it.

Stuck to the back of the frame, caught on one of the little metal hooks holding the back of the picture, was a little white piece of paper.

Carefully, he unhooked it, making sure it didn’t tear. He had a suspicion he might have found what he was looking for, and it was confirmed when he turned it around and found Hongbin’s name scrawled on the piece of paper… in Taekwoon’s own handwriting.

Taekwoon bit his lips, a warm smile blooming on his lips as his heart warmed as well. He remembered writing Hongbin’s name for him, not too careful to make it look pretty, but more focused on drawing the letters clear and legible. Still, apparently his passing gesture meant a lot to Hongbin. It was endearing, and it succeeded in wringing a lone tear of joy out of his tired, hungry, emotional self.

He swiped at it thoughtlessly, getting up to return the slip of paper to Hongbin, but halted when he walked by his office. A small detour later, he knocked on Hongbin’s door, which was still standing open. Hongbin immediately looked over from where he was putting his folded clothes back into the drawers, his eyes radiating hopefulness when they met Taekwoon’s for the fraction of a second. Taekwoon didn’t miss how he tensed after realizing his ‘mistake’, but chose not to comment on it. He stepped into the room, just a few steps, and decided to put a quick end to Hongbin’s agonizing.

“I think I found it.” He held the piece of paper out to Hongbin, and Hongbin all but jumped across the room to take it.

His hopeful expression was also clouded by doubt at first, but as soon as he held the slip in his fingers the doubt vanished, and he gasped.

“You found it!”

Taekwoon hummed, giving a single nod.

“Where?!”

“It was stuck to the back of one of your picture frames. It might have gotten stuck there when you had them in here and that’s how it got out.”

Hongbin thought about the possibility for a moment, then nodded and moved towards his bed, where the journal now rested on the bedside table again. Taekwoon wasn’t done yet, though.

“Hongbin…”

Hongbin halted mid-step, turning back around with a questioning expression, and Taekwoon held his hand out again, holding a tube of glue. Hongbin’s expression remained questioning.

“In case you want to glue your keepsakes into the journal so you don’t lose them again.”

Hongbin’s eyes widened, and he took the glue from Taekwoon hesitatingly.

“You can keep it.” Taekwoon offered as he let his hand drop back to his side, and Hongbin’s hand curled tighter around the small tube.

“Thank you…”

Taekwoon only nodded, making his way back out of the room, but once again stopped shortly in the doorway.

“I’m putting the kettle on for some tea now.”

Fifteen minutes later, Hongbin appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, watching Taekwoon heat up leftovers for their dinner.

“Did you spend all day looking for your keepsake? It looks as if you didn’t even eat lunch…” Taekwoon wondered once he saw him standing there.

Hongbin shook his head.

“No, I… I wasn’t hungry.”

Taekwoon lifted an incredulous eyebrow, and Hongbin shrugged.

“Ok, maybe I was, but… I didn’t feel like eating much.”

Now, Taekwoon’s brow creased in slight worry.

“You didn’t… ok. Why?”

Again, Hongbin shrugged, but seeing that Taekwoon wasn’t going to drop the question, he eventually answered, quietly.

“I didn’t want to eat alone…”

Taekwoon’s stomach did a funny swoop, his heart beating a little faster, but he kept his expression carefully neutral.

“Hm… I’m sorry I couldn’t be here to keep you company during lunch… But you should eat anyway if you get hungry, ok?”

Hongbin nodded meekly, and Taekwoon’s mind started working all on its own to try and find a solution so that Hongbin wouldn’t have to eat his meals alone, ever, while he finished preparing their meal. Coming home from work at lunch time every day just wasn’t realistic, though…

“I wasn’t that hungry, anyway… I ate enough for breakfast, and I didn’t do much since then…”

Taekwoon knew exactly how much Hongbin had done since then, always aware of the cleaning and tidying the other did when he wasn’t looking.

“I’m not saying you have to eat when you’re not hungry, but that you should eat when you are hungry. Even when I’m not here. You shouldn’t starve.”

Hongbin shrugged slightly, too slight for Taekwoon to notice. He was far from starving. He could hardly remember a time when he had been as well fed as these days, in fact. He knew starving, and skipping one meal was hardly it. But if it eased Taekwoon’s mind, he wouldn’t skip meals anymore. Even if the most delicious meal tasted like cardboard when he had to eat it alone these days.

Thankfully, the one Taekwoon was preparing right now he wouldn’t have to eat alone, and he was sure it would be delicious.

“The tea is in the thermos, by the way.” Taekwoon informed him, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Right, that had been what he’d originally come for. He moved to pour himself a cup of the hot drink, when Taekwoon asked him to make him a cup, too. His hand shook slightly as he poured the hot beverage into a second mug as well. For some reason, he was always nervous and uncertain when Taekwoon asked him to do something for him directly.

“Thank you!” Taekwoon beamed at him when he put the full mug down within his reach, and his stomach did that swoop he could never decide if he liked or not.

Maybe that was the reason for his nervousness; because when he did something for Taekwoon, he would no doubt thank him for it, and then… his stomach swooped like that.

He almost wished Taekwoon would stop thanking him so often for doing something, but then again, in the long run, he had a suspicion that that was one of the things that made him feel so… ok around Taekwoon. As if he mattered. And that, he did like; a lot.

A/N: Hello and I'm sorryyyyy this took so long! I didn't have much time to write lately and when I did have time I was mostly only inspired to write some of my five billion other stories, even if I really wanted to write this chapter; I wanted to write the other stories more, and I can only write what I really really really want to write in a moment. This chapter was supposed to be a little longer, too, but I still decided to end it here. And that's it. I feel like not a lot happens here aside from insights into character development, but still. I felt it was important. Should you agree with me, please let me know :)

Oh, also! I'm so happy so many people apparently read during the weekdays! I always had a feeling no one does, but your feedback was much appreciated! I really tried to answer to the comments you all left, but I'm such a shy, awkward loaf of stale bread that I almost cringed myself into oblivion while trying to answer and then gave up. Unless someone asks a question I seem to be unable to anwer comments directly; I'm so sorry, please bear with me. I'll try even harder from now on! Maybe one day.

As always, even if I'm unable to answer, your support means a lot to me. From simple reads to upvotes, subscriptions and comments -who do make my day and brighten my life- to the ever much appreciated tips you can leave here. (Comments might be my favourite, though <3)