I'm updating this soon because 1) I felt so sorry for leaving this story for couple months just because I had trouble deciding on stuff, and 2) because it's my third year anniversary here on AFF and I wanted to do something special, which happened to be updating my stories, yay!

Also, to all my readers: thank you so much for reading! I love each and every one of you for giving my writing a chance. 

Thank you~

Yoongi rubbed his aching temples.

The headache from earlier had taken a turn for the worst and he was sure it would turn to a full blown migraine any minute now. He was more than ready to just go to sleep and ditch this failed “let’s talk” - thing Seokjin was trying so hard to pull.

No one had said a word in a long time and every second of silence that passed urged Yoongi to leave, but just one look from Seokjin was enough to keep him put.

“So,” Seokjin finally started, once again taking it upon himself to break the silence, “Uhh… Well, we’ve been dating for around two years now. And I’m so sorry you had to find out about this in this way, Yoongi.”

Yoongi forced himself to nod in response, masking his inner turmoil behind the look of indifference. He was shocked that Namjoon was dating and he couldn’t deny it. Because who would have guessed, Kim Namjoon was dating. For two years now. And Yoongi had absolutely no idea. Through his pain, he could feel himself tremble with anger.

He had kept things from Namjoon for sure, but he had done it to be considerate. Hadn’t Namjoon lived to the fullest when he still hadn’t known? Hadn’t Yoongi allowed him to go around as much as he pleased without forcing him to stay cooped up inside their apartment with him just because Yoongi had no other place to go to? It wasn’t like Namjoon ever even invited him to come along in any of his events.

So what excuse did he have?

It was more than clear to him now that he had never even fit into the picture. There was a reason why Namjoon didn’t know, there was a reason why Yoongi’s life felt as empty as it seemed. Yoongi just never fit into anyone’s plans.

And after all that big talk about them being friends, Namjoon blaming him for keeping things from him and making Yoongi feel like the lowest , he hit him with this?

Yeah, friends. Totally.

But Namjoon hadn’t told him out of guilt, he supposed. Maybe he thought Yoongi would take it as a betrayal of sort, but really, Yoongi wouldn’t have cared less if he was dating or not under any other circumstance.

He didn’t even have to worry about him being homophobic either, they had known plenty of homoual individuals back in their underground days.

Namjoon just hadn’t wanted to tell him. Namjoon just really didn’t care about him. It was just that freaking simple. 

Yoongi glared at Namjoon, who had gone as far as sitting sideways next to Seokjin, just to avoid seeing his face, his sharp shoulder pointing at Yoongi like an armor of defense.

“Yoongi,” Seokjin called nervously. “I really am sorry. No, we are…”

Yoongi spared him a glance but focused back on Namjoon with a bitter smirk on his face, “It seems like your definition of ‘friends’ isn’t that far from what I saw us as after all.”

Seokjin watched them with desperate eyes as the room fell silent again. When Namjoon didn't as much as glance at him, Yoongi scoffed and leaned back to the sofa, crossing his arms. He was ready to wrap it up, go to bed and wonder how his life had come to this.

There was really nothing left to be settled, everyone hated him and no one could stand him. Great, case closed, goodnight.

Yoongi was itching to leave the room when Namjoon finally took advantage of the silence.

“I’m going to move at Seokjin’s for a while and… sort out stuff or something.”

Seokjin snapped his head at him and for the first time since meeting the man, Yoongi saw his face harden.

“I thought I made it perfectly clear that I don’t agree with this. I still believe you should stay here and get things sorted out right here and now. You both have been acting too miserable for me to bear.”

“But it’s still better than here. Please, Jin. I don’t want to stay here with-” Namjoon cast a wary glance at Yoongi but biting back the words was already useless: the damage had already been done.

Yoongi didn’t think his heart could sink any deeper but right now he felt like a heavy, metallic anchor was dragging him down, sinking him in the endless bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

Seokjin looked helplessly between the two for the last time before sighing in surrender, “Fine, whatever. But you better call Yoongi the moment you’re done with your ‘sorting’.”

Seokjin’s words finally made it really sink to Yoongi’s mind. His insides turned cold and he couldn’t feel his fingers anymore. His heart drummed hard in his chest and he found himself to have a hard time breathing. Just the thought of being left alone again, being turned a back to, was horrifying.

He was absolutely scared but somehow he managed to conjure the ok-look on his face, hiding behind indifference again. Wasn’t that what he was the best at?

“K. Tell me when you’ll come for your stuff.”

“Actually, I… kind of already packed while you were gone.”

Yoongi formed an ‘o’ with his mouth, unable to come up with words. His head was spinning and his legs felt weak but he wasn’t about to give in. He silently stood up, still out of words. He wanted to just dig a hole and die there.

“Yoongi,” Seokjin called just as he was about to retreat to the safety of his room. Yoongi didn’t dare to turn around, afraid of his own reaction. “This isn’t definite. Namjoon’s just taking some time off to clear his mind and I suggest you do the same. Don't... get any stupid ideas, okay? I’ll make sure to check on you, too. Just… Don’t do anything stupid.”

Yoongi saw no reason for his concern. He and Seokjin were strangers, they didn’t know each other yet, so the older had absolutely no reason to be worried about him - no one did.

“You have the key,” Yoongi muttered and vaguely motioned towards Namjoon’s direction, and then simply left despite Seokjin’s calls coming from behind him.

As if he’d have time to pity himself.
 

_____

Yoongi was awoken by the force called Kim Seokjin the very next day. He really hadn’t been joking when he said he’d keep an eye on him.

Yoongi had had no intentions of getting up at all that day, he obviously had no reason to, but Seokjin had come crashing through his bedroom door, yanking his covers off and dropping him on the floor, efficiently waking him up.

His head was screaming in pain and Seokjin was so, so loud and he called his name with such annoying cheeriness to it that made it seem like life was all sunshines and cotton candy sweet. It almost made him puke.

His body felt like heavy iron and it was hard to move any of his limbs, yet Seokjin was pulling him up, forcing him to move even if his body was against it.

“You better wake up now, I won’t let you sleep all day. Come on, it’s already 3 p.m. and I’m going to fix you some dinner, so wake up.”

Yoongi didn’t even have the time to complain when he was already dragged on his feet and pulled behind Seokjin to the kitchen. He groaned as he slid on the kitchen stool, slumping over the table and pressing his cheek against its surface.

The room was still too bright to him even without the lights on but he ignored it as he watched Seokjin happily humming as he bustled through the kitchen and went through bags of what seemed like groceries through his half closed eyes. He gave up soon enough and just closed his eyes, trying to forget he was up.

Namjoon had pretty much shut him down, there were thousands of death threats hanging from his shoulders after going online again, and Seokjin’s fussing was pretty much the only reason he had moved all day. He could very well just sleep through an eternity if he had any say in it.

“Do you prefer chicken or meat?” came Seokjin’s question all of a sudden.

“I don’t care.”

Seokjin hummed before starting his cooking, “Say… how are you doing?”

The question got Yoongi to open one of his eyes. Seokjin was patiently waiting for his answer and Yoongi could see worry in his eyes. Why would he care? But immediately after he questioned it, he already got the answer. Namjoon - Seokjin was only taking care of him for his boyfriend’s sake, which was pretty ridiculous now that they weren’t friends anymore. Maybe Seokjin just felt obligated to patch things up between them?

Yoongi drew a deep breath.

“How’s Namjoon?”

A gentle smile adorned Seokjin’s face when he turned around again, “He’s sullen. He doesn’t really talk much about it but I can tell how upset he is.”

He was probably too busy cursing Yoongi to the pits of hell to be giving Seokjin the attention he needed. Maybe that was why Seokjin thought it would be for the better if they just got along again? 

“You know… You should really try to talk with him more. Share stuff that bothers you and all that, get what I mean? I know, I know, I need to say this same thing to Namjoon too,” Seokjin added when he saw Yoongi was about to say something. “He can be a bit of a dense at times, but I mean it. You both are just too secretive for your own good.”

Yoongi raised his brow. Secretive? Really now? He hadn’t exactly been hiding his reputation and both of them knew that just a mention of his name anywhere would have given Namjoon all he needed to know about Yoongi’s current situation. That was all he would've needed to actually find out what was going on.

But apparently Yoongi wasn't worth being mentioned by such genius rapper with a fame fit for two.

Now he was getting petty, Yoongi noticed as disgust piled up inside of him. Maybe the people bashing him actually knew him better than he himself did, maybe he really was as bad as they said and he was just the last one to know.

But one thing was for sure, whatever respect he might have held for Seokjin because he kept him alive and kicking, was now all completely gone.

Was it his fault that Namjoon didn't have time for him? Was it his fault that Namjoon just didn't care enough? Was it his fault that people just didn't like him?

Even if Yoongi was extremely fed up with Seokjin's input on things, he still ate the food the older had made and let himself be pushed to the shower for his one and only activity in a long time; a stage with Namjoon.

Yoongi had wanted to skip it like any other future schedule he might have had, but Seokjin pushed him to get ready and threw him to the place he was supposed to be on time, which was amazing considering Yoongi wasn't that cooperative.

He wasn't that keen on seeing Namjoon that soon after their last parting but Namjoon didn't seem to be that thrilled either. It was starting to become a habit for the two old friends to ignore each other’s presence when they met. 

The silence gave room to thoughts Yoongi didn’t want to have, and soon he started entertaining himself with the question of which one of them was having it harder.

Him, who still sort of wanted Namjoon to stay because he was actually hella scared of what would happen when he was left completely alone, or Namjoon that had to look at a face he hated as much as he did. Yoongi placed his bet on the latter one.

He didn't want to bother him this time, so the whole event went by with Yoongi trying to stay out of Namjoon's - and anyone's way at that - and Namjoon made it hell lot of easier by avoiding him like the plague. But once the time for them to perform came, they could no longer avoid each other.

Yoongi eyed Namjoon, who was passively staring ahead, ignoring him as usual. Seokjin's words from earlier had started to echo in his mind, mocking him, taunting him.

"You should really share things with him more."

You know what? Why the not. If that was why Namjoon was acting like strangers with him all over again, then he'd hit him with something that was sure to give him a clear picture of how his world really looked like. Would he run away faster then? Yoongi had nothing to lose,

"Do you think if I'll jump off a building, they'll complain I didn't jump high enough?"

Namjoon, startled by his voice, looked at him with furrowed brows.

"Just shower thoughts," Yoongi hummed and stepped on the stage in front of a crowd solely screaming for Namjoon.

Like the younger would even notice.