“Thank god you’re back!”

‘Er…yes. What is it?’

“I’m having a crisis right now. I’m coming to pick you up.”

There was a pause at the other end of the line. Jungkook is unhappy, I just know. I could hear him cursing under his breath already. He just came from Japan for a group activity with the rest of his band and I actually just saw pictures of him at the airport online. Surely, he wouldn’t be up for anything after coming from overseas, but it’s not like he came from the other side of the world. Besides, he would call me out whenever he wants regardless of time and place, and I’d always be there cause he always makes it sound like an emergency.

‘What do you want with me?’

Wow. After all the times I ditched other people for his sake, he had the nerve to ask me such a question. “No questions!” I shrieked, and he seemed to get a hint about it. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, suddenly changing his tone. It sounded similar to the time when I told him off over the phone a day after I broke up with Sehun.

“I have a situation…”

‘You okay?’

“I don’t think so.”

‘Is it Mark?’

I didn’t answer his question, but I knew he figured as much. It’s not really hard for Jungkook to understand me and most of the time, we don’t need words to convey whatever we wanted to. We just fill it in for each other. Most of the time it’s good, but sometimes, it could be frustrating especially when we don’t want each other to see through the other.

He told me to come meet him at the dormitory he shared with the rest of BTS. When I got there, he was already waiting at the door, but he met me halfway through the hallway, giving me a brief hug before studying my face. He looked like he was about to murder someone, his jaw tense and his eyes expressing contempt. Jungkook tried to suppress that with a stiff smile.

“What happened?” he asked calmly then it became a salvo of questions that were a little less calm. “Did he hurt you? Did he say something stupid? Just tell me and I’ll break his neck.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “Did he touch you?” he asked, but he regretted that question the moment he asked it, quick to add, “Never mind that.”

“No…No…Don’t break his neck…”

He might have regretted that last question, but he wanted the answer just the same, I can see it, and when I did not continue, he led me into their unit, quickly steering me towards the veranda. “So it happened?” For a second he looked happy, but when he saw the miserable look on my face, he winced. “What the heck happened?”

I explained everything that happened the previous night, and his reaction was, “So why do you look like you just shot Evo?” he said, referring to my beagle. He smirked at me. “You did something horrible, didn’t you?”

“Well, I kinda walked out on him this morning when he was still sleeping.”

He shook his head at me. “No. He was looking for you cause you won’t answer your phone, and you told him you have a meeting you forgot about and didn’t want to wake him up. He thinks everything’s fine.” There was an edge to his tone. “Are you stupid or something?”

Tough love from Jungkook hurts the most. He was the only one who had the guts to insult my intelligence without batting an eye. The worst thing about it is that he only dishes it out when he knows he’s absolutely right. It would be safe to say that he already perceived the fact that I wouldn’t have a good comeback.

“I guess.”

“Why the hell did you do that?” he demanded. “Didn’t you think of the consequences when you just decided to get your out of his bed? Didn’t you consider that he might consider you’re used to that kind of arrangement?”

My eyes watered. I felt like I was a teenager confessing a pregnancy to my dad. “I was just shocked. I didn’t really think things through. You don’t know how stupid I felt when I found myself like that with him.”

“You did it anyway and it was consensual. You can’t undo that unless you have a time machine.” He shrugged. “Do you have feelings for him?”

Do I? Sure, I liked being around him, but for different reasons. He makes me happy and feel like the rest of the world doesn’t exist. I didn’t know the answer to that. I’ve always thought of Mark like Jungkook and the rest of my friends, except that I crossed some lines with him. I always thought he would be that kind of friend whom I had a solid relationship with, without stuff from last night involved. To me, it has always been a better position for people I don’t want to have conflicts with, but last night happened and I don’t know what to think of him anymore.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I wasn’t expecting that either, and…”

“And what?”

“I thought of Tuan the way I’d think of you.”

“You want to screw with me?” he said in mock horror and laughed when he saw the look on my face. I didn’t know if I would laugh or lash out on him. He immediately stopped with his sick joke when I did not speak. “Keyword: thought. Past tense. Maybe you feel something for him more than just being friends.”

I shook my head. “Not quite. Let’s face it. Just because we had , doesn’t mean I feel anything for him.”

“You sound like some hoe, but no. This is the first time you’re doing this and I don’t think it’s like that at all. Maybe you did not have feelings for him, but you won’t be this miserable if you are not affected by what happened.”

I didn’t say anything, but as always, Jungkook is right. I am affected. It’s something I wouldn’t deny. Well, I’m bouncing off the walls and I am actually ranting about how stupid I think I am. There’s no way I wouldn’t be affected. It’s Mark I’m dealing with right now, one of the best people I’ve known, one of the most important people in my life, one of the people who inspired me to get a hold of myself and move on from such a toxic yesterday.

I had lots of friends who showed support for my decisions and course of action, but nobody actually held me together like Mark did. Jungkook is my rock and Mark is my super glue. He just made me feel like the cracks and gaps in my existence were filled. I couldn’t quite place what it was that made me go see him on a regular basis after that February night when he called me to hang out. At first, I felt it in fleeting moments when he would say things or smile despite his tired state just to cheer me up, and then it just became whole moments when I felt like I am a child again, free of problems and just happy. In the end, I realized that around him, I felt complete. Mark felt like home, so I don’t see any way in the world for me not to be affected in the least.

I’m miserable, and that’s saying the least.

It came to a point that I was just blankly staring at the distance, forgetting that Jungkook was beside me, the full impact of what happened and what I did hitting me like a tidal wave, and I couldn’t do to save myself. When I spoke to Emi earlier, I was just confused and I haven’t come to terms of actually accepting that I messed up. I was saying it, but I didn’t feel it in its reality.

Somewhere along the line, Jungkook probably left me to think alone. I didn’t know exactly how long I have been sitting there doing nothing, but it was dark when the sound of the sliding doors stole me from what seemed like an illusion spell.

I didn’t look at the person who entered, but a quick whiff of the air that wafted from the person told me it’s Jungkook. I didn’t say anything, just smirking to myself.

“I’m rested. Is your mind clear enough?” he asked, crouching down to my level. He cupped the sides of my head and leaned his forehead against mine, whispering, “Clear your head,” repeatedly like a mantra. I just stared at him the whole time until he opened his eyes and said, “Do you trust me?”

I nodded.

“Give me your keys.”

I didn’t ask questions and gave him what he was asking for. I stood up with his help and we both went down the parking lot without even saying goodbye to the others. I managed a wave at Jin’s direction before Jungkook dragged me out of the door. He sat behind the wheel and drove off before I could even put my seatbelt on or ask a question as to where we were going.

I trusted him. Too much, I’m afraid, not that he got me into trouble, but to the point where he always gets his way around me, like driving my car for instance. I wouldn’t doubt his skills. I taught him how to drive. He got a license the moment he turned eighteen the previous September. I know, because I was the one who pushed him to get a driving test the month before that. I was the one who told the driving school to withhold information from him regarding the result of his exam. I later gave his licen