Chapter 18

 

It was late in the morning when Hongbin woke up, blinking sleepily in the dim light in the room. The dark clouds covering the city like a heavy, wet blanket didn’t let much sunlight through, making it seem earlier than it actually was.

Hongbin was aware that it wasn’t early in the day anymore, but he wasn’t worried, nor surprised. He’d gotten fairly used to sleeping in late lately. It was only natural, since he still woke up from nightmares every other night, and he usually wasn’t able to fall asleep again until hours later, normally when the sky outside already began to light up with daylight.

Taekwoon didn’t seem to mind that he only left his room that late, either, never even mentioning it. He knew the reason, obviously, since most nights when Hongbin woke up and left his room to calm down, he would still appear with a mug of tea for him.

Hongbin found he could sleep easier when that happened, when Taekwoon came around with the tea and kept him company for a while, even if silent the whole time; and that even though those times he had to get up and leave the room were the ones when he had the worst nightmares.

Taekwoon never asked him what his nightmares were about, and Hongbin was glad he didn’t have to explain; to relive it all again as he told Taekwoon. And still, last night, for a moment he’d wished Taekwoon would ask.

He shook his head at himself again, just as he had the night before. What a stupid wish to have; he must have knocked his head too hard at some point.

Sighing, he turned around, pulling the blanket tighter around himself, just to groan in frustration when his stomach growled not too long after. He didn’t want to get up and leave the warmth of the bed just yet, but he didn’t want the feeling of hunger clawing at his insides to grow any stronger, either.

It didn’t take long before hunger won the battle and he climbed out of bed, though, taking a moment to listen for any telltale noises in the apartment that would clue him in about Taekwoon’s whereabouts. He couldn’t hear anything, so he deduced that Taekwoon must be in his office, like usual when he couldn’t hear a thing.

Silently, he opened the door and walked down the hallway to the kitchen. He wasn’t particularly careful not to make a noise, it was just natural for him to move without making a sound. Still, for a couple of days he had been more careful than usual, having grown wary around Taekwoon after the incident with the lid. He’d been extra careful not to mess up any of his chores, too, but while he still paid attention to that, he’d become less careful about the noise again by now.

It was weird, to be on high alert during daytime and wary of the same person he felt so relieved to see when he wandered the apartment at night after a nightmare. That paradox was what had made him loosen up again during the day, after Taekwoon had spent half the night sitting on the floor of the living room with him after a particularly vicious nightmare one night, and ended up falling asleep leaning against the side of the couch in front of him.

Hongbin had been at a loss of what to do for a moment then, debating just leaving him there and going back to bed himself, but felt bad for him. On the other hand… how could he even think about waking him up? How would he even do that?

For quite a while he stood quietly in the living room, debating what to do nervously, indecisive. In the end, he managed to stand there long enough for Taekwoon to wake up on his own because of his uncomfortable position.

Hongbin had made sure to let him know he was ok and would be going to bed now, and Taekwoon had looked so harmless and soft as he blinked his eyes open and struggled to locate where he was, never mind make sense of what Hongbin was saying, that he had felt thoroughly unthreatened by him for the first time.

Since then they’d slipped into a sort of routine again, which included Hongbin leaving to find something to eat in the kitchen at some point during the late morning while Taekwoon was in his office already. Normally, Taekwoon would leave food out for Hongbin nowadays, but today Hongbin found the counter empty.

A quick search of the fridge revealed no prepared food, either, to his disappointment, and he turned to the trusty snack cabinet, hoping to find some crackers to tide him over until lunch. He was lucky, finding the stash refilled, and took a box out in the exact moment someone rasped a ‘Good morning’ behind him.

Hongbin jumped, his heart stopping as he whirled around and lost his footing and balance, tumbling to the floor with flailing limbs.

Taekwoon stared at him with wide yet still sleepy eyes, seemingly as surprised by Hongbin’s reaction as Hongbin by his sudden turning up.

Hongbin didn’t get up from where he’d landed on the floor, sitting with his back against the bottom cabinets, legs pulled up and clutching the box of crackers in his hands.

“… I’m sorry I startled you… Are you ok?” Taekwoon asked, worried, and Hongbin nodded once. Taekwoon looked relieved.

“I’m glad… Still, I’m sorry, again… Have you eaten yet?”

Hongbin’s eyes widened, clutching the crackers closer to himself, and the movement didn’t go unnoticed by Taekwoon.

“Ah, I see… I’m sorry, I overslept. I just figured since it’s Saturday, and you usually sleep longer, too… Never mind. Are those crackers going to be enough for you? I can make you a sandwich, too, if you want.”

Hongbin didn’t answer, not moving, either, as his breathing calmed down slowly while watching Taekwoon move to the fridge to take out ingredients for a sandwich.

Taekwoon didn’t probe further, giving Hongbin time to collect himself as he busied himself putting together a rather mighty sandwich and brewing a cup of coffee. He could feel Hongbin’s gaze on every single one of his movements, and even though he didn’t look at Hongbin directly, he caught the hungry expression in his eyes as he watched him move the sandwich onto a plate.

With a barely hidden smile, he placed the plate on the counter close to Hongbin.

“Here, you can have it.” He nodded softly at Hongbin, moving back to make another sandwich for himself.

Hongbin’s eyes widened at that, eyeing the sandwich warily before getting up slowly. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had sandwiches like that one before, Taekwoon regularly made them for him in the morning, he’d just never had Taekwoon make one for him while he was there, in the same room, setting it down in front of him for him to eat right then…

Taekwoon finished putting together his own sandwich, picking half of it up to start eating. He hesitated when he saw Hongbin still not eating.

“Go ahead, Hongbin, it’s for you. It won’t get better from standing there.”

Hongbin’s eyes trailed between the sandwich and Taekwoon, who made no move to leave the kitchen, leaning against the other counter as he ate his own sandwich.

Hongbin’s heart beat heavily in his chest as he inched closer to the sandwich, eventually picking it up, so slowly, so carefully, as if he was expecting Taekwoon to jump forward at any second.

Of course, Taekwoon didn’t, taking his time eating his own sandwich, sipping his coffee, and letting his gaze trail out the window over the rainy world outside.

Hongbin still hesitated until he took the first bite, nervous to eat while Taekwoon was in the same room, but Taekwoon didn’t pay him any mind, distracted by other things. The next couple of bites were easier, especially because the sandwich was just so damn tasty, until Hongbin realized Taekwoon had finished his own sandwich.

He froze, mid-bite, but Taekwoon still didn’t pay attention to him, too busy putting his plate and the knife he’d used away, as well as returning the ingredients to the fridge.

Surreptitiously, Hongbin resumed eating, taking bigger bites, chewing less, swallowing faster, all to eat faster before Taekwoon noticed he wasn’t done with his sandwich yet. That was, until he inevitably choked on a too big, too dry piece of sandwich, trying to hide his cough. Of course, that was no use, attracting Taekwoon’s attention immediately, and he didn’t have to be a genius to understand what Hongbin had been trying to do.

He sighed softly.

“Slow down, Hongbin. No one is going to take your food away. You have all the time in the world to eat and chew properly.”

He shook his head slightly, taking a bottle of juice out of the fridge and pouring Hongbin a glass, setting it down next to his plate. He made no move towards Hongbin’s leftover sandwich, yet he didn’t leave the kitchen, either, browsing his recipe-books afterwards.

Hongbin forced himself to eat slowly, even though his instincts told him to finish quickly before Taekwoon could change his mind and take his food away anyway.

It never happened, though, and he managed to finish his sandwich peacefully. Only when he was done, Taekwoon pushed himself off from where he was leaning against the counter, setting the book aside.

“Are you done? Do you want more?” He asked gently, and Hongbin shook his head. He really was full enough after that sandwich, and he knew lunch wouldn’t be too far off, anyway.

“Ok. Can I take your plate? Just so I can get the dishwasher going.”

Hongbin nodded again, watching as Taekwoon took his plate and put it in the dishwasher, turning it on afterwards. He yawned, stretching, before turning to Hongbin again.

“Do you have laundry to do? I was planning on getting some of that done today, too. If you want something washed, bring it to the bathroom, please.”

With that, he sauntered out of the kitchen, cracking his neck and yawning again as he walked down the hallway and to his room.

Hongbin exhaled slowly, a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding, nor for how long, before he followed him and went to his own room to sort his laundry.

He couldn’t quite believe he’d just had a meal in the same room as Taekwoon, and not once had it been in danger of being taken away from him.

Technically, he knew he should have expected that. In reality, he hadn’t, though, and it still felt like a bit of a miracle to him.

*#*#*#*

It was a calm weekend, spent lazily going after their shared household chores and not doing much in between. Taekwoon didn’t hide away in his office, and Hongbin hesitated leaving his room for longer periods of time at first.

That changed when Taekwoon asked him to help with folding the freshly washed and dried laundry sometime after lunch. Since it was a direct request, Hongbin didn’t dare to refuse and followed Taekwoon into the living room, where piles of clothes seemed to cover every semi-even surface.

Taekwoon rubbed his nape awkwardly as they stood in front of the sheer endless masses of fabric.

“I should probably have started on this sooner, but… I didn’t even notice how much had accumulated... How about you fold while I iron?”

Hongbin agreed silently, and Taekwoon indicated a pile of clothes that didn’t need ironing, just folding. Quietly, Hongbin started his task, and Taekwoon followed soon after. They worked in silence, and eventually Hongbin noticed he felt just about as relaxed as they worked next to each other as he did when Taekwoon came to keep him company after a nightmare at night.

Afternoon slowly gave way to evening when they finally finished sorting the last pieces of laundry into neat piles just waiting to be sorted into their respective drawers and shelves.

Hongbin followed Taekwoon quietly, carrying a basket full of towels and sheets to sort into the hallway linen cabinet, then later one with his own clothes to his room, and found himself back in the living room afterwards despite there not being anything left to do.

Awkwardly, he sat down next to the couch, at a loss for what to do, but didn’t feel like returning to the solitude of his own room.

Taekwoon didn’t comment on it, disappearing in the kitchen after putting away the ironing board, and Hongbin adjusted his position to where he could catch glimpses of Taekwoon in the kitchen every now and again as he worked on making dinner. He was content with just that, resting his chin on his pulled-up knees as he watched, feeling no need to move or say anything. He didn’t plan or notice dozing off eventually, until soft clanking noises not too far from him woke him up. He blinked sleepily into the dim light in the living room, noticing a plate with food standing not too far from him on the coffee table.

He didn’t move from his position as Taekwoon sat down on the couch, on the other side of the table, and started eating with his plate on his lap. Taekwoon didn’t seem to be paying attention to him, and Hongbin was glad for it as his eyes fixed on how Taekwoon’s hands handled the pasta with a fork. His movements were elegant and precise, scooping up just the right amount of pasta, perfectly twirled around the prongs to form a bite sized, non-dripping, not messy portion. To Hongbin, he might as well be performing magic with the silvery utensil, he would be just as amazed.

Eventually, Taekwoon looked up from his food, though, taking in Hongbin who had yet to make a move towards his own dinner.

“Hongbin, that plate over there is for you… Aren’t you hungry?”

Hongbin bit his lip, his eyes wandering from Taekwoon’s hands to the plate in front of him.

“I am…” He admitted quietly, yet he still didn’t move.

Taekwoon sighed quietly, shaking his head.

“It’s ok to eat, Hongbin. That food is all yours. If I want more, I’m going to get it from the kitchen, there’s plenty left. I won’t take it from you. If you’re hungry, just eat. Or are you not feeling well?”

Hongbin shook his head.

“I’m ok…”

He sat up straighter, scooting towards the coffee table and picking up the fork under Taekwoon’s watchful gaze. He seemed satisfied for now and turned back to his own food, while Hongbin hesitated again. He felt so clumsy with the fork in his hand compared to Taekwoon…!

Again, his eyes wandered to Taekwoon’s hands, and he tried to mimic the way he was holding the fork. His hand didn’t seem to have been made for that task, though, and it slipped out of his fingers and clattered onto his plate noisily.

Hongbin jumped, holding his breath as he tried to gauge Taekwoon’s reaction tensely. Taekwoon only sat there, his gaze wandering from him to his plate and back, but to Hongbin it felt unbearable. His hands clenched to fists, he worried his lip while his heartbeat picked up. He could feel his face going warm, then hot, and had to force himself to breathe while wishing he could just sink into the floor and out of Taekwoon’s sight.

Taekwoon cleared his throat softly, catching his attention momentarily.

“Would you rather eat with chopsticks?” He asked quietly, not a hint of any of the emotions Hongbin feared to hear in his voice.

Hongbin was quick to shake his head, though, face growing even hotter. He was even worse at handling chopsticks than a fork.

Gingerly, he picked the fork up again, holding it awkwardly. He just couldn’t make his hand do the thing Taekwoon’s did to hold the fork!

For the first time in his life, he cursed never having bothered to learn how to use utensils with his food. Then again, most of the time he’d been too glad to have any food at all, considering himself lucky when it came in bowl and not on the floor, and not wasting a single thought on utensils as he ate as quickly and as much as his hands could possibly shove into his mouth at once.

Taekwoon watched Hongbin as he struggled with the fork quietly, before interrupting him again.

“You don’t have to worry about holding the fork right, Hongbin. Just eat however it fits best for you. It’s more important that you get to eat than how you eat. No one is here to judge you.”

Taekwoon shook his head softly and got up, leaving for the kitchen again.

Behind his back, Hongbin quickly shoved a forkful of food into his mouth, chewing quickly before following it up with another. The food reaching his stomach was bliss, but he couldn’t dwell on it. It angered him that he couldn’t hold the fork the way Taekwoon did and made an idiot out of himself trying. And it angered him even more that he cared about that so much. He should be glad he got food at all, and here he was, wasting time worrying about how he should eat it.

And yet, as soon as Taekwoon stepped out of the kitchen again, carrying a tray with glasses and a jug of water, he slowed down again, starting to worry about how to hold the damned fork again.

Calmly, Taekwoon set the tray down, pouring both of them a cup of water before addressing Hongbin again.

“Here, look.” He picked up his own fork, waiting until Hongbin was looking at his hands. “You fold these fingers like this, and then lay the hilt over them. Your thumb and forefinger guide the fork. Like this.”

Hongbin tried to copy the way Taekwoon was showing him, but it still felt weird. The easiest was following the way Taekwoon speared food up on the prongs, but his momentary joy over being able to mimic that died the instant he tried to copy how to twirl the pasta up. It was sheer impossible with one hand, and even with both hands all it led to was having the whole plate of pasta wrapping around the entire fork.

“Don’t worry about it, just start anew. Here, just pick up a few of the strands, and move them to a clear part of the plate. And then twist.”

Hongbin’s fork clattered to the plate again after the third twist, effectively masking the sound of his growling stomach. It was too frustrating, sitting in front of a full plate of food, and not being able to eat it.

Taekwoon nodded encouragingly despite his failure, though.

“You’re doing well. It’s not easy to learn how to use a fork, and you’re picking up quickly. With a little bit of practice, you’ll get there in no time. You don’t need to worry about holding your fork prim and properly in front of me, though. Just eat before your food goes completely cold, ok?”

Hongbin lowered his head, holding the fork the only way that felt natural to him, and feeling like a brute doing so. Taekwoon’s praise made him feel better only momentarily, his embarrassment winning over quickly. He really couldn’t do anything, not even eat properly.

Making sure Taekwoon wasn’t watching him as he focused on his own food, he shoveled food into his mouth the only way he knew, trying to focus solely on the feeling of his stomach filling and not on how he must look like to Taekwoon, eating like that.

He was glad when they were both done eating and he could focus on cleaning the kitchen instead. At least that was something he knew how to do.

As he was loading the last things into the dishwasher, he couldn’t help getting distracted by the forks again, though.

Taekwoon held them so effortlessly! Why couldn’t he do it like that?!

Shaking his head, he put the last plate into the dishwasher, closing it afterwards. There was nothing left to do in the kitchen, but he didn’t feel like joining Taekwoon in the living room again. He just wanted to be alone.

On impulse, he opened the silverware drawer and took a fork out, hiding it in his sleeve before leaving. He knew Taekwoon couldn’t have seen him from where he sat on the couch, but he still hurried to his room, hiding the fork under his mattress and listening intently if Taekwoon was following him.

He wasn’t, only the quiet noises of the TV sounding down the hallway, but no trace of Taekwoon.

Quietly, Hongbin took the fork out again, leaning his back against the bedframe and trying to wrap his fingers around the fork the way Taekwoon had showed him.

He didn’t notice the time passing, eventually startling out of his tries as he heard Taekwoon’s steps come down the hallway.

Quickly, he hid the fork again, but Taekwoon didn’t come to his door. Hongbin could hear him in the bathroom, and then leaving to his own room. Still, Hongbin waited, until all noise in the apartment had stopped, and a little longer, before pulling the fork out again.

Again, he tried holding the fork the way Taekwoon had showed him, frowning when it all looked wrong, but for the first time felt right. He tried turning the fork, as if to spear something on the prongs, and it worked flawlessly. Excited, he tried spinning it, and while he was slow at doing it, his fingers didn’t feel like they were about to tangle up in a knot.

And then he noticed what was wrong: he was using the wrong hand.

Hongbin groaned in frustration, dropping the fork and flopping to the floor right after it. And here he’d thought he was finally getting it right!

Dejected, he picked the fork up and hid it under his mattress, climbing into bed afterwards. He didn’t want to think about forks anymore today, just sleep. He’d slept little enough the night before to be tired by now, falling asleep not too long after going to bed.

*#*#*#*

Hongbin shrunk back against the counter, cowering on the floor in a much too bright kitchen. On the opposite side, Taekwoon threw a fork and a pair of chopsticks into the sink, his face a mask of disappointment as he shook his head at him.

“You can’t even eat like a normal person. Not even that! What else can’t you do? Wash your hair. Talk to me. Make your food. Go out on your own... You are such a burden. So useless. I regret bringing you here! Get out!”

“NO!” Hongbin gasped, scrambling for purchase as he felt himself slipping, but fell out of bed anyway. At least the comforter had fallen before him and he landed softly.

Still, he groaned, hurrying to get up and messily shoving the comforter back onto the bed.

It wasn’t true. It wasn’t! He was not useless, he could do lots of things, he could! He could learn, too, he was a fast learner, Taekwoon had even said that before, too! He needed to talk to him, even if it was hard. He just couldn’t let him throw him out, he would not survive that; that was something he truly couldn’t do, and it wasn’t his fault; surely Taekwoon would understand that?!

He hurried to the door, not even registering that it was unlocked as he stumbled out into the hallway and then along it, until he came to a halt in front of Taekwoon’s door. His hand was already raised to knock when he caught himself.

Should he really wake Taekwoon up? This late? Wouldn’t he be mad?

He’d never been mad before when he met him at night, even if he looked tired. He’d never blamed him for waking him up when he was noisy while stumbling around after a nightmare. But that was different than knocking and waking him up, right?

He lowered his hand, groaning softly.

Nightmare.

It was just a nightmare.

Taekwoon wasn’t about to throw him out. He didn’t really say those mean things to him. He didn’t think he was useless. Right?

Hongbin shook his head. He didn’t. He hadn’t said that.

And he wasn’t useless, anyway. He wasn’t a burden. He helped a lot, making sure he really wasn’t a burden. He really could do lots of things on his own. Even make his own tea, now. He’d seen how Taekwoon did it, it was really easy.

Quietly, he trudged to the kitchen.

Making tea was easy. All he had to do was fill the kettle and press down the little knob at the top of the handle. And of course he knew where teabags and mugs were, and which box held his favourite tea, the one Taekwoon always made for him. And then he just needed to wait until the water boiled and-…

“Hey… Nightmare again?”

Hongbin didn’t even jump, already half expecting Taekwoon’s arrival.

He nodded slowly, taking the kettle when it had finished boiling and pouring the boiling water into his mug.

Taekwoon hummed sympathetically, reaching for a cup of his own and putting a teabag in it.

“Can you fill mine, too?”

Hongbin’s eyes widened for a short moment, startled, but he caught himself and poured water into Taekwoon’s mug, too. That was another thing he could put on the list of things he could do now; make Taekwoon tea. He shook his head at himself, then halted. Why was Taekwoon drinking tea? He usually drank coffee; that stuff that didn’t even smell half bad but tasted horribly bitter.

“Did you… have a nightmare, too?” He found himself asking quietly.

“Hmm? No. Why?”

Hongbin bit his lip, staring at the mug in front of him, and Taekwoon understood.

“Oh. Oh, no. I didn’t have a nightmare. I just couldn’t sleep, and thought maybe tea would help.”

Hongbin nodded quietly, taking a step back and setting the kettle back down on the counter. He was glad Taekwoon didn’t have a nightmare, but why couldn’t he sleep? Maybe he was still thinking about how Hongbin couldn’t even eat with a fork… And maybe he was regretting getting him out of the shelter after all, and wondering if he should throw him out.

“Hongbin, your tea is done. You need to take the bag out.” Taekwoon reminded him softly, and Hongbin startled out of his thoughts, swallowing thickly.

Maybe he couldn’t make tea on his own after all. Maybe it was just another thing he couldn’t do, like so many others.

“Do you regret saving me?” Hongbin took a hasty step back, hitting his hands over his mouth as he realized he’d asked that out loud, his eyes widening in fear.

Taekwoon looked taken aback.

“What? No, of course not! Why would I?”

Hongbin shook his head, taking another step back.

“N-no. No. I didn’t-… I didn’t mean to-… I didn’t want to ask. I’m sorry. Please, forget it.”

Another step back, and Taekwoon could tell his breathing was wrong.

“Hongbin… I never once regretted getting you out of that hellhole. What makes you think I do?”

Hongbin shook his head, bumping into the counter behind him and gripping the edge tightly. He took deep breaths, trying to calm his breathing down again.

“I-I… I just-… I’m not-… Not-… useful?”

Taekwoon’s eyes widened, and then he sighed softly.

“That’s not true, Hongbin. You do a lot of things and are a great help to me. Also, I didn’t take you in for you to be useful.”

Hongbin swallowed thickly, his breathing somewhat under control again.

“I can’t-… Can’t do a lot of things, though… And I eat a lot… And-… use lots of things, and…” he took a deep breath, trailing off, and Taekwoon sighed quietly.

“That’s ok. You are good at learning what you don’t know yet. And I’m glad I have someone to share food and other things with, so don’t worry about it. Eat as much as you want, and use whatever you want, too. It’s all here for you to use it, too.”

Hongbin’s shoulders sagged a little as he relaxed, and he took the mug of tea Taekwoon slid over the counter to him, quickly hiding behind it as he sipped slowly.

“You’ve been worrying a lot, hm?” Taekwoon asked eventually, and Hongbin stopped sipping on his tea. “Is that all because you had trouble using the fork earlier?”

Hongbin’s response consisted in tensing up, his grip on the mug tightening so much that his hands shook, almost spilling the hot beverage.

“I thought so…” Taekwoon sighed, lowering his own mug but keeping both hands firmly wrapped around it to warm them. “It’s ok not to know how to do things. There are a lot of things I can’t do, either. And it’s definitely not your fault when you can’t do something no one has ever taught you; I would never blame you or think less of you for it, Hongbin. And if you want to learn, I will gladly teach you.”

Hongbin shifted uncomfortably where he stood, averting his gaze to the interior of his mug before hiding behind it with the pretense to sip on his tea again. He didn’t know what to answer. Of course he wanted to learn, and he wouldn’t mind if Taekwoon taught him, but could he really accept that offer? Taekwoon had a lot to do, he was a very busy man. If he asked for help with that, too, wouldn’t he truly become too much of a burden?

His tea was empty all too quickly, and he needed to think. He put his mug in the dishwasher quietly, regretting not having anything to keep his hands busy with as soon as he closed it.

“I… I should go back…”

Taekwoon nodded softly.

“Of course. I hope you can find sleep again, without nightmares this time. And, Hongbin… don’t worry about being a burden to me. I know you do that a lot. But you’re not, ok?”

Hongbin hesitated, lowering his head as he nodded in acknowledgement and then left.

Taekwoon looked after him, even when he was long gone and the door to his room had fallen shut again.

He couldn’t help but wonder what other things that boy was worrying himself sleepless over, if even the fact he hadn’t learned how to eat with silverware was enough to give him nightmares bad enough to make him fall out of bed. All he could hope for was that he eventually opened up about his worries, and that he would be able to help him when he did.

*#*#*#*

Taekwoon woke up from a soft metallic sound, coming somewhere from the direction of the kitchen. He wasn’t awake for long, before he heard it again. It sounded like the clanking of a spoon or something of the sorts, and he wondered if Hongbin was up already.

Stretching, he rolled over and got up, shuffling down the hallway to the kitchen.

Like expected, he found Hongbin there, trying hard to hold on to two chopsticks at the same time and making them move so he could pick something up. It wasn’t going well, but the frown of concentration on his face looked incredibly adorable to Taekwoon.

Of course, his concentration also meant he wasn’t hearing Taekwoon approach, and Taekwoon took care to make his next few steps extra loud to warn him of his approach.

It was likely too late, since Hongbin startled anyway, losing his hold on the chopsticks and dropping them into the sink with a loud clatter. Hastily, he picked them up again, setting them neatly on the counter instead before turning to watch what Taekwoon was doing.

Taekwoon yawned, stepping up to the coffee machine.

“Good morning, Hongbin. Did you get any more sleep last night?”

Hongbin nodded once, echoing a soft “Good morning”, too.

Taekwoon hummed, waiting for his coffee to finish brewing.

“How is it going, with the chopsticks?” He asked casually, and Hongbin blushed and averted his gaze.

“Can I see?”

Hongbin’s eyes widened, and he hastily shook his head.

“I-I c-can’t yet-… I don’t- don’t know, just how- I, I… N-no…”

Taekwoon shook his head softly.

“It’s ok, don’t fret. Here, it’s easier to learn by example, though, look…” He picked up another pair of chopsticks from their drawer, encouraging Hongbin to take up his pair before arranging the sticks in his hand for Hongbin to see and try to do the same.

It wasn’t that easy for Hongbin, even though it looked so easy when Taekwoon did it. He was sure he was holding his fingers in the exact same position as Taekwoon, but the sticks wobbled and as soon as he moved a single muscle he lost hold on at least one of them.

Taekwoon stood patiently, watching and showing Hongbin again and again how to hold the sticks, and Hongbin tried valiantly, though without much success. He got so engrossed in his tries that he completely ignored Taekwoon after a while, and Taekwoon took the chance to go and prepare breakfast for them. Hongbin didn’t even notice he’d moved until he was done and interrupted him.

“Do you want to use fork or chopsticks for breakfast, Hongbin?”

The answer was the sound of both sticks falling out of Hongbin’s hand again, hitting the counter and floor. Blushing, Hongbin quickly picked them up again, setting them down next to the sink once more.

“Fork, please…” He answered meekly, watching as Taekwoon set the utensil out on the table next to his plate for him.

Taekwoon waited as he sat down in his chair, but Hongbin didn’t move.

“It’s easier to use both forks and chopsticks while sitting down at a proper table, you know.”

Hongbin hesitated, though. It might be easier, but to do that he had to sit on a chair. The last time he’d sat on a chair -after being invited to sit on it, too- that chair had been smashed to pieces over his back. He did not fancy a repeat of that.

“Hongbin? Are you ok?” Taekwoon could tell something wasn’t right with Hongbin.

Hongbin forced himself to take deep breaths. Maybe one day he would sit at the table. But not today.

“C-can I… eat here?” He clutched the countertop, both to ground himself and in an attempt to show Taekwoon where he meant.

Taekwoon frowned as he took in Hongbin’s distressed state, but then nodded softly.

“Of course. You can eat wherever and however you want to. And you don’t need to ask me for permission, either.”

Hongbin bit his lip, only daring to allow the feeling of relief after having picked up his plate from the table and returning to the counter. Eventually, he decided to sit on the floor in front of it, setting the plate down on the floor, but Taekwoon didn’t complain about it. It was just… It was easier to use the fork sitting on the floor than standing at the counter… which didn’t mean that he had any noticeable success.

Taekwoon almost forgot his own food while getting distracted watching Hongbin’s struggles with the fork. The floor around the plate was quickly starting to show visible signs of Hongbin’s failures, whenever the food fell off the fork and splattered back down onto the plate, but Taekwoon didn’t comment on it.

“I-… I promise I’ll clean this up. I’m sorry…”

Taekwoon shook himself out of his thoughts, watching as Hongbin scrambled to stand up and get a rag to clean the floor, but Taekwoon stopped him.

“Oh. Wait, I didn’t-… I’m not worried about that, Hongbin. I know you wouldn’t just leave it like that. It’s ok, though, finish eating first, cleaning can wait.”

Hongbin hesitated, standing awkwardly next to his plate.

“It’s ok, you can sit down again and finish your meal. Eating is more important than cleaning. Also, eating is more important than holding a fork elegantly, too. If it bothers you that I’m here while you’re eating, I don’t mind leaving you alone, either. Just make sure you actually eat something before it has gone all cold, ok?”

He got up with that, bringing his empty plate to the dishwasher and leaving the room.

Hongbin was embarrassed, but he was even hungrier, and so he quickly shoveled some forkfuls into his mouth, barely chewing as he ate. He wasn’t happy that he had to eat like that, though. He needed to learn to eat properly!

Pouting, he picked his fork up with his other hand, amazed yet again how much easier it felt to hold it with that hand. Experimentally, he tried scooping up some food, and managed to bring it to his mouth without dropping it. He could do that again and again, and it was rare that any food fell. Just why would it only work with the wrong hand, though? If he could do it with one hand, why not with the other?

Frustrated, he changed hands again, and it all felt wrong immediately. Still, he tried, again and again, until his food was finally cold, but also all eaten, or spread all over the kitchen floor.

With a heavy sigh, he cleaned up, leaving the kitchen sparkling clean again, before picking up the pair of chopsticks he’d left by the sink and returning to his room to practice. Maybe he would have better luck with them than with the fork, eventually.

He was so engrossed in his tries that he didn’t notice time flying once more, and then Taekwoon was already calling him for lunch.

They ate in the living room, at the coffee table, and Hongbin was wary of dropping his food on the carpet underneath. He barely got to eat, anyway, though, too entranced watching Taekwoon wield his chopsticks with an ease that could make him jealous.

Taekwoon was well aware of Hongbin’s staring, and he wouldn’t really mind, if the hybrids food wasn’t going cold again.

“Eat up, Hongbin. If you want to, I’ll help you learn how to use the chopsticks again when you’re done.”

Hongbin bit his lip, but focused on his food again. He wasn’t too fond of yet another cold meal, and whenever he thought Taekwoon wasn’t watching, he would hold the fork the old way to get at least some warm bites between his teeth. His other hand itched to take over, since it was so much easier, but he refused to switch the fork over. It was the wrong hand. It was bad enough he couldn’t get his right hand to work the way he wanted it to, he didn’t need Taekwoon knowing his wrong hand could do the right moves, but the right one couldn’t.

Eventually, Hongbin finished his meal, too, but Taekwoon stopped him from getting started on cleaning the kitchen again.

“That can wait, Hongbin. You don’t need to clean up everything immediately. Go on and get your chopsticks from earlier, and I’ll help you learn to use them.”

Hongbin did as told, sitting down at the coffee table where Taekwoon was balling up pieces of napkin to train with.

“Alright, ready? Good. Now, watch closely. You hold the first one like this… and then the other like this. Try it.”

Hongbin did, but yet again, his fingers felt like they were trying to fold themselves into a knot. Taekwoon hummed pensively, then shook his head.

“Three fingers on the second stick, two on the first.”

Hongbin frowned at his hand, unable to see what he was doing wrong.

“Can I touch your hand?” Taekwoon eventually asked, and Hongbin’s eyes widened as he retracted his hand reflexively.

“I won’t hurt you, I just want to place the sticks correctly.”

Hongbin hesitated for a moment, then reached his hand out onto the table again. Taekwoon scooted closer, taking Hongbin’s hand in his own carefully.

“Here… Relax your fingers, you’re going to get a cramp like this… Yes, like that. Now, this finger goes here, and this… here.” Taekwoon rearranged his fingers carefully, and while they didn’t feel like there was a knot forming in them, he still didn’t know how he was supposed to move them in a coordinated way that would make him able to pick up food with the sticks.

Still, he looked closely as Taekwoon showed him how to move his fingers to pick up the balled-up napkins, but when he went to try it himself, he lost hold of the sticks again.

Quickly, he picked them up and arranged them the way Taekwoon had before again, trying again. And again, and again, while Taekwoon watched pensively.

“Hmm… Have you tried using your other hand?” Taekwoon eventually asked, and Hongbin froze.

“It’s just, you seem to use your left hand more. Maybe it’ll be easier for you to hold the chopsticks with that hand.”

Quietly, Hongbin set down the chopsticks on the table, hiding his hands underneath it.

Taekwoon frowned as he watched Hongbin tense and knead his hands under the table suddenly, wondering what he’d said that upset the hybrid.

“What’s wrong?” He asked softly, and Hongbin’s shoulders tensed more, lifting a little as he lowered his head further.

It took a while before Hongbin answered, and Taekwoon waited patiently.

“That’s… wrong. The wrong hand.”

Taekwoon’s brow furrowed.

“How so?”

Hongbin took a deep breath.

“Everyone… eats with this hand. Not the other. That’s wrong.”

Slowly, Taekwoon thought he understood.

“Hmm, I get what you mean. But that’s not true. Lots of people eat and write and do lots of things with their left hand rather than their right. True, most people use their right hand more, but that doesn’t make it wrong to use the left hand instead. For some people, it’s just easier to use the left.”

Hongbin shook his head slowly.

“I... But that’s not… Not how it should be.”

Taekwoon sighed softly.

“It is, Hongbin. Using the left hand is just as normal as using the right. There is nothing wrong with it.”

Hongbin shook his head slowly, and for a moment, Taekwoon was at a loss of what to do.

“It is normal and ok to be left-handed. Something that isn’t that normal -but still ok- is being able to use both hands equally as well. Like I do. Here, see?”

To demonstrate his point, Taekwoon picked up his chopsticks with his left hand, wielding them just as well as with his other hand.

Hongbin couldn’t help but gape at him.

“This is a lot rarer than being more skilled with the left hand, and it’s still not wrong. If it makes you feel better, I’m going to use my left hand to eat from now on, too.”

Hongbin kept staring at his hand as if he had suddenly grown a new pair of fingers on it, but seeing Taekwoon pick up the pieces of napkin and rearranging them on the table all while holding the sticks with his left hand eventually encouraged him to pick up his own chopsticks again, this time with the left hand.

It wasn’t like he suddenly knew how to use the sticks like he’d never done anything else, but it did feel more natural and easier to hold them. Half the time he dropped the pieces of napkin and chopsticks alike, and his hand eventually started to cramp and he needed a break, but he felt like he was making progress.

Taekwoon sat quietly, watching Hongbin as he practiced using the chopsticks, handling them a lot better with his left hand than with the right.

“You should try using the fork with your left hand, too. I’m sure it will go a lot better than with the right.” He mused, and Hongbin lowered his head as he bit his lip, likely wishing Taekwoon wouldn’t see his face as he blushed lightly.

Taekwoon smiled to himself, deducing Hongbin had probably already found that out himself, though he didn’t understand why he was embarrassed about it.

He left him to practice with the chopsticks quietly, sitting back and watching with increasing fondness how he kept trying again and again -sometimes succeeding, sometimes not so much- to pick up the pieces of paper on the table. Hongbin was determined to learn, and Taekwoon found his determination endearing.

They both jumped when the ringing of the doorbell broke the quietness around them, Hongbin dropping his chopsticks with a clatter as he jumped up.

Taekwoon got up slower, brushing his pants off as he stood.

“Ah… It’s ok, Hongbin, nothing is going to happen. You’re safe in here, I won’t let anyone get to you.”

Hongbin tried hard to calm his frantically beating heart, focusing on his breathing.

“Whoever it is, they won’t get past me, I promise.”

It didn’t do much to reassure Hongbin, and Taekwoon sighed.

“Would you prefer to go back to your room? And lock the door?”

Now that sounded like something Hongbin could live with, and he nodded sharply.

“Alright then. I’ll wait until you’re safe before I open the door.”

Taekwoon moved to the hallway, and as soon as he stepped towards the front door, Hongbin darted past him and down the hallway to his room. Taekwoon waited until he heard the door close before turning to open the front door.

He relaxed upon seeing a familiar face, opening the door wider.

“Hey, Sungjae.”

The young hybrid smiled brightly at him.

“Hi, hyung! What took you so long?”

Taekwoon shrugged.

“Sorry. I was making sure Hongbin felt safe enough before I opened the door. The doorbell startled him. Maybe you should call when you come over next time…”

Sungjae rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Ah, right. Ok. Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle him. Is he doing well?”

A small smile played around Taekwoon’s lips.

“Getting there, I’d say. We’re improving day by day.”

Sungjae smiled, but then his ears twitched and he looked past Taekwoon for a second, making Taekwoon wonder. Before he could turn around to see what had caught the hybrid’s attention, Sungjae cleared his throat.

“Anyway, I didn’t come to keep you occupied for long, I just wanted to give you this folder. Hyung says it’s about some collaboration you were planning or something. He would have brought it up himself but we agreed it would be better if I came up alone for now. He’s waiting in the car, we’re about to go see a movie, so I gotta go, too.”

Taekwoon accepted the folder, wondering for a second what kind of collaboration Eunkwang could possibly mean, but then focused back on Sungjae.

“Oh… Well, you shouldn’t let him wait too long, then; you might miss the start of the movie.”

Sungjae nodded, already moving to leave, but then turned around again.

“Hm… Oh, by the way, are you celebrating your birthday this year?”

Taekwoon shook his head.

“No. Not at home, at least. I might bring a cake by the office, though… maybe.”

Sungjae clapped his hands once, bouncing on his feet.

“Yay! Please do! We miss seeing you around; especially Hakyeon-hyung. He is actually moping these days, threatening to go and find a new best friend.”

Taekwoon snorted, huffing in disbelief.

“As if. He would never do me that favour.”

Sungjae laughed, shaking his head.

“You’re so harsh! Admit it, you love him just as much.”

Taekwoon rolled his eyes.

“Didn’t you say Eunkwang was waiting? You’re going to be late for your movie.”

Sungjae laughed again.

“You’re right. But so am I and you know it! Alright, I should go!”

He stepped forward, hugging Taekwoon, and Taekwoon returned the hug warmly.

“Tell Eunkwang I said hi. I’ll call him tomorrow about the collaboration.”

“Will do. Bye, hyung! And please make it a cheesecake… You know, your birthday cake!” He winked and Taekwoon shook his head as he watched him retreat.

“I should make it carrot cake, just to annoy you.”

With a final poking-out of his tongue, Sungjae skipped down the stairs and out of sight, and Taekwoon closed the door.

Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he’d seen a movement in the dark end of the hallway, and he squinted to see better.

“Hongbin?” It was the only logic assumption, but he received no answer. After a moment or two, he heard a door shut firmly, though, and the finality of a key turning in the lock.

Taekwoon blinked, confused, but then had to bite back a smile.

Still biting his lip, he pulled out his phone, opening his messages with Sungjae.

‘I think Hongbin just saw us hug. He just slammed the door to his room shut when I called out for him.’

It didn’t take long until Sungjae answered.

‘I heard him come out of his room while we were talking. As they say, curiosity killed the cat; he’s probably jealous now.’

Taekwoon sighed, shaking his head.

‘So you knew he was watching. That was mean of you.’

‘Just a little. You’ll thank me later.’

Taekwoon frowned, wondering why he should thank Sungjae.

*#*#*#*

If looks could kill, the door to Hongbin’s room would be reduced to a pile of ashes by now from the intensity of Hongbin’s glare.

A tiny, tiny part of him was glad to have seen another cat like him there at the door, proving to him that Taekwoon hadn’t been lying to him when he said he had a hybrid friend and giving a face to the faint smell he sometimes caught on him. It reassured him somewhat that the other cat hadn’t been scared of Taekwoon, since that meant he really couldn’t be that bad of a human.

But all that was secondary in that moment where he felt consumed by anger.

All he could think about was how that cat had hugged Taekwoon, looking straight at him as he did so. He had really just come here, into his place, and hugged Taekwoon, right in front of him!

He didn’t even notice when he had started pacing, but he had to, he had to move or he felt like he would burst. His tail swished angrily behind him but he didn’t care. No one could see him right now anyway.

He didn’t understand why he was so angry, it was not like he wanted to hug Taekwoon himself, not even be close enough to him to hug him… But that didn’t mean that that other cat could come here and hug Taekwoon instead!

He felt his tail brush against something and then heard a clatter, and when he turned to see what it was he found a glass on the floor. It was still whole, though, and had been empty, so he wasn’t worried. Still, as he picked it up to return it to the bedside table where it had been before, he felt an overwhelming urge to throw it against the wall and have it splinter into a million pieces.

Thankfully, he refrained, setting it down on the nightstand with only a little too much force.

Who did that cat even think he was to have a right to hug Taekwoon, that was something he really wanted to know!

He also really wanted to know why he was so damn angry that he had dared to hug Taekwoon, and why Taekwoon had let him hug him!

Frustrated, he threw himself onto his bed, burying his face in his pillows to muffle his angry hisses. He felt the fabric of another pillow give in under his sharp nails, but he couldn’t be bothered to care as his fingers tore into it, again and again.

How dare another cat come into his house and hug his Taekwoon!

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A/N: In honour of Leobin month, have a chapter that went completely different than what I expected and had planned when I first started writing it; but I'm not unhappy with it. Also in honour of this Leobin month, which is also the anniversary month of this fic, I promise I'll try to update twice more until the 31st (keyword: try)!

Also if by now you are still around (because I've been warned that those last two words of this chapter could possibly wipe out all my readers... I hope that prognosis was wrong!)... anyway, if you're still around, upvotes, subscriptions and comments make my day, and if you feel inspired by my pledge to work my off to update two more times this month, you can leave a tip here. I would love you forever <3