Taeyeon POV

 

Me and my manager hit the road even if it’s raining. My fan meet and mini-concert just ended. I’m so exhausted but our CEO just called that I should meet him tonight. It's my last stop before home so we're hurrying to the company building.

 

My dark blue coat is dredged in rain water. The umbrella my manager brought barely protected me from the rain. I hope this typhoon that struck our city would go soon so I could do all my activities at ease.

 

I looked at the window and thought that I've always been riding a car or van. I want to sit at the driver's seat and drive by myself but my company always provides me with a driver that takes me to places. There's always a destination, different places but same feeling-- emptiness.

 

The radio's on with the a song from my recently released album called "Starlight". It's a good song and it reminded me to look up the window and stare at the stars in the sky but the street lamps began to light up and outshine the little lights tonight.

 

¶ I was used to being alone,
my days were gray
But I remember the day you lightly
came to me, knocking on my door
You shined on me like a light
Woke me up from darkness
Opened the closed door of my heart ¶

 

A curious fan asked me something unexpected today and now that I thought about it, it's true that almost all of my songs have the words “light”, “dark”, and “heart”. I just love those words so much. Everytime I work on an album, I choose all the songs that relates to me the most. In that way, I could immerse my true feelings to the music I make therefore making it more beautiful. As for why I love those words, it's because those remind me of him, the guy who's in-charge of the power of light in EXO, Byun Baekhyun. (I used to hate those corny powers of each member but what can I say, I used to be virtually-married to a guy who looks like my uncle. Don't ask)

 

Everyone must’ve been wondering what happened to me and EXO’s Baekhyun 3 years ago. Yes, we dated for a year but after the photos of our secret date that were taken by a skilled paparazzi leaked online, we automatically called it quits. I received so much hate from his fans and mine to him.

 

I really love him though.

 

We used to go to each other and do things we enjoy. He used to give me cute gifts and send me cringy messages that I still love. I used to draw him on my notepads a lot and make scrapbooks of our polaroids together. We used to tease, laugh, play and cuddle with each other. We used to do what normal couples do.

 

Every time we met, we forget that we’re Girls’ Generation’s Taeyeon and EXO’s Baekhyun. We forget that I’m his sunbae (upper classmen) and he’s my hoobae (lower classmen). We forget that we're practically being slaves to our jobs that we once called our “dream”. I love those times so much. That explains why I changed a lot through the years.

 

They may say that I have the perfect hair, the great voice, the nice eyes and reputation but it doesn't mean I'm happy.

 

It's still evident in my recent songs that I am just trying to cover up the fact that I’m not fine.

 

I'm working non-stop just to create a diversion from what's really happening. I must be strong against this. I must focus on the love I’m getting now so I won't lose it.

 

The radio dj spoke after the song.

 

“It’s a wonderful rainy night. I hope you'll love this next requested song. Ok, let's see...Wow, it suits this night’s weather. Here goes the song, “Rain”. This is your Saturday Duet Night with DJ Hae. Enjoy!”

 

I thought it was the song I sang for SM Station last year. I thought it was “Rain” by Taeyeon but I heard another woman’s voice.

 

¶ Under the umbrella as it rained
At the tip of your wet shoulders
I could feel the slightest tremble
That’s how close we were ¶

 

This is the song “비가와 (Rain)” by Soyou featuring Baekhyun. I heard it a few times before but I never listened to it carefully.

 

I started to hear his voice.

 

¶ On that rainy night
We were in love
Even until the end
You worried about me
You held me

Rain is falling, again today
A painful rain
Like the day I let you go

Rain is falling, yet again
Preventing me from sleeping
I think I still
I’m still waiting for you ¶

 

I tear started to drip down my face without knowing.

 

Why?

 

I don't like being like this.

 

Baekhyun’s voice started to ring through my mind giving me the sensation of my undying regret.

 

Then my manager pulled over and turned it off.

"Noona, we're here.", he said

 

I quickly wiped the tear off my face and started a conversation.

"What could be the agenda now? What does the CEO want from me?", I asked.

 

"I hope not the same-old inventive fans and journalists who just can't stay still. Their news are so groundless. Where do they even get these? You're not aiming for y concepts, you're not leaving SNSD, and you're absolutely not dating G-Dragon. Wow, jinjja (really). They're not even trying.", says my manager.

 

"A simple 'I don’t know’ would’ve sufficed”

"You're usually quiet but when you speak, I can't even think of a witty good reply."

 

We walked to the entrance of the building then the big hallway welcomed us.

 

The building is still busy until this last hour. There's still a lot of people walking around: vocal teachers, secretaries, event coordinators, stylists, choreographers, producers, even idols who are still wearing eye-catching performance clothes. SM is full of these people who devote their lives to this industry without getting so much in return besides fame and money. This is why I don't want my younger sister to ever enter this building. It's too cruel.

 

We rode the elevator to my boss' office. When the doors opened, Heechul, one of my closest friends was there.

 

"Taeyeon! Hi! You're on your way up there?", Heechul said. I nodded.

"Good luck then, hwaiting (you can do this)! Call me when you have time,ok?"

"Yes, I will.", I replied.

 

I entered the door to our CEO's office. He's on the phone. I stood there trying to feel the eerie atmosphere of his office. I don't really like entering his office. We meet at cafes for the past 5 years and now, I'm here trying to just shake it off. He was phoning someone. Must've been one of the staffs for the incoming concert.

 

"...know where the place is? Check the venue carefully. We don't want another stage accident, okay? Bye."

 

He looked at me flashing a smile.

 

"Taeyeon! How have you been? It's been so long since you entered my office.", he exclaimed in delight.

 

"I've been busy and you know that. So why do you want to see me?", I replied.

 

"Your comeback has been a big success. Your albums blasted the markets and your fans are so happy for you. So I've been thinking of sending you abroad for a solo concert. How's that?", he asked.

 

"Ummm..."

 

I don't know how to reply. I don't know what to feel. I already saw this coming and I thought I should be happy.

 

But I can't do that alone.

 

I go overseas with my Girls’ Generation all the time. But I'm not confident enough to handle that with only myself. I’m being over-worked here already. I don't want any more of it. I won't go out of my comfort zone for fame. Not anymore.

 

"I think I should think this through first. I've been working non-stop since the last time I came here in your office."

 

I stayed quiet after answering. Being in this room reminds me of so much pain because the last time I was here is also the last time I met my ex.

 

And the stupid reason is because I drove my own car so carelessly that I didn't notice the people who followed my car. They caught us.

 

Being an idol is hard. Dating a world-renowned idol from the same company is harder. We actually broke up a lot of times before but since the news broke out to the public, we can't go back to what we were. I learned a lesson the hard way. Our feelings are irrelevant when it comes to the opinions of the public.

 

"Okay.", he said so loud, almost like a shout snapping me out of my thoughts.

 

"I have a feeling we'll have this meeting again. I hope you'll think about this thoroughly because we don't want any complications, okay? Thank you for coming."

 

"Yes, teacher."

 

I bowed then left the room with my head down.

 

 

A/N

This is so long... I know... But if you enjoyed it, subscribe and comment down.

I'm still looking for someone who'll want to create a cover. If you want to make one, comment down. Thank you so much for reading! I purposely sneaked easter eggs in this story. I hope you'll notice it all