I'm so sorry for the long wait ;_; But here is the new chapter! Also, I am extremely grateful for that one upvote one of you guys gave me!! I'm so happy that you like this story, I hope you'll like it to the end, too! Thank you.

Also, the text in italics means things that happened in past and it includes scenes we haven't seen as well as some that have occured in the previous chapters. Just so that you don't get confused~

Enjoy!

Even Namjoon thought it was stupid.

He was just standing still, rooted to the ground as his eyes bore a hole to the door only a couple steps away from him. The key that opens it burned in the back pocket of his jeans and it was slowly getting heavier, as if reminding him of its past use. 

It was ridiculous how he couldn't just man up and get it done with. It was stupid, absolutely ridiculous, but he couldn't get his feet to move.

Honestly, what was he even so scared of? Yoongi? Ridiculous. It didn't even make any sense. They had known for years, why would he feel like this about him now? 

He sighed. The strain on their companionship was still weighing him down. Namjoon didn't hate Yoongi per se, he was mostly just upset. He could've told him he had problems and they could've both tried to take care of the situation. But that too would come out hypocritical, he had come to understand. 

In which ways was he any better? Did he ever actually offer his help to Yoongi or did he even go with him anywhere or at least offer a drink? No. And that was what Namjoon couldn't get rid of. Guilt. Shame. He felt so stupid for not having seen how far they've come already and how far apart they actually stood from each other. 

During his little break he had really given himself the time to just be and not do anything. It was rather calming and he felt more relaxed but at the end of the day, his thoughts would always travel back to Yoongi. 

The chills he got from the last statement he had heard never truly left his mind. How could Yoongi say that with no expression change at all? How could he just stare at him with his dead, tired eyes and let out words like that to spill out from his mouth right before they met their fans? Maybe it was those words that made the lump in his throat so hard swallow. 

He hated the fact that he only now realized how little Yoongi was involved in his life. He was just... barely there. He wondered many times how that could even be possible, they had always been together from their old days till now, and now they were a duo, a package of two like they one day had dreamed to be.

But it wasn't the same. Namjoon always saw him for a minute before he'd have to leave again. Yoongi was always there in the mornings when he left, he was always there, up in the wee hours of the night when he came back, but they never went together. 

In fact, he hadn't even seen Yoongi that much even when he himself had different shows from TV to radio broadcasts to attend. He was pretty much always alone in all events if possible, performing his solo songs like Yoongi didn't even exist. He had never just really realized it before, he was too busy socializing with all the people he had got to know along the years.

Now he was just pushing the unavoidable later so that he wouldn't have to deal with it. It was childish but Namjoon had never felt as lost as he did now. Everything would've been easier if he just planned his visit on a day he knew Yoongi wouldn't be home, but Namjoon had no idea when that would be.

How could he not know what schedules Yoongi had and when, where he went all the time and who he spent time with? 

Pushing all that out of his mind yet again, Namjoon tried to psych himself up. Why was it even so hard to do this? It wasn't fair for him to be this reluctant to meet Yoongi but he couldn't help it.

With a few, deep calming breaths he finally gathered himself and went to the door, opening it with his very own set of keys. The nervousness washed over him stronger now, but he ignored it as he pushed it open and carefully stepped in.

He was really hoping Yoongi wasn't at home and when he realized just how pathetic that thought really was, he almost groaned. It was still his house too even if he was currently staying at Seokjin's. So why the hell did he have to be so damn tense about this whole situation?

He silently shook his head at his own behavior and started walking around with cautious steps, looking around in case he'd spot a familiar blond lurking somewhere. It was all up to his luck now whether he'd meet with him or not, but deep down he wished they could soon resolve whatever confusion and shame stirred inside of him whenever he thought of the elder.

As if on cue, his eyes spotted his former best friend laying on the apartment's living room. The older seemed just as startled when he saw him there, quickly sitting up on the sofa.

Namjoon didn't want the thick silence to settle for too long, it would make him even more anxious, so he quickly cleared his throat, "Hi."

"Uhh... hi."

"I... Well, I had some stuff I wanted to pick up, so..."

Yoongi gave him a nod, eyes focused on everything but him, "Yeah, sure, I..." He checked the time on his phone, "I was about to go meet my friends just about now anyway, so... I'll just... leave you at it."

The situation was over as quick as that, making Namjoon wonder what he'd been so nervous for. He stayed put, only stepping out of the way when Yoongi quickly gathered his stuff and left outside without another word.

He tried to ignore the hollow feeling this stranger act was giving him. It felt so strange but Namjoon didn't think he was ready to approach the elder. Not yet at least.

Fortunately the vibrations of his phone snapped him from his depressing thoughts.

"Namjoon," he said as he picked up, still a bit dazed.

"It's me," came Seokjin's voice. "Are you hom- are you there yet?"

Namjoon hummed as he finally walked to his room, no longer distracted.

"Great! Listen, I think I left my black cardigan there sometime last week since I can't seem to find it here. Could you take a look around and see if it's there?"

"Well, since I'm already here..." 

While searching for the cardigan, Namjoon walked past Yoongi's room. His steps halted again and he couldn't resist peeking inside the room where he had last properly encountered Yoongi. He cringed at the memory of him getting a bit physical, blinded by rage. It was a bit overdoing it but he still didn't think Yoongi had been fair.

He shook his head and grabbed the cardigan he noticed laying on one of the chairs and left. He really needed to stop thinking and cut this sentimental crap out of his system.

_____

Namjoon ran a hand through his hair before rubbing his face with it. Seokjin had called him soon again after he left the house to ask if he could stop by the store and bring snacks for them.

"He told me that if we're coming, we need to bring something with us and I agreed on chips," he had said.

So there he was, sitting in his turned off car in front of the convenience store and not moving. He sighed. He loved Seokjin, he really did, but for some reason he had been more tired than usual. It was odd considering he'd always had so much energy to go around unstopped, but now that he actually had time, he felt exhausted.

He leaned back on his seat and stared ahead, eyeing the people that passed by his car. His eyes drifted inside the convenience store. It was ideal, it was almost empty and fans never bothered Namjoon that much. Most of the time they were rather chill so it wasn't that hard to get through. Besides, Namjoon enjoyed interacting with his fans. Why wouldn't he?

His eyes swept the rows of instant food and he heard his stomach grumble in hunger. He frowned. He hadn't eaten that much that day. Maybe he should buy something to eat there?

He had just opened the door to get up but then his eyes noticed someone familiar looking sitting down on the seats by the window, a hot steaming cup of noodles in his hands.

Yoongi...?

Wasn't he supposed to meet his friends or something? What was he doing there? He quickly averted his eyes though. Right. Yoongi had a life that didn't involve him, right? And likewise, he himself seemed to have a life where Yoongi was nothing but a casual passer-by he saw more than the others. 

What happened to them? What was this distance between them? Yeah, they were guys, they didn't have bonding talks or some secret spilling sleepovers but they were friends once. What changed? Was it them? The fame?

Namjoon groaned as he hit his head to the headrest and closed his eyes. He didn't want to deal with this now. Maybe he was an by dragging this whole confronting thing later and later but just thinking about it made him so frustrated. 

Slowly he opened his eyes and took a peek at Yoongi, who was eating his noodles in the corner seat of the store, a hood over his head and a phone in his hands, completely oblivious to his stare.

Maybe he was playing a game, Namjoon guessed. What games did Yoongi play? Did he play the same games he did during his breaks?

What a stupid question, he told himself and scoffed. But what wouldn't he do if he'd get to see inside of his friend's head for just five seconds.

What were they? What was their status? It was like he'd have started dating again and not knowing if they actually dated or was he just imagining it. Really, did they actually know anything about each other anymore? 

He let out a strangled groan as he leaned his head back again and closed his eyes. 

"You really.... Don't know?" 

The wide, unbelieving eyes of Taehyung flashed through his mind with his words. 

"Are you... Are you even friends with him? How can you not know? It's not like it's a big secret."

Was it so wrong for him to assume he was friends with someone? Was it so wrong to genuinely think that even when it appears he was only feeding his own delusion? Was it so wrong that he actually thought he was a decent person for a change, only to be crashed against a brick wall head first to finally notice he was a piece of ? 

Anger surged through his veins but he tried to control it by hitting the steering wheel before gripping on it so hard that his knuckles turned white. His teeth bit on the insides of his lips when he tried to stop himself from yelling out of pure frustration, drawing out a bit of blood and pain.

Was it so wrong to think your life was good and you were doing fine?

"You knew about it too?" 

Seokjin sighed as he dropped his gaze to his hands he was playing with.

"It would've been impossible not to know. You might blame me for not pointing it out after a while but... I knew how you felt about Yoongi, I knew how good friends you two... were. It's just that... It's not really my place to in and Yoongi clearly didn't want to tell you. And you... You were much more carefree, Namjoon. I didn't want to upset you... I'm sorry."

"Well how could I-" 

"Namjoon, just face it. You don't really hang out with him that often. I don't think I've ever even met him and you barely even mention anything about him to me. Then what about others?" Seokjin sighed, "Just... People were considerate enough to not to talk about it in front of you. But anyone with eyes could've seen how they treated him if they'd just pay even a little attention to what happens around them."

They had a small fight after that conversation but Namjoon couldn't stay mad at anyone else but himself. He did see now, Yoongi was nothing to them. It was too glaringly obvious for him to even try to defend himself. It just made him think about all the times he had left Yoongi behind without actually giving a thought about it.

"I was about to go meet my friends just about now anyway, so..." 

The words he had said to him right before he left repeated themselves inside his head as he looked at Yoongi sitting there alone. Namjoon glanced at the clock and frowned. It got to be at least two hours since Yoongi left the house yet no one had showed up. Did his friends ditch him? Was Yoongi even supposed to meet his friends? 

"Just.... Tell me how bad it is. Please."

"It's..... Indescribable. I don't even know what else to say but it's bad. Real bad."

The glares, the small intentional pushes, the hushed murmurs and hisses of annoyance.

"Are.... Are you even friends with him?" 

The disbelief in Taehyung's tone and the anger that hid behind his eyes, anger Namjoon only now picked up on. 

"Do you think if I'll jump off a building, they'll complain I didn't jump high enough?" 

All the words started to get louder and louder inside his head, making him lose his mind. They didn't stop tormenting him, blaming him for having been so stupid and utterly blind for his friend's situation, forcing him to feel guilty and responsible for all the lies and harsh words Yoongi had had to say to him. He wanted them to shut up, he didn't want to be like this, he didn't want to feel like this again. He just wanted to be fine. 

His thoughts got distracted when Yoongi stood up. Exhausted, Namjoon followed him with his eyes. People bumped into him and sneered at him when they noticed who he was after his hood fell off.

Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. The way people treated Yoongi, the way Namjoon was just as bad, the unpleasant feeling Namjoon couldn't shake off when he thought of the two of them. It was all just so surreal. 

He banged his head against the seat a couple times as he let a string of mocking curse words leave his lips. His eyes stared ahead, looking at nothing as he once again wondered what kind of a person he really was. After awhile he made up his mind, started the car and mindlessly drove off, no chips in his hands. Screw the party or whatever friends he was supposed to meet. They didn't really like him anyway.

It was time Namjoon went home.