[ Jonghyun ]

"Jjong, do you really have to go?"
Jessica asked for the umpteenth time using her sweet and anticipating voice.

I looked at her thoughtfully while pulling up my jeans and buckling my belt.  "It's nearly a week since I last went home, Jess. Key might be wondering where I am by now."

She crawled her way towards the bedside where I was standing and placed her cold palms on my bare chest. Her beautiful orbs found mine, a pout forming on her cute lips.  "I thought you said your best friend won't be back for a couple of days?"

"It has been a couple of days already, Jess."

As much as I wanted to have more y time with her, I can't. I'm still tied to you, I'm still your boyfriend. Not that anyone, besides FT Island and the two lovebirds, knows.

I know I've been cheating, and I feel ing guilty about it. Well, I wouldn't be cheating if only I had the guts to break it to you.

I'm not sure when it happened, but it just did. I suddenly missed having a woman in my arms. When I started to work with Jessica, it was like a spark was activated. Her long, blonde hair, her doll eyes, her provocative s-line, her petite frame - it just . It was ridiculously contradicting your every feature, a distinct line between a he and a she. When she sings, I can't help but be enthralled. Her personality is just as amazing as her looks.

When we go out for dinner, people don't give us cold, judging eyes. They adored us. I was overwhelmed, I didn't know when and how to stop anymore. I didn't want any of it to end.

I started doubting my feelings for you, I doubted us. Maybe I just had a phase when I confessed to you and was now past it.

When you told me your were flying to Jeju Island for a shoot, I tried my best not to show the excitement. With you gone for a couple of days, I don't have to stress over coming home at all. I sound like a jerk, I know. Blame my hormones. But now that it's almost a week that I haven't gone home, I feared you  might find me out. Jessica herself was oblivious of the relationship we have, so I had to use the 'best friend excuse' on her.

I'm not that  cold-hearted.
I still care for you, I just don't think I'm into the relationship anymore.

You always wait for me to get home just so we can sleep together and cuddle.
You always cook dinner for me even when you probably doubt if I'm even coming home.
You always pick my dirty laundry for me.
You always use that old pink apron I gave you from years ago.

I appreciate it all, really.
But after some time, it gets boring. Dull.
You love me too much it's suffocating.

I managed to head out of Jessica's flat and drive my way to ours. I was dead nervous, to be honest. What excuse should I use this time? Should I tell you that rehearsals ended late? Or the recording had a couple of mishaps?

Whatever.
It's like you're one to pry. That's one thing I loved about you though - you never doubt me. You just take in every word I say. No questions asked.

When I got home, I took in a deep breath before pressing the door code and pushing it open.

"Key? Are you home?"  I called out but was only greeted by nothing but silence.

I kicked my shoes off and scanned the kitchen, where you usually spend your free time. But you're not there. I walked upstairs to our room, thinking you're just sleeping, only to find it the bed empty.

Maybe you're still at Jeju.

I fished out my phone from my pocket to check if you left me any message, but there was none.

That's odd.
Usually, you'll either send me a text or leave a note on our be-

A note. Right!

I hurried over your side of the bed and checked if you placed a sticky note on your pillow - like what you always do - but I found nothing.

I frowned, feeling slightly betrayed that you didn't leave any for the first time in three years. I pressed '1' on my phone - the only speed dial I have saved - and was immediately directed to your number.

'Hi, this is Key! Leave a message after the annoying beep~'

I smiled, realizing how much I missed your voice. I let out a sigh and laid my back on our bed that seemed to look enormous without you in it.

"Call me when you're done with the shoot, Yeobo..."  I spoke through the receiver before hanging up and dozing off to la-la-land.

"You okay, Jjong?"

I blinked a few times, having been dragged out of my thoughts by none other than Jessica's voice. We were at SME's recording studio, working on my new album. Things aren't going pretty well, to be truthful - I keep zoning out and they said the songs in the album lack emotions.

"Are you coming over tonight?"  Her sweet voice echoed in my ear. Usually, it would send shivers down my spine, but these days have been different.

"I cant, Jess. Maybe some other time."  I politely declined with an apologizing smile.

"You're worried about Key again?"  I nodded, not trying to hide the fact.  "But it's been a month since you last heard from him. Maybe they're extending the shoot?"

She's right.
Days turned to weeks, and weeks eventually turned into a whole month. Ever since I made that phone call, I've been coming home early, expecting to be welcomed by your face. I tried calling you but you still had your mobile turned off. I got up to my feet and walked over to our Producer.

"Hyung."  I tried to grab his attention but he seems to be too absorbed with whatever it is he's watching in his laptop.

"Yes... Yes... Perfect features... That smile..."
I watched silently beside him while he continued to mumble random words in front of the monitor.  "He'll do, he'll definitely do... Must... Call his Manager... Now, where did I put tha- Oh, Jonghyun! You need something?"

My presence was finally acknowledged and I took this chance to be the curious cat.  "What were you mumbling about, Hyung?"

"Oh, that! I was just ecstatic to finally be able to find Onew's co-star in his upcoming MV."
He grinned as if he just won the lottery. It kind of , though, having the preparations for my new album coincide with Onew's MV shoot. At least things are going well for that clutz. Tch, lucky rabbit.

"This guy... would make the perfect best friend role for Onew in his MV. Just look at those feline eyes- "

"Feline eyes?"  My ears perked up at the familiarity.

Only you have the most beautiful feline eyes.

"Yes, yes! And his pale skin just blends in with the role of a sick person perfectly. Not to mention those dimples he kept flaunting on CFs- "

My mind was having a panic attack together with the outburst of my heart.

Feline eyes, pale skin, dimples...

"-Plus, views will increase rapidly since he's the new face of Etude House! Isn't this just amazing?"

It was as if my body was acting on its own, I grabbed the laptop from him and what I saw almost took the life out of me.

You looked beautiful.
Stunning.
Gorgeous.
Breathtaking.

"Key..."  I spoke your name like it was something to be worshipped.

"You know him? Well, that's just great! Can you- "
The producer kept on rambling on and on about you but I could only care less.

"HYUNG! When was this?"  My eyes still transfixed on the screen.

"Whoa, chill! I know he's the perfect model but relax, will ya? They filmed the interview at the MBC Studio last Monday. Why do you look so worked up though?"

I didn't have time to answer him anymore.
All I could think about was you.

You.
You.
You're here.
You weren't at that stupid island anymore.

Yet you weren't home.

I handed the laptop back and quickly turned to my heel. I ran out of the studio, not minding the constant calling of my name from inside.

You're back and you look even more amazing.

Your hair was dyed blonde, your feminine face looked flawless than ever.

I ran outside the building and towards the parking lot. There was no time left. You must be waiting for me back home to have dinner with you. I drove beyond the speed limit and I'm proud to say that I didn't care.

I just felt the need to see you.

Where were you?
Why haven't you called?
Were you that busy?

You always find time to cook for me, leave a message for me, check on me.
What happened? Did you grow tired?

Where were you?
You're waiting patiently for me at home, right?
You're spending time in the kitchen again, right?

I pulled out my phone and pressed the speed dial.

'Hi, this is Key! Leave a message after the annoying beep~'

"Y-Yeobo? I'm sure you just forgot to turn your phone on. I'll be home for dinner, okay?"

I hung up and focused on driving my way home as fast I can.

Only a few blocks away.
Only a few minutes away.

I can't tell why my heart was pounding hard on the walls of my chest.

Am I excited to see you? Nervous? Scared?

As soon as my tires landed in front of our apartment building, I literally jumped out of the vehicle and entered the concrete structure. I pressed the elevator button with shaky fingers and took off the moment the metal doors opened.

1

2

3

4

I was getting impatient.
Why did I even decided to live in the 8th floor?

5

6

7

Oh, right.
Because you wanted to match it with the day of my birth.

8

The stainless doors slid open and I hastily sprinted away to the direction of our flat. My hands were quivering as I type in the door code. With an audible 'ping', the door was unlocked. For an unknown reason, my eyes started to water. Either I'm that eager to see you or something else that I don't know of. I stepped inside and hurried over the kitchen that you love so much.

"Yeobo, I'm hom- "
But you weren't in the kitchen.

I all but ran upstairs to our bedroom, but just like the last time, the room was empty. And I was so sure you'll be coming home tonight. I've been waiting for you.

A small frown played on my lips, disappointment washing over me.

Where are you?
Why aren't you home yet?

I grudgingly dragged my feet to the living room and plopped down on our couch. The couch you always stayed at while waiting for me to come home every single night. I grabbed the remote that was resting on the center table and turned the TV on, flipping on the channels and hoping to end up with an interesting show.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa- go back! Stop. Right... There....."

I leaned forward to get a closer look on the screen.

Damn.
Your skin looks good even with all the close-ups.

I soon found myself smiling like an idiot whenever you flaunt that dimple of yours - something Jessica doesn't possess.

When the CF ended, I cursed lowly to myself, wanting to see more of you. So, I flipped through the channels once again.

It didn't take me long to come across another one of your amazing commercials. I overheard some of the SM artists talking about you - the rising star of the modeling industry. It made me upset that I had to hear it from someone else and not from you.

Oh, I haven't seen this CF before!

When did you film this Reebok CF with Taemin and that young athlete-

TAEMIN!
Why didn't I think of him before?

Without wasting time, I scrolled down on my contacts and grinned widely when I came across Taemin's digits. The phone rand and I waited impatiently for the other line to pick up.

'Hello?'

"Taemin-ah!"  I excitedly blurted out the younger's name.

'Jonghyun-hyung?'

"Ne! I'm just going to make this quick, Tae. Do you know where Key is? He hasn't returned my calls since he flew to Jeju for a shoot."

'Jeju Island? As far as I know, he didn't leave Seoul, Hyung. We even filmed a CF two weeks ago... so when did he?"

"Then w-where is h-he?"
Something inside my chest started to constrict, making me stutter like a fool.

'Hm... I remember him mentioning something about moving into a new flat. WAIT! Did you two... fight?! Oh my god, Hyung, what did you d- '

"Talk to you later, Tae."

You didn't fly to Jeju.
You've been in Seoul all along.
You lied.

WHY?

But, no. That's not important right now.

I remember him mentioning something about moving into a new flat

Taemin's words replayed on my mind.
You and moving out didn't sound very pleasant in my ears.
Why would you move out in the first place?
It just doesn't make sense.
Maybe the young lad heard wrong. Yeah, that's right, he just misunderstood you.

You wouldn't leave me because you love me too much.

But just to make sure...

I nervously stood up from the couch and took small steps up the stairs, towards our bedroom. I walked inside with my heavy heart pumping faster than usual. You wouldn't dare leave me, would you? No. You love me too much.

I stopped in front of your closet, my hands getting cold by the second. I grabbed the vertical handle, counting to three before revealing your wardrobe that's usually full.

1.
2.
3.

.

No.
NO.

Why is it empty?
Where are all your clothes? You love your clothes, right? Where did you place them?

I bent down to open the drawers below and found them empty as well. I scavenged the room, looking for anything that belongs to you.

ANYTHING.
Anything that screamed Key.

I rushed over the side table and opened the draws, hoping to find your set of colorful pens and post-its.

Still nothing.

I ran out of the bedroom and took a detour to the bathroom.
Your cosmetics should still be here, right?
I opened the storage but it was empty, too.

I'm dreaming.
Tell me I'm dreaming, Key, dammit!

I caught a glimpse of my toothbrush in the corner, leaning against the mug. Alone.

My knees turned weak, making me break down on the cold floor tiles.
My heart was clenching, it was in pain. I can feel nothing but pure hurt.

You're hurting me.

I brought my hands to my face, covering the tears that were then overflowing.

Where are you?
Where did you go?

I held on to the bathroom wall for support, pushing myself up.
My vision was blurry, the tears won't stop. I wobbled down the stairs and made my way straight into the kitchen.

You're supposed to cook dinner for me.
You're supposed to wait for me to come home.

My eyes landed on the pink apron. I didn't think twice, I took long strides and grabbed it from where it was hanging.

Key.
This. This screamed your existence.

I secured it tightly to my chest, holding onto it for dear life.

I can feel my heart being stabbed by the sharpest knives.
I can feel it being burned, incinerated.
I can feel it being harshly torn into two.
I can feel my heart breaking, shattering, cracking.

I couldn't breathe properly anymore, my lungs were failing me.
I dropped down on my knees, the apron still filling my whole being.

Why? Why did you leave me?
You can't possibly know about her, can you?
No, that's impossible.

Come back.
Come back now, Key.
Dammit! Why are you being stubborn?!

Nothing but the increasing sound of my sobs filled the empty apartment.

I can't call it a home anymore.
Not without you here.

My body was feeling numb, but the tears still won't stop. They won't stop flowing.
My heart... it's gone. I can't feel it anymore.
You're gone.

Yeobo...
I take everything back.
I love how you cook dinner for me every night, especially when I'm exhausted.
I love how you patiently wait for my arrival just to cuddle with me on bed.
I love how you take care of everything in the house, including my dirty clothes.
I love your feline eyes.
I love your button-like nose.
I love your bow-shaped lips.
I love your high cheekbones.
I love your slim waist.
I love your now blonde hair.
I love your giggles.
I love your nagging.

I love everything about you.

I love you.
Please come back.

I take everything back, I don't want a woman in my arms anymore.
I only want you. I'll only want you.

Your too much love for me isn't suffocating.
I wasn't just having a phase when I confessed.
I wouldn't break it to you, 'cause there's nothing to break.

So, please...

A/N:

I posted Chapter 4 around 1:00 a.m. today, soooo... this is still considered a double update since it's the same date. Right? RIGHTTTT? :))

Anyhoo~
Thank you for the wonderful comments! You, guys, seriously know how to give me motivation! ♥
And that's why I love you (yes, I'm a cheeseball. :P).

BTW, there's this ah-mey-zing fic that had me craving for more the moment I read the first chapter of it. I started Blood Bruise in time with this story, so reading it means a lot to me. Now that BB is nearing its end, I want to take this opportunity to promote my wonderful AFF friend's, Jjong7, story which is Sinful Desire. All of you might be subscribed to her fic already, but just in case... GO READ IT! ♥

P.S.    I placed 'JONGHYUN' written in hangul at the beginning of the chapter so that you'll know whose POV it is. I'll be doing this for the rest of the chapters so that you don't get confused. :)